3rd child at 37?

[kingfix]

After my 2nd miscarriage last month I have lost all confidence in our once firm plan to have a 3rd child. I suddenly feel too old and too tired (I know many women my age are full of beans, but I am not).

But then I feel very sad at the thought of not having any more too.

So have any of you had 3 or more children in your late 30s?
I'd really like to hear from any who are a bit further down the road: I think I can more or less cope with the baby stage now but will I have the energy for 3 teenagers in my 50s?

or just tell me a smutty joke to cheer me up!

Congratulations on DS4, Pacific!

And I'm impressed with your typing while holding baby skills.

Oh congrats! I had (an unexpected) 3rd a couple of months before my 40th birthday. Yes, I did feel that I didn't have as much energy as when I had my first at 30, but I also had a 10 and 4 1/2 year old to help me. DD has brought nothing but joy and happiness to all our lives from the day she was born.

Congrats kingfix - I am in the same position as you were a month ago . I am 37, have 2 DDs nearly 7 and 5, and 1 miscarriage behind me. Some days I really feel like I'm mad for wanting another (have just written a huge long post about not coping in the mornings and evenings!!!) but most of the time I desperately want another and we are ttc, albeit a bit halfheartedly because DH thinks I'm bonkers . Oh and we're so tired by the time we get to bed that we usually just look at each other and say "Tomorrow"...

But mega congrats and hopefully I'll be you in a month's time!!

I had my dd at 36 following a year ttc including a miscarriage. I already has a ds so thought that was that on the baby front. I had a "oh I will never get pregnant by accident" one off contraceptive less bonk around her first birthday and hey ho ds was born 9 months later when I was 38. I ended up with 3 with 4 and a half years between them. So never say never ...enjoy what you have and see what happens. Good luck!

Just saw the update, congratulations.

Wow, I could have written your original OP!!!

Congrats on the pregnancy

I am 37 - 38 in 2 weeks! - and have 2 ds aged 7 and 2 and would love another....dh not so keen!!!

I know he is right, I am knackered, money is tight and I have a history of mc so its a bit mad of me really but what can you do about wanting another??? Will it go away??

Fabulous news congrats.

Congratulations!

I had my third at 36 (youngster!), but this did leave me with three under-4s. Noooo problem.

I had DS1 at 34, DD at 35, DS2 at 37 and am expecting DC4 a week before my 40th

Someone asked me the other day if I might be doing anything special for my 40th !

My nextdoor neighbour is 10yrs younger than me and has not long had her no4, the others being roughly the same age as mine, and we have oft debated the extent of our relative knakered-ness given our differing age. We've come to the conclusion that having small kids is pretty exhausting whatever age you are but neither of us would change it for the world

bigger families are cool - so glad you have decided to join the gang

mumblemum - i had 4 at pretty similar ages to you and then managed to squeeze in another one at 43. now 44 with 5 under 12. funnily enough i find having a baby in my mid 40's much easier than in my 30's because i am so much more relaxed and i don't feel the same pressure to do everything perfectly. also eldest 2 children are girls who are so incredibly helpful. my 11 year old will take her baby sister off for an hour and play with her while i read the paper or do the laundry.

Well goodness me, it's twins. We did want a big family...

kingfix WOW !!!
That's fantastic news, if it makes you feel any better I am currently expecting number 4 and I'm 40. I think some people think we are mad but I do think you know what you can cope with and act accordingly. Somehow I know we'll cope and I'm sure you will too.
Lovely news.

I had my third and last at 37.

But we felt done after that and DH had the snip.

WOW!!!
Congrats Kingfix!! I was 'stalking' this thread. I'm 39 and trying to decide whether to have another. Written various posts about this...anyway, I'm so excited for you! Hope all goes well!

Oh good Lord. I was just coming on here, after reading your op, to say be careful you may have twins. And Bingo, you update with that very bit of news. Ha, ha.

It happened to me, you see. 2 mcs, and 2 dds, then I conceived really easily the month I turned 38 and yes they were twin girls. They are 10 months old now.

Big big congratulations. It's great for getting shocked reactions!

Thanks everyone.

Too late for your warning, e3chick
So how do you find having FOUR children?

Noisy. Very, very, very noisy. And I hate to say it, but it is quite tiring. They don't respect the fact I am talking to someone else or busy with something else, everything is now, now, now, and it tests my multitasking capabilities to their limit.

The twin aspect is the extra twist of the knife really. I think slotting a fourth singleton baby in is much easier than having the two at a time and making a big jump to 4.

And I think that makes it a bit isolating in some ways. First time mums of multiples kind of say 'wow how do you cope' which I find puts a distance between us. But also second time mums of singletons are the same. I wish I knew more people in my situation who already have a child or children and then have twins so I don't feel like such an object of pity/awe and could actually swap relevant practical tips.

Mine were 5 and just 2 when I had the twins. I think the ages of your others will be a factor in how you manage it.

But I am really really proud when we go out and I have them all around me. I enjoy seeing people looking at them all like they are counting them, and feeling like a big chaotic travelling circus when we go anywhere. I love having them all. I love after I have put them all in the car and I look in from the outside and I think 'wow, this car is actually packed full of children'.

Do they share placentas/amniotic sacs?

How are you feeling about the news? And how is your partner feeling?

Well yes four. Gosh. I didn't imagine having four, although of course we did make feeble jokes about 'what if it's twins?' when we considered a third child.

Like yours, mine will be nearly 5 and 22 months when the twins are due.

I do have friends with twins and older children and they too mention the noise first when describing family life!

My partner seems really pleased and confident that we'll all cope, and even eventually enjoy it!

I'm strangely pleased too but trying to take one step at a time. I feel quite nervous when I look forward to later pregnancy, birth, the possibility of staying in hospital for a while, how will the older children feel, no money or free time for years and so on. I could make myself quite anxious!

So I'm just thinking, well I feel fine now so that's good enough for now!

Congratulations!
Just wanted to say Im 37 and have 3 under 5. I was 33 when I had the 1st, then 35 for the 2nd then 36 for the 3rd (born in June this year). It is very tiring but wonderful. Physically (pregnancy, birth) it has been pretty much the same each time round, just worse tiredness afterwards juggling 2 toddlers with newborn. 3 in 4 years has been alot to cope with but we wanted 3 and were concious of my age and didn't want to hang around incase of trouble conceiving.

Have to say that baby number 3 is 100% easy and charming and 'slots right in' as everyone told me would happen. I have given in and hired a bit of help though (no family nearby). Otherwise I wouldn't have coped.

Best wishes and congratulations to you and your family, (am jealous!)

Will be having number 3 in June and I will be nearly 39. Cannot wait, will have three under three. Madness :)

@kingfix are you still here? I know this thread is 10 years old but I’m contemplating number 3 at 37. I’m 35.5 now with an almost 1 year old and a 2.5 year old and am planning one more at 37! How are you and your family?

@Teddysma Hi. Wow this is a blast from the past, I had forgotten this thread.
Looking back, I can't remember why I was so worried about my age, it seems young now. 10 years on I don't feel old or tired or unable to cope with teens. I think it must be finally getting decent sleep.

Life with 4 is lovely, noisy, messy and inhuman quantities of laundry.

It sounds like you have decent gaps planned. We ended up with 3 under 2, and a 5 year old which was exhausting for a couple of years.

I think the larger families group will have loads on the practicalities of having 3 + kids, if you're thinking about that. I did underestimate these, e.g a silly example is it has been hard to get babysitters, but I think the only real regret for me is that I feel my attention is spread too thinly sometimes. The upside of that is they all have a lot of attention from each other.
Friends with 1 or 2 children do go out and on holiday a lot more than I do - and probably have better careers, so there's that.

But it's completely impossible to imagine life being any other way. I love the energy and the slight edge of imminent chaos, how different they all are, and above all, all their relationships and interactions. It feels like they'll have each other whatever else happens (they do fight).

It's been nice reading back over the thread and remembering the beginning of it all and feeling so happy and lucky we went for it, so thanks for reviving it.

What kids of things are you weighing up? Good luck with your decision.