Failure stories

[BipBippadotta]

I'm far past the point where I'm interested in fertility success stories. Tales of lucky couples who triumphed over impossible biological odds to have their miracle baby make me want to self-immolate. Help me feel less alone in my utter irreversible barrenness by telling me about all the fertility treatments, supplements, folk remedies, voodoo, etc you've tried, that work for every other fucker on the Internet, but did bugger all for you.

I'll start!

Things that didn't work for us:
Grapefruit juice
Guaifeneisin
COQ10
Acupuncture
Vitamin E
Royal jelly
Wheatgrass
Pycnogenol
Low carbing
Inositol & melatonin
Cutting caffeine and alcohol
L-Arginine
Baby aspirin
Maca
B6
Starflower oil
Soy isoflavones
Clomid for DH (to increase sperm count)
Clomid for me
Clomid & injectables
High doses of antibiotics
Prednisone
IVF with ICSI

Marvellous news LH!

I agree with bip - the barren ghetto should be a scan free zone

Ladies who wish to share / see scan photos, I started a pregnancy after infertility thread, which I believe is still going, where that would I'm sure be welcomed with open arms

If we are ever lucky enough to get to a successful 12 week scan, I will never post that on FB because I know how crushed I am every time I go on FB and there's another baby bomb

It's like a knife through your heart. Same with baby on board badges

We found out our baby had died at our 10w panorama scan, and it looked like a baby, only very very still with no heartbeat. So scan photos make me feel quite sick to be honest.

If I'm ever lucky enough to have a successful pregnancy, I won't be posting any pregnancy related updates on FB, because I know how awful it is as an infertile to be bombarded with them from everyone else. I don't know which of my friends might be struggling, and I would prefer not to put others through the same

Personally I don't subscribe to the 12 week rule about keeping it secret - because if something goes wrong (as it did) I wanted the support and understanding of friends, and not to have to pretend that everything was fine and that my world hadn't just fallen apart. However I personally choose to run people on a need to know basis, rather than broadcasting on FB

That's purely a personal decision. But just vocalising my own thought process, because this is a thread called 'Failure stories', and it's a wonderfully safe space away from the bouncy world of baby dust. Xxx

Amazing news on the 20iu Robber!! What's next step for you? Do your clinic do bloods or will they book you in for a scan in due course? Xx

Congrats LH, well done. So pleased for you too robber!

Looks like I'll have to keep the failure going all by myself at this rate.

Just to add my tuppence. I do really love to hear news about others, and to know that all is going well, but agree that scan pics and pregnancy excitement belong elsewhere. Pregnancy fear and denial most welcome though - I can't imagine ever feeling comfortable enough to post on a pregnancy thread and would probably linger in denial if it ever does happen.

Wow what is going on around here! Massive congrats robber and lh and fantastic news about the scan bip. I'll help you keep the failure going tigerdog, af arrived this morning 5days late, why would u have expected anything different?!!

Why would I that should say!!

Hi ladies. Please forgive the intrusion, but I'm so pleased to see positive news from some familiar names who have been such supportive glittery shit throwers for many others.
As banana says upthread, the Pregnancy After Infertility thread is indeed still going and is a safe space for all the fear and inherent negativity an actual BFP brings to a barren, and is crucially still mercifully far away from the smug instadiffing fertiles.
Clever banana. Thanks for starting it back in the day and hope to see you back - and also anyone else who might fancy it.

Wishing you all the best.

What a joy to come across a thread that tells it like it is! I've tried loads of things... lubricants, dhea, vitamins god there is to many to mention! I never even made it past my first week of ICSI as they 'discovered' a polyp. So that was the end of that. Nothing like a good hard slap in the face to bring you back to earth. Dh ex just announced she's preggers...she got 3 pregnancies terminated. Sometimes I think where is the justice in that!

Totally understand reasons why no scan pics

Congrats lh. Assume you will have early scan and find out if one or two as think you had two back in?

Thank you Blondes. Yes I had two put back in, so if no disasters over next couple weeks I will go for an early scan at Fetal Medicine Centre and see what they can see. I have had very good previous experiences with the FMC and would feel happier to receive bad (or multiples!) news there. I plan to do this before my official 7 week scan at the Lister.

This assumes I even make it this far.

Got my bloods back - a nice 41 at 8dp5dt so good so far. Still have pale pink discharge tho. I realise this does not mean much. Bit disconcerting though.

I've never had blood test after ivf so don't know what the numbers mean

My clinic said I had to have a scan to see if a sac was there at 5w then go back after 7 to see heart

Zippy I'm really sorry to hear that. Do you have anything planned for the next round?

Tiger how's your treatment going?

Bip how was the interview?

LH you're lucky to have blood test results. DH has convinced me that they would be pointless as I'd only get the results and start worrying again the next day, so I'll just keep POAS til the early scan (if my disorganised clinic and GP surgery ever manage to liaise and give me a date). I don't have pink discharge but I am getting hourly cramps that feel just like period pains. Every time I run to the toilet on knicker alert.

Mama there's no justice in infertility!

Grumpel hello. I lurk on your thread, nice to see you here!

Thanks Robber!

Bip how was the interview? Did you find something to wear that you liked in the end?

My pink discharge has returned to brown discharge. But it is definitely there when I wipe. Banana gave me a private lecture because I have a habit of 'rooting around' with loo paper when I fear finding something. This increased the discharge situation - I dunno, everything feels sore from the Cycogest. Apparently I should not 'root around' anymore - so Banana if you are reading, I have stopped!

Told my consultant about spotting as I am on Clexane and Aspirin, so want to know if I should reduce these. She is going to discuss with Lister colleagues and let me know tomorrow.

I am going to the US for a family birthday on Friday afternoon for nearly a week, so I wanted to get some bloods done before I went. Will get a second lot on Friday morning before I leave. If that has increased nicely I will relax on the spotting business. If it hasn't then I will have a stressful time away! Robber I agree with your DH - it is one more thing to worry about in a process which I have no control over. Any comfort lasts a grand total of 3 minutes.

Got my array of tests, and a little cup, and tissues, and optimal lighting in place for further stick peeing in the morning.

I have had period pains (front and back) ever since ET so I don't now what to make of them anymore. Am also so constipated I can't distinguish between all the various pains. All I know is the pains are worse after walking a long way, and in the evening.

Any thoughts on any of this warmly invited and appreciated.

And Bip, I so hope today was what you wished for.

LH I can't give you answers, but I can share some more symptoms in the hopes that it'll make you feel like you're not alone! I have weird stretching feelings around my belly button that then span down to my hips and pubic bone, like a cross between trapped gas and pulled muscles, which are worse when I stretch up. I don't know whether it is the constipation/loose stools cycle I seem to be trapped in, the UTI, my body freaking out about the amount of fibre it is being fed, or the general hormonal changes, but it is fucking weird and makes me worry that this bean is not sticking.

I get weird period time sensations too. Am hoping it is all that lovely cyclogest. I am also farting like a trooper and feel constipated the whole time (I'm only constipated half the time). I have lost 1.8kg since the op despite still looking ridiculously bloated. Pre-barren me would be cock a hoop as I certainly haven't changed my diet. Post IVF me is panicked something is up. DH thinks it is because the injections have stopped. Anyone else experienced this?

Can't believe I am carrying a little box of arse bullets everywhere I go in case plans change and I am out at the crucial time...

LH haven't had a poo for 4 days. Had a shag last night and, er, well wasn't a top 10 one anyway! Get your bloods done & fc you'll then be able to feel a bit less menkully.

Bip how was the interview? What did you wear in the end? xx

peaop arse bullets, progynova? Metformin, my bag is a veritable fertility farmacy (sic)

Anyone listen to BBC radio 4 today? Piece starting now (8.am for iplayer) about NHS funding IVF has dropped off a cliff vs 5 years ago. [Hollow laugh] I didn't qualify for shit due to oh having kids, despite the problems clearly lying with me. Glad I pay £2k of tax a month 😒

Thinking of you bip and hope you rocked the interview

peaop I became a pro at fanjo-bullet-ing on the move - I had to shove the viagra pessaries up there 4 times a day

My meds schedule at the moment is ridiculous. Thyroxine before breakfast. Metformin morning and evening with food. Prednisolone after breakfast. Aspirin and Clexane morning. Progynova three times a day. Cyclogest morning. Lubion evening. And then there's the epilepsy and nerve pain meds too. It's a good job I have an app with all this shit in it!!

My belly currently looks like I'm a junkie from all the bruising. It's a strong look.

robber cramping etc is all totally normal

lh stop poking around in your vag!!!

mama welcome to the barren ghetto!!

grumpel so glad the thread is still going! Hope at some point to be able to rejoin you. Let's see how this one plays out...

Sorry for everyone's bowel issues. I am waiting for the metformin shits to kick in (went straight onto the whacking great miscarriage dose without tapering up) but for now I am having the most glorious daily poos. One up side to being off all my narcotic pain meds is not being permanently bunged up. The horrible pain less so but hey.

Dr told me I could take OTC Co codamol / co dydramol, which does fuck all when you've been on hefty doses of tramadol and oxycodone for the last 15 years, but is better than nothing. Idiot me tried to buy some from Boots and woman refused to sell it to me because I was buying pregnancy tests. Should have lied and said it wasn't for me. Idiot that I am. Went round all my other local pharmacies like a junkie buying up boxes of Paramol. Classy!!

It's making my blood boil whilst I listen to icy. They need a forceful barren to set the case out! And now they are talking about it being a toss up between treating cancer and IVF. Oh FFS!

Aaarrggghh! It is not a case of giving evil barren women IVF from the money that is used to treat dying people. I hate the way they deliberately set that up as the choice. How about asking for those having more than three children to contribute to their maternity care? Or those with self inflicted illnesses due to genuine lifestyle choice to pay up....Oooh the rage!

Did anyone else listen?

At banana81 and robber thank you for the warm welcome 😊

Thinking of all of you with your arsenals of tablets and bullets and jabs, and Banana hoping your stash of pain meds managed to at least take the edge off. LH leave your bits alone! If it's brown stuff coming out it's old blood, and not likely to be to do with the blood thinners.

Zippy really sorry it's shit news this month. There's nothing worse than a late period giving you hope. Tiger are things getting underway soon?

Interview yesterday was disappointing: there was a group bit first thing where all the candidates had to meet each other (how can this be a good idea?), and it emerged that the others all knew each other from working there before on a voluntary basis. I was the token external candidate. Don't fancy my chances in the circumstances. It's annoying; I was successful & relatively senior in my original career but hated it. Have since spent 5 years retraining into a field where you basically have to work your arse off for free for several years before anyone will give you a shitty part time job earning next to nothing. I love the work, but I am pissed off as it looks like I'm going to need to work for free for a few more years before anyone takes me seriously. Guess I can't quit the freelancing yet.

More importantly, I managed to cobble together an outfit that didn't make me look like a mad old bag lady - in fact all the younger candidates were wearing some variant of it. Drapey top, slim black trousers, ankle boots. I'd had a massive nervous fear-poo that morning so the bloat was at least gone and I had a normal looking midsection.

Glad I did it anyway. Moving properly into the new house tomorrow so plenty to take my mind off stuff. Mini heatwave on the cards as well.

Mamabear that sucks about your ICSI! Was it NHS?

@bipBippadotta....no it was a private clinic. I'm just waiting to hear from NHS about getting polyp removed and then try again. This time we are avoiding private clinic and paying NHS for a round of ICSI...it is a lot cheaper than private! Infertility is just sucks big time. Think I'm turning bitter lol

Banana good luck with the HCG bloods tomorrow. How do you feel? Also thank you for the cramps reassurance.

PeaOp glad it isn't just me farting. I've never been so glad to have my own office and a window that actually opens.

Bip that's amazing news about the move! Have you fixed the major house niggles? When do you hear back about the job? Tbh, they might have interviewed the volunteers out of loyalty/guilt and been really keen to hire you.

Icy and LH are you still POAS every day? I've stopped because I think it is not helping my UTI go away. Also, it is making me crazy.

Tiger thanks for the review, I think I'll miss the programme, it sounds awful!

I've realised that I've been so focused on ovulating, never mind getting pregnant, that I have no clue what happens now. My clinic basically said 'k thx bye'. My GP has 'noted' the pg, given me a due date, and recommended I don't bother with a 7 week scan. Do you guys all plan to do harmony and/or panorama scans? Is there anything else I should know? Where do you find out this information?! All I can find online is the same bloody list telling me not to eat unpasteurised cheese, which even I'd managed to pick up.

robber if you've got a uti I always find a couple of teaspoons of bicarbonate of soda in water helps a lot. It neutralises the acidic pee (same stuff as goes into the sachets from chemist but about 89,000 times cheaper). Keep pissing that uti out. I let one make its way up to my kidneys and I needed a week off afterwards, back glued to my electric blanket.

Hi Robber! Sorry about the UTI.

The Lister is a little warmer in that they get me back for a 7 week viability scan. If that is successful then they say 'k thx bye'. Then we join the work of normal pregnant women (the ones that don't even know they are up the duff yet).

Whether a 7 week scan is required or not nothing will stop me from looking for a heartbeat at that stage. A viability scan is about £100 at the poncier, tip-top scan clinics around Harley Street (FMC, UDS, WUC) so must be available for less in other good places. You just call and book one.

I will be doing harmony test, definitely. I am old. So that gets you a scan at 10 weeks and the full nuchal scan at 12 weeks (which is less stressful if good blood results have already been delivered).

Congrats again Robber! I am getting one more set of bloods done this morning as I fly to the US this afternoon for a family birthday. Hoping they have increased enough in 48 hours so I don't spend 8 hours freaking out on a flight.