Failure stories

[BipBippadotta]

I'm far past the point where I'm interested in fertility success stories. Tales of lucky couples who triumphed over impossible biological odds to have their miracle baby make me want to self-immolate. Help me feel less alone in my utter irreversible barrenness by telling me about all the fertility treatments, supplements, folk remedies, voodoo, etc you've tried, that work for every other fucker on the Internet, but did bugger all for you.

I'll start!

Things that didn't work for us:
Grapefruit juice
Guaifeneisin
COQ10
Acupuncture
Vitamin E
Royal jelly
Wheatgrass
Pycnogenol
Low carbing
Inositol & melatonin
Cutting caffeine and alcohol
L-Arginine
Baby aspirin
Maca
B6
Starflower oil
Soy isoflavones
Clomid for DH (to increase sperm count)
Clomid for me
Clomid & injectables
High doses of antibiotics
Prednisone
IVF with ICSI

Ps - I'm now pondering my little eggs in their Petri dishes and hoping they are still going.... Just praying we will have something to put back tomorrow, let alone making it to Wednesday.

I am hiding in the loo in John Lewis trying not to cry, as I have spent all day looking for something to wear to my interview Wednesday. I've hardly ventured into a fitting room in 2 years as I can't stand having to look at my stretch marks and varicose veins and cellulite and c section scar (visible through anything form-fitting, so no more lovely pencil dresses for me) and all the other revolting things pregnancy did to my body without actually giving me a living child in return.

Now at 9.5-10 wks pregnant I also have a huge bloated belly, and all the flab from comfort-eating mashed potatoes for the past 6 weeks to combat morning sickness. I hate having to look at that and know the likelihood is that this one will fuck up too and I'll end up no longer pregnant but with yet another 10 pounds of blubber to shift.

Before all this I was a size 6-8. I used to like the way I looked in clothes. Now I'm a gross shape and a weird mish-mash of sizes. Nothing fits, and I look disgusting. Covered in acne, hair still falling out. It's awful.

I honestly have no idea what I am going to wear on Weds. Just want to go home and sit in the bath and cry. Except the bastard previous house owners shittily removed the plugs to all the sinks and the bathtub when they left, just to be dicks I suppose, so that's not going to happen. Ugh.

Bip the only improvement on your situation I can suggest is to actually cry. The stress sounds unbearable. When even something exciting like shopping/job interview is so miserable, things are really shit. I'm so proud of you for having the strength to go for the interview and to keep thinking about your future even though there is so much pain and uncertainty in your present.

Fucking house owners though. Let's hope the guys who moved out of where they've moved in took all the light bulbs and left small pieces of Lego buried in the carpet for naked nighttime feet to find.

Same goes for you banana with your collection of contradictory piss sticks. Thank God for your supportive consultant. Thinking of you tomorrow - hoping for a conclusive test. A conclusive positive test would be a double bonus. Fingers crossed.

Also fingers crossed for good news for you Peaop.

Thanks, potatoes. Fuckers took the catflap too. So now there's just a random fucking hole in the back door. I hate them.

Hoping for good news for you tomorrow, Pea.

And you too Banana.

I'm living vicariously through you, tiger, with your Michelin star dinner. What did you have?

PeaOp, it is such a horrid wait - you have none of the control, just waiting for the phone to ring. Thinking of you tomorrow -let us know!

Bip - when I was pregnant, all the way until about 6 months, I wore draped blouses (a bit like the attached photo), with skinny jeans (button undone then moving onto maternity skinny jeans), all with a black well cut blazer and heels. Could you get away with that? I work in creative industries so jeans with heels is very acceptable. Sorry if useless for you!

Banana - you remain pregnant until proven otherwise!!! Go go go!!

Having had the runs a few days ago, now at 5dp5dt I have not pooed in 2 days and I am EXPLODING. I Fxxking hate this Cyclogest.

Debating when to test - Banana says I should wait until 8dp5dt. I'm sure she is right - that is Wed. Slooooooooow week.

Every time I think I might have signs of symptoms, it pops up TOP in a list of Cyclogest symptoms (swollen, sore boobs - Yup, Cyclogest; extreme chemical tiredness - Yup, Cyclogest; crazy night sweats - COULD WELL be Cyclogest).

GAH!!!

LH I finally managed a poo earlier today and, oh god, the joy! I'd had a Duck & rice pot from Itsu on the way back from work so not sure if the combination of miso and lots of lovely warm broth helped things along?

I love that top. I have been existing in some jigsaw jersey dresses - empire line with gathers at the bust so hangs straight down mostly disguising bump.... Worth a look bip?

Blimey, I go out for (decaf) coffee and this thread goes crazy!

Banana I thought digis were less sensitive, so they usually measure from 20iu? In which case it could be viable. Everything crossed, please let us know what happens.

Bip how about a pair of black tapered trousers (just cheapie ones from Next) with a blouse tucked in (or I like LH's top suggestion) and a decent fitted black jacket over the top, with a pair of heels? Have you got foundation for the spots? I recommend La Roche Posay's BB Effaclar Blur, it has amazing coverage (www.amodelrecommends.com/2016/01/18/bb-blur-behold-the-transformation/). Clean hair swept back off your face somehow and you'll be good. And congrats on getting the interview! When is your next scan too, it must be soon?

LH Wed is my test day too.

Potatoes how are you?

PeaOp good luck for tomorrow!

Ah, thanks for the suggestions. Empire waist / drapey things work best if you've got boobs big enough to hold the fabric out from the rest of your body. I've got tiny measly little boobs, so unfortunately those styles tend to make me look like a man with a beer gut in a dress. Plus I've got such an outbreak of acne on my chest I can't wear anything that doesn't have a super high neckline. Tried on some baggy, unstructured dresses today, thinking I might go for the willowy intellectual in a kaftan look, but the result was more chubby tramp in a bin bag. It really was a total fucking disaster.

LH am 4dp5dt (FET) and this screenshot has been keeping me sane from tearing my hair out and pissing on anything in sight.

Bip how about a blazer with structured-ish shoulders on top of whatever you wear? Also, Spanx. I also have no tits; wear 2 padded bras at the same time. Sounds mental but works well and looks natural.

Banana. I would trust the clear blue digi

Thought it was impossible to get a false postitive from one so if says few weeks preg .........

All crossed for tomorrow

With a CBDigi 'pregnant' definitely means 'pregnant'. But what it can't tell you is how the pregnancy is progressing (i.e. whether levels are doubling every 48 hours, what those levels are, etc). I had a '1-2 weeks' reading on a CB digi once when my BHCG later that morning was 13, so I think there's a lot of variation in the sensitivity of those tests, and a lot of puzzling non-agreement of urine and blood test results. It's all such a headfuck until you see steadily rising numbers over time, unfortunately.

Really rooting for you Banana.

Fingers crossed for today banana.

I now have a 3-day, 8-cell, grade 4 on board. Test date - 3rd Oct.

Well done PeaOp!! Let the wait begin!

Banana, breath is bated...

Eeeeek how exciting PeaOp now the wait of mindfuckery begins

Icy, I don't know how much longer I can wait to test. Wednesday is what I am trying to reach - 8dp5dt. How will I make it?

Your chart helped. THAT is why I should wait.

Robber, remind me of your dates - is Wednesday a 'sensible' time for you to test?

Any earlier is not sensible for me. Struggling tho!

Just pre-ordered myself an iPhone 7 in rather fetching rose gold. That wasted about 4 minutes of the longest week in history. IVF is expensive, not just coz the treatment is expensive. Also because I seem to need a lot of 'treats' to make myself feel better. Loser.

LH you are my spirit animal. I'm lusting over iphone 7 (shiny jet black [dribbles]) in a bid to distract myself! Fucking sodding regent street Apple Store still shut and I want to get it in store for the "experience" (yes I'm that sad).

Am also waiting until day 8 although I might try on day 7 (unless I purposely leave the piss sticks downstairs, drink a pint before bed and end up doing a 5 AM sleep special). I'm too fucking hopeful that's the problem. Need to nip it in the bud and get myself into bfn mode (as if I've ever been anything ever else)

Fuck this shit.

Oh yes - the jet black one is totally sold out I believe. That is definitely the sexy one. My rose gold one is a sort of chavvy, who cares if I'm not pregnant choice. Cos I'm so cute and bouncy with my rose gold phone which is just like jewellery or a clutch bag. Me, I'm too busy out dancing and taking selfies with my new phone to have a baby.

I get the optimistic thing - I actually dared to say 'cautiously optimistic' to DH yesterday. I kept pulling my top up and making him touch my boobs. "Look at that, look at that - touch them, TOUCH THEM!!! No not there, the SIDES - yes there, they aren't usually like that are they? Admit it, they are fuller aren't they? AREN'T THEY?!!! I am so naive. I didn't realise that Cyclogest is the first thing to give the boobs a fluffing.

Icy, did we have a transfer on the same day? When was your transfer?

Dammit re sold out although maybe they'll be back in stock when the cycle fails and I'm in "buy shit to feel better" mode by the time regent street store reopens...

Transfer last weds. Am a day behind you. 5 day blasto. Shitting a brick.

Fantastic - you were quite low key about it at the time? Maybe I didn't pay attention properly - I'm sorry if that is the case.

All fingers crossed for you too. Any symptoms that feel any different to previous tries?

Ah usually post on Mind Numbing thread. It's first FET - IVF was freeze all back in June as OHSS. I feel the same as normal. Few tit twinges but that happens every month anyway with hormones moving around. Just convinced myself in the loos that it hasn't worked. And then 10 mins later felt - exactly that - "cautiously optimistic" again.

4 blastos left in the freezer; I expect one, max 2, would defrost properly based on this go. Taken a long time to get to this point and it's just SO UNFATHOMABLY SHIT!

Doing nothing at work this week. Concentration zapped.

What cycle are you on this time?

My concentration is terrible, got about 8 different client emails on the go all at same time, and not one finished or sent.

I did a 'test go' in March with the plan to get a few embryos in the freezer (I am 40, low AMH). Got 5 eggs, despite normal sperm analysis only one little Fxxker fertilised. We froze that.

Then got married / moved house etc.

So this is my first fresh round, and used ICSI this time - 4 out of 5 mature eggs fertilised. We also defrosted that one March embryo which thawed fine, but had stopped growing by day 3. We transferred two fresh blasts last Tuesday, with nothing else to freeze. The other two that fertilised just weren't good enough.

If this fails hope to squeeze in another fresh round before Xmas. I do very short protocol, so is possible. Feels very tiring at the moment - both times I have survived the stims and EC but fine. But I am finding the Cyclogest very tough. Not enjoying this at all.

Lh 8daya may be too early to test. Mine was negative then but positive few days later when was meant to test

Banana hoping good news from you but as no reply it may be bad. Hope you are ok. Thinking of you 💐💐