To ask if you've regretted surrogacy/struggled to bond?

[ivfregret]

Posting for traffic the other forums do not get much response.

This is not a thread about the ethics of surrogacy so I'm hoping it doesn't become that.

I'm posting because starting a family myself is becoming a very unlikely route for me and I may have to consider surrogacy.

I'm just concerned about bonding with the child/having regrets so I'd like to know if anyone has had this experience experience?

Thanks in advance

There you have it.

Women - specifically surrogate mothers - are nothing.

That is a problem with surrogacy laws in the country and unscrupulous firms plying it.

Is this because you think this doesn't happen in the U.K and this only happens in other countries or there are unscrupulous firms in the U.K?

So some women do it for no financial gain.

The fact is most women doing this are incentivised by money (and gifts) over and above the expenses.
Don't take it from me. Natalie Gamble of NGA law is very unhappy that restricting payments to surrogate mothers will reduce the supply of surrogate mothers. 🤷‍♀️

Who are mostly paid between £12k and £25k for their altruism. 🙄

The stark difference is that in donating a kidney you are saving someone else’s life which is no doubt beneficial to you of it’s a loved one.

Surrogacy does not save lives.

And if someone asked you to donate a kidney rather than have an alternative of spending their life on medication for example, because that’s ‘not what they want’ and they want ‘a proper organ’ I’m sure you’d object.

You also cannot have the CHOICE to sell your organs. Why do you think that is?

This.

Also whole we’re at it, why are we gaslighting ourselves into thinking babies don’t experience separation anxiety.

The poster scoffing at the thought of a surrogate living with baby for a short while after birth - so sorry if your child and the woman whose womb you borrowed are an inconvenience to you but parenting means not putting yourself first.

The EXACT same way I would feel about knowing ANY child was being abused. I would without hesitation report them to the police, NSPCC and Social services quicker than you can change a nappy... what a strange question... what would you think I would do ? What would YOU do ?

@YouWonJayne How do you know newborn babies experience separation anxiety. From my experience as a parent and from academic literature I've read, that doesn't present itself until baby is much older.

Well exactly - that’s what surrogates are seen as once they’ve done their bit. Nothing.

I just LOVE the way that people who have never been surrogates know our minds so much better than we do.. have we now actually reached 'womansplaining' ? (Where those who consider themselves theoretically well versed in a subject produce spurious arguments and skewed statistics in order to prove themselves right - over someone who has actually lived that life)

Btw surrogacy is not 'banned in most of Europe. ! Another manipulation of statistics.. Europe consists of 44 countries. Surrogacy is banned in 21 countries. Then either permitted commercially and altruistically, just altruistically or have no legislation in place. So no. You are wrong. It is not 'the majority' and disingenuous to say so.

@Sissynova
Pregnancy is the riskiest single thing that a woman will do, and pregnancy and childbirth are the leading cause if death and injury in developing countries.

*YouWonJayne
*
Well exactly - that’s what surrogates are seen as once they’ve done their bit. Nothing.

How arrogant of you to presume you know MY feelings. !! Not once did I feel anything other than valued and loved by the parents. Take your sanctimonious middle class assumptions and stick them up your arse .

Yes but they were only interested in you for your body parts. You do t even see 2 of them anymore. That’s because you did your job and moved out the way

In this hypothetical situation it would be your cousin as the abuser - your cousin you had a baby for.

Would there be nothing else on top of your action of reporting the child abuse? No other feelings from you as the woman who gave birth and gave them this baby?

You need to realise you’re not the only woman ever to be a surrogate and you don’t speak for all surrogates.

That is far from the case in the UK.

Surrogacy is now banned in Russia, temporarily banned in Ukraine (due to marshal law) and Italy recently banned it and will fine those returning from overseas with a surrogate-born baby.

All these countries are in Europe.

Your list is out of date.

@YouWonJayne

You do t even see 2 of them anymore. That’s because you did your job and moved out the way

Exactly - the only one out of the three is a relative. I think that's quite telling given that all three were in the U.K. where surrogacy is meant to be based on altruism and friendship, according to the surrogacy agencies and the pro-surrogacy lobby in the U.K. which aims to relax the laws even further and make U.K. surrogacy even more accessible.

@Sissynova

That is far from the case in the UK.

MBRACE reports for you, updated this morning coincidentally.

https://www.npeu.ox.ac.uk/mbrrace-uk/reports

I find it hugely ironic ( there are stronger words I could use) that you’ve started a thread about the potential difficulties of bonding. You’ve been reassured that the bonding can happen as if the baby were yours by birth and it’s “natural “, and yet there is NO thought about the bonding that might be “natural” between the actual mother and her child?

Surrogacy is a version of modern enslavement. Slave masters in the18th and 19th century assumed that there was no natural bond between enslaved women and their babies, so they sold mothers and children separately.

This thread is obscene.