Failure stories

[BipBippadotta]

I'm far past the point where I'm interested in fertility success stories. Tales of lucky couples who triumphed over impossible biological odds to have their miracle baby make me want to self-immolate. Help me feel less alone in my utter irreversible barrenness by telling me about all the fertility treatments, supplements, folk remedies, voodoo, etc you've tried, that work for every other fucker on the Internet, but did bugger all for you.

I'll start!

Things that didn't work for us:
Grapefruit juice
Guaifeneisin
COQ10
Acupuncture
Vitamin E
Royal jelly
Wheatgrass
Pycnogenol
Low carbing
Inositol & melatonin
Cutting caffeine and alcohol
L-Arginine
Baby aspirin
Maca
B6
Starflower oil
Soy isoflavones
Clomid for DH (to increase sperm count)
Clomid for me
Clomid & injectables
High doses of antibiotics
Prednisone
IVF with ICSI

You make me laugh SO much Bip!!! I am laughing out loud so much. You imagery is perfect every time!

Thanks Lokis...I am very relieved as I am 40 with low AMH, and scan on Monday looked like 5 max at that stage. Anyway let's see what happens as I got 5 last time and only 1 bothered to fertilise.

Photo of Mr No Balls to follow...

Hi bip, I'm still stimming. Started on cetrotide yesterday (scary that my computer already recognises the word and doesn't try to change it to 'certitude' of all things ffs). Scan Monday to see when EC might be.

Had first session with my redundancy consultant/coach provided by work this morning. Slightly odd not knowing where my career might go as it all really depends on whether we get any fertilised stuff out of this cycle (not even thinking past that point as never ever had a sniff of a bfp). Turns out her son was by IVF so she understood the limbo feeling.

Had to restrain myself from yelling at a very pregnant lady walking down the street smoking a fucking cigarette. Sigh.

Haha - PeaOp my phone now recognises Gonal, and Cetrotide, and Bip, and Bananafish!

Photo of my tiny boy pre-and post-op...looking after him does actually help.

And Bip I have done four 1000 piece jigsaws since I started stimming. They help me relax a lot - I do the cheesy, old-fashioned Gibsons jigsaws with images like Vintage Fair...and Pet Shop....and Riverside Picnic...soon I will start Christmas scenes because they are my favourite. Relax is all relative of course because if ANYONE else tries to find a piece they get their hand cut off.

Oh! What a lovely little fellow. Is he recovering well? Well done on your eggs as well! Got everything crossed for good news tomorrow.

Pea can't be fun going through redundancy consultations with this going on. I had a chuckle at the idea of getting 'fertilised stuff' out of your cycle - the longer you're at this the more abstract it all becomes, doesn't it.

Very true, part of the coping mechanism I guess.

Got the 'you look well' comment today....fishing cos today my belly has decided to bloat so far I look about 4 months gone....still a week to go on stims!!

PeaOp I'm the same.

I'm about to take my trigger (in 15 mins) but I look 6 months gone with the bloat. A pregnant lady smiled knowingly at my "bump" earlier. I could have cried but instead I tried to rub off of her in case that woo shite works. She wasn't pleased for some reason...

lokis Ah the old rubbing against a pregnant one I've been there!
Bip My beta hell involved a very faint post IVF positive, a very low beta, and then a week of repeat bloods with the added confusion of pregnyl 'rescue' shots (as advised by my clinic overseas). So basically watching the levels go up, falter and then fall again never quite knowing what was true hcg and what was pregnyl. It was horrendous but a very mini version of miscarriage hell im sure. I completely understand not wanting to scan, I think I'd be the same. Anyway glad the nausea is back and hope none of that matters now!

Cannot believe how much this thread has moved in 24 hours! Hello to all newbies, and hello to Jason Isaacs.

Bip I'm so fucking happy to hear you feel sick. What about the other, ahem, symptoms? It is supposed to be 27 degrees in the south east next week, you might make it to panorama yet... How is your DH doing?

Banana how did today go? Was the thaw ok? Thanks to you and the others for the exercise reassurance, I (carefully) did a yoga class tonight and feel better for it.

Zippy, you know the rules. Photo of the fertility statue or it doesn't exist. Personally, I'm thinking of putting photos of Jools Oliver and Victoria Beckham on my screensaver at work.

Barrenness I'm with you on the positivity aversion. I don't believe this round will work and I don't believe any other round will work for me. But you've got quite a haul there, so at least you've got a shot.

Loki I'm so sorry to read your story, it is brutal. Best of luck, and your post was short by this thread's standards .

LH your dog! My god he's cute. And that's great news. What is the next step for you?

PeaOp aaagh, you have my sympathy. I had to put on weight to do fertility treatment and I'm now bloated too. Which means none of my trousers fit (skirts/dresses are more forgiving) and I'm too stubborn to buy more until I need maternity stuff. Dressing for work is challenging!

The ABs (and the three litres of cranberry juice) kicked in quickly so I'm no longer peeing razor blades but I do still have some cramping/shooting pains in the ovary area. These could be the UTI or could be the HCG trigger making me feel achy and crap. Either way I'm feeling distinctly better than yesterday!

Gosh so much news on this thread!

On phone so apols for lack of personals but hello to barrens old and new (AND Jason Isaacs!!)

Frosticle thawed beautifully and one euploid blast safely on board

Managed not to pee on the consultant (he said it has happened before)

DH and I both cried

Dr was lovely and was almost more anxious about the next 8-9 days than we were!

Now cue a week of going absolutely hatstand. Thank fuck for the paralympics.

Banana woop!! And a short distraction, if you like Mayo: www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/p046m3ds. The one starting at 16.16 made me cry with laughter. I also loved the one starting at 9.04 but it is parenting-related.

Here she is robber! It's the Minoan fertility god from the island of Crete. I wouldn't all rush to get one, she's presided over three failed ivfs in zippy land She is holding a snake in each hand and has a cat on her head, very random. Never thought before, maybe that's what brings the fertility - not the statue but the pose/wildlife?! A new thing to try?! So many cycling at the moment, good luck to you all. Feeling especially barren here, I'm not even doing ivf! We've had quite a productive meeting with Dr Ramsey so hoping things are heading in a good direction.

Congratulations banana I'll be thinking sticky thoughts.

zippy that is the most random statue. For me I went with elephants. In feng shui they're seen as fertility symbols or some other such shite.

This is my ode to fertility woo... Shes called "the tree of life" and really the only reason I bought her was because the proceeds go to an elephant charity for prosthetic legs for elephants injured by landmines. The woo was secondary.

Ah, I should have bought the elephant earrings I saw yesterday - I would have done if I had known their fertility power!

So pleased that you got to transfer banana. What is your distraction plan for the next 8-9 days? Did you get any comments on your socks?

I have recently got back into jigsaws LH, very soothing distraction I find. I like the cheesy ones too! Cute pooch. Mine is too big to be a lap dog at 28kg but she tries! Fingers crossed for a good fertilisation rate for you.

Good to see you around zippy. How have you been?

Hi loki, sounds like you've had a shit time of it all, I'm so sorry to hear about the traumatic losses. Come on folicles, time for a growth spurt. Get those lucky socks on.

thebarreness, I'm sorry for your early loss. I had the same experience on my first cycle. I hear you on the hope front, the few friends I have told seem to think that there is a comfortable inevitability that I will eventually get pregnant. I do not feel so sure. .

what the fuck is wrong with people peaop? There was a pregnant lady smoking outside my hospital yesterday, and I was just leaving following a fucking unpleasant endometrial scratch. It gave me the rage. I wanted to say something but the woman looked hard as nails and would probably have decked me. I am also bloated and seem to have developed bad cellulite. God I love that ivf makes me look like shit as well as feel shit. Hope the cetrotide is going ok.

Glad you're feeling better robber. Bastarding uti.

bip in this upside down world, I'm glad you're feeling sick.

Scratch yesterday and fuck me it was unpleasant. I actually felt sick from the pain, and the position of the speculum was weird, the pressure made me feel like I might crap myself if someone pushed down too hard. Never had that before! I had a biopsy/scratch a few months ago and that was fine, not sure why this one was so bad.

I forgot I have a woo thing which I'm not sure I have read on here. I am walking around with tiny beads plastered in my ears onto acupressure points. From my acupuncturist who I am off to see in 30 minutes once my very first Cyclogest torpedo has melted into my lady tunnel.

Hello Robber - I am waiting for THE CALL to see how many of my husband's love seeds they managed to ram inside my ageing eggs...then we wait again for transfer either on Sunday or Tuesday.

Ok I need some opinions:

Chatting with Mr Love Seed last night...We are both leaning towards waiting until Tuesday (blast day) regardless of how many embryos survive until Sunday (3 day).

Given that you all seem to buy into the theory of 'if it doesn't make it to blast then it couldn't create a pregnancy anyway'.... Other than the obvious risk that I end up with nothing to transfer by Tuesday (which may happen well before then anyway) - what is the downside of waiting?

I.e. If the cycle were to be destined to fail, (and we then certainly intend to try again)...is it not better for it to fail NOW so I can have a glass of wine and stop with the yucky Cyclogest (and properly enjoy my mother's 70th birthday in the US in 2 weeks time).

Am I missing something? Emotionally I think I can cope better with a failure sooner rather than later, but you guys are the pros and will be able to tell me if I will regret it. If we have just 1 or 2 survivors by Sunday, would I be crazy not to transfer them at that stage?

Who knows I may have done an about turn by Sunday!

Love this thread as you all know I am a novice (I joined because I am one of Bip's many cheerleaders). By definition most of you guys are on this thread because you are pros. Thank you for your generosity with advice and support.

If it were me I would probably wait until day 5, save the agony of a wait from day 3. However some doctors are of the opinion that they do better in utero.

I was going to go with a day 3 simply because I wanted to get home sooner, now that we had to stim an extra few days we'll have to wait until day 5 too before freezing.

Sorry this isn't helpful at all

LH tough decision. I know where you're coming from about wanting to wait until blast. I think a lot may depend on how many embryos you end up with. I only had 2, so we did a 2-day transfer of both. At least one of those made it to blast once transferred, as I got a very short-lived bfp. So we could potentially have waited. But I think the wait between days 2 and 5 would have been more of a headfuck for me than a longer 2ww. I was already reeling from the fact that only 2 of 11 eggs had fertilised, which was an unpleasant surprise. Plus my clinic didn't really frame it as a choice I could make - they basically said get in here and get these embryos on board ASAP. I get quite bad choice-regret, so I was relieved to have that decision out of my hands. I suspect if I'd waited and they'd both fizzled out in a Petri dish before transfer I might have blamed myself for not giving it a go (or worried my DH / my mother / anyone else closely following the process might secretly blame me). But then I can always find something to feel guilty about. Reading others' stories, there does seem to be something very psychologically hard about not making it to ET., even if it does mean you can move on quicker.

But those are all worst case scenarios. With any luck you'll have a good crop and waiting for blast will be what the clinic advises anyway. And being able to do away with the pessaries and celebrate your mother's birthday does sound nice. Sometimes you get to this point and all you want is your normal life back as soon as possible!

Got everything crossed for good news.

Loving everyone's fertility statues! Off to grab 2 snakes and put a cat on my head.

Banana well done on your ET! I'm so so pleased for you. There is so much this time that has gone right and that you can be certain about (lining, euploidy, etc). Really rooting for you & micro bananababy.

Bip you have just perfectly articulated (as ever) all the reasons why I think I was talking a very big game out of my bum hole.

Ok, so I have had the call. Four of my six eggs have now been fertilised with ICSI. One was immature and one didn't fertilise. They are now thawing my one frozen chap (which was a 1 day embryo and will call me later to say if it survived. So I will either have four or five to work with.

And they too have taken the choice from my hands. If I don't hear from them before 9am on Sunday morning then we assume I have 1 or 2 embryos still going, and I just get to the Lister for transfer at midday.

If I DO get a call from them that will be to tell me they don't want to see me on Sunday as we have 3 or more still going and will wait until Tuesday.

That told me then! I am happy with this for all the reasons that Bip explained above....

Comments encouraged. Frankly I think the chances of me making it to Tuesday with only max of 5 embryos today are nearly NIL.

Ah, sometimes it's great when they just tell you how it's gonna be.

4 out of 6 is excellent! I'd have thought having that fert rate bodes well for egg & sperm quality which in turn bodes well for getting some of them to blast stage. Sounds like a pretty good result all round! Fingers crossed! How are you feeling about it?

Banana. Fab news. Will keep everything crossed for you both

Lh - I'm kinda on the fence for this. Own personal exp is that the 4 day 3's I had implanted didn't take in the 2 uk cycles - and then abroad all went to 5 days and 2 to 6

The 3rd 5th day worked :)

Tho have had friends with one 3 day poor quality and is popping next month and years ago my BF had 2 day 3 grade c implanted. All she had and they informed her very likely not to work but Obv would put them back and they started secondary school this week as strapping 11yrs

I think if you have a few to play with its worth leaving to blast and my feeling is if they are poor quality and don't make day 5 blast then they wouldn't have taken inside you at 3 days

Does that make sense?

As in better to have none to put back in and know - rather then have 2ww and then be disappointed xx

Oh phone (again) so sorry (again) for lack of personals. So much going on!

Loving the fertility statues ladies. I, who reads Ben Goldacre and all that jazz, have a fucking crystal in my bedroom (next to the sharps bin, for that sexy boudoir atmosphere) that my woo loving (but very lovely) SIL gave me. Now where's that snake?

bip hurrah for nausea! May your puking be bounteous and the sunshine on your back

lh those are bloody great numbers. Nice work on the slutty underwear there eggs! Glad the decision has been taken out of your hands. Hopefully you'll have 3 good goers at day 3 and will leave till day 5. But all people started life as a day 3 embryo - leaving till day 5 is just a selection tool. It gives you more information, sure, but ultimately there's no right or wrong answer. Hope you and Mr No Balls are feeling physically OK today

Oh and I picked out the ear seeds the acupuncturist put in yesterday. They were pissing me off. And it's satisfying to remove them

loki am thinking follicular thoughts for you

Will reply more with personals when I can scroll down.

BTW if I ever needed a reason not to venture out of the barren ghetto, there's a thread in chat with a woman who's discovered she is pregnant. Unplanned.

She had no idea she was pregnant. She is 32 weeks. Apparently she didn't feel a baby at all. And lack of periods was normal for PCOS. And she's fat so didn't notice getting bigger apparently.

What the actual fuck?!

Apparently this getting knocked up business is a doddle. Who knew?!

I should keep my fertility elephant in the bedroom but the chances of conceiving naturally while tubeless are less than 5%. Even if it manages to implant in utero instead of stuck to some organ. Yeah...I've read about cases like that and with my track record of traumatic pregnancies I'd rather keep her in the kitchen where we're far less likely to get carried away.

Feels about the same odds as IVF at this point.

I wish I woke up 39 weeks pregnant. It would save so much heartache and money ffs

Since the lucky/not lucky sock debate I've convinced myself that this IVF will only work if I've got a new pair of lucky socks. I've walked the length of the Palladium shopping centre and I've come to the conclusion that Czech women don't appreciate cutesy socks the way us Irish (me)/UK girls do. I've not found one pair of socks that isn't miserably plain and attached to 500 others in a money-saving multipack. It's bloody depressing how little value is put on the cuteness/luck of the humble sock here. So I'm eating cheesecake in Costa Coffee instead and people watching.

Thanks all for your thoughts.

Spoken to Lister on phone again - my frozen embryo has survived the thaw so now we have 5 on the go. I am of course delighted with this outcome.

My Consultant snatched the phone from the embryologist to tell me how pleased she was, and gave me back some control. They now definitely call me on Sunday morning and we will decide together what my plan is. So many potential scenarios that she advises to explore it then.

I am having a glass of red wine tonight.

Bip, how is the nausea today?

LH that's marvellous news!!! What a haul

Make it a large one, hopefully the last in the next 9 months

Loki how big are your feet? Could you get children's socks? Or are those all as drearily utilitarian as the adult kind? How bout slippers? Any novelty bunny slippers around or are they po-faced about those too?

LH that's great news! Have a glass of wine for me, will ya? Feeling very boaky today, which will be difficult as I'm meeting a friend tonight to celebrate her getting her PhD. We're going for tapas. Lots of pungent garlicky smells. It's going to be hell. But I want to go to congratulate her.