IUI & Fertility in SSC

[solanks]

Hi everyone,

I've struggled to find any groups that are focussed specifically on same sex couples trying to conceive (that do not have any fertility issues).

My partner and I are currently on round three of IUI using donor sperm. The first two tries we did we attempted the natural route (so no medication and no ovulation trigger injection). We decided to go down the medicated route on our third try and are currently in the two week wait, waiting for our results today!

This whole process has been emotionally, physically and financially challenging, so much more than we ever expected, and we would love to hear from other same sex couples on this topic who are in a similar situation to ours. We want to exchange stories, offer each other support, give advice and also recommendations (as there is so much conflicting information out there and each clinic's protocols vary too, which we found bizarre).

Looking forward to hearing your stories; be they successful, unsuccessful, or even if you are completely new to this journey ✨

The cold itself could well be a pregnancy symptom! Quite common to get sick in 1st and 3rd trimester because your immune system does a massive shift for the baby. I found the wait for the first NHS scan quite difficult and I was exceedingly distracted at work too. I leaned in to parent research - finding out when the NCT nearly new sales were in my 2nd trimester and putting them in the diary.

The best thing I did (for me!) was write a list of what celebratory things I'd like to do after the 12 and 20 week scans. So for after the 12 week scan we had things like buying our pregnancy announcement cards (which also meant looking for ONS I liked), start looking on eBay/marketplace for big ticket things (e.g. next to me crib), figure out travel details for seeing family, meeting with potential doulas, etc. That wouldn't suit everyone but it helped me think of what things to do afterwards, assuming all was well.

Thanks so much @ProfessorplumBilliardroomCandlestick for your reply, I have found your advice really helpful, and I have actually started to let myself believe it all might go well. Reading around various topics for interest has been a really good distraction.

I actually carry around a little list of “reasons things should go well” and I glance at it when I’m feeling wobbly, and that has also helped.

hoping you are doing well!! Xx

You're welcome. I occasionally looked at this website for a bit of a positive reality check:
https://datayze.com/miscarriage-reassurer

It's not for everyone... but at one point I had a sudden thought of "the majority of pregnancies continue fine after this point, loads of people don't continue to test, they just assume it'll be fine, and it is... what makes you think you're so special that it wouldn't be fine?" It's a bit of a harsh one! But really helped me realise that there was a high chance I was going to have a boring, routine pregnancy!

So, I had my frozen transfer last week and yesterday had a positive test and HCG was 299 at 11dp5dt which the clinic think is reassuring enough to just book me in for a scan in mid November.
I'm so excited, it feels quite surreal.
Every day there is no bleeding makes me happy!

Amazing, congratulations!! 🥳🥰

Wahey! Congratulations, that's wonderful news 🍀❤️

@rivierliedje Congratulations what wonderful news. I hope you are feeling okay and not having too many symptoms?

@Quickdraw23 Oh I know what you mean about the anxiety. We had a scan at 6w as I was bleeding and we saw a heartbeat which was wonderful, we had a follow up scan at 6+6 and it had grown and had a stronger heartbeat, it reassures us for all of 24 hours. I am 7W today and we have our official IVF clinic scan next week and then we will hopefully be able to graduate. I don’t think we quite believe we are pregnant yet.
How are your symptoms? I’m feeling very nauseous and tired but not been sick yet, I’ve heard it can ramp up from 9w!

Congratulations @rivierliedje !

my clinic never did bloods for HCG but I have heard/read that anything over 100 on that first lot of bloods is really good!

I hope you’re feeling ok and everything goes well at your scan 😊

Hi @Twomumfamily sounds like a difficult time over that 6 week mark with the bleeding although everywhere says it is quite common early on. So delighted to hear the first couple of scans have gone well, and another next week to look forward to!

I know what you mean about being reassured for all of 24 hrs - I’ve opted not to have any extra scans until the NHS one as I realised scans this early don’t change the outcome. I think if they’re reassuring that’s absolutely great and I know they are for lots of people, but I didn’t trust myself to be satisfied 😂

I was very nauseous and tired at 7 weeks. This improved around 10 weeks and now I am 11 weeks and have barely any nausea at all. I’ve never been sick. I am more easily tired but not as fatigued as a few weeks ago. It’s easy to worry that the tailing off of symptoms is a sign that something is wrong, but everything I have read says is isn’t, and I keep reminded myself that I’m heading towards the end of the first trimester and it’s probably totally normal.

The only really irritating symptom that is enduring is getting easily bloated and being constipated - I understand this is quite common and interestingly I’ve noticed not really often discussed online 😂

Ive also had a chat with my mum and a friend who has two young children, and both said their symptoms in the first trimester were very subtle, which I found reassuring.

keeping busy and distracted in a similar way to the two week wait is definitely the way to go for me. We’ve just had a lovely week of annual leave just doing nice things like going swimming and pottering around, and it’s been really restful. Back to work tomorrow which could do without 😂

@Quickdraw23 Ah I am glad your symptoms have been subtle, and that you are feeling better at 11 weeks :)
Absolutely, my wife had bad symptoms even after we knew she had miscarried so it isn't something I would look into too much.
We have graduated from our IVF clinic now, so I am starting to think this might actually work, just need to look into the NIPT test now!

Congratulations for graduating the IVF clinic, that's so good! How are you both feeling? 😊

Feeling quite frustrated and upset this week. We had a consultant appointment end of last week which all seemed good and she said a natural FET would be good to try next and that we wouldn't need an admin cycle I could just call on day 1 of my next cycle to book in a scan. Good job I happened to call the clinic earlier this week to see when we'd need to pay for as the admin lady said I'd need an admin cycle (she knows more than the consultant!) but that she'd message the nursing team to confirm. It's taken them a few days to get back to me and they have said yes I do need an admin cycle inbetween and apologised for being misinformed. Even more annoyingly I'd looked at my work diary and planned out roughly when to take leave and not book in too many appointments etc. Now we are looking at a December transfer at the earliest and I'm not even sure that will happen as I think it'll clash with when they are closed over Christmas.

Just feeling so frustrated, annoyed, and fed up at the moment. I've been feeling so in limbo and my mental health has been rubbish this week. I know it's not that long to wait even if it's not until the new year but when we'd thought it would be next month it's really disappointing. I bet my bloods will be out of date too and I'll have to pay extra for that 🙄

Anyway, rant over. I'm really pleased people in here seem to be getting on so well with their journeys. I'm hoping one day I'll be able to join you in that 💕

@strawberrylaces12 Oh I am so sorry you are having a stress trying to get the next transfer in, I know the feeling after a failed cycle of just wanting to get back in and try again.

What is an admin cycle? I don't think we had them at our clinic, I just needed to have one natural bleed between cycles (eg transfer in Jan then March).

Is there anything nice you can book in between now and then, it isn't too long a wait, but I know (at least in my experience) with fertility and transfers time slows down so it wouldn't matter if it was only two weeks delayed, it's just disappointing and frustrating all round. Really hoping the next one is the one for you and your Wife, thinking of you both xx

An admin cycle that I knew about was to get meds sorted, nurse consultation (to demonstrate how to use the meds), and any blood tests (for egg collection/full cycles anyway). But apparently at this clinic even with a natural FET they want a nurse appointment to chat over the upcoming treatment (last time ours was like 5 mins for the egg collection part and tbh she was lovely but didn't give us any new information as we had already been through an egg collection before) and time for them to schedule things in. I still don't really understand it for a natural FET but I suspect they are quite busy and almost need like a buffer. They've said they are fully booked with nurse appointments for the next few weeks so can't squeeze me in before my next day 1. I'm not sure why we need a consultant appointment and a nurse consultation. So now we'll have had a least 2 full cycles in between the egg collection/fresh transfer and FET. It may be 3 in between if it clashes with Christmas. It feels really frustrating. Overall I've been happy with the clinic but the last few weeks just seem to have been quite disappointing. Lack of communication, miscommunication, and just feeling in limbo. Sorry for ranting, I'm just fed up!

Not got anything particularly big planned in really but some nice plans with family and friends. And the run up to Christmas will be a distraction I'm sure!

@strawberrylaces12 Oh that is so frustrating, you would almost rather they say they have a waiting list and manage your expectations up front, instead of you having to come in for additional appointments. It is so strange how different clinics work isn't it, mine defo had a more hands off approach.

If you don't get to go until New Year; we had the same thing happen last year, and it was actually quite nice not to be testing or anything over Xmas and just be in a break and enjoy the wine and then it felt quite nice to jump back in in Jan, felt fresh!

The admin cycle thing sounds very frustrating @strawberrylaces12 . I've discovered through this whole process that I'm a lot less patient then I thought I was! 😅
I feel mainly well, tired, some waves of nausea, but nothing too bad. It feels so surreal to be contacting midwives to make booking appointments.
Thanks for the miscarriage reassurer, I've been on there everyday and find it really helpful. We've also just been on holiday for a week which was nice.

@Twomumfamily @rivierliedje

Thank you both. I'm feeling a bit better overall about it, still pretty frustrated but a bit more accepting. I think I'm just not in a great place mentally with it all at the moment, I think the whole process has caught up with me and I don't think work stress has been helping. It's just still so weird and frustrating that I'll end up having to have at least 2 full cycles in between fresh and FET (the first one due to waiting to have a consultant appointment), and potentially even 3 full cycles in between if it clashes with Christmas. The waiting around is getting to me. Thankfully I have a lot of lovely plans in with friends and family but I still can't help but feel like I'm counting down the time to try again (although I don't even know when it'll be yet!).

On Friday evening, I did finally enjoy a drink for the first time since April. We had a neighbour get together and I just thought it, I've been putting things on hold so much so I enjoyed mulled wine and a beer. Since I've already gone through the egg collection and it'll be a while until the next transfer thankfully I didn't feel guilty. Also enjoyed some more caffeine coffees. I think I just need to chill out with things like that a bit for now whilst nothing is actively happening treatment wise.

Rivierliedje - great to hear how things are going! It must feel so amazing to be booking those appointments 🥰

I was adament I wouldn't be telling anyone until after 12 weeks, but I feel like I'm bursting with the news, I'm not sure I will last.
I've seen the GP, which is a formality really to get registered on the shared antenatal care scheme between GP and maternity hospital/midwives. My clinic early scan is two days away and I'm getting more and more nervous. I've also been sent my 12 week scan appointment and midwife booking appointment which isn't until January which feels like a massive wait.

I don't think there is a right or wrong time really, whenever you feel comfortable 😊

Really hope your scan goes well! It must be such a mixture of excitement and anxiety at this point.

Definitely looking like it'll be into the new year when we have our next transfer. This cycle is an admin cycle and we'll have a nurse appointment at some point soon (they are calling tomorrow to organise it). But then, typically, my period in December is due in the week when they put a pause on starting treatment cycles so they don't clash with Christmas. Although I'm impatient I'm sort of pleased really as it should time out better around work hopefully! 🤞

@rivierliedje glad the calculator has been helpful for you! I used it a lot as well and found it reassuring. I have found it much easier to relax since the 12 week scan last week. Hope you’re going ok, feeling well and yes agree that it’s your news and share whenever you feel comfortable to. We shared at around 8 weeks with immediate family and a couple of friends, but have stated telling a few more people this week.

@strawberrylaces12 sorry to hear of your frustrations with the wait - I totally empathise as we are in a similar situation back in the spring/summer with admin, work stuff getting in the way and it was so tedious. It will come round and glad to hear you’re feeling a bit better about it and enjoying a few nice things in the meantime - I found that very helpful.

thinking of you all!

We had the scan yesterday, saw the heartbeat which was nice. Foetus is measuring 6w6d, when we were 7w1d, but apparently that's well within expected variation (up to 5 days either way].
Yet I don't feel particularly reasured for some reason. I want to tell people, but also feel like it's too early because I might be "overpromising" which is silly really.
The miscarriage odds calculator thing is over 92% that all will be well, but still.
A month seems like ages to wait for the 12 week scan, but then I don't think another scan in between will make me feel any more reassured.

How long did anyone else keep taking the support medication into pregnancy after a frozen transfer? I've been told I can stop at 8 weeks, but I don't know why.

have been keeping tabs on this thread even though our little boy is now 6 months. Congratulations to everyone who is pregnant. @rivierliedje my other half kept taking them till 12 weeks with 2 x lubion injections and then tapered the pessaries off to about 15 weeks. We wanted to be extra cautious though and she had quite low progesterone before the additions

@rivierliedje I need to take them until the end of 12 weeks but I did a fully medicated cycle.

@Mumplus01 Hello, lovely to hear from you! Oh my gosh, 6 months, time is flying! How are you both finding parenthood?

@Twomumfamily it has definitely flown by, I can’t believe I have a 6 month old. It feels so long ago since we went through the process, when in reality we only had the 12 week scan this time last year. Parenthood is amazing, he is doing brilliantly. The lack of sleep is real 😂 but it is totally worth it. How far along are you guys now?