Secondary infertility support group here!

[Annabellaboo]

Ladies-I hope we all find each other here from the original thread! I didn't realise we had ran out of room on the other thread! Shout if you are there!

Blackcherries- I know exactly where you are at emotionally and it's so difficult.
There is always hope but I do think it's important to work on acceptance too, I know it helped me a lot as time went on.
I honesty didn't think I would ever get a bfp again and although it still hurt and I always still hoped, i did find some peace and focused on all the advanages of one child and all the great things we have as a family.
At least by you having ivf you know you are doing everything you can. If it works one day you will know it's all worth it, and if not then at least you know you did everything and will never have that 'what if.'
Hugs and positive energy your way. Really hope your luck changes soon.

7dpo and wondering when to test

I literally know there is zero point because even if by some miracle I am pregnant a hpt would give me bfn because I was showing bfn until over a week pregnant with DC1. Maybe I just make hcg very slowly. Hell, maybe that's the whole problem!

cue frantically Googling hcg levels and implantation failure. What an interesting life I lead

Hopefully the spotting will stay away Harry. I actually did end up researching a bit about hcg last night and I discovered that girls make more than boys so a xy fetus would take longer to show up on a hpt. If that's true than perhaps Anna is expecting a girl!

Hi ladies, sorry for the bfn Harry. I was surprised mine showed up at 11dpo but it was v faint that day. They say 14 is the safe number to be sure. Aurora- interesting about girls making more hcg! We will see if that's the case here when I get to that point. Don't mind boy or girl, just as long as baby makes it all the way and is healthy.
Good luck for all you on your 2ww.

So sorry Harry. I feel i will shortly be joining you - just had a break out which is usually af announcing its imminent arrival. Positive vibes for your scan on Thursday and maybe be closer to getting some answers.

I'm off to a kids party and already dreading the "when's number 2 coming?" Questions all bloody day. Feel like telling them to F off

Hi ladies,

Can I join?

DH and I both 34, been TTC DC2 since December 2015. x2 mc's in 2016. DS is 4.5. Hoping we've just been unlucky. DH SA was fine and my blood tests and internal scan didn't reveal anything obvious.
@AurorasEncore I was scrolling back through this thread and saw something you said that made my heart skip a beat! I had a lengthy labour with DS and forceps... what have your learnt about this and affects on subsequent conceptions??

I'm currently 12dpo, expecting AF on Wednesday.

Good luck all x

Aww harry sorry the witch got you but at least the spotting wasn't as bad so maybe it's improving and with that a future bfp have you changed or added anything you think has helped with the spotting?good luck with the scan I also got my appointment in for the 19th xx
Aura hope u survived the party And af stays away.
Hi Tee sorry ur in this thread but welcome all the same sorry to hear about you losses but good that all test have came back looking good.i also had long labour and forceps scary to think that could be the cause xx

Hi @Tee4me sorry you are in this situation but please join in, your experiences and opinions will be very welcome.

I'm sorry I can't give you anything useful really about the forcep/long labour. I was told by my Arvigo Maya abdominal practitioner that this kind of labour is particularly brutal on the uterus and can displace it. That's all I know so far.

It makes sense to me because like Anna previously said, I have a gut feeling that there's something not quite right with me caused by the birth. Maybe I'll find out one day, maybe I won't. That's the hardest part. EVERY aspect of my life is hinging on possible baby no. 2; my house, my job, even my relationship (I hate the timetable sex and my terrible mood swings, it's not having a good affect on us). I don't think I focus on DC1 enough as my mind is always symptom spotting or working Cd out. I sometimes feel like the only way to take control back is to go back on the pill and end this merry-go-round. Deep down I know that I'll never give up.

Today I started spotting. I am Cd 24 and 10dpo. This is the worst month yet! A 9 day LP!! I never spot. I usually spot for a couple of hours then af arrives full force so not only am I out, my cycle is becoming more obscure. All that money I spent on supplements, opks, hpts, aromatherapy, massages etc. The sensible part of me knows it's a waste of money as 'normal' people do all the wrong things and have no trouble. Could of spent the money on a nice day out with DH and DC instead. Whatever I do I feel like a terrible person.

Sorry for the lack of positivity ladies, I'm just so sick of this.....

Auroras- sorry you're having such a tough day. Your words have been my words many times. And yes it's embarrassing how much I've spent on alternative therapies and supplements. In the end it was a medical procedure that sorted me out and perhaps the enzyme that my consultant prescribed. I have hated myself for the way I behaved and the attention taken away from DS, my mood swings and obligatory sex. It's all so draining but yet like you say you can't give up. Keep searching for those answers if you can, I am so glad I did or I don't believe I would ever get pregnant again.

Yup, I can only echo your sentiments. My biggest regret of all this is not being present enough for my DS. I've spent the last 16 months wishing time away. He'd only just turned 3 when we started all this, and now I'm waiting for his primary school place. I hate that I'm living like this, feeling like I will only be happy when DC no.2 is on the way. Will I even enjoy their toddlerhood, or will I be worrying about no. 3 at that point?! It's so silly. I just want to live for today, enjoy my lovely life as it is and not pang after the 'next bit'. I'm sure it's my anxiety about 'it happening' that is actually stopping it happening. When you put things into perspective, it seems so petty. I have friends ttc no. 2, but their lives are not on hold at all, and they would be grateful for their only child if that's what was meant to be. I feel so guilty that x1 DC doesn't feel enough for me. I am also coasting in my job and in limbo because I can't push forward with anything, as I've spent so long expecting to notify them of a pregnancy. My mind or heart isn't in it, I feel like all I want is that 2nd pregnancy. I really don't want to feel like that.

So true. It's so nice (not nice) we are in the same boat. Yesterday DH was amazing and said if I wanted to stop all this and make that decision to just have one he would fully support me. For a couple of hours I pretended that we were going to be a family of 3, decision made, and I felt amazing! Dreaming about all the plans we could make, the places we could go.....

However that didn't last long. The spotting abruptly stopped (it was literally a couple of specks the first 2 wees of the day) so I've convinced myself it was implantation. Why oh why does my body and mind put me through this for half my life?

At the moment, and this sounds selfish, I think the worst thing about never having no.2 would not be to give DC a sibling, but the thought I would never feel that magical experience of growing a baby again. That's hard to get my head around.......

And thanks so much @annabellaboo for still hanging around here and offering support to us. I imagine it can't be nice to be reminded of how you felt for so long, and everyone else who got their BFP moved on (don't blame them) but the amount of research and knowledge you have is so helpful to us struggling, it is really appreciated.

I feel exactly the same. My DS is really interested in babies at the moment. My twin sister had a baby in January (unplanned & a result of a one-off DTD!) and my LO keeps asking when we will have a baby in our family 😩
I was going to suggest implantation to your last post but you seemed so convinced... so it's stopped? That's very promising at 10/11dpo! FX for you, anything else going on?
I'm currently 13dpo, expecting AF today, but trying not to read into it if it doesn't show, as I ovulated a day late. Luckily my cycles are pretty clockwork, so I can be fairly certain when the witch will show. Would test with Thursday FMU if no show before then. Working from home and major knicker watch today! 🙈

Hi Tees,

I tested fmu BFN. Although I've just visited the bin and pulled it apart - flicked urine in my eye (a whole new low). Have got serious line eyes but using all the filters it looks 100% negative although if I stare at it long enough I start to see things. No symptoms really, boobs a bit sore, but not more than usual. Only thing is I feel rather relaxed today instead of wanting to kill somebody. I temped for the first time this cycle. Don't really get it as it was all over the place but the ovulation date is pretty clear and now starting to drop so all signs point to 'out'.

Lol @ knicker watch! I know how you feel. I am wiping so much I've made myself sore. Either that or I'm starting with thrush. Thrush and af. Only need the runs then it's a full house

Oh God the things we have to go through. I have to confess the pee in the eye did make me chuckle! 🙈
I'm a bit sore too from excessive wiping! The last few days of the 2ww are the hardest. I've had a headache 3 days in a row. Feel so close, yet probably so far!

PS. I think you're a little early for a BFP? I can't bare to test early these days. Blank tests are the pits 👎🏻

Back from my hols and catching up!

Aw aurora I swear I know just what you mean - I've dug tests out of the bin too often and it's just makes the low of the bfn even lower. I don't get any joy from early testing and think I'm finally over it every month until end of 2ww when I'm dying to do it again. Hope you're hanging in there xxx

Hello tee & my DD is just starting to get into babies so I'm gonna have to steel myself against it!

Got consult with NHS fertility consultant this week so that will give us lots of tests and such I'm guessing - all progress of some kind at least. I can understand why ladies trying for several years started the separate thread as I still have some sort of innocent hope this will just spontaneously happen, though must admit I'm less expectant during each 2ww now.

Holidays were great as spent time with the little lady and it was a tonic...though not from a baby making point of view as during latter part of fertile window poor DH had a horrendous tummy bug. Ah you can't have it every way I guess holiday just reminded me how good life is and that ttc completely reduce everything to one thing...was lovely to step out of that. Going to try hold onto a chunk of it!

Any news Tee?

Cola, I like your positivity. I'm going crazy waiting for my referal letter.

Hi Cola! Great news you have appointments/tests coming up, it's nice to have other things to distract away from the repeating cycle of AF-FW-2WW! How old is your DD?
Good luck with your scan Harry! A lady on another thread I followed got her bfp going abroad for IUI, definitely sounded cheaper, so well worth the consideration.
CD2 here now, hello to cycle 16 👋🏻
We are celebrating our 10 year wedding anniversary with 2 nights away end of next week, so good timing for FW, on a positive note.
How about you Aurora?! Anything since that brief spotting?

tee My DD is 2 & a half now...don't know where that time has gone! Up until she was a year old I couldn't contemplate another but moment she turned 1 I was baby crazy. Funny how it's like a switch is flicked!

Had my apt today. It was a bit disappointing as they didn't do anything (scans etc) except blood test for chlamydia as I'm ovulating, hubbys semen is fine etc and scheduled a scan apt...for six weeks from now. I tell you every step of this is for a more patient woman than I. She said at the scan they will then decide to do either a hsg or lap (they don't do Hycosy). None of this is a disaster or anything, just I was hoping things would move a bit quicker. Expectations reset 🙄😁

How are you all doing? Hoping still no AF aurora?