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Infertility

Our Infertility Support forum is a space to connect with others in the same position, discuss causes, treatment and IVF, and share infertility stories of hope and success.

Failure stories

949 replies

BipBippadotta · 09/07/2016 13:08

I'm far past the point where I'm interested in fertility success stories. Tales of lucky couples who triumphed over impossible biological odds to have their miracle baby make me want to self-immolate. Help me feel less alone in my utter irreversible barrenness by telling me about all the fertility treatments, supplements, folk remedies, voodoo, etc you've tried, that work for every other fucker on the Internet, but did bugger all for you.

I'll start!

Things that didn't work for us:
Grapefruit juice
Guaifeneisin
COQ10
Acupuncture
Vitamin E
Royal jelly
Wheatgrass
Pycnogenol
Low carbing
Inositol & melatonin
Cutting caffeine and alcohol
L-Arginine
Baby aspirin
Maca
B6
Starflower oil
Soy isoflavones
Clomid for DH (to increase sperm count)
Clomid for me
Clomid & injectables
High doses of antibiotics
Prednisone
IVF with ICSI

OP posts:
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19
bananafish81 · 23/09/2016 14:19

It's a chemical pregnancy 😓 Stopping meds now. At least this pregnancy was shorter lived than the last one. Gutted.

LokisUnderpants · 23/09/2016 14:24

banana that's shit. I'm so sorry. Nothing I can say will make you feel better so all I'll say is FUCK.

BipBippadotta · 23/09/2016 14:51

Oh, Banana. Fucking hell. All the love in the world to you & Your DH.

OP posts:
PotatoesPastaAndBread · 23/09/2016 14:59

Oh no banana, sorry

LHReturns · 23/09/2016 15:07

Banana, heartbroken for you and all the effort you made to get to this point. It was you who taught me that those who deserve it most aren't always blessed with the most fortune. 'It doesn't work that way'. This is an example of that lesson if there ever was one.

tigerdog · 23/09/2016 15:16

I'm so bloody sorry banana. It is beyond unfair. The universe can just go fuck itself. Sending loads of love.

RobberBride · 23/09/2016 19:27

Banana that is so fucking unfair, especially after dragging out for what, 8 days? I'm so so sorry. Sending so much sympathy to you and Mr Banana.

bananafish81 · 23/09/2016 19:31

Thanks ladies. Didn't think this one was going to be viable but you still hope.

At least we found out via bloods and didn't have to find out at the viability scan. Follow up arranged for 2 weeks today - which is 3 days before the due date of the last one. Woo!

Next step is likely to be another hysteroscopy. And possibly back to the copper IUD plan. Won't be able to cycle for a while as we have to try and work on the lining. We can't keep doing more stims cycles just to grow the endometrium. We've got to try and get the oven working before we thaw any more frozen buns.

Does anyone have the receipt for 2016? I'd really quite like to return it and get a do-over

Blondeshavemorefun · 23/09/2016 20:44

Oh banana I'm so sorry. Much love to you and me banana. Life is truely unfair 💐💐💐💐

RobberBride · 23/09/2016 20:59

Banana is he using your period (when it comes, how heavy etc) as a diagnostic tool?

With the possible exception of Bip I know no one who has done as much research, tried so many things, and really pushed yourself and your doc. You absolutely deserve this.

Hopefully for you this evening is some serious painkillers washed down with a Mojito or five.

bananafish81 · 23/09/2016 21:18

robber yes very much so. If I get a bleed or if my uterus just won't give it up, if it's black clotty gunge or red flow, what the endometrium looks like when he scans me - all of that will be diagnostically useful

After my fresh cycle in May we thought we had cracked the lining problem as I grew over 10mg, and we thought I'd have a Niagara Falls period. Sadly not. A day of black clots and brown spotting, no red bleeding at all. Ultrasound showed it had thinned and there was a small clot. Course of provera and still no bleed, but HyCoSy showed the clot had gone and the lining had thinned to 3mm. I was like 'but where did it all GO?' - turns out I absorbed it somehow, as it didn't come out the bottom, and the HyCoSy showed no sign of retrograde menstruation.

That's why he wouldn't start a transfer cycle until I'd had a bleed - as he needed to see that the endometrium could shed as it should.

Am terrified we will have a repeat of last time and my uterus just won't give it up and I'll be walking around with the lingering dregs of a rotten failed pregnancy 😓

1MamaBearseeksBabyBear · 24/09/2016 09:12

That is fukn shit bananas. Just seen this. Sending hugs x

RobberBride · 24/09/2016 15:36

Banana one thing I've learned is that our bodies aren't predictable - so this time your body might have a proper period. Did you stop the progesterone on Friday afternoon? In which case hopefully you'll start a period on Wednesday or Thursday.

RobberBride · 27/09/2016 19:32

Banana how are you, any sign of your period? How is everyone else?

A new failure story for you. I'm 5+1. I woke up at 2am with severe pain on one side. Gasped a bit, walked around, went back to bed after taking a painkiller. Called EPU as soon as they opened, and they got me in for a scan. They can't find the baby in the womb or fallopian tubes, so they call it a 'pregnancy of unknown location'. They took bloods, told me to prepare myself for the worst, sent me home. At 5 they call me to say that my HCG is good (3386) as is my progesterone (396). I'm going back on Thursday am for blood tests and pm for a scan with the consultant. Desperately trying to not hope.

LHReturns · 27/09/2016 19:49

Robber I am very sorry you have had a big scare. What a shitty day and night for you.

May I ask what they think has happened? At 5+1 I thought you can only expect to see an empty gestational sac anyway. What were they hoping to see that they didn't? Is it not possible that everything is there just too small for a few more days?

So sorry you are suffering now for a few days while you wait.

Zippybear · 27/09/2016 20:03

* Oh robber* how horrible, just delurking to say I'm crossing everything for you. At least bloods are good Flowers

RobberBride · 27/09/2016 20:21

Thanks LH. They don't know - I think they thought I'd miscarried or was about to miscarry, but my blood results really surprised them. The blood test results make an ectopic the most likely option, but there's still a very slim chance that they missed the sac in the womb and it is viable. They couldn't see any kind of sac anywhere inside or outside my womb, just a bit of fluid in my womb.

Thanks Zippy. It is really comforting just telling someone other than DH, who is as upset as me. I've spent all day attempting to work, stuck in my head with unanswered questions.

bananafish81 · 27/09/2016 20:31

Hugs robber - hoping PUL is just early and next scan will show a sac in the right place

Sadly my 'period' is such that we are right back to where we started

Despite the excitement at me having an actual bleed last month, so my uterus appeared to have learned how to grow and shed a moderately decent lining, and we appeared to be in good shape to start a treatment cycle - apparently not.

Well think we have a clue as to why this one didn't take, because my endometrium is clearly absolutely fucked. We're back to where we were in May. In May's (freeze all) cycle the lining looked good on a scan. But turned out to be a disgusting mess. Dr said after May's 'period' that although the lining looked great on the scan, based what was coming out, the quality wasn't there, and if we had elected to transfer into that endometrium, the cycle would likely have failed.

In May that 11mm of lining never shed as a proper period - no actual flow, no red bleeding, just a bit of black clotty gunge and brown spotting. Nothing more than a pantliner needed. Scans and bloods showed that was my period - lining had thinned although there was a lovely blood clot just floating around. Took a week of Provera. Didn't induce any bleeding. But it obvs did something because the HyCoSy I went for a week later showed the clot had resolved itself, the lining had thinned further to just 3mm - yet nothing was coming out of me, nor retrograde menstruation back down my tubes, so it was somehow all being absorbed.

We thought we'd cracked it by getting me to have a proper bleed last month, hence why we cancelled the hysto, and started the treatment cycle

Lining looked amazing onscreen this cycle. Appearance was best he said it had ever looked

Apparently it's also a complete liar because it turns out to have been absolute shit

Black clotty gunk and brown spotting. Nothing resembling a period. Nothing more than a liner. At 5w I wouldn't have expected a sac or anything, but Dr said because there was hCG and higher levels of progesterone because I was pregnant, which would have thickened the lining further, with a 'very early miscarriage' (as he described it) I should be having a bleed of some sort.

Dr spoke to me on the phone and said he wanted me to come in sooner, so he can scan me.

Our WTF appointment was scheduled for next week, but he wants to give it a couple more days to see if anything comes out before he scans me - and we can then discuss next steps. We agreed we would bring the hysto forward so he can get in there and see what's going on. TBC but looking at next week. It'll be my 3rd general anaesthetic of 2016 (plus the 3 egg collections under sedation I've already had this year)

Glad hysto is sooner because I just want this rotten dead lining and embryo out of me. If I can't menstruate properly and can't miscarry properly, well then it'll just need manually scraping out of me.

I'm just so fed up. My uterus is this toxic hazard zone where embryos just go to die

Sorry for ramble but this is the Failure stories thread and I'm feeling like a pretty epic failure right now.

Zippybear · 27/09/2016 20:32

Total nightmare robber hope you are bearing up. In the spirit of this thread I will light a candle for you in front of my fertility statue x

Zippybear · 27/09/2016 20:35

Cross post with banana. Sorry to hear your news, so frustrating. Fuck this shit.

RobberBride · 27/09/2016 20:45

Banana Hugs back, that is absolutely terrible news, I'm so sorry. At least your consultant is proactive. I know what you mean about failure - first of all I can't even get diagnosed properly as to why I don't ovulate, then six round of OI fail to make me ovulate, and when I do get pregnant my body fucks it up but not with an ordinary miscarriage nooo. Zippy nailed it - fuck this shit.

Blondeshavemorefun · 27/09/2016 20:48

Banana your lining sounds a nightmare even after everything you have done - life isn't fair

What's the next step?

Robber / also unfair but if bloods high and they can't find anything in tubes then hopefully they just missed the sac

At 5w mine was literally a sac and the scan clinic said to go back at 7w to see a heart

I'm hoping your's will be the same

PotatoesPastaAndBread · 27/09/2016 20:52

Oh robber what a nightmare, I'm so sorry, you must be so worried. And banana you too, how awful.

Bleurgh it is back to failure stories this week Sad

My due date would have been Thursday. Which is also my 37th birthday. I thought I was OK about it, but I'm really not, which is ridiculous, I'm not sad about the baby, it was such an early miscarriage, I'm just a wrinkled, bitter, barren, angry, sad old mess who apparently drinks too much on a school night. And over-uses commas. Fuck.

Zippybear · 27/09/2016 20:58

Happy birthday for Thursday Potatoes. It's fine not to be ok about it all in my opinion. From another wrinkled barren sad old mess drinking on a school night Wine

RobberBride · 27/09/2016 21:57

Potatoes happy birthday for Thursday - have you got anything planned? I think how you feel is very normal. Have you had any counselling? The clinic today gave me a leaflet for the Petals charity and told me that they offer very good free counselling for people who have lost babies at any stage of pregnancy. At the time I was like, whatever, this is so early, I'll be fine. After just sobbing over DH because I failed to put my yoga pants in the cold wash, I'm not so sure.

Blondes thank you, I hope so too. But after several hours with Dr Google, I'm not feeling optimistic.