FET cycle buddies May/June

[Bluemeadowbaby]

Hi ☺️
Just starting up a little thread if anyone wants to join me on their FET journey for May/June. I've never had a FET cycle before and wondered if anyone was or is on their way with this journey to offer support and guidance x

@Hoping4baby21 if I can give you even an ounce of the encouragement I craved during my first cycle then I will! It's nice to come onto a thread and vent away, have a heart to heart or just a good old chin wag to take your mind off things. I'm sorry to hear you too have suffered with anxiety, remember to keep telling yourself it won't hit you during your treatment and hopefully it'll stay at bay. Also, a little tip - not to encourage negativity - but if for any reason you do what I do and can't get the bloomin stuff in the syringe dont panic! Put it down, walk away, calm shakey hands, laugh that you're an armature and soon becoming a pro and go again 😄🥰
I used to keep a little postcard next to my kettle where I did my stims which said "the best is yet to come" and it kept me going. First time round I was on the dot all het up to get it right but second time I just thought ah it's 730 best do a stim and get back to my tv! You'll find your flow.
How very exciting!!! I'm absolutely thrilled for you that things are moving quickly x

@Hoping4baby21 also! Loving the little fort in the room! That sounds just perfect and you'll soon have a little someone to add to the mix. We used to do that with the "big quilt" and get all cosy, I bought my little boy a teepee for his birthday and bought back lots of happy memories from my cycles x

@Hoping4baby21
Sending you so much luck for your cycle! 🍀... Relax and don't overthink things... There is nothing you can do to influence the result so stay positive and don't stress yourself out! ☺️

@Bluemeadowbaby
Definitely don't focus on grades... 1) they are what they are, you can't change them! and 2) these little miracles come from all types of embies... Early ones, slow ones, fragmented ones etc etc! ☺️... I wish you so much luck! 🍀
Ive got a crazy story about my "becoming a mum" journey... I'm not sure you would believe me if I told you!! ... Its pretty scary and sad... But lots of therapy later and I'm doing well with my beautiful, amazing miracle kiddies. If you want to know I can try do a summary! Lol xx

@Hoping4baby21 thanks for sharing about anxiety - it’s nice not feeling alone.

For what it’s worth, I was surprised by how once things were underway last time I was just able to focus on getting on with it - felt physically quite rough in patches, but mentally reasonably ok. Then of course when I was pregnant I worried about PND but actually found new motherhood a tremendous relief in that it was so clear what my job was (keep the baby alive), and so clear that what I was doing every day was meaningful, that a lot of the negative self-talk stuff just evaporated. Fingers crossed there’ll be some of that calm for us all this time round too. I think waiting is always worse than being in the thick of something.

@Bluemeadowbaby I'm gunna get my husband to do the injections the idea of doing it myself freaks me out a little. I'm sure it's not as bad as I imagine it to be. But I also think it will be good to get him involved in some way. But thanks for the tip. I Might actually get something motivation in a spot in the house that is a good idea.

@Verbena87 hopefully I feel the same. I much prefer knowing clearly where I stand and what needs to be done, it's the uncertainty that seems to bother me the most. So maybe it will be ok.

@firefly37 thanks for the good vibes and I'd like to hear your story 🙂

OK... Well here goes my crazy story as short as I can make it...
So I got pregnant on my first cycle of IVF... But unfortunately 4 women around me had lost pregnancies for various reasons so I started to suffer extreme anxiety about losing my baby. I hated going to bed as I couldn't get comfortable for fear of squashing my baby. The anxiety triggered insomnia and by 34 weeks pregnant I was an exhausted wreck. Then at 36 weeks pregnant my ears started ringing... They rang so loudly it drove me insane. I was admitted into hospital and went into a mental health crisis resulting in my son being delivered 3 weeks early emergency section. I was hit like a truck with what was described as serious and significant post natal depression complicated by tinnitus. I remained under the crisis team and put in meds. I kept a thought diary and my mum had to move in to care for me and my son. I wouldn't leave the house or contact anyone. My life was over as far as I was concerned as the ear ringing refused to stop just got worse. I was admitted into a mother and baby mental health unit and put on a new medication which really started to bring me round (this was almost a year later). I went on a tinnitus retraining course in London and underwent CBT. My main therapy was mindfulness meditation. I started to improve and my recovery got better when I went back to work and I was just about fully recovered by the time my son was 18 months old. It was the darkest, scariest time of my life and one I never want to repeat. When we realised we couldn't afford ivf in the country for baby 2, we researched clinics abroad and had amazing affordable treatment in the Czech Republic where my little princess resulted. I was monitored in my second pregnancy for signs of getting ill again but I took medication throughout and was fine. I just didn't stress anymore as therapy teaches you "what will be will be". I still have tinnitus but I have learnt how to control and accept it. I have helped a lot of people who have struggled with either tinnitus or PND. I learnt so much through the worst time of my life... But hopefully skills that will keep me well and help me to help others x

@firefly37 wow!! That is quite a journey! You strong, brave lady! I'm so pleased everything has kept itself at bay and hoping you're now able to move forward from it all. I think it's so important to share journeys as they can really help others relate if there feeling some of your feels. I too suffered with PNA and PND the CBT really helped me but I haven't found anyone to support me non professionally through PNA. I get a lot of "oh well you've been through a lot and had a baby during lockdown so you're bound to feel that way" I could honestly knock some people's teeth out when they say that 😂 but it stems somewhat deeper and sometimes I just feel so flat but CBT does help massively with mindfulness. I was signed off just before Christmas and kept my blue notes to look back on and they do help but hearing others journeys like your own remind me that even in the darkest storms, the sun shines again.
It's one thing I've been conscious of with trying again for another baby, I'm worried if it works I'll go backwards and struggle again. Did you feel a sense of relief the second time around if that makes sense? I'm so glad you've found somewhere that funds not as ridiculously as the uk, I've met a few ladies along the way who have been to the Czech Republic to do just the same with great outcomes x

@firefly37 that must have been so hard, I can’t imagine. Standing in awe of your resilience here!

@Hoping4baby21 my husband did all my needles first time round too - it helped me feel less on my own with it all and also meant I didn’t have to watch it go in (weirds me out!).

Expecting my period around Monday but a bit of spotting today so looks like cycle day 1 approaches. Feels a bit real all of a sudden 😬🤞

@Hoping4baby21 Dya know what, it's lovely when they can be involved in that way. My hubby only did one as it freaked him out 😄 but he also worked away at the time so I had to put my big girl pants on and just go with it. But definitely let him do it if you can 🥰

@Verbena87 this is very exciting!! Looking forward to hearing about your journey - you got this! X

@firefly37 what an incredible journey it is a testament to your strength and resilience that you pulled through and were able to have a positive impact on others who have similar struggles.

This whole ttc journey I range in thinking why don't people share the hard stuff more so we can prepare but then also thinking that sometimes a degree of ignorance is bliss especially when you are prone to overthinking and anxiety or negative self talk. I try to avoid bad outcome or worst case scenarios because I can get pretty imaginative all by myself. But I'm the other hand you want to be prepared it's a tough balance.

It is so crazy how I'm the thick of it you are are convinced there is no way out but at the end you feel in someways blessed by the lesson learnt the strength gained and the new person you are.

@Bluemeadowbaby argh 😡 agree the oh everyone is suffering or struggling right now is so unhelpful or misery olympics like who has got it worse. It's all relative. I've really realised that a lot of people just don't know how to support people emotionally. They weren't taught how and it takes a lot of work to learn how. Some don't want to do that work. I keep my circle pretty tight with who I talk about certain things with. I mean my parents don't even know I'm about to go through IVF!! But I have my friends to talk to and they have been pretty great.

@Verbena87 omg yes! I had to have a blood test today ahead of starting my cycle and it made it really real that have injections daily is about to happen. Not so fun times ahead but of it gets me closer to meeting out baby then so be it!

@firefly37 I would be interested in how you manage your tinnitus now and whether it has any negative impact on your life any more. I've been struggling with it for 7 months now.

@Bluemeadowbaby people do say the most stupid things, don't they!! I remember someone saying "well u have the baby you wanted so what's the problem!" and "you need to snap out of it, u have a baby and partner to care for" ... I'd never suffered with mental health before... Its terrifying how debilitating it is. I definitely agree with sharing stories to ensure people understand the symptoms and get help but also to see that you can recover! I was confident of staying well the second time due to the therapy I'd had and experience but definitely by staying on anti depressants throughout pregnancy... I would recommend doing that just to be safe. xx

@Pinkpowderpuff
Sorry to hear ur struggling... So much I can say... I'm literally an expert on it but to keep it simple :

1. everyone has tinnitus, their brains just filter it away as an unimportant noise
2. people who suffer "tinnitus distress" do so as they make the tinnitus so important by obsessing over it, talking about it etc... The brain then thinks its an important noise so it hangs onto it.
3. depression, stress, anxiety and tiredness will make tinnitus louder!
4. you must reaccept the tinnitus so the brain refilters it away as unimportant therefore you need to treat it as unimportant. When the brain accepts the tinnitus with no negative reactions to it its called "habituation"
5. allow the tinnitus and don't judge or fight it... This can be helped by meditating to the sounds... Very important to NOT JUDGE the sound. Just allow...
6. retraining the brain takes time... Even years (took me 2 years but I was severe)

Xx

@firefly37 thank you. It's the accepting it without negative feelings I'm struggling with. It's just so annoying! I have multiple sounds going on and they seem to take it in turns to annoy me. I need to work hard on not making it the focus of my life because it absolutely has been for the last 7 months.

@Pinkpowderpuff trust me I know I how hard it is... But u can do it.
Start by meditating to the sound a few minutes at a time... Focus on ur breathing and don't follow any thoughts... Just keep coming back to the breath... Time does help... I promise x

@firefly37 Thank you, I'll give it a go. Do you still hear yours? Did/do you use sound therapy? Sorry for the questions but it's good to talk to someone whose gone through it!

@Pinkpowderpuff
Yeah i still hear it only when quiet but it's mostly just a background noise... I just don't have the negative feelings towards it... Its kind of normal. I sleep fine etc... It can play up with stress and tiredness but I know that it will settle down again pretty quick. Its a difficult journey but honestly u have to just accept it for what it is and over time ur brain adjusts to it and you start to habituate. There is no other way... No negative feelings, no anxiety, no stress and it will start to back off x

Have been in touch with the clinic and transfer week is likely to be week of 21st June. Though my period is being weird - super heavy and sore yesterday but seems to be tailing off today (usually I’ll bleed for 4-6 days). Has anyone had a period that slows down then gets going again? Really don’t think it’s breakthrough bleeding as it’s about the right time and have had 2 whole nights and a day and a half of normal heavyish bleeding with cramps.

Feeling pretty overwhelmed about it all today.

@Verbena87 could it be the meds? I know my cycle likes to take a little half day break and then come back with a vengeance usually around day 3. I bleed for 5 days, final two days it is light and railing off.

Glad you have gotten more of schedule with your transfer date. I don't have any advice for the overwhelm as I haven't started a cycle yet. But you have done this before and can do it again. All your feelings are valid and it's totally natural to feel overwhelmed. Maybe try and do something you enjoy today like a warm bath or face mask. Some you time. Hope you feel better soon 🙂

@Hoping4baby21 not meds as I don’t start any until the 21st - but thanks for sharing about the stop/start as it’s been exactly that - a few hours of nothing and then back to normal, so feeling calmer again. Good advice about me time too - got up early and did some gratitude meditation and am now sitting drinking tea in peace and listening to the birds singing before the toddler wakes up! (Since when self-care involved deliberately getting out of bed at half 6 on a bank holiday I don’t know - teenage me would be horrified 🤣)

Just wanted to say how glad I am to be here too - there is such wisdom and kindness apparent on the thread.

@Verbena87 hoping you're feeling a bit better today. I too have been given an idea of transfer date 21st June week but not sure about that one 🤔 I had breakthrough bleeding from coming off the pill so not a real bleed and they want me to start norethisterone on 18th may which would be "cd21" though it's not really as it's not a real period? 🤔
I'm going with the idea I'll have scan on Wednesday and be told one more cycle - so not to get hopes up 🙈
But when I do have a cycle - endo aside - it's a start stop and I'd just go with what you have noted down and let the clinic know x

Hi everyone, hope you don't mind me joining. Same sex couple here, self funded (because NHS wont cover us until we've paid for 6 pregnancy attempts out of own pocket...) had 4 rounds of failed IUI previous before moving to IVF.

I'm doing first FET cycle after failed fresh transfer in Feb/March. We had a terrible time and only got 4 eggs despite normal everything (normal weight, normal ovaries/tubes, normal AMH for age, under 35, no known fertility issues) - with no real answers as to what went so terribly wrong (I had loads of small follicules but they decided to trigger me when handful of dominant follicules were large. They'd expected to get 7 eggs, but several wouldn't come away from follicule wall on aspiration). Of our 4 collected, only 2 were mature, but by some miracle resulted in a 5AA and 4AA day 5 blastocyst.

I was looking forward to going again, but I've hit a total downer today about it, and its starting to all feel a bit futile, and to be honest I'm just not feeling today like this is ever going to happen for us.

I've got a bit of time to sort out my head, as next period isn't due until around 18th May (though my last cycle after failed IVF lasted forever... so who knows).

I've had my drug regime changed due to shortages. So, I'll be on Fyremadel from CD1 for 7 days, and at some point start elleste (was meant to be progynova but thats been changed due to shortages), then lubion injections and Lutigest (want meant to be cyclogest, but again shortages). Drugs arriving Wednesday so will check I have the switches right then!

@Bluemeadowbaby crossing my fingers for your scan. They’re not scanning me until lining check as the clinic is london and we’re up in the middle of nowhere in Derbyshire (it’s because of needing PGD for my husband’s wonky genes.), which feels a bit scary but I guess they wouldn’t do it if it wasn’t ok.

I start buserelin on the 21st of this month.

@2mumlife so nice to have you on board with us! Wishing you so much luck on your journey 💕 I'm so sorry to hear you've been having a tough start I totally understand the feeling of not feeling it because it really is such a tough journey to go on and I think when my first cycle failed I felt just like you do now. I kept a diary on my phone of how I was feeling and when I compare first and second cycle from reading back I can seen the deflation in my way of typing. That second cycle did have a happy ending but I'll never forget those days of just feeling like shutting off from the world. Sending you a big virtual hug!
I too had a change in meds but it was all for the better, I know you say the change is mainly for shortages but is it also to try and up the follicles? On our second round they upped me on stims and introduced estrogen patches - always find it quite amusing when I think back to our funded cycle compared to the nhs "free go" (it always gets me a bit mad when I read stories like yourself how you have to wait or a certain postcode only offers one yet the postcode across the hill will offer 3 🙄🤦🏻‍♀️ not to add fuel to the fire!)
But our treatment on funded was crazy - actually felt like I was Beyoncé at one point 😄
Really am wishing you so much luck, always here if you need a vent, ivf chat or just general chin wags x