42 and starting IVF treatment tomorrow - would love some company for the journey ☺️

[Sheffters]

Hi ladies, so, as the title reads, I start the injections tomorrow evening. I have an appointment with my clinic (Care) tomorrow morning for the baseline scan and to get the treatment plan. Meds have arrived so we are ready to go! My AMH is 8.3 with follicle count of 14.

I had my son via IVF 11 years ago and was very lucky that it worked first time and on the NHS. This time it's private and costing a fortune. This is the only shot we have at this so we are feeling the pressure for sure.

I fell pregnant last month naturally (first time ever due to PCOS) but that ended in a chemical at 5 weeks. We are opting for PGTA testing and keeping everything crossed for a euploid.

Is anyone else starting this journey?

Oh @poppymango I'm so sorry. But you're not being silly!! Those feelings are completely natural and of course you think ahead because you want it so much and have a lot of hope.
I think it's the million dollar question as to why they don't make it - probably a mixture of quality - including both sperm and eggs, and bad luck etc. It could be wildly different on a different cycle but that's really hard to get your head around when you're going through it all. Maybe ask your clinic when you have a review if they might change anything for next time?

I think to have one and potentially 2 from 6 fertilised isn't too bad in terms of attrition. Our first round we had 11 fertilised and ended up with 2!
Please be kind to yourself during this time, allow yourself to cry if you need to! I'm really hoping for good news for the 2nd one to make it tomorrow and for the results of the testing to come back quickly for you 🙏

Hope you’re ok @poppymango. It’s not silly at all to have that hope and dream about what happens if it all works out. Isn’t that what keeps us going through all of this!

Hope you’re ok, take some time to process it all.

In the meantime fingers crossed for your second embryo. And the first one has a genuine chance of coming back euploid.

Will you get a chance to speak about the cycle with the clinic? I imagine they can tell you if they’ve learnt anything from how this cycle worked out?

FWIW though I don’t think your numbers look that different to expected, especially if you get that second blast. I understand about 80% of collected eggs are mature, maybe 70% fertilise and then 30-50% make it to blast. So for your 10 eggs 1-3 blasts might be about expected?

Aw @poppymangoI did all that too, even worked out when I’d like to go on mat leave 🤣
And I think my numbers were really similar to yours too. Unfortunately that round came back with no euploids but hopefully you’ll get some luck!
I really think for most of us at our age you need to look at it as a process, in our little group, I think we’ve only had one success first time. The good thing is, each round the doctors can look at what worked at what didn’t and tweak your treatment to suit you. You’re not silly, you’re full of want and hope like the rest of us. And there’s some euploids in there somewhere so fingers crossed you’ve found one already!

Oh we were told it might be a sperm issue that stopped ours from getting to day 5 and the next round we did PICSI which made a difference. And I took HGH. I’m sure your clinic will have ideas for what could make a difference for you next time!

I will definitely ask the clinic about these. I am now considering having a few back to back egg retrievals, because we would love two children eventually and time is not on our side. I want to do whatever we can to maximise our chances of banking a few euploids… in my head I was thinking 4 would be a good number to have frozen before going ahead with the first FET but goodness knows how many rounds that will take!

Oooh I thought you meant 4 children was a good number for a second 🤣

Hi and how is everyone doing?

I am struggling today. We're waiting for our PGT-A results on our two blasts and it's mentally so tough. I am relentlessly looking at stats and trying to prepare myself for this all going wrong... how do you balance being optimistic with being realistic?

Spent a long time this morning talking about what we'd do it if doesn't go our way... do we do another cycle? Would we switch straight to donor eggs? It's all so heavy on the heart and time is moving so slowly.

In other news, I had my withdrawal bleed, which seemed to come around quite quickly actually. It started about three - four days post retrieval and that's it finished now. I'm thinking the best thing is to start trying naturally again straight away.

I also foolishly listened to a podcast this morning with Robert Winston basically saying nothing positive about IVF overall.

I just feel very low and worried today.

@poppymangoWe are in a very similar situation it seems. I totally understand what you’re saying about thinking ahead and being so full of hope and excitement… then to feel like it’s been dashed.

I don’t know about you but I’m finding myself very variable about all this - some days it all feels manageable and then others, like today and I think for you like the day of your post, it’s all a bit less exciting and more upsetting.

I haven’t got anything helpful to say other than I’m right alongside.

@SweetPea1984 what was Robert Winston saying?

The PGTA wait is gut churning. Do anything nice as distraction in the meantime and also do have a sense of next steps.

Overly commercialised, low success and not enough investigations about causes... jumping straight to IVF.

I shouldn't have listened. Totally deflated.

Totally agree @sirensong about having a sense of next steps. At the moment we are talking about taking an assertive decision to pivot to DE if it doesn't work out. We have lost so much time over the last few years - I lost both my parents suddenly about 2.5 years ago when I was 39 and we had just actively started trying. It totally derailed everything (obviously) and I wasn't able to be intimate with my partner for a long time... during that period I was further devasted because I was so aware of precious time slipping away from us. As soon as we were able to we gave ourselves 10 months of REALLY trying naturally... and now here we are with IVF.

I feel I can't stand the thought of being in this high pressure, high stakes, low probability time of life a moment longer. I want to be in a happier phase.

I’m so sorry @SweetPea1984 about losing both of your parents. And then finding yourself in this IVF rollercoaster. The ups and downs and hopes and disappointments are awful aren’t they.

Good luck with thinking about DE and next steps, although fingers crossed for your PGTA. When do you expect to get the results?

On the Robert Winston programme, I agree IVF has become very commercialised. But partly that’s because so many of us can’t get NHS treatment.

I started trying at 38, it didn’t happen within 6 months, so my GP referred me to the fertility clinic. I then got pregnant naturally, lost the fertility referral, and then had a miscarriage. Then asked to be referred again but realised I would be waiting a year or more to start any IVF with the NHS, by which point I’d be over 40 and only eligible for one round (and in some areas you’d not even get that). Plus the thought of waiting another year or more seemed unbearable. So here we are paying a massive amount for private treatment for what feels like a big gamble. I realise we are really lucky to be able to afford it (and using a 0% loan from Access Fertility). I do sometimes feel angry that the one time I’ve needed the NHS in my life and for such a stressful time I’ve felt let down tbh.

I'm so sorry @SweetPea1984. That's such a lot to process in a few short years.

It's very easy to look at the statistics and feel deflated. Especially given the cost - through another's eyes, it might seem insane to spend tens of thousands on something that may or may not work. But it only takes one plucky little embryo to change your life.

Personally I am trying to give myself a calm talking to each day... yes we will be devastated if it doesn't work, but we can still live happy and full lives regardless, and have so much else to be grateful for. And there are other options to consider. In the mean time, we try to stay healthy and be kind to ourselves. Focus on one step at a time. It's all we can do.

Thank you @poppymango @Wiennetta ...it's been a very hard time and I am finding this period of waiting much harder than I expected. I really appreciate your lovely and supportive messages.

You are quite right - one step at a time is the only way forward and we will get to whatever our intended destination is. I think the periods of waiting are by far the most challenging. Knowing where you are, even with bad news, at least gives you something to work with!

Today is feeling a touch brighter, although I am tired to the bone!

The clinic has altered my protocol slightly for my next egg collection, but it seems I've missed the boat for October because I've woken up this morning with the worst cramping I've had in years. No bleed yet, but if this is day 1 and I don't even have my prescription yet then I'll have to wait till November for the next round. Maybe for the best, it is disrupting to have to go fly off to Greece for 10 days every month!

Is it normal for the first period after an egg collection to be a) early and b) unbelievably painful?! I can barely stand up straight!

@SweetPea1984 I'm so sorry to see what you've been through and how you're feeling. Sending hugs. This whole fertility journey is brutal. The waiting is definitely the worst!! I try to make plans so I have little things to look forward to and keep me busy while waiting. When are you expecting the PGTA results?

@poppymango I've heard the first period can be delayed but I guess everyone is different?! It might be worth contacting your clinic to check in case it might be something else. I think the first one can be quite painful but it sounds a lot if you can barely stand. Mine was a bit worse than usual but definitely bearable. I hope it eases for you!

How is everyone on here getting along?

@IndigoBluey I know you took some time off the thread but that you were hoping to go for a FET. Have you arranged any dates for it?

My period arrived earlier than expected and my clinic called me to say they can fit me in for October so I'll be starting meds tomorrow and having a frozen transfer in 3 weeks. I feel a mix of excitement and anxiety 🙃

How’s everyone doing? @poppymango how are your cramps - hope you’re feeling better!
I’ve had my retrieval and recovering well, found the operation so much easier than I expected and felt fine as soon as I left the clinic. I want to find out where I can get that sedative, best nap ever and woke up in a great mood chatting away to the nurses haha. Now the long wait to see what happens in the next few days and then if we get any to biopsy, we’ll be doing PGTA.

PS @Magix86 saw your post just after I posted - exciting news about the transfer!!

Hello all, I was just coming back to catch up on this thread. I’ll have a read through everyone’s updates this evening.

@Magix86 good news and I feel you on the mixed feelings. My arrived earlier than expected too this week and so I have a scan booked next week. Feeling a little apprehensive as it has been nice not to think too much these last few weeks but also I feel a sense of familiarity going back to the clinic having already gone through the EC so at least this process is less invasive. If that makes any sense?

have to say day 1 and 2 of this period was awful!

Oh well done @Wiennetta !! Glad you're feeling good after egg collection. Hoping for some good updates for you 🙏

@IndigoBluey how funny yours was earlier too, I was expecting mine to be delayed from what I'd read! I understand what you're saying about the familiarity of it all. I'm also pleased this seems so much easier than a fresh round and only one scan plus the transfer. It almost doesn't feel real as it's just happened so quickly. Are you doing a medicated fet? I am, so just on estrogen tablets for now then cyclogest after my scan

Hi! I don’t know anything at all about frozen transfers @Magix86, do they do it around when you ovulate? Sounds like you and @IndigoBlueycould be having them at similar times?
@Wiennettawell done, you’ve done the hard part, now for the never ending waiting.
I had my catch up call with the consultant today. We’re not changing anything for our final round. I think my period will start mid month. I have to say my appetite for it is low, I’m ready to draw my line under it all now. But then I’ve tried to imagine how I would feel in a few years having not had the third round we said we’d have and whether the regret would be more? We have a transfer left over from our first package, so I’m debating just transferring them all (I say all, we ‘only’ got three last time and only one was a high grade) but it would work out cheaper than PGT-A and feels like I’m giving them more of a chance (even though they wouldn’t have worked regardless). I made the mistake of totting up what we’ve spent so far and how long it will take us to pay off the (interest free atleast!) debt. And that doesn’t include the acupuncture and supplements! It was painful!

@overwork so I'm pretty clueless myself but I think you can have a natural FET which works around your natural cycle and ovulation or a medicated FET which controls it all and the timing. I'm going for medicated so basically just estrogen tablets for 12 days then a scan and then I start cyclogest after the scan.

Ohh the cost of it all is pretty awful isn't it! I'm not wanting to look at the total for us....and we're not even done yet. I think your thoughts on just transferring tho sounds like a good plan to be honest. I have read stories of embryos being able to correct themselves that otherwise would have been discounted by the PGTA testing...but I really haven't read a lot about it so don't know much at all. I guess if you do end up with a few you could either transfer a couple together and then either test any remaining ones or freeze them untested for another transfer? I think weighing up what you might or might not regret in future is a really helpful way of making decisions and it's how I generally try to work things out. I'm sure you'll come to the right decision for you

Thank you @Magix86 and @overwork. I’m recovering really well physically but mentally it’s been hard. Really is a tough few days waiting. I’m getting quite anxious we won’t get any/many blasts to test. The not knowing is just really unbearable. I wish I could fast forward a couple of days!
Hope everyone else is doing ok!

I know, it’s really tough and personally I just spent hours Googling stats which did not help. No advice but I understand and will be feeling the same in a few weeks time.