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Infertility

Our Infertility Support forum is a space to connect with others in the same position, discuss causes, treatment and IVF, and share infertility stories of hope and success.

Failure stories

949 replies

BipBippadotta · 09/07/2016 13:08

I'm far past the point where I'm interested in fertility success stories. Tales of lucky couples who triumphed over impossible biological odds to have their miracle baby make me want to self-immolate. Help me feel less alone in my utter irreversible barrenness by telling me about all the fertility treatments, supplements, folk remedies, voodoo, etc you've tried, that work for every other fucker on the Internet, but did bugger all for you.

I'll start!

Things that didn't work for us:
Grapefruit juice
Guaifeneisin
COQ10
Acupuncture
Vitamin E
Royal jelly
Wheatgrass
Pycnogenol
Low carbing
Inositol & melatonin
Cutting caffeine and alcohol
L-Arginine
Baby aspirin
Maca
B6
Starflower oil
Soy isoflavones
Clomid for DH (to increase sperm count)
Clomid for me
Clomid & injectables
High doses of antibiotics
Prednisone
IVF with ICSI

OP posts:
Thread gallery
19
beanhunter · 29/11/2016 09:04

Robber - consultant just got home and rung me. I think we are seeing her next Monday and then we will go from there.

Blondes - logistics really. Challenging with work and little family support. There's also some good clinics here we've yet to explore.

Banana - I hated metformin. Couldn't eat at all. Glad you tolerate it. Enter then me. Sorry about the lack of nsaids though.

We are doing ok. In some ways relieved the cycle and drugs are over. Not sure how I feel in terms of going again. I know I'm not ready to give up but I also worry how much each cycle psychologically messes me up. I need to focus on job applications and interviews for the next couple of months so we wouldn't cycle again before Feb. I'll watch the panorama today - off work with a poorly knee and feeling sorry for myself. I'm pretty sure we wouldn't have he timelapse again. Would def have icsi and possibly hatching as that seemed to make sense in our case. In the mean time the diet starts now.

Blueroses99 · 29/11/2016 17:37

Loving the happy dance Robber, thank you!

Banana that's quite a cocktail! I really hope they figure out the right recipe for you 🍸

Blondes saw the lovely news that you're having a little girl, congrats 💐

Bean take your time, each round takes its toll, physically and emotionally. Hopefully the consultant can give some useful insight 💐

RobberBride · 30/11/2016 11:48

Banana good luck today, I've got everything crossed.

Bean you poor thing, a bad knee is rubbish (have hypermobile knees so they play up sometimes - sending you all my sympathy!). I hope your consultant is constructive on Monday. Job hunting will definitely be a good distraction.

Blue are you still buzzing or has the pregnancy paranoia kicked in yet?

I'm seeing the consultant today. Hoping that my cervix looks very long and very strong, but also that he agrees to regular scans to check it. DH can't come with me, which worries me - I've become superstitious during this pg, and the last time I had a scan on my own they told me I had a PUL. On the upside, I'm much better at throwing my weight around with NHS people when DH isn't there to roll his eyes at me and tell me I'm being a drama llama and that I shouldn't make a fuss. Whereas we all know that making a fuss is the only way you get what you need...

RobberBride · 30/11/2016 11:49

And Blondes congrats on your little girl! I lurk on the PG-after-infertility thread, I'm too superstitious to join.

Has anyone seen Icy? I haven't seen her anywhere I lurk. I hope she is ok.

AgainPlease · 30/11/2016 16:46

Congrats blue! 🎉

Oh tiger I was so upset to see your news. Absolutely devastating.

I'm currently enjoying life, smoking, drinking, partying, and forgetting about anything to do with babies, pregnancy, or IVF (until January). Have meeting with consultant tomorrow re follow-up to last failed cycle and next steps. I'm not excited, just exhausted and would rather not have to go through all this baby-making bullshit.

Someone wake me up in 5 years time when I have 3 happy and healthy kids please? Thanks!!

Blueroses99 · 30/11/2016 17:27

Robber I got a proper BFP on my OTD so I'm back in my happy bubble today!! DH & I had our regular counselling session yesterday and actually there are a lot of underlying anxieties about this pregnancy that were brought to the surface. Last time, we just took it one step at a time, never thinking beyond the next scan or appointment, but because I have to have a cervical stitch at 12-14wks (if I get that far of course), and potentially not going back to work afterwards, I feel like I need to plan ahead a little more than I'm comfortable with. But apart from that, I'm probably annoyingly cheerful today.

How did the appointment with the consultant go? (I'm wondering if I should see someone else about my cervix?) Absolutely agree with needing to make a fuss to get what you want, shame it has to be like that really but drama llama away.

I've seen Icy acupuncture-bashing on another thread. Hope you're doing ok if you're reading this.

Again I'm sure the break will do you good, enjoy it for now. Good luck with the consultant tomorrow

icy121 · 01/12/2016 20:52

Hello - yes sill lurking away here. All seems fine with me, keeping head down! FUCK OFF/YOU ACUPUNCTURE!!

Amara123 · 01/12/2016 21:00

Dropping in here. Had two failed FETs this year and success feels further away than ever! Someone at work told me I look "fresh for my age" and I could tell was thinking about how I am old not to have children. (aged 36)
Ugh...just one of those days.

And I saw one of the other threads was about what you are proud of achieving in 2016 and all I could think of was "not have a complete breakdown after my rubbish cycles this year".

tigerdog · 01/12/2016 21:11

hi all, I'm back after my failure to stay pregnant. Baby's heart stopped just before 10 weeks and we found out at our Harmony scan. Absolutely devastated as we had had good scans and it was looking just right. Opted for surgical management and went in yesterday. Dreading Christmas, thinking about escaping somewhere but should probably save the money for more fucking IVF.

amara I'm the same age and feel the exactly same. One failed IVF and now one failed pregnancy for me this year. There is now no way I can get pregnant before I turn 37 and that is hugely upsetting.

Think I might be too much of a failure for this thread even.

Amara123 · 01/12/2016 21:44

Tiger, I am so sad for you. I think even harder as it looked like it had worked for you, my heart goes out to you.
I had the realisation my chance of being a mum at 36 is effectively gone now a few days ago and couldn't stop crying when I thought about it.
Also was googling holiday destinations today and then realised we'll need every penny for IVF next year..again. It's rubbish isn't it? Also was at work and has two colleagues thank me for my great work which enabled them to get promoted, which I think I should be but my life career wise is on hold till I know what happens with IVF...

RobberBride · 01/12/2016 23:05

Tiger I'm so sorry about what you've been through. I hope you're physically recovering ok from the operation. Personally I'd go on a cheap last minute break over Xmas, if you can get a decent deal.

I've been reading the AIBU thread about us. I just wanted to say that if I've offended or upset anyone on this thread by posting here, I'm really sorry. We've had quite a few pg people on this thread, including the OP, and I guess I'd thought it was ok. It never bothered me when people stuck around after a BFP, but I should have checked with you. I really don't feel like I have 'overcome' infertility, and I care about all of you, so I didn't want to stop posting.

RobberBride · 01/12/2016 23:13

I will add though, in case anyone cones here after reading that AIBU thread, that there has never been any 'hun' or 'baby dust' talk. There has been much talk of orifices, some recommendations for class A drugs, career advice, clinic rants, and lots of tips for beating constipation.

LemonDrizzler · 01/12/2016 23:42

I haven't read the AIBU thread but of course you're still welcome here!

RobberBride · 02/12/2016 00:19

That is really kind but I think I should probably become a lurker.

Just to say again, I am immensely sorry if I have irritated or upset any of the posters on this thread. Stuff like my cervix comment yesterday was because if it wasn't for posters here, I would never have known the risks of hypermobility - I'm so grateful. I did not mean to complain.

bananafish81 · 02/12/2016 00:57

God this whole process is just a massive sack of absolute shite isn’t it?

Hello to barrens old and new (and Jason Isaacs).

And tiger, no words. Just so very, very sad for you. The barren olympics is the competition no one wants to be entered for. It’s just fucking tragic.

Robber your support has always been very very much appreciated and means a lot - sadly barren is a state of mind Sad

Amara - Amen to all that. I have accomplished the sum total of fuck all this year. Never have I tried so hard to get precisely nowhere.

Again - good luck for your consultant appt. Judging by every other fucker’s cousin / neighbour / work friend, your plan of smoking, drinking, partying and stopping trying ought to have you pregnant within about a week. Put yourself on the adoption list for good measure and you’ll probably find you’re actually 6 weeks pregnant and had no idea. That’s how it works, right?

Well, my overachiever status at being the most fucked up infertile my Dr has ever seen continues. FUN TIMES

So yesterday I had a really positive scan. There’s a leading follicle! There’s some little ‘uns trying to join the party! There’s lining! Dr is very positive that we’re not a total lost cause and he has reason to be hopeful. I leave feeling that we’re not just going through the motions and armed with a Gonal-F pen so I can do a week of stabbing to put a rocket up the arse of the tiddlers. Go hard or go home, yeah?

BUT WAIT. The plot thickens. My bloods results come back and it’s a shitshow. I have follicles and lining but non existent oestrogen. The bloods say my ovaries are asleep. The scans show they’re very much awake. So to use a technical term, everything is fucked.

FML

Blondes to answer your question as to whether I think I will use a surrogate. I think I am terrified that we are hurtling down the path where we are running out of options. I think I am utterly traumatised at imagining someone on the other side of the world nurturing one of our embryos. I think I am overwhelmed by the prospect of how we would fund the £100,000 needed to use a surrogate. I think I am heartbroken at the thought of a court case to plead to become the legal parent of our own child. I think that surrogacy is a fundamentally different paradigm - much like the old ‘do you think you will adopt’ question. I simply do not know if we will use a surrogate

EarlGreyT · 02/12/2016 20:23

Amara123 I'm with you on the holiday idea. Then I end up feeling guilty about it because either I think we should be saving for more fertility treatment or otherwise I feel even more guilty because MIL has very kindly offered to help us out by paying for IVF and I'm still thinking about swanning off on holiday between cycles. Whereas maybe the moral thing to do would be to decline both offer of money and holiday. Then I think that's ridiculous and sacrificing holidays shouldn't be another thing to add to the shitty consequences of infertility. Oh and obviously I already feel bad enough at taking my MILs money and then totally failing to produce her a grandchild with it.

Oh yes, and of course that little fucker called Zika virus which basically wipes out most winter sun destinations in one fell swoop. But of course they're only to be avoided if you're planning a pregnancy in the next 6 months. This seems so incredibly unlikely that then I think I should risk it, but then worry that I'll "accidentally" get pregnant naturally (quite why I think that'll ever happen when it hasn't with 5 rounds of ICSI) and get zika and ruin my baby.

tiger really sorry to hear that. It's totally shit. Sorry, I have no words either and am well aware there's nothing anyone can say to make any of it any better (but many things people can say to make it worse).

Banana God this whole process is just a massive sack of absolute shite isn’t it? Indeed, that sums it up in a nutshell, couldn't have put it better myself.

Blondeshavemorefun · 02/12/2016 22:36

Jesus banana. Is surrogacy £100k - where are you?

I thought surrogates did it for love and exspenses ..... :(

Tiger again I am so sorry. So unfair - we all wanted to be younger mums - I wanted to be 33 yet was 43. Trust me 37 is a spring chicken compared to me iyswim 💐

AgainPlease · 03/12/2016 08:58

banana that's how it works :) Should put myself on the foster register too.

Before I moved in with DH, my housemate and I went on a massive bender, she brought a guy back to ours and went to the pharmacy the following day for the morning-after pill and she STILL got pregnant. I mean COME ON!!

Had meeting with consultant who said we will stick to long protocol and do everything exactly the same as the last fresh cycle. I can start on Day 2 of my next cycle which will probably be late December or, because I'm actually enjoying myself (shock horror) for the first time in 2.5 years, drinking, smoking, eating McDonalds etc. we might wait for the cycle after that so mid-late January time.

bananafish81 · 03/12/2016 19:46

blondes with the greatest of respect, glibly asking whether someone who can't have a baby is going to do surrogacy - when you admit you don't understand the ins and outs of how it works - is much like someone glibly asking whether you've thought about adoption.

I am in London. Surrogacy in the UK is basically impossible unless you have a friend or family member. Commercial surrogacy arrangements are to all intents and purposes illegal - so there are very few altruistic surrogates willing to carry a stranger's baby. All three UK surrogacy agencies are closed to new intended parents, because the ones they have on their books are never likely to get a match. The legal system also doesn't support surrogacy as there's no way to enforce any agreement. So a surrogate is under no obligation to give up the baby for adoption to the intended (genetic) parents. Although rare, there are horror stories like this

http://www.nataliegambleassociates.co.uk/blog/2016/10/30/uk-surrogate-vetoes-legal-parenthood-for-biological-parents-even-though-she-has-no-wish-to-be-involved-in-the-lives-of-the-twins-she-carried/

Unless you have a friend or family member willing to carry for you, surrogacy in the UK is not an option.

So that's why couples have to go to the US for surrogacy.

In the US commercial surrogacy arrangements are legal and there is a legal framework. Meaning that in surrogacy friendly states not only are surrogacy contracts legally enforceable (ie they can't change their mind and keep the baby), but you can get a pre birth order whereby your names go straight on the birth certificate. Although the UK still doesn't recognise these, you're at least able to have a birth certificate without the surrogate and their spouse's name on it

The surrogacy agencies in the US recruit and screen very carefully, so you know no one is being exploited. You pay for them to provide counselling services and ongoing liason with the surrogate and their family. You have ongoing contact with them and can fly over for scans and the like, and obvs you are there for the birth and take the baby home. The framework just isn't there in the UK to protect either the surrogate or the intended parents

The alternative is the very shady world of surrogacy in eastern Europe - specifically Georgia and the Ukraine. Where women are paid peanuts and you aren't allowed to have any direct contact with them, or even meet them until after the 12 week scan. Women who are desperate to feed their families are rented for wombs, and you have to trust that someone you've never met or spoken to will keep your baby safe for 9 months. You can't go to antenatal appointments - someone just grows your baby and you get the odd email and scan pic.

£100,000 is probably a conservative estimate for surrogacy in the US. Depending on the state you could be looking at more like $150,000. You have the cost of the surrogate's fees, agency fees, screening fees, US legal fees, health insurance for the surrogate and for the baby, IVF costs, plus all your travel and accommodation.

In the event of a more complicated pregnancy you have additional expenses like lost wages for additional bed rest above and beyond what's planned for a normal pregnancy and delivery

And that doesn't include UK legal costs for applying to the high Court for a parental order and getting a British passport

So no, surrogacy isn't just putting one of our embryos into someone else's tummy for love and expenses. It is a great deal more complicated than that

You are correct that surrogates in the UK don't get paid - but because of that, it's broadly impossible to access.

And regardless of where you do it, the biggest challenge is emotional.

bananafish81 · 04/12/2016 08:17

Earl and amara holidays sound like a fab idea. People keep telling us we should go on holiday as we haven't been away in over 2 years, but tbh squirreling away at home seems preferable right now. I tried to type Zika (as in virus) but it autocorrected to Zita (as in West). That fertility woo pedlar is bloody everywhere!

tiger know that we are all thinking of you. It makes absolutely no difference whatsoever what age you were when you lost your baby - 'at least' doesn't come into it. There are ladies on this thread ranging in ages from late 20s, early, mid, late 30s and 40s who have all lost babies. 'At least' you're younger is about as useless and hurtful as 'at least' you can get pregnant. Or 'at least' you can try again. Or 'at least' you can always adopt. 'At least' there's always donor egg or donor sperm. 'At least' there's always surrogacy.

We all fought through rounds of fertility treatment to get to the stage of being pregnant at all. Regardless of age. When we lost our babies - whether early or late miscarriage, stillbirth - we just want our pain and loss to be acknowledged. Not to have it minimised with 'well, it could be worse, you could be older' or some other such unhelpful comment.

It's a shitty, shitty game of snakes and ladders, and to get to the point of that BFP by definition of being on here we've been through infertility and rounds of fertility treatment. We've lost babies, hopes and dreams.

This is a safe space in the barren ghetto where 'at least' has no place.

beanhunter · 04/12/2016 08:36

Hear hear banana. All of this sucks and we mustn't get into a game of infertility top trumps. Nobody wants to be here. Nobody who gets here has had it easy.

Tiger - you've been in my thoughts all week.

Afm we are seeing the consultant tomorrow. I suppose I really need to think what I want to ask her but I've been trying to ignore it all. Immediately post the bfn I lost myself in google trying to find out stuff but now I want to pretend it hasn't happened.

We've also not had a proper holiday in forever. Feels like I'm torn on how to spend and save.

Blondeshavemorefun · 04/12/2016 14:46

sorry banana didnt mean to offend, Flowers i know a little, as in a very small amount, about surrogacy as know of a lady who carried baby for two gay men and is thinking doing again for another couple

and a lady i worked for had 2 babies via surrogates, went to usa for the reasons you stated

guess has to be a very special friend/relative if you go down that path x

beanhunter · 06/12/2016 09:04

Bloody hell four. That's shit.

Met my consultant for the debrief yesterday. She was very thorough and is also likely to be leaving the current clinic to go to the big new shiny care facility that's opening in the spring. We've decided to go back to basics and repeat my bloods but also to take me back for a good look at my insides again (last lap was in 2011) so plan is for a hysteroscopy and lap and dye in Feb. Luckily can get this done on the NHS as she does both and can justify becuase of my endo. So plan will be to treat any endo and look at tubes in more details. Depending on findings will determine what type of protocol we do. She's keen to try to do long for me again despite my failure to dr last time becuase she feels the quality of my eggs was better with long than short but if the endo is shit then might need prostap. So back on the bench here.

PeaOp · 09/12/2016 17:03

Ffs Facebook. Suggested post this evening is one for "little love - motherhood yoga and massage". Apparently as I have temporarily stopped googling infertility whilst we take a hiatus it's algorithm decides to stop offering fertility clinics and woo treatments as, obv, I must be upduffed. Nice. Topped off with a baby bomb from yet another colleague and apparently my cousin also (twins via IVF). Sigh.

tigerdog · 10/12/2016 08:05

Facebook selling and advertising knows no bounds peaop. Mine is currently trying to flog me 'make a wish' candles as it has obviously picked up on something to do with loss. Unscrupulous bastards. Sorry about the baby bombs. I'm really nervous about getting them at the moment as any that come now are likely to share a similar due date to what would have been mine. I've been ok about most announcements until now, but it would be like a knife to the heart at the moment.

Your consultant sounds good bean. I think I need to get back to basics too - some of my blood results are 2-3 years old.

Have you decided when you'll cycle again?

banana, how are you doing?

I'm feeling utterly desolate on the inside and trying to function like a normal person on the outside. My teeth hurt and I've just realised I've been clenching my jaw, probably for the last two weeks. No wonder I've been getting headaches. Went back to yoga yesterday, have a class almost every other day between now and Christmas, hoping it will help. I found myself feeling tearful at the end of the class. Have been back at work this week too, it was ok. The effort that everything takes is just exhausting.