FET in September/October

[MyEasterEggs]

I’m preparing to start my treatment cycle in a month or so and thought it might be helpful to start up a thread for anyone heading for FET soon.

This will be my first FET so I’m nervous but also feeling hopeful having gone through a fair amount of testing and treatment. Think I’m about as prepared as I’ll ever be!

Current cycle finally got going two days ago after a bit of a delay and I’ve decided to use it to focus on eating well and getting into the right headspace.

Anyone at a similar stage and want some company?

Thanks all. My iron is fine, well it was at 12 weeks. I might get some more bloods done, thanks @MyEasterEggs

Work has just been absolutely chaotic. We are so short staffed and I really worked a horrible Christmas period. We aren't allowed to work set days and I have a new manager that isn't being very understanding. My maternity leave is based on my pay from16-24 weeks so I'm trying to just keep going until then. I wonder if it's my age. I don't remember feeling so rotten with my other pregnancies.

I have a pregnancy pillow but it's not helping. I didn't buy the bbhugme one as it was hard to justify the expense at the time but I wonder if I should just pay for it now 😭

@Kelvie103 I wish I could know what I'm having but my partner doesn't want to know! I'm so convinced it's a boy though

Pricey isn’t it but I liken the pillow to a decent mattress. Especially after being in so much pain last time around. That’s how I justified it to myself anyway! Plus I’m getting some of the early SPD niggles now and think I’ll be referred for physio next midwife appointment.

Hope your boss softens a little! That must be hard. Do you think they’re kind of desensitised to pregnancy because of the area you work in?

I was looking at pregnancy pillows this morning. Not sure I need one yet but I keep getting a pain in the side of my legs, below my hip but at the side of my bum when I'm trying to sleep lying on my side for a while. I've tried a normal pillow between my legs and didn't feel it helped much and ended up falling out the bed anyway. I don't really have much of a bump yet but it's definitely growing a little in the last few days :D

One of the girls in work got me a pregnancy pillow for secret Santa. Obv not a super expensive one but one of the u shaped ones. I love it. Helps me stay on my side and tucking it between my legs is stopping my hips hurting.
I’ve def been getting movements for last 3 weeks or so (I’m 18weeks) but they’re not every day yet and feels like someone is gently tapping me from the inside. At first I thought it was just gas but it’s too frequent. I can’t wait to feel proper kicks!!

Sorry to hear you’re having a tough time @chloedancer88. Do you have a favourite thing to do that helps you relax?

I’m joining the pregnancy pillow club @MyEasterEggs, @LT103, @Kelvie103, I didn’t think I needed it either, but I’m still waking 2-3 times in the night and that used to be because I needed to wee, but I need to do this less now.

I’ve been given the all clear to go to pregnancy yoga - whoohoo! I’ve basically been sitting on my butt (as advised) since the early weeks of pregnancy, so I’m so excited to be able to do something, anything, I think I’ve done yoga once, so I’m not expecting to be good at it. I figure it’ll be a good way to meet local mums-to-be though.

My midwife mentioned nursery waiting lists yesterday, so after some research I’ve reached out to a few places today, seems crazy early, but definitely don’t want to miss out!

Omg the nursery thing is making me panic as we’re planning to move so until we know where to we can’t look into anything. It’s crazy how long the lists are

I’ve done nothing exercise wise other than walking and I really want to go back to my regular yoga/tai chi/pilates class. They do adapt some moves for anyone pregnant but I don’t want to go until I’ve checked it’s ok. I am planning to start pregnancy yoga after 20 weeks too

@MyEasterEggs she's just not a very nice person. So she's not being very flexible or helpful. I had asked about the advice for working in a hospital after 28 weeks as we have been very careful to restrict our contact with covid positive people and she said that's all done and dusted. But it isn't. I see maybe 2-3 people a week with covid and I feel I'm putting myself at risk constantly. It's making everything very stressful for me.

I'm showing a lot now but it's that in between stage where it's not a cute bump. It's a questionable bump haha. Also I have an anterior placenta so movements have been weird for me. I do think I'm feeling those 'pops' now though! Can't wait to feel them more clearly.

Hope everyone is doing well x

I've not even thought about nursery yet, to be honest I didn't know there were lists and stuff. Actually getting a bit worried about how completely clueless I am about everything. I've had no interaction at all with babies, the last time I even held one was when I was 5 and my youngest brother was born. Always just assumed I'd work it out as I went along but now its actually coming down to that I have no idea what I'm doing or what I need to buy or when etc.

I don't even know if I'll be going back to work after maternity leave. Hoping I can work part time but my work seem just as clueless as me. Worked for the same company for 14 years and in all that time no one has been pregnant before so no one knows what to do about it and every time I ask things I just get told I don't know ask blah blah, then blah blah says ask so and so etc. It's a smallish company, about 40 people so we don't have an hr department and it's getting a bit frustrating.

@Kelvie103 I feel pretty similar re being prepared, that’s why I had a bit of a freak out re having a boy. I have a sister 5 years junior and when I was young none of my local cousins were of a similar age (5 years either way), so we didn’t really hang out as children. My dad left when I was a pre-teen and I went to an all girls school. So I’m thinking I know nothing about boys!! I just finished reading ‘Parenting The Sh*t Out Of Life’, which helped in general, but not re parenting a boy. I figure now that they’ll be my child, so it doesn’t really matter what sex they are, as I’ll know them best, would still be nice to have the broader context though!

Re maternity leave, I think you should see it as an opportunity. Have a real think about what might suit you.

For example I plan to take the full 12 months, with my DH joining me in the first month and then taking 2 month paternity when my maternity ends. We also decided that we will have the child for one day each post maternity leave and plan to use a nursery for the remaining 3 working days. This means that it’ll be beneficial for me to get flexi working (available at a lot of workplaces), so that I do my job in 4 rather than 5 days without a pay decrease. Wording is important here as I have no intention of doing condensed hours as my job can be done in less days (I currently do an MA on my 5th day), so I’ll be asking to flex to 4 days, with core hours of 10am-4pm (the time I will always be available for meetings) with a review after 6 months.

I think the key for you is to say that you are keen to make it work for both of you, so agree to things like extra check-ins and reviews etc. There is also evidence that flexible working makes people more productive and loyal. Re hiring / training etc is expensive.

@OrangeBengal I think I'll have to invest in a parenting book, I'll have a look at that one thanks. A friend recommended the NCT courses for giving you a good idea of "how to baby" so I think I'm definitely going to book on one of those but feel like I need some idea of the basics first! I just keep reminding myself that my mum had no idea what she was doing when she had me and had no family nearby and I turned out fine (mostly haha!)

You sound very organised with your maternity leave etc! My husband and I always had the plan that I'd just give up work until the child goes to school at least but with the cost of living I don't think that's really feasible now. My husband says we'll manage but I don't want to just manage. I'm lucky I can do my job completely at home (although in the office 2 days a week at the moment) so hoping they'll let me do half hours just from home then I can work around when baby is asleep or in the evening when my husband is at home or even a bit at weekends. My company hasn't been doing the best financially lately so I'm hoping they'll be happy to have to pay me less, although when I mentioned it to my boss he said he's not sure any of us will still be here in a year or so, so who knows! I don't think I have to decide until later though.

@chloedancer88 done and dusted 🧐 I’d have thought working in a hospital might alert her to the fact it’s not! Hope the pressure eases off soon.

@OrangeBengal I met one of my now best friends through a pregnancy yoga class ☺️ enjoy! It’s pretty gentle so don’t worry about being good at it. I think I was lying on my back or side most of the time. Had to give it up in third trimester due to SPD so I’m doing as much as I can just now.

@Kelvie103 I have an 8 year old and have been looking for the handbook for years 😆 but I did find my NHS and NCT classes very helpful for those early days. And asking for help. The midwife and health visitor are there to support you so do share any worries with them.

Yesterday I found a book I had when LO was a baby called Wonder Weeks. There was an app too. It was helpful for things like understanding changes in behaviour. Not for everyone but my SIL recommended it and I think I’ll dip in again when this one comes along.

I’ve recently moved so will look into nursery waiting lists soon. After school clubs are worth considering in a couple of years too. Our daughter was on that list when she was 2.5 and still couldn’t get one of the days when she started school at almost 5!

I WFH too @Kelvie103, I think we’re so lucky, it definitely makes planning that bit easier.

Gosh I hadn’t even considered after school

activities @MyEasterEggs.

We started planning the nursery yesterday, initially I didn’t want to change anything as I love my teal-coloured room, but the more we thought about it the more excited I got!

Oh, I had the best sleep last night, using a pillow in lieu of my pregnancy pillow (which arrived today), obviously I have ‘restless leg’ and didn’t even know about it!

@OrangeBengal after school club will only be relevant if LO needs to stay at school for a bit longer. My daughter goes Mondays and Tuesdays - club picks her up from class and she stays there for a few hours - as it gives me a bit longer to work. She loves it! The other days it’s judo and swimming classes. We have a bit of support from grandparents too.

Both my partner and I WFH which does make life easier in some ways. We used to have a studio but gave it up when I was first expecting 8 years ago. I miss that divide between work and home life sometimes so we might rent a studio again. Would free up space at home. Plenty of time to make decisions though as baby will be next to me for 6-9 months!

That’s a nice set of activities @MyEasterEggs. And yes I think we’ll also need after school clubs when we’re at that stage. No grandparents nearby unfortunately.

Going to see a nursery on a Friday, the person who got back to me said I was right to enquire now. My mum thinks it’s disgusted, that no-one should have to plan this soon for nursery, and she has a point.

All this talk of nurseries and after school clubs is terrifying! I popped into John Lewis today just to wander round the baby aisle and I found that overwhelming! 🙈 surely if I call a nursery now they'll just laugh and hang up?

@MyEasterEggs my wedding was absolutely perfect thanks 🥰 other than being sick 3 times despite taking anti-emetics! My husband (!) announced our baby news in his speech which was absolutely lovely. It worried me that it was maybe a bit early but the news is out now!

@chloedancer88 I'm sorry to hear work is so pants, can you not talk to occy health?

@OrangeBengal she tried out a fair few classes before settling on those 😅

And your mum’s not wrong. It’s madness. Still feels a bit early for me to be making those decisions but I’ll enquire soonish.

@Bookbug92 congratulations! Glad your wedding day went well but sad you were feeling poorly. Announcing during the speech was a lovely idea 🥰

Got sorted with work. I emailed my boss' boss and she actually had a clue so that's a relief!

I'm properly feeling movements now and my DH can feel it sometimes!! I'm 21+2 now.

Wonder weeks app is brilliant. I also recommend the positive birth book and NCT classes!

So pleased you can feel movements @chloedancer88. I’ve been struggling a bit due to not feeling much, especially since my energy returned and other symptoms eased off. I think most women are thankful for that but I want the reassurance of something, anything!

Midwife called out to listen in this morning so it was lovely to hear the little one. Then I picked up a few cute bits in the sales which felt like a hopeful thing to do!

So what stage are we all at now? I’m 17+2 today. Got my next midwife appointment Friday (today was just a quick check up while she was in area) where I’ll get whooping cough vaccine. And then my 20 week scan is three weeks today. I can’t wait for that milestone to come around. All going well I’ve also decided to finish work at the end of April (with a few loose ends to tie up in May no doubt!) as baby will be here around a month after that.

I'm 16+2 today. I didn't realise you're exactly a week ahead of me! I have my 20 week scan 4 weeks today, my 16 week midwife appointment on Thursday and my private gender scan on Saturday. I've been feeling really anxious today though and I don't know why, maybe its just with my scan coming up and my 12 week scan feels like so long ago.

Got a bit upset with my mum at the weekend. She's been so supportive throughout all my ivf but she keeps asking what I'm anxious about and can't seem to understand why I am and keeps saying things like you dont need all these scans. Its because I have no idea if my baby is still alive and ok! My husband doesn't understand either, I guess because he had the easy job and only women who have been through the ivf process can really understand all the worry that goes with it. Glad I can get it out a bit on here and know that yes it is normal to be so worried and other people feel the same.

@Kelvie103 I find that I’m hopeful one minute and then a tiny thing will trigger my anxiety and then I’m off. It can take days to get in a better frame of mind again.

I’ve distanced myself from my mum a little as she means well but says the most ridiculous things. She admits herself that since she didn’t struggle to have kids she doesn’t understand so now, when she says something daft, I just stare at her until she feels uncomfortable 😆 think I’ve learned to be a bit more direct but then this has been going on seven years now so there have been difficult conversations at times.

But even if you haven’t been through the mill people will generally give you advice you didn’t ask for. I think that just comes with the territory! Nobody can tell you how to think or be though. You’re allowed to feel all the feelings and they’re completely natural after your experiences 💛

When I say “been through the mill” I mean anyone who hasn’t had fertility treatment. Not you personally!

Hey guys, 14 + 4 today, I completely get the anxiety @Kelvie103. I had my 12 week scan on the 23rd then started feeling a little antsy when I got back home after Christmas. I had a midwife visit last week and she said it’s probably too early, but we could try and listen and she found his heartbeat straight away - what a relief! We’re still so surprised to get evidence he’s alive! I’m not sure that’ll go sway soon either. My next scan is next Wednesday.

I hear you re mums @MyEasterEggs. I used to be really close with mine, but over the almost 3 years trying, she’s said some pretty silly and hurtful things, not on purpose, but still. My gran made me feel so awful too, just saying the usual things (she didn’t know we were doing IVF), that now I can’t go near her. I told my dad today and he asked if it was a mistake and said it would change my life - double ha!! What ridiculous things to say, no one announces a pregnancy if they don’t want the baby!!!

In positive news I’m going to see a nursery on Friday and another the following Friday, which should be fun, I haven’t pulled together a list of questions yet, so any good ones send them my way.

Hi All, I'm 16+6 today.

I'm still hesitant to get too excited or optimistic, however statistically there is a 99% chance of all going well.

I had the gestational diabetes blood test today, it was not that bad. I get it early because I'm 42 years old.

@Bookbug92 lovely to hear you had a nice wedding.

I've been lucky with my parents being pretty supportive. I'm doing this by myself so it is really important. My need for ivf was due to age and doing this with donor sperm so it's not the same as those of you that have struggled with fertility, I've been pretty lucky to get pregnant at 42 and so fast.

Good luck with upcoming scans and tests ladies.