Failure stories

[BipBippadotta]

I'm far past the point where I'm interested in fertility success stories. Tales of lucky couples who triumphed over impossible biological odds to have their miracle baby make me want to self-immolate. Help me feel less alone in my utter irreversible barrenness by telling me about all the fertility treatments, supplements, folk remedies, voodoo, etc you've tried, that work for every other fucker on the Internet, but did bugger all for you.

I'll start!

Things that didn't work for us:
Grapefruit juice
Guaifeneisin
COQ10
Acupuncture
Vitamin E
Royal jelly
Wheatgrass
Pycnogenol
Low carbing
Inositol & melatonin
Cutting caffeine and alcohol
L-Arginine
Baby aspirin
Maca
B6
Starflower oil
Soy isoflavones
Clomid for DH (to increase sperm count)
Clomid for me
Clomid & injectables
High doses of antibiotics
Prednisone
IVF with ICSI

Crisis averted. I found some. DH said these look like eggs so we got them. The brand name is Fusakle which sounds like follicle to me after a few beers

Oh yes, very egg-like! Fusakle is quite like follicle. Though written down it looks to me like Fuckssake, which tells you a bit about my frame of mind at present!

Well either way it's apt... And my phone autocorrected either to wither... Probably how I see my ovaries about now

Bip I also read fuckssake. How's the nausea now?

Loki glad you got socks! Also you and Zippy have amazing fertility statues goes to search Amazon.

LH the scratch sounds horrible. Congrats on your amazing haul! I've not yet done IVF so no advice, but agree with PP that sometimes just letting the clinic decide so you can then blame them is much more restful. Have a glass of something for me too please, I miss wine and beer.

Banana I pretty much only visit here and S&B, which is filled with very lovely women. I fucking hate the conception board. Physically how are you now? (Apart from rattling and dripping goop.)

Blondes is your 12w scan soon?

Pea are the stims ok? Do you still fit in your clothes?

Also, TMI alert, advice needed please. Since the hcg trigger last Sat things have slightly stalled in the bowel department. I've got a fibre-filled diet, so I'm normally pretty regular. Will upping my fruit and veg intake further do the trick, or do I need movicol or similar? Obvs being on ABs is not helping matters!

I'm not sure why I bothered with the TMI alert given the average level of bodily function detail on this thread. Must still be in polite work mode.

HOLY MOLY this thread has moved on in the two days I've been absent. Is it me??? Does it slow down when I'm here???

This is my new most favourite phrase ever on Mumsnet:
once my very first Cyclogest torpedo has melted into my lady tunnel so thanks for that chuckle!

Well done banana; bip you're brave heading out for smelly food while feeling pukey, best of luck.

Loving all the fertility statues. I do not have enough woo in my house. Need to buy new handbag this weekend. Will keep an eye out for fertility statues at the same time.

Robber - prunes is all I can suggest. People suggested it to me when I got constipated with progesterone and at first I thought they didn't work. What I learned was: dried not out of a tin, if in doubt eat more (a couple a day not enough, need a good handful) and every day, a few here and there not enough. So I have them on my cereal every morning. Happy crappin'.

Kiwi fruit with the skin still on for constipation. Like a toothbrush for the gut!

I know I'm really late to this thread but have almost died laughing at Potato's cocaine recommendation from days back, and wanted to thank you all as I feel a little less lonely right now then I have all day long.

I've done so many of these things too (oh god, the yoghurt pot method, yes), and have nothing but early MCs to show for it... I am so close to being done but then I think we've tried so long, why not keep going, what if we stop right before our lucky time?!

Hope this one turns out well for you Bip.

Excellent, I much prefer kiwis to prunes. Thanks!

Hi robber stims are ok although I feel exhausted. Got a busy work weekend coming up and very few clothes left that fit don't make me look fucking pregnant. My fat pants black trousers easily fit at the beginning of the week but not sure I'll be able to do them up by Monday.....

No constipation advice I'm afraid...are you allowed to take Rennies? Presumably not dulcolax or senokot!

Loki love the elephant, much less scary than my crazy lady who I'm too scared to let into the bedroom.
Tigerdog Hello I'm actually quite well.
I spent the summer accepting dh and I would be infertilies forever (recap - I had an afc of 1-2 and we'd been advised donor sperm). It was all a bit miserable indeed until I had my nhs booking in appt for our first nhs cycle (where I truely thought I would be told there was no point) only to discover my afc has gone up to 7 and we are BACK IN THE GAME.
I swiftly took DH to see Dr Ramsey who ran a battery of tests and actually examined him and he seemed hopeful things could be improved upon in time for the nhs cycle. So I've cancelled my subscription to gateway women and am now feeling super positive about it all which is perhaps completely deluding myself but it feels good for now . Actually in woo terms I was completely sure it wouldnt work before but now feel we are actually in with a real chance so hoping theres something in the woo.
How are you? I'm a bit lost, are you on cycle 3? Hope alls going well

Bip the sickness is a good sign. I hate feeling ill so much but the days I don't feel as sick then worry - stupid eh

On phone so can't scroll back easily to name names. Sorry. But whoever asked yes I have a my 12w scan 19th sept

Had 10w reassurance scan last week and all fine. Lovely to see heart again and bubs to look like a baby rather then a blob

Lh. Glad Frostie thawed well. So will they transfer Frostie and another embroy and freeze the rest?

6 is a fab no x

Hi Merd! Good to know you're not alone eh?

So I'm sitting waiting to go for egg retrieval. I've got my lucky socks on, DH is ready to perform. In a couple of hours we'll hopefully have some fertilised eggs. The romance of it all is too much.

Been following this thread for ages, just popping in to say hi. Lots of luck Loki, I hope it goes smoothly, and I am glad you feel sick again Bip. I really hope this works for you.
Banana, did I read you've got an embryo in your oven? Yay for that!

I have my baseline scan today before I start injecting again. This is absolutely the last time we do this. I have gone from really keen to go again to wondering if I can be arsed. I have been doing this shit for long enough to know that NOTHING makes a damn difference except for drugs, and even then my age might win, but I still worry that how busy I am at work might impact (the stress!) and I am still a couple of kilos heavier than I would like, and I am spotty which could maybe be down to tiredness or poor nutrition but will it fuck up my eggs' meiosis or whatever? Perhaps I also need a woo statue to counteract the stress/ last months wine/ 2kilos /advanced age etc.

Oh, I just realised today (thanks period!) that at one point I gave up tampons in my quest to conceive. I think it was something about them drying out ones vagina or otherwise making it angry. Anyway no tampons did not do the trick...

Good luck loki! May the force of the socks me strong with you

tiger scratch sounds awful, hope you can be suitably lazy this weekend

zippy great news about Dr Ramsay! I understand he is quite the miracle worker when it comes to MFI (more sperm, less kitchens)

robber as a veteran of 15 years of permanent constipation, my consultant gastro recommended 2 tablespoons of flax seeds with breakfast ideally (eg on porridge). Great for omega 3 too, he said. Echoing suggestion for kiwi fruit. Movicol much less unpleasant than Lactulose. Ironically pregnancy was a v useful diagnostic for him, as the fact pregnancy was the only time I've ever had regular bowel movements without the aid of laxatives (because I was off all my pain meds) showed him it was definitely an opioid side effect and nothing underlying. So pregnancy poos helped me avoid a camera up the bum. Given I had fairly recently had a hysteroscopy, I wasn't too aggrieved at not having gone for a matching set.

Well, I think we've all learned far too much about my bowel movements!!

spartacus good luck with the stabbing. I know you know this but 'science and luck'. My Dr told me lifestyle would make limited difference to egg quality, as it was determined primarily by age (can't do anything about that one) and the ovarian environment created by the stims (science!)

bip hope you survived tapas?!

Current status : pain levels rising, quite scared. Think the anxiety of remembering what uncontrolled pain was like is probably just as bad as the actual pain (top tip - try not to smash your back up and create life long spinal issues for yourself)

2dp5dt and mental state is probably best summed up by these most excellent socks (tiger you BEAUTY)

Wow - those socks are ace! Glittery shit to loki and her DH. Hope your baseline goes well notspartacus

I'm off into town for a whirlwind day of work whilst trying to avoid any further "you look well" comments. Wearing a lovely swingy dress, just need to remember to arrange it properly when I sit down so I don't suddenly have a bump. Fingers very firmly crossed that all is well at Monday's scan so I can go for egg collection.

Loki good luck to you and your DH! I hope he isn't too stressed about the pressure to perform on demand.

Potatoes do I remember that you've got a swanky holiday booked soon? God I miss holidays. My NHS clinic won't treat me if I've got a flight booked within 8 weeks of starting each round of OI, and as I keep bloody failing to get pregnant, our holiday keeps getting delayed. Normally I'm a holiday addict.

Bip did you survive tapas without chuffing?

Banana and everyone thanks for your advice. I hope it helps, this is not comfortable. Banana I don't know how you live with this permanently! Also, re pain meds, a friend of mine has a serious degenerative condition. When pregnant I think they ended up putting her back on some low level pain meds. She said they only took the edge off unlike her usual high level morphine dose, but did make life vaguely bearable. Most mothers reach for the champers after birth, she went straight for oramorph and weed.

PeaOp fingers crossed for Mon, and I hope you get through today without suspicious questions.

Zippy that's great news! I hadn't realised things were so positive now.

NotSpartacus how did the scan go?

Merd what have you tried so far - IVF? OI? Natural? Laughs at the idea that natural ever works

Working from home today on a big work project. Tis raining outside though so I don't mind too much.

Hello lovelies. Started the day with a haircut so feeling spoiled. My previous hairdresser went off pregnant (obvs) but my current one is - wait for it - barren. I don't know all the details but we realised we'd both been in the same gynae ward, me for 2x ERPCs and her to have tubes and ovaries removed. She's younger than me and not even got a partner so pretty devastating for her. Not that I wish her badly, is very sad, but so nice to connect with someone and not to have to make small talk about why I haven't got kids.

Anyway rest of the day is my own.

Bip I'm also interested in an update on tapas vs nausea. Hope you had a good evening.

Love the socks banana. Think I might pop to the shops in my way home and look for ivf socks. As one of the few things I haven't tried, this could be it!

Peaop good luck on the bump front. I started wearing scarves a while ago, purely for bloating purposes. Starting wearing scarves when you get preggers is a giveaway but I've worn then for so long now ppl think it's my style rather than my bloat disguising tool.

Hope the scan goes OK Spartacus

How did it go Loki?

My holiday is coming... In six weeks. Clearly I was so excited I went on about prematurely. Now it's AGES arriving. Am desperate to go. Everyone at work had their family summer hols which I don't mind, I stayed in office, just find it easier to cover everyone's work without stop-starting, but now I really want a break. Will love it when comes though.

banana those socks rock!!! Thanks for the glittery shite.

As predicted I've got a small haul. 3 eggs out of 6 follicles. Doc says it's quality over quantity. Well I assume that's whatsoever said, she was speaking for ages and the interpreter just said "doctor is happy" in a thick Czech accent

We only need 1.... Is my mantra for the next 5 days. Next update will be Monday where we learn the fate of my measly haul. DH said he was slow t get going but otherwise no problems.

Notsparticus good luck for the baseline!

Hey peeps - on phone so will catch up properly when I can scroll. It rained today, so I had a scan. There's an embryo in there measuring 4 days ahead of dates, and a good heartbeat, and a normal yolk sac. Of course, I've been in this position before, so not entirely reassured. But we've cleared several hurdles now. Relieved.

Loki how are you feeling post ec? My mate only ever got 2 or 3 eggs at IVF. She had 2 cycles, both successful & she's got 3 children (second round resulted in twins). Really does only take 1.

Banana really sorry you're in pain - like this process isn't shit enough! Did you find anything that helped you last time?

Bip you !! Lovely lovely news.

Happy for you Bip. You're one step closer.

Loki I expect the doc was saying that in all her years of hoovering eggs out of ovaries, she has never seen three such perfect eggs, and that you deserve a large glass of wine. I hope you're ok and not too sore.

Banana I'm sorry to hear you are in pain. Might this be the one time acupuncture is not total woo?

Scan was ok, am good to start jabbing tomorrow but I am wobbling because I just have so much on at the moment. Work is crazy and I am pushing for a (long overdue) promotion and I need to make clear how good I am to one partner in particular. Only problem is, based on the schedule they gave me (which is likely to come to pass as it did last time) my egg collection will be on the day I have a key meeting. The other person on the team will be on hols and there is no one else who can do it (in any event, that meeting is an opportunity for me). And since work does not know about the IVF (and cannot know) I basically have to call in sick on the day. Just feel so pressured by this. I'd wait a month but something else will come up, and I am 41. Any common sense views much appreciated.

potatoes lucky you getting to the hairdresser. I've spent today wandering around in the rain looking for our bastard cat who has been missing for a month. My DD keeps crying for him, otherwise I'd have given up and started enjoying the lack of additional clawed carpet ages ago.

Will catch up with everyone else later, on stupid phone.

Robber. Ditto. Love the sun

How weird about clinic and no holidays.

We went on holiday July and booked another one for October as didn't think this cycle (5th) would work

And it did. They didn't ask about a holiday. Never asked

Other cycles. We booked a holiday to chill and relax then started ivf / those cycles failed hence this time we thought he what the hell book another one to not take mind off failure but just to get DF and I some time together and now preg. I hate the sun. Last few weeks when hot I've Stayed inside. Hoping As will be 14w I will feel better and enjoy the sun

Underpants. Didn't you get a good translater? 😢 we did SPAIN and our lady had fab English and most of the surgeons spoke fairly good English tho jabbered to each other in fast Spanish

Bip. Fantastic news 🌟🌟🌟 know it's still a long way to go but try and keep positive xxx

bip well that is certainly cause for cautious optimism I reckon - for today at least, that's marvellous news. Everything crossed it continues in the same vein

loki the fabulous three! Hope you're resting up and that the Barry White is playing in the love lab. Echoing Bip - it really does only take one. My consultant said he's had women with 18 eggs and no embryos, and women with one follicle, one egg, one embryo and one baby. Everything crossed for you and good luck for THE CALL

robber oof your poor friend. My consultant referred me to a colleague of his who literally wrote the book on prescribing in pregnancy, he said absolutely nothing (well apart from my amitriptyline and OTC Co codamol) could be taken in a hypothetical first trimester, could take some low level pain meds in a hypothetical second trimester, and a hypothetical third trimester would have to wean off. But that's all hypothetical. My doses are pretty hefty (anaesthetist at EC was a bit agog at what I was on, said 'er, I'd better up the alfentanil in the IV as I don't think you'll be very impressed with the normal dose'. I saw a biomechanics specialist to get some custom orthotics made, he said my pelvis was so buggered that if I were to get pregnant a baby's head couldn't engage as things were, but that he reckoned there was stuff we could do. Also said I had the most hypermobile ankles he'd seen in over 4 years Actually my spinal pain did get better as the pregnancy progressed - basically it got better in inverse proportion to my hypermobility, the magic effect of relaxin. My pain doc and my consultant both said they hoped the hormones of pregnancy would improve things - and they did somewhat - they just also made my ligaments like cooked spaghetti by 9w.

potatoes hurrah for haircut! Hurrah for holiday! If/when this cycle fails am totally booking a holiday. Haven't been away since April last year, have been doing treatment solidly for the last 11 months. If this cycle fails we're back to the hysto + IUD plan, so I think some post operative sunshine would surely be medically indicated

notspartacus I'm sorry about your current dilemma - if you were to defer a month would the dates be more likely to work? Short of a crystal ball I realise that's a somewhat unrealistic ask...

Lovely news BIp X