BESH - relocated to less offensive surroundings

[cooperG]

Hi hags, here's our new thread. Did we decide to post the BESH-tionnaire or not? I'll have to go and dig it out if so..

Newbies - we think we're much like the ladies in the 'mind-numbing boredom of infertility' thread ladies, but we can't admit defeat, oh no. After the new recruits kind of dried up over in conception, we've moved over here where there are no insta-differs to send us into fits of rage/tears.

(BESH stands for Bitter Evil Selfish Hags - named so by the Daily Mail I think...) come and be bitter about the shit-ness that is infertility with us...

place Good luck with the MIL, I don't know how you survive it, they can be such a nightmare.

Yeah, I've got pcos and so they are going to start me on 150 and see how it goes. When do you start down regging?

Erica the Harry Potter ones are good too

Thanks all - I called hospital who said heavy bleeding while taking Progynova was normal ...? (though in the info leaflet they gave me it said 'you MIGHT get some bleeding AFTER stopping Progynova - )

SoSam good luck with your IVF, I'll be starting short protocol just before you and will pass on any info i glean ..!
Erica glad you have a plan and support in place ... re podcasts I love Garrison Keillor, the News from Lake Wobegon - free podcast. Very gentle and funny. Hope Roald Dahl keeps spirits up.

Thisis good luck with the flight plans. I sometimes wonder if anyone in the normal world has any idea what we go through ...!

Sosam I start down regging on day 21 of my next period, so mid August sometime. Feels like forever away. Implications on Monday though so kind of feel like I'm doing something.

I also got my platelets results back and they have risen again, they were already out of range, so feeling a bit worried about that, even though I'll be on heparin. It might be due to my arthritis medication which makes things complicated. Do I go off my arthritis meds and risk a flare and subsequent failure to implant or early miscarriage, or do I stay on it and risk some kind of blood clot and again, failure...hmmm

Rebcca I know, you'd never imagine the details involved with infertility treatment. Peopl who don't need it have no idea.

Erica great plan. I hope this is the one!

Thanks Rebecca, any tips would be much appreciated.

place re meds, that is a hard choice to have to make. Stupid bloody bodies!

Sam, my first tip would be - wear a skirt to scans! I always forget that it means dildocam. Maybe I'm in denial.

Now I'm in a quandary. Basically, my hospital is taking part in an Oxford/NICE study to see if frozen transfers are better than fresh, for non-OHSS people (ie people who don't have PCOS and aren't 'high responders'). I think I want to take part - ie have an elective frozen cycle. Partly to help others and partly because I've heard that anecdotally, there's an advantage to doing frozen. Now it would involve about 6 weeks more to wait. But I think it'd be worth it. Interested to know if anyone else out there has an opinion on this ...

Hope everyone else is doing OK. I am sorry that I joined and then dropped off for so long - my head has been melted with political/Brexit stuff. It affects me personally in various ways and it's been v stressful. I feel calmer about it now and it's almost a good distraction ...

PS Place, I hope it went well with your implications? I feel for you with the arthritis. It sounds really hard to deal with all that and balance all the options, I really hope you get some good advice that reassures you.

Hello all, thanks for the top tips re:injecting when out and about!ucj appreciated. Will definitely be using the Berocca tube. Drugs arrived on Saturday 😬 I had been doing a great line in denial/keeping busy! Start jabbing on Thursday. DH and I have been just bumbling along quite nicely and starting to enjoy life again after the stress of the last IVF in Dec and me being made redundant (oh it's been a fun year so far!) now we go crashing back into the anxiety and fear that comes along with IVF! To be honest if I wasn't so ancient I would maybe put it off but as the docs keep telling me (thanks) there's no time to waste! Such a hot day, just the kind of day me and DH would have a barbecue and get a bit merry in the garden. Ho hum, better stick to the elderflower cordial!! Hope all is well for people on their journeys!

Cocksucking infertility cunting twank!!! Fuck it and its entire non offspring family.

Sorry to jump in but Rebecca the hospital told me that fets there have a higher success rate than fresh. My chances went from 35 to 55% apparently. It is just the waiting list. I thought it would be 2 months but ending up being egg collection in October and transfer in May.

You alright thisistheplace? Sucky day?

How was your implications?

Thanks everyone for the "how to keep mind off things advice". 5 weeks today, first scan in two weeks, it feels ages away but being easy helps.

Rebecca Like Vix I also heard that FET tend to be more successful and personally, I would love to take part in a study. It has been horrible feeling that no one really knew what was going on with us, or what was the best way to help us,i it would be amazing to do something that may support others. It is of course a very personal decision though.

Jen All the best with the stabbing! Sorry to hear your year has been so hard. I completely understand feeling apprehensive about jumping in the treatment-shaped anxiety again but look all the stuff you have got through already. You can do this! not being able to have a drink sucks though

Place Bad day? :(

Sorry BESH...no particular reason for that outburst. Just my general feeling on the subject today.

(Never be sorry for that Place, a sweary outburst is the core of BESH)

Thanks for the advice guys, we've decided we will do the study. I was thinking of you Vixx! They said as it's a study it would be shorter waiting time til transfer, more like 6-8 weeks. You had a hideous wait but I'm glad it was worth it for you.

Erica, 5 weeks, great. Do you want tV recommendations? I love Game of Thrones - it's very violent with lots of stabbing and murderous families so a nice restful break from infertility.

Jen, I've started stabbing and it's totally fine! Doesn't hurt at all though the needle is fiddly. And, this is terrible but I had a drink last night. Half a beer. I won't again probably.

Place I am sorry Please keep swearing. I hope your implications meeting wasn't too awful though it sounds like it was.

Place that really really made me chuckle! Cunting twank- great swear words!!

Thanks for the encouragement Erica, soon will be time for you to start. It will be here before you know it. Waiting is very hard, feel like I have been building up to it for months myself.

Rebecca don't feel too guilty about the beer, I think the odd drink during DR will be OK-I did start a thread on here about drinking before IVF, check it out. Might make you feel less guilty! Guilt is the worst 😬.

I have had a beaut day off today, went to a local Lido and had a swim, read some magazines, sunbathed. Treating myself to a nice tea and a film as DH is out. Got to be kind to yourself during this journey!

As a side note, been enjoying the conversations in the news/media about the fact that women shouldn't be defined by motherhood vs non-motherhood. All started by Jennifer Aniston and that awful Andrea Ledsom commenting on Theresa May's childlessness. The whole topic makes me realise how much pressure I put on myself to get preggers is because of what society tells us we should be! Rant over.

Ah blue...you get me

Jenbot, that sounds absolutely divine. Reminds me of single days when I did whatever I wanted whenever I wanted....lovely. I 100% agree. Motherhood does not define a woman! Most parents found themselves there by accident, so how can you wear it as a badge of honour? I don't want children to somehow fulfil my societal expectations. I just want my own little family. I'm sick of my life just being about me. I'm boring. I want a little person to love. Anyhoo...

No implications wasn't bad in and of itself. It was just a reality check that this is starting again, and how upsetting it was last time when hopes are high and then things went wrong and the thought of having to do all of that whilst smiling through gritted teeth at mil. That's what pushed me over the edge, lol! I just want to be in my own place with my cats and no one else. I am eternally grateful that she is providing accommodation while we have treatment, but she does my head in, and IVF is hard enough when you have your space to be yourself, let alone having to be polite and listen to mundane shit for the sixteenth time that day. Anyway, all is fine, just having a tanty.

SoSam...things must be starting soon surely? How are you feeling?

How's the stabbing going Jen and Rebecca? Rebecca, I'm with Jen...if you're going to have a beer, then enjoy it! It's not like you're swigging down a slab every weekend, I believe in moderation and doing what you feel comfortable with.

Jen I hear you! If time was on my side I would be blissfully postponing this too. Its also the age thing that creates a lot of my stress. Not only do we have to use IVF to even have a chance at having a baby, but we better get a move on, cause in a couple of years, even IVF will be out of the question. Bah!

Well as always my post was a bright and cheery ray of sunshine, here to brighten everyone's day I guess I'm living up to the BESH name. I promise, I'm not so negative all of the time! I suppose it's quite cathartic to get all the poison out in here so I can keep a reasonably steady keel in the real world, lol!

Well ladies, the shit show has begun...just jabbed for the first time,and cried a little. Not cos of the pain-that bit is fine-just cos the memory of the last cycle that ended in a cp came back to me. Let's just say I am not feeling positive .

Place I feel for you being with the MIL. The briefest of visits with mine today made me want to punch her. She was asking me how I would cope with the family wedding coming up in a couple of weeks when lots of people are pregnant and have babies. In particular what if people start a conversation about baby stuff and I can't join in?! Came from a kind place but WTF? I was a bit worried about the wedding, thanks MIL for bringing a new angle I hadn't thought about! I said to her frankly even if I had a kid I would probably find that shit boring to chat about!

Yes place get the poison out! Do it! Isn't that what this thread is for?!

Hope all is well with other folks this evening

JenBot-- well done for starting again. To come so close, and then lose it, and start again, must be so hard. Love the sound of your Lido trip.

I had my 5 day scan which was fine, had no idea (they never said!) I was meant to bring the other drug - the one you mix up - so the nurse could do the first injection with me. So did it by myself cluelessly at home and almost freaked out when couldn't work the needle. But it's OK now. I see on the packet that even though it's out of the fridge it's meant to be kept at under 25 degrees ...I wouldn't be surprised if our place got hotter than that this week! But it seemed to look the way it should.

I am pleased that we're doing the study (that is provided I don't get OHSS and knock myself out by accident). At least if nothing comes of it I will feel that I've done something positive. Very very rare in this, as you say, shit show.

Place, let's put you up in a luxury hotel with endless netflix and room service instead of with your MIL. Plus

Can I give you guys another great TV recommendation? Friday Night Dinners. It's on channel 4 player. Bonkers family sitcom with two grown up boys and not a baby in sight. Last night we watched one where the dad was concealing a fox in the deep freeze because he wanted to stuff it. It made me cry with laughter.

Oh Jen, that's exactly what upset me the other day. The memory of seeing the positive test and then getting the blood test results and having to come to grips with the fact it wasn't going to be viable...I can imagine that starting the stabbing would bring that flooding back. It's shit, but I'm hoping above all that this time will be different and we will appreciate it even more if it happens. MIL's are just bonkers in all sorts of ways...I've said if before and I'll say it again, people who haven't been through infertility have absolutely no idea and more often than not say the most outrageously insensitive things. She's kind of right though, weddings are a special kind of torture.

Rebecca, YES to hotel and Netflix!! Congrats on being involved in the study, it's rare to feel positive like that, so good for you!

Hi all, sorry for being absent, crazy work life at the moment and trying to keep myself busy. I think I'm spending an unhealthy amount of time thinking about babies and pregnancy! Plus I had another sodding baby shower to go to today. This one was better than the normal ones though as it was for an adoption. The first baby shower I've been to where the mother-to-be got tipsy!

So jabbing and scans galore for you guys, stressful times for sure. I'm hoping to start stabbing in two weeks. Weirdly looking forward to getting things moving. Everything just takes so pissing long in this barren world...

Also I'm meant to be dieting but I'm doing a ridiculous amount of trashy comfort eating and therefore not losing any fucking weight and feeling guilty about it all. With my inner demon saying 'eat the cake/chocolate/crisps/Chinese etc' and the Angel saying, 'you are a sinner. If you really wanted a baby you wouldn't be doing this...' Honestly the Angel can just do one! How do people feel about the dreaded bmi? I'm currently frozen on 29!!! Fucking thing, stupid body, greedy brain!!!

Sam - I'm in a different position as I went abroad for treatment. My BMI was 32 (and am currently nearly 21 weeks) it's so hard if eating is what you do to cope as it was with me (equally hard with those here at the same time and exercise was their thing but they were told not to do that either) I actually put weight on over the years of trying to be thinner for this.
it's all very unfair and hard not to compare to the million and one non-barrens out there snorting coke with a BMI of 40 (ok, I never actually met anyone like this but you know what I mean!)

I panicked a lot about it but as long as the clinic will still treat you (and I assume they will, cut off is usually 30?) the research I read showed little impact of weight on success rates (if up to date techniques were used for embryo transfer, so using technology to put it back in the right place rather than the doctor just hoping for best)

Sorry the shiftiness of this also makes you feel awful about eating cake

Thanks blue, that's very comforting. It's the way Drs look at you like an idiot that should know better. Of course I know better but the stupid brain still won't compute!!!! I obviously did a ridiculous amount of cake eating today at the baby shower so diet starts AGAIN tomorrow. As you say, hoping the new transfer and drug techniques are able to see through the fat issues. I've lost about two stones over the last couple of years but I'm just really struggling with it now. I think it's because the pressure is on the inner stroppy self (acting like a teenager) turns around and says I'm not going to do it just because you told me to!!

Hope that things are going well and bump is not playing up too much.

Also I think I may have met some of those coke snorting high bmi-ers!!

Lol SoSam!

So just at hospital now. Mr Place is about to go in and get his sperm extracted...hopefully. Even though there was no trouble last time, they spent a good amount of time "managing our expectations"...ie, they may not get any this time. So we should know in a couple of hours. Every step of this process can bring bad news.