Continued chat of all things IVF, FET & to feel sane...cycle buddies August/September -

[Bluemeadowbaby]

Hey ladies ☺️

A new thread to continue the one we've maxed out from the FET cycle buddies May/June. Anyone wishing to join no matter what stage you're at we're here to support you along the way.

A little background around me - I have a little boy who's 16mo from my second IVF round in 2019. I'm just embarking (restarting after covid setback) on my first FET cycle with the embryos I have in storage in the hope for baby #2 🤞🏼
I have severe endometriosis, hydrosalpinx tubes which have been removed so my only hope is for IVF to work again. It's been a long old journey but if I can give any hope, faith and a tonne of support to anyone who needs it I'm happy to share my story, updates on my cycle and be there to have a general chin wag ☺️

We've got this! ✨ x

@Francesmalin We'll all be thinking of you and keeping everything crossed :)

@Francesmalin wishing you lots of luck! I know the stresses of the sizes but I promise everything will be okay, the cycle with my little boy I remember I had 1 22mm and a 21mm - I always believed he was one of those as I never had those kinda numbers before so keeping fingers crossed for you x

@Francesmalin Hope you had a successful egg collection today!

So, we had our consultant appointment yesterday to get some advice about what to do to maximise chances of creating a sibling in the future. It was really helpful and interesting actually. Essentially, the consultant said we shouldn't 'write off' the two frosties created from my eggs because of their grades, and either could potentially work. Given that, he suggested that we only create more embryos now using my partners eggs, if her having a genetic relationship to the sibling is important to us (which it isn't). Otherwise, he suggested we should try transfering my-egg embryos first, regardless of the grade of any embryos my partners eggs might create, because my-egg embyros were created from younger eggs, and in his words 'age trumps everything'. Because DP is already 36 (and I'm 32) he essentially said if we wanted a sibling in the next few years (which we do) and the frosties didn't take, we'd still be better using my eggs again, because even if a few years, I'll still be younger than DP is now. And even though I respond poorly to stims, he said even a small numbers of embryos created using my younger eggs, would be more likely to result in a sibling, than even twice as many embryos created from my partners older eggs. So, even though I swore I'd never do an egg collection again..... we've decided not to use DPs eggs, try our frosties first, and if we need to create more embryos to make a sibling, that I'll just do another egg collection again to give us the best chances.

It was a really helpful conversation and really helped us put a lot of things into perspective and context. I feel I've got plenty time now to accept potentially going through an egg collection again, but also I think time has made me feel a bit more like if we needed to do an egg collection again, it would be worth it if thats what got us a sibling.

But for now, I'm pinning a lot more hope on those two frosties for the future!

Hello everyone thanks for the support in the last few days. Unfortunately my eggs quality is really poor and of the 14 eggs we collected none are suitable for insemination. We put 5 in the machine to see if they mature but the embryologist said not to put much hope into this. I guess I have the answers I have been waiting for the last 6 month now. I had a gut feeling it wasn't going to work but hey I tried my best until the end. X

Oh @Francesmalin 😞 my heart really hurts for you to read this, I'm praying with everything I've got that the ones that were put into the machine make it! Will they update you tomorrow or day 3? Keeping everything crossed for you, I know the waiting is so so hard and frustrating. You're in my thoughts x

@2mumlife this sounds like a great conversation at your consultation! And I agree with the "age" factor, I'm not sure how you feel about it - but as you know - there was something in me which couldn't let my Frosties go and wanted to at least give them a chance and if it didn't work, like you, it makes the collection easier to process and accept. I'm so glad you feel a lot better about the process and hopefully it's a weight off your mind. Those days soon will roll round! I can't believe my boy is almost 2! We share the same birthday and I find that pretty special especially if he's my only one 🥰 x

We just spoke to the doctor and he said he's going to call us tomorrow to see if those eggs have matured. He said it seems like it's a genetic problem cause the eggs have a very weird/abnormal shape. This is my third round of IVF and we got the same the same outcome over and over again. I don't have much hope in those eggs but they might surprise me.

@Francesmalin I'm sorry to hear your update. Were all the eggs collected immature, or were there some that were 'overmature'? Thats interesting you're saying the eggs have an abnormal shape. Keeping everything crossed you got a mature egg tomorrow.

@Bluemeadowbaby It just gets me every time what an emphasis is put on age. All you went through with your frosties was one of the things that made me really want to look into DP doing an egg collection to 'bank' embryos now, but the consultant seemed more optimistic about things. Thats so sweet you have the same birthday! How are things with the house move going?

It seems like there is no maturation at all. It's like the final stage of maturation doesn't happen in my body. And this would explain I never got pregnant in my life. Such a weird thing to get to terms with: my own genes failing me

@2mumlife I completely get that, I was so frustrated at the age thing because those embryos of mine were 3 years younger but having said that I still couldn't quite get my head round how they could go from stage 2-5 if they were already like that at day 5 if that makes sense? I have my follow up consultation next Thursday! Whatever feels right for you definitely go for it! Also a good thing to think of that my consultant told me, it's always stuck with me, but when you've been pregnant before it doesn't mean more pregnancies in future however there is a greater result in pregnancy and success of embryo quality as your body is changes so ford your hormones therefore the body encourages itself to do it's thing again. That gave me more hope especially with the frostie outcome. Mother's Day was really weird, I was so happy but I also felt so sad for my other little ones. So very bitter sweet.
The house move is urgh! The market is so dry but...there's quite a few coming to the market the last couple of days so I'm hoping one comes up for us 🤞🏼 I want to feel it's totally right (and to give us some funding too 🙈) I'll keep you posted! How is bump doing? X

@Francesmalin I'm so sad to hear this for you I really am 😞 there really are no words but I am sending you such a massive virtual hug. I'm still keeping my fingers crossed for you but I completely understand the feeling of just feeling so shit. So I will sit with you on here even if it's to say nothing at all if you ever want to have a vent you vent it out! Love and hugs your way x

@Francesmalin That must be incredibly frustrating. Is there anything more they can do to make the maturation work? Still keeping everything crossed they've managed to mature an egg in the lab for you.

@Bluemeadowbaby It really intersting what you said about body changing, as I think there is something to that. Its also sad for your frosties - the consultant had said that having a successful pregnancy with 1 embabie from a collection often means the other embabies from that batch have a slightly better shot of working too. But you just never know do you? Tough decisions whatever you do I think. House market seems a bit mad round here - people offering WAY over home report value. Hopefully you get yourselves something perfect you really deserve some happy time with your family. All is kind of....normal still here. Still don't have much of a bump (just look a bit fat really, but not something that anyone who didn't know would think was a pregnancy) and still not feeling any movement. Only real 'symptom' I have is I'm still knackered all the time, and I get a lot of round ligament type pain. It feels quite strange really feeling otherwise totally normal....

Hello! So none of the eggs matured or fertilised in the machine. It's mainly because they are abnormal so it was just a way to try and use them instead of discarding straight away. It's sad and devastating but at the moment I feel like this is just a bad dream. It will take time to accept we won't have children as we really wanted a baby of our own.

The are some other things we could try, including a cycle of natural IVF but that would just confirm that my eggs are abnormal and another way to throw 10k in the bin. The other option would be IUI or Clomid but it wouldn't give us any insights on the egg quality. I have never been pregnant in my life so I guess it's really a genetic failure I have but it's hard to get answers cause there is no scientific literature in regard.

The other route would be donor or adoption but too early to explore this path. Now it's time to heal and get back on track with life. Then we'll think about the rest.

Thank you for being amazing virtual friends in the last 6-7 months. It has been an incredible journey we have been through together. I will read here and there if you all have updated but now that motherhood is not in my list anymore I will stay away from mumsnet and similar

@Francesmalin I'm sorry to hear you're update. I hope you get all the support you need in the coming days, and hopefully some better answers in the weeks and months to come as to understanding the abnormal shape and if anything might be done to help. All I would say is even if you do go down the route of using a donor or adoption, and child is still YOUR child. My partner is neither carrying a pregnancy nor genetically related to the child, but its still very much her child too. I appreciate though you will need time to explore your feelings around this and decide whats best for you. Whatever the future brings for you, I hope you find happiness xxx

@2mumlife your words always have a soothing effect on me. My bf read your last message and he thought it was a very nice message to read.

Yes, I need to explore my feelings first and then decide what is best for me and us a couple. At the moment I just want to leave conception and fertility behind and focus on all the things I haven't been able to do on the last year. I will do some counseling to help with my feeling and in the meantime I will enjoy life. This weekend I had some many cocktails. It was great to be out and see friends!

@Francesmalin I'm so sorry to be hearing your news I really am ❤️ it's such a hard thing to process but take your time, like @2mumlife said, if you decide to in future use other options remember that little one no matter how they come into this world - they are all yours. I know it will be something to have to think about very hard and make sure it's what you want to do if you choose to do it. I read your message the other day and truthfully I had no words, I just think it is such a cruel blow but I wanted to check in to see how you are because I know each day can heal in some strange way. Know that I have been thinking of you a lot x

awww @Bluemeadowbaby thanks for your lovely message. It has been quite hard for us in the last week or so. I am crying everyday and I feel really upset cause I really don't get why this happened to me. And I don't have an answer or a clear diagnosis about why this is happening so I don't know if I have to give up hope or not. This all situation makes me really sad and although I have never been such a maternal person, I always knew I wanted to have kids and gave for granted that I would have had kids and now that I can't it makes the all thing even harder.

Luckily we have few trips planned in the next few months so that would definitively help and we don't want to make any decisions until after summer. I find mornings quite challenging but then I feel good during the day, especially when busy at work. Only thing I'd like to do is to reach out to few fertility specialists I found on an IVF thread where they discussed a case similar to mine to see if they have had any positive outcomes in their countries.

How are you doing @Bluemeadowbaby and everyone else?

@Francesmalin I totally understand that and I just wanted to give you a little time as I know how I felt and still feel after last month. The hurt is still there but having the time to process things is so important. I had a chat with my consultant the other day after the audit and it made me feel a lot better about myself as I was really hating on my body.
I remember once I went to see a psychic medium and he picked up about my fertility before I had a cycle with my son and what he said really stuck with me and still does. He told me - sometimes there are people in this world who so desperately want a child and the path can be so cruel along the way. But sometimes we forget there are helpless children out there who are longing for the love, care and safety of those people who would make the most amazing parents. Sometimes we forget about what our hearts our capable of and whilst I'm not saying this may be your path in life, it's something to remember that the love you can give can be a saviour to someone else - I had to listen to his recording to type that, phew! I feel like a PA 😄
But with that, I've always taken some form of comfort.
I'm a firm believer that the universe is listening to you and things will fall the way they're supposed to even when we feel a little lost. I'm glad you have some things booked and to look forward to. Reach out whenever you need and don't ever feel alone x

@Francesmalin Glad to hear from you. Its good you are finding times in the day where you can be ok and focus on other things. I went through patches where I questioned what was wrong with me, why it wasn't happening for me when it did for other people etc etc. Its a hard thing to work through. I think only you know when enough is enough and you're done. One of the things helped me was "checking in" with partner and our kind of "ground rules" that we would stop if it started affecting our relationship or personal health. I also found it good going back to conversations with DP to recommit that our life would be different, but not lesser, if we didn't have children. It doesn't need to be about giving up or losing hope, it can be about deciding to go down a different path. No one knows whats right for your situation, but hopefully having some quality time away together and taking some space will help you see your next steps more clearly.

@Bluemeadowbaby Hope everything is going well with you

You two made me cry again! You both know how we feel in these situation because you have been there. My friends don't get enough cause they didn't have these challenges and had kids quite easily.

My partner and I know very well that life is just not about having kids and we can have a beautiful and fulfilling life together and we are there for each other all the time. We only need time to figure this out and we are both going to do counselling to get back on path. We talked about this and we want to make sure we stick together cause sometimes it's easier to be apart cause when you are at work or with friends you are forced to put a good face on. Time will heal both of us and yes, if we are meant to have a child in whatever way it will come otherwise I will spend all my money on trips and things for myself! after all I am a selfish & spoiled only child hahah.

@Francesmalin I'm still just keeping everything crossed that you'll go on some lovely trips this summer and it will just happen for you naturally (I've seen stories in these threads before where people have just magicaly concived naturally). You so deserve some magic

@Francesmalin that all sounds really sensible, hope you are healing and enjoying the sunshine. We’ve just been camping in the fells and it’s been bliss - definitely recommend adventures and holidays.

I’m popping back in to say we’re going again with our last embryo may/June time. Not sure whether I’ll be about here or not - I’m hoping to try and get less bogged down in every little detail this time because it’s an attempt to control what’s entirely out of my hands and I’m not sure it doesn’t make me feel like failures are my fault. Thinking there’s no point comparing to previous cycles because they were all pretty similar and I have 2 fails and one gorgeous 4 year old so actually its not even useful for me to make notes and keep a symptom log - want to try and be less obsessed. We’ll see.

All the very best to everyone. @2mumlife how far along are you now? Would love to hear how you’re doing.

@Verbena87 We had our 20 week scan last week and feeling very grateful everything is looking good. I've been suffering with terrible heartburn, but otherwise things seem to be going pretty smoothly, so feeling optimistic. Sending you lots of luck for your next transfer - I can understand where you're coming from in wanting to try to be able to think about other things during the next cycle, as what will be will be really. Keepiung everything crossed for you when the time comes

@2mumlife I remember having Rennies in my pajama pocket at one stage, the heartburn can be savage. Really glad all is looking good.

thanks for the luck. Feeling pretty fatalistic about it really, the whole thing feels so unlikely. But it definitely won’t work if I don’t even try so 🤷‍♀️🤞.

@Verbena87 Well this last cycle when I felt it was all becoming pointless was the one that worked, so you never know :) I think the taking the pressure of and trying to relax helps x