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Infertility just spoils everything. A brief rant.

136 replies

IsthisMummy · 21/11/2016 08:00

Do feel free to join in with your own rants. It might help me feel like less of a crazy person...

I'm just SO fecking sick of it all. It's like the whole process is designed to just shrivel your soul away a little bit at a time. I've just spent the last few days shagging like crazy with softcups and preseed thinking that I'm about to ovulate. However of course there's NO temp rise today despite me having all the signs of ovulating. Looks like there's every chance of this being ANOTHER anovulatory cycle. So now I have to go to work for the day with that being the only thought on my mind.

I can't get any answers from my NHS consultant who I've been calling for over a week. A private consultant on Friday told me I should consider donor eggs due to my shitty amh levels. I have to go for a HSG on 21/12/16 and I'm terrified they will tell me my tubes are blocked. If they do I will have to put a brave face on my despair all over Christmas (and it's my birthday on boxing day just for extra fun)

I'm going away on a much needed break in a fortnight, but all I can worry about is the damage I will do to my chances if I drink/don't eat healthily. I know my DP will want to and I want to really, but what if harms us?

I'm just so sick of it all. I feel like all the joy has been sucked out of my world and like I'm just a total failure as a human being.

Please tell me others here feel the same? :(

OP posts:

FluffyEwok · 28/11/2016 00:02

LeccyFlowers its reproductive health centre. Theyre all over the country xx


bananafish81 · 28/11/2016 07:05

is this mummy the recommended dose is 600mg regular CoQ10 but if you're taking ubiquinol that's twice as potent so recommended dose is 300mg daily

Thank you ladies for all your lovely comments

Agreed with the Dr that we have basically set a 6 month limit. If we haven't got me to have a period by then, with all the different combinations of drugs we're throwing at it, that it's not going to happen. And it would be folly to do any more embryo transfers of genetically perfect embryos into a uterus that evidently can't support a pregnancy. And therefore wasting an embryo that's only going to miscarry. In which case if my uterus isn't up to the job, our only choice would be to transfer into someone else's. Feels like the countdown clock is ticking and the music is speeding up....


isthismummy · 28/11/2016 07:37

I didn't realise that Bananafish. Thanks for the heads up. No wonder I feel like shit between that, the dhea and the sodding awful Utrogestan pessaries!

How are you feeling about potentially using a surrogate? It's such a huge step, but so good to hear you have option. Rooting for you so much.

OP posts:

bananafish81 · 28/11/2016 07:52

Surrogacy is a last resort no one wants to entertain but realistically if we've reached the end of the road then it's the only choice we have.

The only way to do it is in the US as it's basically impossible in the UK unless you have a friend or family member willing to carry for you.

Commercial surrogacy is illegal in the UK, so there are, understandably, very few altruistic surrogates willing to carry a stranger's baby! And UK law says whoever gives birth is legally the mother and they are under no obligation to give up the baby for adoption to the intended (genetic) parents. The UK surrogacy agencies aren't taking on any new intended parents as the couples they already have signed up aren't likely to get a match.

Some states are more surrogacy friendly than others, and permit pre birth orders so the intended parents names go straight on the birth certificate. But UK law doesn't recognise these, so even if we did successfully have a baby, we would still have to apply to the High Court to apply for a parental order and have a court recorder visit us to determine whether we would be fit parents to our own child. Oh and it's close to a 6 figure sum on top of the ££££ we have already spent on IVF. As well the emotional trauma of someone on the other side of the world carrying your child for you, experiencing the first kicks, being at the antenatal appointments which you can't be at.

A crackhead can get knocked up for free, the NHS will pay for their antenatal, they can support their child on state benefits and social services will bend over backwards to keep the baby with its birth mother. Yet the couple who want nothing more to be good parents, and are going to the ends of the earth and back to try and have a baby, are the ones who will be £100,000 down and judged by the courts if they should be allowed to parent their own child.

I have debated crack addiction as a less expensive, and presumably more enjoyable, fertility cure. Seems to work for those arseholes on Jeremy Kyle who apparently can't stop getting knocked up!!


loveyogalovelife · 28/11/2016 07:56

I feel for all of you; I'm another one going through it too. DH is also feeling the stress. After a few MCs, I got super stressed after a recent hysteroscopy as the registrar was inexperienced and told me my womb was damaged (consultant who did the op now says otherwise), by that time I had self diagnosed hot knows what; and then I took Clomid this month but DH was so stressed with everything we only managed to DTD once and it was too early I think; although nips are sore but I think it's a side effect of the drug. If I do turn out to be pregnant I'll be terrified of another MC... the whole thing is taking a toll on my mood, energy levels and relationship... tempted to say stuff it and just have a boozy Christmas if AF arrives, but then I will feel so guilty as at my age booze and caffeine are a no no. Sad


loveyogalovelife · 28/11/2016 07:59

Oh Bananafish I do feel for you; felt optimistic about surrogacy but the reality as you have helped me to understand is so much harder and we don't have a spare £100k. The law needs to be updated big time in this country. If you go ahead know that we will all be here supporting you and willing you for success xxx


Metaphase · 12/12/2016 20:15

I'm back for another moan.

I'm so fed up of this shit. Fed up.

No ironic pre-Christmas, pre-IVF clinic BFP for me, oh noooooo. Just cramps and an early period. Now I have to mess about getting an appointment in a clinic in bloody London as the satellite clinic in my local town is shutting. I've been feeling ok this last month but it's all just hit me again...age related infertility...low of trying.

I really want a baby. This is truly rubbish.


Cutesbabasmummy · 12/12/2016 21:02

I had a massive sangria and a triple g and t the night before my fet! We were in Spain and it was our second cycle. For the first cycle the clinic called us to be in at 2.30pm so I was assuming it would be the same second time. They rang at 8.15am and asked us to be there by 9am! Anyway the embryo obviously didn't mind doing as he's about to celebrate his second Christmas!


EarlGreyT · 12/12/2016 22:50

Metaphase moan away. It is shit, totally shit.

It does mess up everything and take over your life. It's totally rubbish having to plan your life around your infertility, choosing things and making decisions based on seemingly unrelated areas of life on the basis of "what if I'm having another round of IVF then....". Etc, etc

I stayed in a totally awful job for about 12 months longer than I should have on the basis that I was hopefully going to get knocked up and the maternity benefits of the job were good. That was 4 years ago and no pregnancy. I eventually left that job and got another one which I negotiated hard re maternity pay, all totally pointless as still nothing an I've left that job too.

I've also done holiday plans round IVF eg can't go some of the places I'd like to go "just in case I'm pregnant then" and based on "how bad it would be" have an ectopic or miscarriage there. Obviously it would be shite to have either of these things anywhere, but from a medical point of view it would be "better" to have them somewhere with good medical facilities than a remote undeveloped island.

And don't even get me started about what I could have bought with the money we've frittered away on this process.

I'd feel much better about arranging my entire life around infertility and its treatment if the treatment had actually worked.


CatAndFiddle · 12/12/2016 23:13

Hi ladies, saw this thread in active so hope you don't mind me commenting. Your comments took me back to our painful 4 years of trying to conceive. We had a holiday at some point, to get away from it all for a while. However, I have very little memory of that holiday, even when I look through the pictures. I think that speaks volumes about my mental health at the time.
Someone mentioned living in a bubble, and I think that is an accurate description. Going through the motions, day in, day out, barely registering what is going on around you as you become more and more fixated on getting pregnant.
I lost track of the amount of medical people who had messed about with my undercarriage. By the end I barely paid attention to it.

I couldn't do it again. Hugs to you all x


broodypsycho · 13/12/2016 00:43

Can I join ladies ?
I've had a rant coming on for bloody ages.
Nearly 2 years now of unexplained infertility with my boyfriend and nearly 3 years of it with my previous partner. So all in all 5 years of trying for a baby with nothing.
We've just been put on the NHS lift but should have received a letter by now, took 4 days to get in touch with the secretary!
1 colleague pregnant and another is trying for a baby and hoping it won't take any more than 8 weeks trying as it was only 6 weeks ttc with her last kid!
My brothers girlfriend is dying to knock out another grandchild for my parents and here's me...f**king infertile me, nearly 30. If I ever do get a kid it'll be a miracle and if I want to give it a sibling, it'll be 6 grand!!!
Isn't life unfair?


Johnolaura · 16/12/2016 19:09

I know exactly how you feel im infertile everywhere you seem to look everyone is having babies and it makes me feel so shit. And nobody understands unless there going through it too. I have had my first go at ivf recently and I was sure I was pregnant until I received my blood tests that said I wasn't. I'm devistated and can't even bare it. Does anyone have any tops of how to get on with it?


Hope2409 · 16/12/2016 20:05

Hello ladies please can i join in?
TTC for 4 years, just finished first round of IVF and got a negative last week. Totally gutted, really thought it had worked now just left feeling disappointed, angry and sick at the thought of having to do it all again next year. No one understands unless they have been through it which makes it even harder to deal with and more upsetting. The whole thing is just shit and its nearly!


Johnolaura · 16/12/2016 20:25

Hi hope2409
I know exactly how you feel, it's a struggle to do anything but be upset! It's very hard when you have all hopes on it working and then get a negative, it breaks your world! I got a negative last week and have received little support. Got my follow up next week and dreading it. X


Hope2409 · 16/12/2016 20:49

Hi johnolaura sounds like it was a devastating week for us both last week, it really does break your world. And whilst i feel crushed and sad everyday everyone else just carries on as normal, no one has even asked how i am doing its like oh well! We have only told family and one or two friends but they just dont get it.
We have recieved no support from our clinic, phoned to tell them it was negative and they said we would get a report on our cycle through the post in 6 weeks then if we want we can arrange to discuss it with the consultant. They told me to let them know when i get my period but everytime i ring i cant get through and that i can book in for my second cycle after ive had 3 periods and thats that your on your own! Feels so mean!

They said they learn a lot from a first cycle so are better prepared for how to proceed with a second so hopefully your follow up will be helpful, not great timing tho!


Johnolaura · 16/12/2016 22:30

I know hope2409 it has been a shit week for us both. And I know what you mean about people not asking! We haven't told many people either. I just feel so isolated and feel like I have nobody to talk to, so it's nice talking to you! Yeah I think I went in head first this time! I didn't know the tablets and pessaries would give me symproms of pregnancy, so I believed I was and then to be told it's failed I'm crushed. Work haven't been the most supportive either. All my friends are pregnant too and are all talking about it and I'm very happy for them but very envious! I hope your second time goes well, did you have the first one funded? X


isthismummy · 17/12/2016 09:24

Sorry to hear about the BFNs. So devastating for you both. Please be kind to yourselves over Christmas and good luck for your next cycles.

OP posts:

Johnolaura · 17/12/2016 09:29

Thankyou isthismummy, I will do my best, and I will hopefully they will put us back on the list for a egg donor x


Johnolaura · 17/12/2016 09:30

Hope you have a nice Christmas too x


Hope2409 · 17/12/2016 19:01

Thank you isthismummy hope you have a lovely christmas too xx

I was the same as you johnolaura with going in head first, i did lots of research on what to expect and read some books to help me prepare but think i still went in believing it would just work first time! Feel foolish now to have been so naive!
Sorry to hear your work havent been very supportive that really doesnt help, do you work over christmas or will you get some time off to rest?
I work with small children in a nursery so work has been hard, my manager has been supportive but is one of those people that just presumed it would work and was just excited all the time.
Same here with the friends all being pregnant or having children, i'm now the only one in our frienship group without children which makes me feel so sad and left out. One of my friends is having her 3rd child due next week in the time i will have been trying she will of had 2 children!
Our first cycle was funded by NHS and our second cycle will be too, we were luck in our area they were generous with funding at the time we applied.
It has helped me talking to people on mumsnet who understand how it feels, i am always here if you want to talk x


Johnolaura · 17/12/2016 19:27

I am in the same boat as you, I also work with children in a nursery and work have been okay but it's still difficult for them to understand. Mine was funded to and now I hmiss 6000 and we have to find the money which is also stressful. Thankyou it's nice to talk to someone who understands. I am always available of you would like to talk to! Hopefully second time will be our luck. How are you doing today? X


Hope2409 · 17/12/2016 20:09

Hi johnolaura how are you doing?
It is so nice to talk to someone who works with children too, it is so hard isn't it looking after other peoples children when you are struggling to have your own, adds a whole new kind of stress and heartache!
Sorry to hear you have to find the money for your second go, that must add extra pressure that you just dont need. Will you stay at the same clinic or choose another one? Fingers crossed it will be second time lucky for us both!

I am doing ok thanks, had a tearful moment today, had to do some last minute christmas shopping and everyone was out with their children which made me feel sad. Then i was reminded that its my neice's birthday straight after christmas and she will be 3, cant quite believe she will be 3, if we had been able to have children by ourselves we would of had a child that age. Just hit home how long its been and we are still childless.
Wish i could just hide away for christmas! X


Johnolaura · 17/12/2016 20:49

Hi hope2409 I'm keeping going, only just! Bless you it is very hard ik now exactky how you feel with work. It feels like a kick in the teeth looking at er others children. Yes ot adds extra pressure but I have supportive family that can help too. I don't blame you getting tearful it's very hard especially with what we have been through! I know it is ery difficult for you but we can get through this! It's very hard especially with the Christmas period!I hope you are okay and I'm here to support yo as I understand what you are going through xx


Hope2409 · 17/12/2016 20:58

Thank you so much johnolaura, you are right we can get through this!
I only have one more week at work then some time off which i'm looking forward too, spending christmas with family but not the ones with children so i'm sure christmas day will be fine, not going to worry about what i'm eating etc.... just going to try and enjoy it!
Thats great that your family are supportive and will help you out. Its good to have a plan i think x


Johnolaura · 19/12/2016 10:14

We can get through this, at least you can enjoy Christmas without having to worry or be reminded. I am always here if you need a chat or are feeling down, it's nice to talk to someone who understands and is going through it too. Yeah I think so too just have to see what they say on Wednesday x

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