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Infertility just spoils everything. A brief rant.

136 replies

IsthisMummy · 21/11/2016 08:00

Do feel free to join in with your own rants. It might help me feel like less of a crazy person...

I'm just SO fecking sick of it all. It's like the whole process is designed to just shrivel your soul away a little bit at a time. I've just spent the last few days shagging like crazy with softcups and preseed thinking that I'm about to ovulate. However of course there's NO temp rise today despite me having all the signs of ovulating. Looks like there's every chance of this being ANOTHER anovulatory cycle. So now I have to go to work for the day with that being the only thought on my mind.

I can't get any answers from my NHS consultant who I've been calling for over a week. A private consultant on Friday told me I should consider donor eggs due to my shitty amh levels. I have to go for a HSG on 21/12/16 and I'm terrified they will tell me my tubes are blocked. If they do I will have to put a brave face on my despair all over Christmas (and it's my birthday on boxing day just for extra fun)

I'm going away on a much needed break in a fortnight, but all I can worry about is the damage I will do to my chances if I drink/don't eat healthily. I know my DP will want to and I want to really, but what if harms us?

I'm just so sick of it all. I feel like all the joy has been sucked out of my world and like I'm just a total failure as a human being.

Please tell me others here feel the same? :(

OP posts:

sunshinegirl12 · 17/02/2017 20:25

I agree, its the hardest thing having to put on that fake happiness until you can get home and have a good cry. Since we have been ttc all of my close friends have had babies, the last one is due her baby in 5 weeks. I am so isolated from everyone now its just too hard to be around any of them yet now I'm spending so much more time alone constantly overthinking things I think I'm driving myself mad x


flirtygertiefromnumber30 · 18/02/2017 09:39

Oh pteradactyl and sunshine I'm sorry you're having such a hard time too. The isolation is definitely hard to deal with, we don't know anyone in our situation. That's why I came here, it's nice to hear from people who get it!

Sunshine I've struggled with the over thinking too and I genuinely think exercise and yoga has really helped me...I go for a run or do a yoga video from YouTube and it helps me get out of my head a bit, if you know what I mean. Is there anything like that, or another hobby you really enjoy you could try? Sorry, I'm sure it's something you've already thought of!!

Or maybe just come here and vent what you're thinking??


sunshinegirl12 · 22/02/2017 18:34

Flirtygertie, I have a couple of yoga DVDs that I might dig out and give another try. The last couple of days I have also been giving beginners meditation a go to help keep me calm and am also about to start reading 'is your mind fertility friend.' I really need to get some positivity back... x


pteradactyl · 23/02/2017 10:17

Thanks flirty. Interestingly we found out one of the baby bombers has actually been ttc for nearly 2 years themselves. Just goes to show you never know what goes on in other people's lives doesn't it. They fell preg with their first within a few months so just assumed they found it easy this time too, but obviously not!
sunshine I am going to join you on trying to be more positive. I am always negative, not a good thing I know but I am just a glass half empty kind of person and the apparent hopelessness of our infertility has made me about 100x worse. I got told off by OH a couple of days ago about being so negative about it all so I should give myself a kick in the bum. We do have aaaages left to save for ivf but some people do get lucky when they are told they can't have kids so you never know, it might happen in the meantime. Happens to some people so no reason it won't happen to us!


Isthismummy · 02/03/2017 08:08

I thought I'd done remarkably well with the baby bombs until yesterday.

Dp and I were just leaving ACU at Guys yesterday. His best friends girlfriend of approximately five minutes and 22 years of age is pregnant. He'd like dp and I to be godparentsConfused


OP posts:

Isthismummy · 02/03/2017 08:08

Should have said his best friend rang him to tell him...

OP posts:

Hope2409 · 02/03/2017 13:30

Oh no isthismummy that is really rubbish! Bad enough to have a baby bomb but to be asked to be godparents too! Bless you! Flowers


Isthismummy · 02/03/2017 18:35

Oh it gets better Hope. His friend has just messaged ME about the pregnancy despite knowing we were in an IVF clinic yesterday. What the actual fuck? How do other people get pregnant so casually/accidentally when I'm semi suicidal over my infertility. I am fucking raging

OP posts:

Hope2409 · 02/03/2017 20:24

Oh my fucking gosh i can't believe the ignorance of some people. I get they are excited about their news but have some bloody respect knowing you were at the clinic yesterday. There's no need to message you about it!

It's just not fair, i dont know why its so so easy for some but a complete trauma for others, there is no justice in it at all.

I often feel so full of rage when i see pregnant women with multiple children in tow smoking, yelling etc.... and i think i dont drink or smoke, i have my own home and in a happy marriage we could offer a child everything but we are being denied one.


Isthismummy · 02/03/2017 22:46

Don't get me started on the yelling mothers thing. I saw a women on the bus last week with her beautiful, chatty bright dd. The little girl was trying to talk to her and the mother told her to shut up and stop pattering on! Utterly heartbreaking.

There is no justice at allSad Dps friend has no job, doesn't even live with this girl and they've been together four months. Dp and I are getting married in June, work hard and are desperate for a baby.

Sometimes it feels unbearableSad

OP posts:

Hope2409 · 03/03/2017 19:37

It is heartbreaking to see, i just want to cry sometimes, or grab the ignorant mothers and slap them!

Exactly where is the fairness in that, no job, not living together and 4 months later bam pregnant, it bloody sucks.

My friend has had it all handed to her too, shes 26 and has 3 children, boy 6, girl 2.5, baby girl 8 weeks old.
Her first 2 she just went out n got pregnant for fun and fell first time with both, waving her pregnancy test around at work. She then split up with their dad, 2 months later her new man moves in, she gives up work, the next month shes pregnant, 5 months after that they get married and then her auntie bought them a 3 bed house!
Now she peruses around town with a fag in her mouth and her £1000 icandy pram moaning about her naughty daughter, unsettled baby and lazy husband! Angry

Needless to say we dont see much of each other anymore!!!

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