Cycle buddies Oct/Nov 16

[Hope2409]

Hello,

Is anyone else about to start a cycle?
I start down regulating on Sunday, estimated embryo transfer week beginning 21st Nov, this will be my first round of IVF/ICSI after 3.5 years trying to concieve.

Mixture of emotions, excited to be starting after waiting so long to get here, nervous about side effects of drugs and injecting and terrified it wont work! The joys of infertility!

Xxx

Hobbes I'm so sorry Be prepared for the period from hell as we said on previous posts, and get booked in with your clinic for a debrief when you're ready so they can talk you through what happened and what they would do differently next time. Look after yourself.

Hope I'm sorry you had to deal with insensitive MIL. The chance of IVF not working is sadly far higher than the chance of it working but everyone seems to think it's some guaranteed miracle treatment. Each round has better odds than the previous as they can learn from it, but that doesn't take into account the toll that it takes. I had a 3 month break between my first and second cycles and I put a lot of energy into 'preparing' for it (for me it was getting my body into shape, eating healthily etc but you could do whatever felt right to you) which meant I was in a much better headspace for the next round.

LoPI the wobbles are normal as others have said, just another few days, try to be patient.

Fluffy how are you getting on?

So sorry Hobbes. Thinking of you, and hope you find the time and space you need to heal.

Hope - your MIL prob had the best intentions in her "chitchat", but ended up being insensitive. It's like Custard says those outside the process don't seem to realise how difficult it is. Well done you for dealing with.

Hope everyone else doing OK. Hanging on in over here... 6 days to go.... xx

Tmi warning - Can I just check if anyone knows if it's normal for me to be having dark brown almost powdery discharge...? This morning I knew it was over when progesterone applicator came out red, but since then, when I've gone to the loo it's clumps of brown 'stuff' when I wipe. I suspect it could be the blood mixed with the gel, but I'm not sure... sorry this is gross. X

Sorry Hobbes I'm afraid I don't know, I've never used the progesterone gel so I don't know what that does to the AF xx

Hobbes I am so sorry to hear that it's so gutting. Sending you hugs x
hope sorry to hear your mother in law is missing the diplomacy gene ... I am taken aback by people's comments. When our first cycle failed, stepmother said, "oh well you can always adopt." Thinking of you x

Hobbes- yes that sounds like the gel has backed up and is getting mixed up with some blood. I was just wondering if with 2dt you are too early? Given extra 3 days to get to blast then days to implant you would only be 4 or 5 days in. When is your otd?

Hi Sara - thanks. My OTD is Tuesday - I'm to go in regardless of bleeding. I had hoped I'd been too early when I tested, but literally right after I had the bright red blood on the applicator (and it wasn't just on the tip, it was all over). The brown gunk only just started - so I suspect that it's in the way of my period coming out properly - I have the cramps but not the full flow yet. Do you think I should be 'clearing' the gel out? It's pretty gross. Thanks all for your thoughts x

Hi Hobbes, I asked clinic the other day if I should be clearing out the crinone which backs up and the nurse said I should and that if it builds up it can stop the new ones being absorbed. Well that was news to me as in the first cycle, I basically just left it all as didn't realise about removing build up. When period came I got it all out. Shower like a crime scene. Sorry tmi! God Hobbes the process is rough I feel for you, take things easy x

Thanks Sara - will shower this eve and unclog... 🙈
I'm def properly bleeding now, in a way it's a relief as the sooner it's over the sooner can move on. Think will just try to enjoy xmas (despite going to inlaws for xmas where they all have gazillions of kids and wonder why we have just the one loudly) I know I'm incredibly lucky to have my wee boy, so I know I shouldn't complain, I'm just heartbroken for him too as I know he'd be a lovely big brother.
Good luck to you all for those who have had your BFPs I will keep everything crossed for you, for LoPI and fluffy good luck in coming weeks, I hope it all works out for you too & those who are in the same boat as me, maybe see you in a few months? Will check in to see how you're all doing, thanks for all the support xx

hobbes i am so sorry that it hasn't worked for out for you this time. Look after yourself and try and have a good christmas, lots of treats
i will be keeping in touch and back in a few months hopefully trying again.

custard, lopi, sara and blue thank you, you are right people do just think that IVF is some kind of easy peasy option and that it is bound to work, i wish you could make people realise how hard it is.
I try and put on a brave face and carry on as normal when i'm out and about but inside i feel so sad, I feel like i am grieving or something!

blue i am going to take your advice tho, use the next 3 months to recover and prepare. I am going to read my books again and start preparing with a nice healthy diet, plenty of fluids and trying to look after myself better. We will have an appointment with our consultant in the new year too so can review this past cycle and put a plan in place for the next. Xx

Hi everyone

Hope and Hobbes so sorry it's not worked this time. Hope I know what you mean about feeling glad for the one you have but kind of grieving for them possibly missing out on being a sibling 😔.

AFM, I had my egg collection on Weds. It was awful as they didn't totally knock me out so I could feel everything. On the plus side, I had 9 follicles which all fertilised, which they tell me is good. I'm in for a 5dt tomorrow.

Can I share something else tho? My brother's just called to tell me they're expecting their fourth. An 'accident'. Except it's not. They have 3 boys and SIL has always wanted a girl. She's the kind of person who gets what she wants so we were expecting this eventually but it's still hit me like a tonne of bricks.

I can't even explain how I feel. It's not jealousy, more just a complete sense of injustice. She struggles to look after the three she has but just snaps her fingers and gets upduffed immediately. Then spends nine months whinging about how awful it is to be pregnant.

I know I sound horrible but urgh. We're due to meet up on Christmas Eve which will be 3 days after the clinic have told me to test so if it doesn't go our way I don't think I'll be able to face it.

Sorry that turned out so long.

Hope & Hobbes look after yourselves and I'll look out for you both in a few months. With lots of family gatherings coming up, try not to let any unkind or thoughtless words hurt you, I know it's easier said than done but you need inner strength to go through all of this, and you are strong.

Fluffy that sounds painful! 9 fertilised is great, good luck with ET tomorrow. I'm sorry that you had a baby bomb to deal with, it really isn't fair how easy it is for some. I've heard that after 3 boys, they are statistically much more likely to have another boy though rather than a girl. If you don't feel up to meeting up, whatever the result, don't feel you have to go. Put yourself first. Self-preservation and all that.

Fluffy - the EC does not sound fun! Sorry you had to put up with the pain, but great that you have 9 fertilised!! Totally understand re baby bomb. I am quite simply avoiding any encounter that might upset me at the moment. I'm working on the assumption that good friends and family will give me some slack re my hermit-like status (even though they have no idea why I'm being so antisocial). If you think it's too hard to meet up with your brother and SIL whatever the result, I would just cancel. Definitely prioritise self-preservation. x

Thanks blue and Lopi.

Had transfer today. Took three attempts because I apparently hadn't drunk enough water, discovered after the doc had clamped me open and shoved God knows what up there 😳.

You don't half park your dignity at the door eh?

Lopi how did your nurse recommend clearing out the backed up Crinone? Is it just you and I left to test now? How are you staying sane?!

Hi Fluffy - so you are officially PUPO!! Another step forward. Was just one blast put back? And when are you down to test? Yes, I do think it is just us now playing the waiting game - I am now 8dp3dt - so over halfway through. A couple of wobbles but keeping fairly sane by chilling with OH a lot. Cancelled several social events and didn't tell anyone we were doing this, so when family/friends call it's normal chat.

Not on Crione - is that the gel? I'm on the cyclogest pessaries. They pretty much melt on entry (sorry for graphic image) so I get a lot of white messy discharge but they don't seem to back up.

Fluffy - there's only one way to get crinone out. Insert digit, swipe round and remove. Its gross stuff but does a good job I suppose. The joys!
I am officially preggars now and have literally never felt this anxious. I thought getting a positive result was all but if I don't do a test at least every other day, I start bricking it. Pregnancy after infertility is as much a rollercoaster as the run up to it. Don't know why I thought it'd be otherwise really!

Sara sorry I misquoted, it was yourself that mentioned the clean out. Well the doc today mentioned she'd done that so hopefully I'm good for a while now because I don't even like using tampons, never mind inserting digit and swirling (as we say in Scotland - boke!)

I had a dc after infertility before (clomid baby) and remember the 'It can't be real' feeling! Hopefully as time goes on it'll feel more real, especially after your first scan.

Lopi I have a blood test next Wed, which is 10dp5dt so hopefully you'll get a good result and your luck will rub off on me! Fingers crossed for us both!

Ps how soon did everyone poas?

Fluffy I did the opposite and had too much water and was bursting during ET! Congrats on being PUPO. I tested 'early' at 9dp5dt as my OTD was 2 days later, but as that is equivalent to 14dpo, it's not actually too early. I secretly ordered FRERs from Amazon 🙄

Blue after the first attempt I drank a full hug of water in 20 minutes, went back and it STILL wasn't enough, had another half jug and 30 min wait then just as I was about to leave a puddle on the floor they took me back and commented how lovely and full it was.

Always nice to get a compliment when you least expect it!

Well done fluffy on ET - sorry your EC was so awful... can't believe they didn't fully knock you out - that's pretty awful. Like Blue I had the reverse experience to you for transfer - had drink so much I was so so uncomfortable and was in pain - I even tried 'letting a little out' just before, but it wasn't enough (I was too worried about letting too much out). I too got the compliment on what a lovely full baller I had, while they faffed about for ages down there as I thought I was going to pee everywhere! It's not the nicest experience, and dignity is gone, but needs must..! Good luck Fluffy & Lopi - hope you are holding up ok?! X

Hi - just looking for some support, feeling in bits all over again. Just got call from blood test this am - turns out I have an HCG level of 7 - meaning I have had a chemical pregnancy. Need to go back in next week to make sure it's dropped. I know there are some positives to this as it means we almost got there, but while I'm sitting here bleeding great big clots of blood (sorry for tmi) it just feels even more cruel. Totally messes with my head. Help x

Hobbes I'm so sorry that must have been a shock. I've no experience so can't really offer any advice but I imagine it will take you a few days to fully get your head around it. Be kind to yourself and like you said there are some positives so try to keep that in mind, I know that will be very hard at the moment

Oh Hobbes I totally understand why that's such a headfuck. I met a friend yesterday that had a FET last month which was a chemical so we talked about it at length. So the positive is that something happened, and if it happened once, it can happen again and hopefully stick next time. But I can understand you questioning why it didn't stick this time. Honestly though, it does feel cruel but it is better than a straight negative just in terms of giving the doctors information that they can use next time. Nothing anyone can say is going to cheer you up but it's ok to have a little wallow. Look after yourself

Oh gosh Hobbes what a fecking rollercoaster.

Do take some time to grieve and look after yourself. The analysis can all be done with the clinic next week, just try to be kind to yourself.

Ps I'll be there next week, wonder if we'll end up sitting next to each other!

Massive hugs Hobbes. I understand it must feel so devastating. And I realise no words can really help you, but I am thinking of you lots. I hope that this is something the Drs can use to get you a BFP next time. xx