To ask if you've regretted surrogacy/struggled to bond?

[ivfregret]

Posting for traffic the other forums do not get much response.

This is not a thread about the ethics of surrogacy so I'm hoping it doesn't become that.

I'm posting because starting a family myself is becoming a very unlikely route for me and I may have to consider surrogacy.

I'm just concerned about bonding with the child/having regrets so I'd like to know if anyone has had this experience experience?

Thanks in advance

@LBFseBrom what a crock of shite!! I wouldn't have had a bloody clue I'd been separated from my birth mother, had I not have being told I was adopted.

There are some topics that I don’t think this applies to. For me, a person who has been scarred by a baby being separated at birth in a situation very similar to the one OP is gently toying with, it’s like a poster coming on and saying “I just kicked my child’s teeth out in anger and now she’s struggling to chew her food. I don’t want this to become a discussion on child beating, but has anyone got any recipe tips for tasty, soft meals?”

Not a surrogacy story, but I only really felt the feelings of starting to bond with my baby when she was 6 weeks old, and It was longer to feel straightforward, happy love.
Skin to skin and carrying baby in a sling are so good for bonding. I think it happens a bit differently for everyone but my instinct is that you’d bond. After all, dads do.
I believe it can be possible to breastfeed a baby born to a surrogate too, at least a bit , which might help with bonding.

Fucking hell people on here act as though these women are held at gun point and forced to carry a baby against their will.

I know a few surrogates. Wonderful women, who have carried wonderfully loved and well adjusted babies for friends and family.

If it's your child/your egg/your partner's sperm, why would you have trouble 'bonding' with a baby born from a surrogate?

Are you in the UK @ChiChaNaYubi? if so, it’s incredible that you’d know a few unless you work in fertility. There are about as many cases of surrogacy in the UK as there are lottery winners. In countries with fewer protections for women’s rights, such as the US, where commercial surrogacy is legal it’s getting quite common but doesn’t generally happen between family and friends. It’s almost like poor women are financially coerced into doing it.

I always ignore these posts, because I don't know a soul in real life who thinks like this about surrogates. Only on mumsnet do people act like people who use surrogates are evil monsters, and the surrogates themselves are 'victims' who are brow-beaten, and fed bread and water, from the 'rich people' using their bodies for their nefarious ways....... 🙄

To a newborn baby, yes a father is a lesser parent.

should be expelled from decent society

what an odd opinion. In my idea of a decent society, women have reproductive choices, and are not subject to the scathing judgement of others in exercising them. Each to their own of course.

Buying a child 🤣

Do you think people who pay thousands for ivf are buying a child too?

That must have been devastating. Does your ex see them?

The key is that they are using their own bodies not someone else’s

Why does NO ONE consider the actual human woman involved in this?!

Thank you for this thread! I too am someone whose only hope of having biological children is via a surrogate. I have been made to feel like a monster and villain on here for even daring to consider it.
I don't know how I feel yet but this thread has given me some hope that in real life people might not be so judgmental

Those human women are adults making a conscious decision. Stop infantilising women

You do know it’s none of your business what a surrogate does with her body right?

Let me ask you - why can’t I sell a kidney if I want? Or part of my liver? It would be my choice after all, right?

It should be everyone’s business when people are allowed to rent wombs. Why do you think there are such tight restrictions in this country?

You are welcome to donate many parts of your body if you wish too.

Yes terribly fascist to think women shouldn’t be hired for their reproductive organs

Also you know it’s offensive to reduce pregnant women to “wombs” right?

Am I?!

I can sell my organs, or just give them away to anyone can I?

They must have changed some laws without me knowing.

Yes I do - which is exactly why I object to surrogacy, as that’s what it does.

IbbleDibbleDibble · Today 20:21

If you want to have a baby via surrogacy you should be concerned with how you will get the baby to love you not whether you will love the baby. The baby will be taken away after birth from everything and everyone it’s ever known and given to a total stranger. How you can help the baby adjust to that trauma should be your main priority and what you should be asking about here.”

Don’t be foolish. OP will be handed her baby at birth. It won’t have “known” anyone or anything. No trauma.