Failure stories

[BipBippadotta]

I'm far past the point where I'm interested in fertility success stories. Tales of lucky couples who triumphed over impossible biological odds to have their miracle baby make me want to self-immolate. Help me feel less alone in my utter irreversible barrenness by telling me about all the fertility treatments, supplements, folk remedies, voodoo, etc you've tried, that work for every other fucker on the Internet, but did bugger all for you.

I'll start!

Things that didn't work for us:
Grapefruit juice
Guaifeneisin
COQ10
Acupuncture
Vitamin E
Royal jelly
Wheatgrass
Pycnogenol
Low carbing
Inositol & melatonin
Cutting caffeine and alcohol
L-Arginine
Baby aspirin
Maca
B6
Starflower oil
Soy isoflavones
Clomid for DH (to increase sperm count)
Clomid for me
Clomid & injectables
High doses of antibiotics
Prednisone
IVF with ICSI

Ha ha - that has made my day!! Where's a coke-snorting emoji when you need one?

'Baby dust' anyone?!

Brilliant. Aw, that has cheered me right up.

Did you have your scan today, Banana?

Was gonna post an update when I could reply properly with personals

But yes scan was this evening and things are looking promising! Dr is v happy where things are at - 6.2mm and is right on track where he would hope I'd be.

He wants to scan me and do a Neupogen wash on Sat morning - thinks we should be aiming for EC Wed/Thu/Fri next week. I think Friday based on the size of my largest follies - doesn't matter if they over mature anyway, as we're not trying to make embryos. I asked him if he thinks we will make it to transfer, he said there's nothing that concerns him (yet). He said we can always add in Progynova on Sat if needed. Hoping the vag bullets will have arrived tomorrow - frankly they should be delivered by the Milk Tray man for what they're costing.

Long way to go but we shall see...

De lurking just to say potatoes that is the funniest thing I have ever read on mumsnet!

Potatoes you beauty!!!! I suspect cocaine WOULD help actually.

Banana, I know I keep jumping between threads to talk to you, but YAY on your lining!! I looked back over my old measurements and at your stage 6.2 is definitely brilliant isn't it!! Whoo hoo! So if you do EC end of next week, I would be about a week behind you.

Could you post of photo of these magical vag bullets when they arrive? I need to see their sparkly tiaras.

I am bloody impatient now. Got a nice crop of chin zits, which usually indicates a few days to AF - seriously hope so.

Marvellous news on the lining, Banana! Good thing your consultant has had such wise and well-researched guidance in your treatment ! Really hoping things go well this cycle.

LH I hope the chin spots are an auspicious sign & you can get going!

Glad to have provided entertainment!

Good news on the lining banana. Finally a prices that is in track! Well done you and Colin.

I second requests to see the vag bullets. Do they come in individual monochromed cases?

Where's the fucking tiaras?! I expected these to be hand delivered by the milk tray man himself and wrapped up in a velvet presentation box.

And I'm told there aren't even recreational side effects. I said to the Dr's secretaries when I picked them up that for that money I wanted fireworks, rainbows and unicorns

They look like the shittest lego bricks EVER

You have to push them out of the lego bricks - it's quite satisfying when they pop out

You'll be pleased to know the one in the picture is now safely installed up in the holiest of holies. Work your magic, boner pill pessaries!!!

(I love the 'not to be taken orally' bit on the label. Just in case you weren't sure....)

Potatoes I think I love you. My scan did not go well yesterday and your post gave me and DH a real belly laugh! I reckon you must have typed cocaine before for it to come up above chocolate in your predictive text If there's a story you need to share, please do...

Bip I'm sorry you're still feeling rubbish, but equally glad you're still feeling rubbish because it sounds like things may be growing? Good luck this weekend!

Lemon hello! what's your story?

Banana hurray for your lining, that's awesome news. I'm also a tad disappointed by your bullets. I expected them to be delivered by a naked Ryan Gosling. Complain.

LH I'm with you on the chin spots.It is insult to injury, my ovaries are cack and I have Mount Etna on my face.

Yesterday's scan showed everything had stalled*. They hauled me back today, and while my lining has still stalled, one follicle is now at 12mm. They've therefore slightly put up my Menopur dose as they don't want my bazillion baby follies taking off, and I'm back on Monday for another scan.

I knew this would happen. I'd just had the online delivery order including a box of 12 organic eggs from happy dancing chickens so I could try Bip's* frittata trick. Nurse reckons I'll now be triggering next Wed, so between now and then DH and I will be having a lot of actual frittata, and I'll reorder the eggs.

Star fail. Fucking typical.

Hello sorry not to introduce myself! Im 33, ttc 3 years, unexplained. Hopefully starting IVF soon. Seem to have tried most things on here except the frittata method! I find raw eggs a bit gross so not sure I can bring myself to do that. I'm vegetarian too but tried eating chicken for a while for the same reasons as you potatoes. Obvs didn't work for me so gave up again. I also gave up tofu as read that was bad for fertility then read that high protein was important so started eating it again - can't win! Currently using lots of chemical free beauty products and glass Tupperware. Also giving up caffeine as haven't really managed that properly before. I love tea.

It starts with the egg must really have helped with sales of all of this stuff! I wonder if it's all complete bollocks but she is on commission?!

robber really sorry your scan didn't go well.

banana they really do look like Lego. I'd suggest building something but probably not worth the price tag.

Hope everyone's ok. Sorry for barging in!

I really lot can't explain the cocaine. Unless I recently texted someone "I'm so boring I've never even taken cocaine" , I cannot see how it's in my predictive text. Especially above chocolate! Crack on the other hand I could understand as my neighbours are neglecting their kids and i have heard arguments about stealing money from the kids to buy crack and I reported then to social services (who have done fuck all) so that IS in my predictive text!

Sorry for the short scan and morning sickness and spots. Detox, eat meat etc starts for me on first Sep. Making the most of alcohol caffeine over the bank hol. Hope everyone has something to enjoy this weekend. Even if it's just watching out for the possible positive side effects of a vag bullet

Lemon welcome, stick around (or join the other main Mindless infertility thread, if you're not on it already). I also gave up tofu and soy milk, which I bloody love, as I read the same thing about it impacting fertility. I also get confused about the high protein thing. Am so fed up of questioning my whole life.

Potatoes enjoy your BH blowout!

Hello all...

Robber, I'm sorry to hear about the pause in progress. How are you feeling today and when is scan tomorrow?

Banana, how are the vag diamonds? Having a Bank Holiday Shagathon?

My period has duly arrived bang on time (as light as ever), so have left my special message at the Lister.

Does anyone else feel a bit silly leaving a message 'hello, this is LHReturns, I would like to inform you that I have started my period today'. Fascinating information.

So waiting to see how soon I can go in for a scan and get jabbing.

My stepdaughter has had norovirus this weekend so been trying to steer TOTALLY clear without appearing the evil stepmother. Not so easy.

Robber so so sorry about your disappointing scan - hoping the increased dose will give your leading follicle a kick up the bum. Good luck for your scan tomorrow - hope you and DH have been enjoying happy dancing egg based culinary delights in the mean time

LH great news about your period! (Yes, in infertility world, this is what passes for excitement). I hear you & Robber on the chin spots. My jaw line is zit central, and I have little clusters of tiny bumps under the skin. Delightful.

Hope Lister get you in for baseline ASAP so you can start shooting up (and that you escape the vom virus)

Bip so sorry you’re feeling so pants, hope you can rack up some lines of Potatoes’ gak to relieve your morning sickness Oh and rant wise - bloody hell, if ever there was a YANBU, those threads are it. I feel exactly the same way - it’s the way they act like you’ve pissed on their chips simply by acknowledging barrenness. Couldn’t we have the decency to just keep a lid on everything ALL THE TIME. FFS.

Potatoes thank you for the most unintentionally hysterical post I’ve seen in I don’t know how long. EPIC.

I wrote a really shitty reply on that PR thread which somehow got eaten and didn’t post - my lack of diplomacy filter means I will generally barge into a thread and call people out with very little compunction. Hope you’re having a barrentastic caffeine, sugar and booze filled bank holiday weekend. To accompany all that cocaine, obvs

Lemon I definitely think the It Starts with the Egg woman is in cahoots and working on commission!

Had a Neupogen wash and scan yesterday - remembered in the nick of time not to pop a viagra pessary in, as thought he could probably do without wading through a sea of white melty goop to get the catheter in

Things seem to be making progress. It was hard to get a true measurement of the lining after the wash - because the uterus was distended with fluid - but he said the appearance was lovely, and at 8.5mm with fluid he reckoned hopefully somewhere around 7.5mm.

Definitely no bank holiday shagathon, as the pessaries are so waxy and melty that my vag needs its own decontamination zone. Like Cyclogest - but four times a day. Dunno if they’re doing anything for my endometrium, but it certainly feels like they’re increasing blood flow in that general area. Feels quite warm and, er, heavy. Not in a particular sexy way tbh - maybe this is what blue balls feels like for a bloke?!

banana that's great about your lining!

LH definitely steer clear of norovirus - good luck being discreet about it! Can you go out and run errands?!

Thanks for the welcome robber. Questioning every aspect of life to see if it is causing infertility is indeed exhausting. My DH has always said he thinks it's stress, but I can't see our lives becoming less stressful anytime soon so that is not much help!

Banana that's great! So glad the bullets are doing their essential work, though slightly disappointed you're not getting a side helping of the Meg Ryans as a bonus. Will you get scanned again during the week?

LH hurray for your period - you are possibly the only woman on this thread who does get a period naturally, so as she says it is a huge deal! Do you have any idea when the Lister might start treatment?

Lemon I think the wise Banana has said before that: "Stress doesn't cause infertility, but infertility causes stress".

I'm feeling bizarrely ok about the stunted growth. Last menopur cycle everything went so well and I didn't get pg (I know, 1 in 4). This time, with things randomly going wrong, it feels more SNAFU. I oscillate between vaguely hopeless and vaguely hopeful. Next scan is just before lunch, I'll post back this evening. DH and I are going for a fertility friendly lunch (WITHOUT ANY EGGS) and walk in the sun afterwards.

Good morning all and lovely to have you join Lemon. I really enjoy our hiding in this thread and the Lining thread because they aren't obviously about current cycles. I dunno, I have found my small group of IVF friends and I don't have the mental capacity to be involved in lots and lots of new stories. What a cow.

Banana is sounds like things are going really well! Remind me - what was the measurement when they cancelled last FET? This is in a different league this time isn't it? And when will you get next measurement?

Robber enjoy your lunch and looking forward to hearing your scan update later.

Being a Bank Hol, Lister being pretty bossy with me. Baseline scan is booked for tomorrow at 11am (day 3). I couldn't convince the nurse to find me a time today. A part of me wants to just do a first injection tonight ahead of the scan but I assume that could backfire pretty badly? I'm not really serious but the obstinant in me wants to have a rifle through my fridge....

I feel really nervous, anxious and quite down about what's coming. Do others feel this before a fresh cycle?

Thought I would be excited as I have waited for this since March, but I feel quite dark. And that Bank Holiday end of summer feeling too.

Robber thinking of you at today’s scan, hoping you had better news, and a lovely egg-free lunch and wander in the sunshine

LH I think it’s completely natural to get that feeling in the pit of your stomach that’s a mix of sadness / fear / anticipation - shit’s about to get real. For me I was desperate to get going because it’s the only thing that will give me a chance of having a baby - but also terrified, because we’re at last chance saloon, and if this doesn’t work with everything we’re throwing at it, then what?

As you know, I’m more than happy to dabble in a spot of self medication, but I would wait till tomorrow morning’s scan. I know you know this, but just saying for the sake of posterity

Bloods, scan and intralipids tomorrow. And acupuncture for that whisper of barrens woo. Obv that will make all the difference

Speaking of things that will make all the difference: friends, Romans, barrens, please lend me your ears and please don’t send round the men in white coats just yet

Back in the inception of this thread, I seem to remember sock wearing strategy being part of the IVF process. Well, it’s that time in the cycle, where I become a sock choosing superstitious mentalist. The current dilemma:

Cycle 1: wore 'lucky' socks (saying 'let's carpe the fuck out of this diem') for egg collection that I bought myself. Cycle a disaster, clearly not lucky

Cycle 2: new pair of IVF socks - gift from DH. Superman socks with little red capes. Wore to EC and ET - cycle was a success, but miscarried. Question: were the socks lucky or unlucky?

Cycle 3: days of angst over whether the Superman socks were lucky and whether to wear them again. Or not. Or if it was lucky last time to have a new pair of socks. Dilemma solved by a friend sending me a pair of epic knee high socks with duelling unicorns on.

Current existential crisis : this cycle is technically a FET following on from the previous freeze all cycle. Do I wear the unicorn socks as we didn't have a transfer, and so I'm wearing the same socks I wore when the eggs came out? Or is it unlucky to wear the same socks for different cycles? Asked DH to buy me a pair of socks so I have new socks (that I didn't buy myself) so I have options to play with

Seriously. I'm stabbing myself with drugs, shoving viagra up the holiest of holies, taking pills, intravenous miracle mayonnaise, and I'm worrying it's the sock strategy that will make the difference between the embryo sticking or not??!!

All and any thoughts welcome on my strategic dilemma. Obviously I know the response is 'step away from the socks, you have completely lost any grip on reality'

But, apart from that...

Lmao unlurking to say it was me with the socks banana, mine were a range of spots and stripes I matched to lining/follicle/embryo development - insanity I know (but it was my best cycle!) I'd go with the new socks if I were you but it is a dilemma for sure. Your post made me google IVF socks and crazily it seems they are a thing - we are not alone! You can even get ones showing positive pregnancy tests saying think positive urg

LH I think it is totally normal to feel like that. Apart from the emotional worries, and the practical worries, you're about to put some pretty strong hormones into your body. Don't inject tonight (I'm sure you won't), it is only 24 hours, and there are good reasons for doing a baseline scan. Lots of luck tomorrow .

Banana I think the issue is the lack of coordination. You need matching bra and pants, and ideally some kind of matching cape to use as a hospital gown. I took the liberty of googling for you, and there are some rather fetching superman underwear sets and unicorn underwear sets. They are a lot cheaper than the vag bullets too. Also, lots of luck with the bloods and scans tomorrow.

Bip are you alive? Have the cats held you hostage?

My scan today wasn't great. The one from Friday is still at 12mm, one of its friends has joined it at 12mm, and another one is now 10mm. On the other side, I've got one at 8mm. I'm back on Wed am for another scan and more bloods. Depending on what they see then, they may put me up to 150 injections. If nothing happens by next Saturday, or if they all grow at the same time, they might cancel the cycle as I'll have been stabbing for 22 days by then. Still feeling oddly ok/numb about the whole thing. So many things have not worked for me so far - the first menopur round was the only thing that has worked in two years - why should things work for me this time?

Sorry for abrupt end - DH was yelling for me to help him find something right in front of him . Just to wave to all other people on the thread and lurkers.