Failure stories

[BipBippadotta]

I'm far past the point where I'm interested in fertility success stories. Tales of lucky couples who triumphed over impossible biological odds to have their miracle baby make me want to self-immolate. Help me feel less alone in my utter irreversible barrenness by telling me about all the fertility treatments, supplements, folk remedies, voodoo, etc you've tried, that work for every other fucker on the Internet, but did bugger all for you.

I'll start!

Things that didn't work for us:
Grapefruit juice
Guaifeneisin
COQ10
Acupuncture
Vitamin E
Royal jelly
Wheatgrass
Pycnogenol
Low carbing
Inositol & melatonin
Cutting caffeine and alcohol
L-Arginine
Baby aspirin
Maca
B6
Starflower oil
Soy isoflavones
Clomid for DH (to increase sperm count)
Clomid for me
Clomid & injectables
High doses of antibiotics
Prednisone
IVF with ICSI

robber sorry about the scan, fingers crossed for better news next time. I think I've missed or can't remember your backstory of slow growing follies but that sounds tough. LH I think it's perfectly normal to feel a whole range of stuff before what is essentially a massive gamble. It would be bad enough if you were going through a massive medical process with a guaranteed outcome. Bloody nightmare going throug it all not knowing how it will end. We'll be here. I second the shout outs to bip , hope you're waylaid by packing or something fun. Thinking of you. banana I'm off to have a rifle through my underwear drawer to see what I can come up with. I seem to remember going to EC with "comfy" clothes thinking only about the journey home. Didn't even wear a bra, just a supprt vest thing. Classy.

Hey everyone - only managing a skim read at the mo in between 11th hour house dramas (our sellers threatened to pull out of the contract on Friday for no apparent reason!) and moving 3 very angry cats to a temporary new house. Still pregnant as far as I'm aware, and feeling revolting. Queasy & tearful & haven't had a shit in days. Felt a pang of envy as one of my cats buried a turd in the litter box today.

Wishing you all all the best for everything - starting cycles and choosing the right lucky socks and growing follicles and consuming chicken. And frittatas. Checking in when I can & keeping everything crossed.

I would LOVE to hear from Bip. While Banana is my encyclopaedia of knowledge, Bip always makes me laugh out loud with her hilariously graphic and candid descriptions. She may be at the depths of her morning sickness - speaking from experience it is impossible to even look at a phone at its worst.

Banana, if it were me I would wear the new socks, or an entirely different new pair of socks. Socks for you to tread a brand new untrodden path in...with neon rubbery grips at the bottom for taking off and cornering at high speed. The Jeremy Clarkson of IVF socks.

Robber what a total arse for you. Is this your usual experience? Do your follies just not progress? Are you up for increasing your dose this week? I'm so sorry if you have shared this info many times before - I have only allowed myself to reconnect here properly in the last few days so I didn't peak too fast.

Thank you so much for putting me in my place re a cheeky early thwack of Gonal F 450iu. I can confirm that I have NOT injected tonight and will not until I hopefully get the go ahead after my scan tomorrow morning.

I don't feel as down now. I got back to our London place a few hours ago (left husband and stepchildren and 3 of our 4 dogs behind) so I am in a quiet house, DS fast asleep, old dog on my feet (my original baby), watching Cold Feet. Now I am home, and back near the Lister I feel revved up again and ready to get stabbing.

I am SO scared of getting a much poorer response versus March. At 40 with AMH of 2.9, there is every chance I do worse than the 6 eggs collected then. I haven't got very far to drop...I know it only takes one and all that bollox, but I doubt any of us dream of getting 1 or 2 decrepit, ageing, zimmer framed, sultana-like eggs. Do they.

Hello Bip!! Missing you and your writing!!

Oh the constipation - it is so awful. I am bunged up at the best of times, but early pregnancy takes it to a whole new agonising level. I can't even recall if you are allowed to take anything for it?

Movicol is definitely pregnancy safe! I asked my gastroenterologist and he said absolutely no problem

(will reply properly with more than an interjection on poo. But sadly after 15 years of chronic constipation due to long term opioid therapy, it's a bit of a specialist subject. Although ironically while I was pregnant was the only time in the last 15 years I've been exposed to the wonderful world of regular bowel movements, as being off all my meds at least enabled me to have a crap like a normal person. But consultant gastro said Movicol absolutely fine)

I really do not understand why you, girls, are so much against vaginal steaming as a process? Regardless, of what it is for.

As a young girl I always suffered from cystitis and every time it happened my grandmother made me sit on steaming boiled (crushed with peel on) potatoes.

About 20-30 mins before bedtime and then to bed with woollen leggings/tights on.

My cystitis was always completely gone the next morning. I would still do it if necessary but haven't had one since I was 17 or 18 I think. I am 33 now.

I have never thought about using it for any other reasons i.e. to use different herbs. But what I can tell you is that the feeling after vaginal steaming is very pleasant.

I personally do not think it will cure infertility but it surely can improve someone's feeling.

Particularly just before bedtime.

Should I report the post above? Sounds like the pr person from the Irish potato board has spotted a new market.

But just in case not Potatoes you're a carbs fan. Take one for the team and try it for us? If you get pg I'll give it a go.

I have reported it because it is so out of touch with where this thread has moved on to. I accept total blame if I am wrong because I can see this poster is a regular. But I don't like that post.

It's got to be a piss take, surely?!

I was going to reply with a gynaecologist's comments on why vaginal steaming is an incredibly bad idea, given that the vag is self cleaning and steaming can disrupt the normal vaginal flora, ie risks a cracking yeast infection

But then I thought, don't feed the troll....

Bloody hell, sitting on a pile of steaming potatoes. Not sure I'll get round to trying that one.

Have been reading and chuckling at this thread. The cocaine advice was a particular delight. Nice one potatoes!

Glad to hear you're still pregnant bip. Constipation and progesterone pessaries are the things I dread the most during a cycle. Shoving stuff up there and being denied the simple act of taking a shit is just the final straw somehow.

LH I also get anxious before a cycle. Managed to convince myself that the dog was really ill this weekend, when actually she has just started to go off the food she has eaten every day for three years. FFS.

robber fingers crossed for better scan news tomorrow. Are you doing stimulated cycles rather than IVF? I hear you on the numbness. Disappointment becomes the norm after a while.

banana you've inspired me to buy some lucky socks. I would go for the new ones, plus I am loving the idea of a superman style cape. It sounds like things are progressing well, am really hoping that throwing everything at this cycle gets you to transfer and beyond.

First northisterone today. Of all the drugs, these are the ones that made me feel the worst last time. Mainly bloated and very very ANGRY. Have warned DH that, no matter how unreasonable I am being, don't argue with me. For his own safety!

Just leaving the Lister and good to go tonight....hurdle ONE complete.

Back on Friday and then again on Monday for bloods and scans. Last time I responded very fast - only stimmed for 7 days (Monday to Monday) and EC the Wednesday. So they will be keeping a close eye on progress.

Finally some action....

This is the first thing that has made me laugh in days, especially the nonchalant 'have you tried cocaine for morning sickness?'

We have just had a chemical pregnancy after our seventh IVF cycle (our last one now). We have had two chemical pregnancies and lost a baby at 13 weeks, we haven't been able to have a baby.

Wishing all of you all the best and Bip, I really hope you are OK.

Over the last 6.5 years we have tried:

TTC every practically single month.
7x IVF cycles, two with ICSI, one with IMSI, four natural cycle.
All fertility tests
DHEA
C0-Q10
Three hour IViG transfusion.

Preseed fertility gel.
Conceive plus fertility gel.
Peeing on hundreds of ovulation sticks.
Leftover syringe self basting method when exhausted by ttc.
Yogic headstands on bed keeping legs aloft.
Zita West post transfer relaxation etc, can't bear to hear it again.
Many visits to highly expensive acupuncturist.
Visits to shaman who sprayed special liquid over me as I lay on the floor.
Reiki atuning to open chakras.
Many EFT (face tapping) sessions.
Visits to hypnotherapist.
Reiki healing.
Massage.
Yoga including fertility yoga DVD by lady from Desperate Housewives.
Fertility visualisation and affirmation apps.
Numerous books on various aspects of fertility/infertility.

Stopped drinking caffeine.
Drank green tea and nettle tea.
Drank Fertilitea.
Drank Whey to Go protein shakes daily during one cycle.
Robitussen cough mixture (one ttc cycle).
Bee pollen.
Pineapple core and brazil nuts.

Fear of touching plastics containing BPA and especially receipts which are apparently poisonous.
Fear of using nail varnish and perfume.
Fear of miso soup (contains oestrogen).
Switched from baths to shower during tww.
Relaxing (after numerous people thought it great advice to recommend relaxing).
Going on holiday (after numerous people thought it great advice to recommend a holiday).
Joined Mumsnet in case the law of attraction was true and that by joining a parenting website I would attract the status of parent to myself by attuning to the frequency of 'being a parent'.
Joined numerous fertility mailing lists and keep getting invited to bloody webinars in a very enthusiastic manner.

I'm with snow , I don't know what you, girls, have got against sitting on steaming-boiled-crushed-with-skin-on potatoes then going to bed with tights on to cure your gynaecological maladies.

However I'll keep the sarcasm light as I genuinely considered the vag frittata this month....

Sorry to hear about your chemical pregnancy wildflowers
There's not much we can do or say to help on this thread, but we're hear to listen to you without platitudes or pointless advice. Unless you think cocaine could help...? Take care of yourself and your DH tonight.

LH and tiger good to see there's some action. Even if it's not the fun kind. Good to know you're out there bip. Hope there's not too much house stress left to face. to robber and banana.

Well I'll pass on the cocaine Potatoes, I've had a craft beer and watched Emmerdale instead.

LH glad things are moving for you at last.

Bip hope things are moving for you, in more ways than one.

Tiger you have my sympathy, norethisterone is an awful drug. I'm doing ovulation induction with Menopur rather than full IVF. After three cycles of that, they review me and decide what to try next.

Wildflowers I'm really sorry to hear that. I'm very impressed by your list, particularly the shamen. Also, I'm glad there's another beer fan on this thread. I've tried every single non alcoholic beer available from a mainstream(ish) source in the UK and they are all crap. I've switched to sparkling water instead, yay.

Banana how was the scan today? And which socks did you wear?

Also Potatoes is your bank holiday blowout continuing or are you back on the straight and narrow?

I had two whole small glasses of beer Robber! Nice to see a fellow Atwood fan as well.

robber it was an epic blowout and now the straight is very narrow. Tomorrow is D day: meat. 1 sep - 28 Feb, I'm giving it six months. Terrified.

Wildflower I also thought the shamen was impressive. What exactly was this "special liquid" he sprayed over you...?!?

Well I for one know what my infertility journey has been missing. Spuds and tights obviously

If I buy Waitrose Charlotte potatoes and lightly steam them, with some fabulous Wolford cashmere tights, d’ya think that gets a better result than Tesco spuds and some basic M&S thermals? My vag is used to the royal treatment, don’t you know…

Bip thinking of you, DH and the cats. Moving is hideously stressful as is, so hope you’re bearing up

wild I’m so, so sorry about your chemical. Gutted for you - words seem really hollow, as they don’t come close to conveying the level of shitness

I had just typed this when I saw Potatoes post, but I’m keeping it in for posterity —> I have to confess I giggled at the description of the shaman spraying special liquid over you as you lay on the floor. Exactly how special was this special liquid?!

Oh and that fucking Zita West post transfer relaxation track. She wangs on about blue light streaming down from the top of your head and all I can think about is a whacking great police siren spinning around my head. Mega relaxing.

Hope you’re surviving the norethisterone tiger (and that your DH is behaving himself so that HE survives the norethisterone)

Hope the stabbing is going well LH and that you’re suitably revved up - reckon you need a pair of those Jeremy Clarkson IVF socks

How are you doing Robber?

Potatoes excellent work on the barrentastic weekend! What’s the ceremonial first venture into the land of meat? My best friend was a veggie for years, but curiously left vegetarianism behind when she wanted to do the Atkins diet. So ate basically nothing BUT meat. And has her steaks ‘bleu’ (ie basically mooing). Possibly chicken or fish might be a less extreme re-entry into carnivorism

Headline news - we have liftoff! Scan yesterday showed lining was 8.4mm and the best it’s ever looked! Trigger tomorrow for EC on Sat (eggs going to medical research) and FET planned for 5 days later - ie Thu 8th, all being well. Dr upped my oestrogen tablets just to give my lining a bit of extra oomph. Hoping that plus the world’s most expensive viagra fanjo bullets will give it a kick up the arse for the final furlong.

Other headline news - sock strategic decision has been reached. Never let myself head down the wormhole of what socks to wear to appointments, only for EC and ET. But the existential sock dilemma has been solved. DH bought me these beauties - you can’t see the rainbow trim, but I feel unicorns and rainbows are the obvious choice to convey that I’m a mature adult who would make a responsible parent, obvs….

Hello! Reading about squatting over a bowl of steaming mash has given me a very much needed giggle today. I never expected to get an obsession with ttc or my infertility. It's nice to see a thread like this.

I haven't tried IVF or the likes as we just don't have the money. NHS aren't at all interested.
But I've done all the supplements, the multiple sticks to pee on, the timing sex, pretending not to time sex, actually not timing sex, not having any sex, the moods at oh going to sleep at bedtime instead of having sex. I even tried slimming world to disastrous effect. I've had general anaesthetics and been attacked by vampires. Gave away all my 7yo dc's baby things for free hoping for a tempting fate / good karma response. Paid more than I have for acupuncture (well it helped the arthritis!) and cried more than I have for years. I've also had more pregnancy symptoms in the 2ww than I ever did while pregnant but only managed one mc in 18months and no idea why that was. I have good amh, OK fsh but a shite body.

Good news on the lining banana
Go fanjo bullets!

Excellent news Banana to go with the excellent socks. How are you feeling physically? Was your consultant happy?

Bloop welcome! And vampires? Explain please. I'm having visions of you being impregnated by David Boreanaz (showing my age there!)

Wild you have excellent taste in drinks and authors although I have to admit, her last one was painful.

Potatoes good luck! I found it easiest to start with chicken in sauce/spices - curry, stir fries, fajitas - as I could tell myself it was just Quorn.

Last time I stabbed for 15 days and was triggered on day 16. I'm now on day 19 in the Menopur house. Scan today showed lining has increased a bit (now around 8mm) but my lead follicle has only slightly increased to 12.5mm, next one still at 12mm, and about three others now round the 10mm mark. They don't want to put my dose up incase they all suddenly grow and they have to cancel the cycle due to risk of multiples. Thoroughly fed up.

Robberbride - vampires = people who love to take my blood from me. Mostly in sterile professional situations. Nurses etc.

robber I know very little beyond the basics, so am poorly placed to comment. It just sounds like you're stuck between a rock and a hard place. Thinking of you. When is decision day?

I really like the socks Banana they are fabulous, I think you made the right decision there. if you Google fertility socks there is a shocking array of 'IVF socks' available! Good luck and thinking of you.

Robber I hope all is well with you, sorry to hear about the scan stress and hope that things are moving in the right direction. I must admit I don't read any of M. Atwood's sci fi books so haven't read anything since the Blind Assassin which I thought was brilliant. I like all the 70s ones too. Feeling rather flat so shared another craft beer with DH last night over Bake Off.

Well vis a vis the shaman, actually it was really good, one of my stranger ventures but I did feel rather calm afterwards. The liquid was from Peru I believe, but can't remember what it was called. It smelt lovely though, slightly lemony and uplifting.

Good luck to everyone else.