BFP after IVF - anyone want to join me in the wait for first scan?

[HopefulllHolly]

Sensitive

Hi everyone,
I’ve just had our first cycle of IVF and although we had very slim odds of it working (low AMH, low AFC, male factor, which led to only 2 mature eggs which thankfully led to one perfect day 5 blast). We are absolutely amazed and over the moon that it worked despite everything, but I am really struggling with the wait for first scan. I almost feel with infertility (we TTC for 6/7 years) that it does make you anxious and I’m finding the wait to my first scan (6th June) unbearable. I don’t want to seem ungrateful but I really wish I could enjoy it or relax a little but instead I am worrying about miscarriage and things I can’t control. For me this has been the worst bit of IVF so far, and I’d love to just be able to be happy so I don’t look back (if it does work) and wish that I hadn’t been so anxious and scared.

Is anyone else in the same boat who wants to keep me company? 🥹 Or can provide some tips on how to distract myself and cope better? I know there’s nothing I can do to change the outcome and what will be will be, but I don’t think I’ve ever worried so much in my life.

Thank you 🙏

@CrossingMyFingers Congratulations and welcome! I’m pleased to have someone in the group with a timeline that’s closer to mine 🥳 I’m 4+2, from our second round of IVF as well. I’m not sure when my first scan will be, but the consultant told me to contact him around 7-8 July to book me in.

My symptoms have mostly been light brown spotting, cramping that comes and goes in the lower left side of the belly & groin, swollen & sore boobs, bloating galore, breathlessness, higher heart rate, more thirsty, more hungry. Also a bit of TMI but today I peed myself a little when I sneezed and I was in a complete state of shock as it never happened to me before lol I really thought I had more time until that happened, but I definitely need to get on that pelvic floor exercising programme asap!

I’ve definitely had the period feeling last week and have heard it from friends too, so I wouldn’t worry too much about it. We’re on a lot of progesterone.

Otherwise cramping and twinges are a good sign I think. As well as being tired.

@HopefulllHolly ok definitely overlapping with a lot of those symptoms anyway! The peeing is kind of surprising me - I always thought that was from a big bump pushing on the bladder, so very surprised at how often I’m going (but how little is actually coming out!)

@ThePeachGoose ahh lovely to have someone else around the same time! I’ve also had cramps on the left sometimes too so that’s a relief. Have you told many people yet or waiting until a bit further along?

I’m definitely finding this all a bit of struggle mentally - both in terms of not getting too carried away but am also finding it like an elephant in the room with my friends, so think I’m probably withdrawing a bit there. Really excited to be further along so I can relax a bit and also have it out in the open!

@AnnieStar12 i had my booking app a few weeks ago, haven’t been classed as high risk.

increased heart rate was crazy (I don’t measure, could physically feel it had increased). I really noticed it when lying down or going to sleep. I’m 10+5 today and happy to say it’s either stopped or I just don’t notice it as much any more. Breathlessness I’ve put down to the progesterone but will see really when I stop taking it in a couple weeks!

@CrossingMyFingers I was freaking out about the low left side pain yesterday as well (don’t google it! Lol) but @oliviagrace2307 and @HopefulllHolly calmed me down saying that it might be the ovaries coming down after a fresh transfer, that it takes longer time than you think. And at the end of the day I also mentioned it to my consultant and he was not bothered at all, he said that it’s normal.

Oof yes, I understand how hard it is to not let yourself get carried away. Last year when we got a positive pregnancy test with a faint line, our first ever positive, with the instructions clearly saying that a faint line means positive, we were over the moon and thought that this it. Almost like in a movie, a positive test must mean 9 months later baby is here and we can calculate due dates and pick out furniture lol But our world came crashing down when I had beta tests and my initial was only 18 and the nurse said it’s unlikely to increase. It in fact reduced on the second test. So we got burned on that one, we learned a hard lesson, and also the more I spend time on these forums or my friends go through IVF, you understand that pregnancy is a collection of stressful tests and scans that you need to overcome, but the positive part is that the chance of success increases with every one you pass.

Couples usually don’t tell others about their positive test because if things don’t go well, it’s exhausting to also inform people of failures. But there’s no rule book. If you feel you would want to talk about it with your closest friends and need the support and want to talk about this crazy time or your crazy symptoms, you should probably do it. Whatever helps you in this journey and makes things easier for you.

We’ve only told our mums and my best friend, as she’s been so brilliant throughout the process despite not having kids or wanting any.

What I struggle with most is that in my group of friends we’ve all kinda found ourselves doing IVF at this age (there’s another 3 ladies) and we’re mostly doing it at the same time. And I feel guilty about telling them because one is in miscarriage management atm, one has very low AMH and about to start go again, and the last has had lots of IVF complications and worries which have put a strain on her relationship and now they’re waiting a while until they can start again. I almost feel like survivor guilt here, it’s so weird. That’s my elephant in the room.

@ThePeachGoose I totally understand survivor guilt. I had a couple of instances of the last couple of weeks since finding out our BFP. 2 friends who also going through IVF both asked if I had news so I did let them know it was positive but obviously very early days. I'm so sensitive to letting others know about it as when we were TTC I had friends announce pregnancies left right and centre and whilst I was so happy for them I'd be in tears being angry with myself for feeling sad about our situation. One friend has gone extremely quiet and I now feel terrible I wasn't planning on saying anything but they knew our timings as we had all talked about it together. Now I'm worried I've alienated them even though I would never ever make a show of it as I've been that person on the other end. The other instance was my husband's family - we told his parents as they asked how everything was going and they were very happy. On same weekend brother in law and sister in law also announced their pregnancy (after 12 week scan). Me and my husband weren't going to disclose to them our news as didn't want to take the shine of their news but was completely taken out of our hands (they also knew we were going through IVF) when father in law loudly said to my DH in front of them "Go on then tell them your news too!" which let cat out of bag. I get the impression brother in law wasn't happy he said that (we weren't that impressed either as its not my father in laws news to share but he was obviously just over excited and didn't think) so made me feel like a fraud as we aren't out of the woods and I just cried in private but I did catch up l with sister in law and said I was sorry about the situation but she was really happy for us and excited to (hopefully) have a pregnancy journey together. It's totally people's preference but I'm glad our parents know in case we need their support for anything but yeah its a strange one the guilt. Sorry for oversharing!

@CrossingMyFingers lol ceo of of pregnancy and goggling I love that! I feel like I should be banned from my phone sometimes my work is quiet so I end up procrastinating but I did manage to pack for holiday finally lol 😆 so last night was a good distraction! Hooe you've got some nice things to look forward to before your scan?

Oh don’t worry, you’re not oversharing. I’m pleased that we have this thread where we can feel safe to talk about the things that are coming up with people that understand and are going through the same thing @oliviagrace2307

That’s exactly it. I know how I felt when 2 friends got pregnant on their second transfer (my second didn’t even attempt to implant) and the feeling of being left behind or the dread that this will never happen for us, especially as we got some bad test results & news as well around the same time. Because of that, I’ve been a bit wary about telling my IVF friends still going through it, as I don’t want to come across as boasting or trigger the same feelings in them. But I’m planning to wait for them to ask as well, or with one of them it might come up when I’m going to message them good luck for their baseline scan on Fri. But like you, I’ll mention it’s early days and we’re still waiting to see how it goes.

I think alienation happens naturally when babies start coming into the picture unfortunately. Other friends of mine talk about losing friends who don’t have babies when they do get pregnant, because suddenly they can’t relate as well and what’s important to each of them no longer matches. Then friends who go on to have 2 kids lose their friends with only 1 kid because they’re not on the same timelines anymore. And obviously in IVF, those who progress further will have different worries to those who are still trying to get their positive. It shouldn’t happen, we should all be supportive of each other no matter what, but we’re all just humans looking for people to relate to other humans at the same stage of life as us, going through the same experiences and worries and joys, so it is what it is.

Oh no, such a big no no! I’m soooo sorry that your father in law brought up your pregnancy news at someone else’s celebration moment! I would have melted into the ground from embarrassment too. The news was 1,000% yours to share and yours to share when the timing was right and in the way that you wanted to share it. If I lived closer to my mum though and we were meeting other people or relatives, I can only imagine that she couldn’t help but do the same sort of stuff. I’m sure she’s even told all of her friends already haha but since I don’t cross paths much with her friends, nor have they contacted me about it, I don’t care. But I will definitely struggle later when somehow she’ll force herself into our baby journey and I foresee her taking some of my control away thinking she’s “helping”, but that’s a problem for later and I know she means well overall and it’s coming from being over-excited about it all. 😆

@ThePeachGoose @oliviagrace2307 it's a bit of a minefield isn't it! I'm towards the end of my friend group so there isn't really anyone left I need to be sensitive around... but can still totally imagine the survivor's guilt.

@oliviagrace2307 oh no re: your father in law! Cute that he was obviously so excited he couldn't contain himself but that sounds like terrible timing, I would have been upset too to be honest.

We have only told parents and then one of my very close friends - I think I'm also a bit nervous that if I say it out loud too much I'll jinx it...!

Definitely feeling the nausea today - had some scrambled eggs on toast for lunch and even the thought of it is making me feel funny 😷

@oliviagrace2307 @ThePeachGoose irs really interesting reading what you put above, I posted the other day about a few friendship drama since going through Ivf and then last night my sil (currently 8weeks ahead of me) essentially told me after we told her we were preg that our friendship is over as I was not talking to her about her pregnancy enough at the beginning (bear in mind I was actually undergoing miscarriage management at the exact time, which she was well aware of)
I was told I’m only talking to her now coZ I’m pregnant and therefore am now terrified of announcing it to anyone else in case I get the same response (I did withdraw from the world whilst going through mmc at 9 weeks but I can’t say I would do things differently next time.)

soz for the over share!!

@Edf OMG what is wrong with some people? Are they not getting enough attention in their life? Can they not think of anyone else’s feelings but their own for 5 damn mins? Believe it or not I’ve heard of a similar story before from a co-worker and it’s just so disheartening and unnecessary. I’m sorry you have this added aggravation to an already stressful time of your life.

In the past couple of days I’ve really been struggling with coping with things going wrong or selfish people. It’s almost like my feelings and reactions are amplified by hormones which would make sense. I never have any issues sleeping but on Sunday night I was awake for hours getting all angry and frustrated with people and work. And yesterday I was a ball of anxiety waiting for my hcg results. I had to get myself to my acupuncturist today and hope that that will help me rebalance a bit.

By contrast, and with you being further along, you seem to be dealing much better with this drama so good job!

@Edf Oh wow I'm so sorry your sil has said that to you, how awful!! Surely she can understand why you may not want to constantly ask about her pregnancy after everything you've been through? That's not very fair of her to throw away a friendship. You won't get that response from everyone as they should be rightfully happy over your news when you share it but can totally understand why you are nervous after this. Maybe she will realise the error of her ways but I'm sure there are plenty of others in your life who will support you in a positive way, you don't need negative energy during what is already a stressful time. Sending hugs xx

@ThePeachGoose @oliviagrace2307 thanks ladies, I am extremely hurt that she couldn’t see why I might not have been her best choice of pregnancy support, it’s not as if we were besties, and not sure she will ever have any appreciation of how hard our journeys can be

ha I am not dealing with the drama too well, I’m very anti confrontation and yesterday was the first time I’ve found the courage to stick up for myself, so also cue the 4am insomnia and overthinking! Thanks both for you lovely supportive messages and glad I’m not alone in the crazy unexpected dramas of going on this long unwanted path to get our babas!

@ThePeachGoose you are right, it is such a tricky place to navigate and it's hard to know how to tell people etc but you do what's right for you at your own pace, people will have their own feelings to process but especially if they have been through IVF or assisted fertility you would hope they understand but not always a guarantee. But being kind yourself is number one priority and I hope the accupuncture helps today! I try (try being the operative word lol) to allow myself 15 minutes of worry time a day where I try to process thoughts/worried and practice noting them, sometimes it's successful but I find pregnancy really difficult for my mental health (this is my third pregnancy - I have a beautiful boy and an early loss) so my counsellor gave me the noting technique and it really has helped.

Aww bless your mum! My mum is the same I've had to get her to promise to keep it under wraps for a bit, we haven't told extended family yet, I'm very close to my Nan and I usually tell her everything but decided to keep the news quiet until we get the scan then go visit her in person to tell her. My family don't live nearby either but I don't want to tell her over the phone etc or tell her now and something wrong were to happen (touch wood).

@CrossingMyFingers I know bless him I know he didn't mean it but I felt awful for ages afterwards and at the time wanted to hide away in shame as its definitely not what I wanted to happen.

Ooh how you feeling with the sickness? Light food if you can stomach it are meant to help. My friend swore by travel sickness bracelets for pregnancy sickness, another said ginger tea but I think everyone is different. Not had much sickness yet but I did manage to impress myself at the weekend when I could smell someone cooking garlic bread about 6 doors down which my partner couldn't smell so clearly have bloodhound sense of smell lol and for ages all I wanted was garlic bread. My OH offered to go and get some but he forgot so he def owes me for next time!

Hi everyone! How is everyone doing today? ☺️ Hope you’re all feeling positive and happy today!
Just had my booking appointment which was nice - so long! Definitely settled now on getting the NIPT test done privately. I was just wondering if you ladies had views on when to have it done? Half of me wants to wait until I’ve had another scan and know baby is ok (could have another scan in 2 weeks time and then have tests done same day and get results at 12.5weeks) or whether to just get them done at 10 weeks (some time after this Thursday)? I’m just a bit scared on having them sooner and then something happen and I’ll know the gender and it’ll break my heart, but maybe I’m just being silly and overthinking it? What do you all think? Need some sensible heads! ☺️

@HopefulllHolly For me, I want it as soon as possible as if there is anything wrong I want to know as early as possible. And on the other side, if all is well I want to know asap so I can stop worrying! I have mine booked for 10+1 on 13th July. That way I will have all the results before even having my NHS 12 week scan and tests.

@AnnieStar12 Yeah I think I might get it on Monday next week - then I can have a scan at 11+4 before my dating scan and make sure it’s ok before looking at the results 😂😂

@Edf hopefully your husband or mother in law will be able to explain to her in clearer terms that she's in the wrong, along with self-centred and insensitive. I wonder if this is like a variant of Bridezilla, but called something like Babyzilla, where some women need to make their pregnancy the centre of everyone's universe lol Otherwise good for you for speaking your mind and standing up for yourself! There's absolutely zero need to hide / eat your feelings to make other people feel better, especially as you've been through so much.

@oliviagrace2307 thank you for your lovely words. I definitely needed some me time, so today I half-assed work and did some pampering, acupuncture, meditation with Headspace, journalling, watched some funny videos, listened to calming music. Three things had happened at once at the weekend (project falling apart at work, ridiculous family drama and the doctor sending me for tests when I mentioned the spotting) so my anxiety had shot up from 0 to 120%. But I'm now actively trying to deal with it and bring it back down, as I can't imagine this is good for me where I am right now. Headspace promotes the noting technique as well for anxiety and I find it soooo helpful, it's a really great tactic and have tried using throughout today. Awww so sweet about grandma, definitely a good idea to wait until the scan until you're on safer grounds and to tell her in person too. I bet she'll be over the moon!

Hey , got beta results from Saturday.. it’s only 344.. so only went up 103 in 4 days .. so it’s defo not rising as should as it’s slowed down since last two draws .. trying to get a scan booked in with EPU .. hopefully it will be today or tomorrow ? Waiting on them getting back .. !! Ah well looks like I am out this time ., I wonder if the progesterone just holding it all in , if I wasn’t on progesterone would my body have just expelled it already .. ?! 🤷🏼‍♀️ who knows will hopefully find out if I can get a scan ..

@hopefullsosbry Oh love, I’m so sorry 💔
I hope you get your scan tomorrow so you can have some closure and start to look towards another attempt with your Frosties.
Take time to look after yourself and grieve for this round. I hope you have people around you to take care of you x

It’s unclear if the progesterone is holding back the bleed. I had a missed miscarriage back in December and I was not on progesterone but I never bled or had any miscarriage symptoms at all. My body was still pumping out HCG and giving me all the pregnancy symptoms. I had surgical removal at 8+3, and even after that was getting strong BFPs.

@hopefullsosbry Im so sorry lovely. What rubbish news. How are you coping? I’m sorry this keeps happening to you, I really hope I see you in the near future celebrating your little one. Sending you all the love and hugs xxxx keep us posted on the scan, I hope it’s alright and you have it quickly ❤️

@hopefullsosbry im so sorry this is happening to you again, life just sucks sometimes doesn’t it! My heart breaks for you! 💕💕hopefully you will be out of limbo and able to process and do what you need to do.

Thanks @AnnieStar12 yes my 1st missed misscarage I was 11 weeks when I found out it had stopped growing at 5 weeks.. this was natural conception.. fetous had stopped growing and was in there for 6 weeks, never bleed or had symptoms at all .. the night after the scan everything came away naturally.. was strange .. she did say I had symptoms as it’s the placenta that gives of the hcg and my placenta had kept growing so that’s why I still had symptoms etc.. my other miscarriages av never had any kind of bleeding until it all passed .. that’s why I was never offered progesterone before as my linning was always thick and levels were fine , I just wonder if having it this time , my body would just have expelled this knowing it was abnormal, but the progesterone is just keeping it in ?! They got back and as I had bloods privately, EPU want to do their own bloods (they can’t take private results as valid or something as it wasn’t them that done them ?) then when these results come back she said they will prob scan me .. just more waiting ..🥺

@hopefullsosbry I am soo sorry that it's not good news 💔 and rubbish the EPU won't take the private bloods so you have to wait a bit longer! I really hope you get confirmation one way or another, being stuck in limbo must be hard. Sending virtual hugs.

@hopefullsosbry Can you make a bit of a fuss and ask for the scan while you’re there for bloods for your piece of mind about ectopic? It seems really unreasonable to make you wait for bloods to come back when they could just do both there and then and give you half an answer at least?