BESH - relocated to less offensive surroundings

[cooperG]

Hi hags, here's our new thread. Did we decide to post the BESH-tionnaire or not? I'll have to go and dig it out if so..

Newbies - we think we're much like the ladies in the 'mind-numbing boredom of infertility' thread ladies, but we can't admit defeat, oh no. After the new recruits kind of dried up over in conception, we've moved over here where there are no insta-differs to send us into fits of rage/tears.

(BESH stands for Bitter Evil Selfish Hags - named so by the Daily Mail I think...) come and be bitter about the shit-ness that is infertility with us...

Oh this, I'm so sorry. It's all so unfair. Will be thinking of you

Oh no This, how disappointing, take care and be kind to yourself x

Blue, I'm glad the scratch went ok, treat yourself to a lovely new moisturiser to spoil yourself, you deserve it.

Rose, a cautious congratulations, I'll keep everything crossed for you. Do you do a blood test this week?

I've got my scan in the morning so quite anxious but hopeful. I think I've got morning sickness, which I think is a good sign. I'll keep you posted.

Hope everyone else is OK xx

I'm so sorry Place

Good luck tomorrow SoSam

We had good news today, we have a heartbeat. I can't really believe it's happening, they are happy for me to just make a midwife appointment in a few weeks now. We are so pleased, fingers crossed for everyone else xxx

Sam and Rose - amazing news, I am delighted for both of you. I know it is so difficult but try and take it easy, one day at a time.

Place I am sorry, this sucks, it is so unfair. There is nothing we can say but we can listen, we are here for you. Sending you hugs. Hope Mr Place can offer some confort too.

Blue Glad the scratch went ok - I had a biopsy back in April and I found it very painful, but at least it was fast!

I think I ovulated yesterday (positive OPK on Saturday and loads of EWCM), CD15, so I am cautiously thinking that maybe I am getting back to normal?. I have an appointment for a scan on Thursday next week and if everything is a go... well, we go I guess.

I am bit confused with everyone's dates but Blue, maybe we will be cycle buddies for a bit at least? Still feeling pretty blasé about the whole thing but I am sure that will change once I start going for scans, stabbing etc. Anyway no point worrying about that now - I may as well save my worry time for the next 6 weeks or so!

Yay cycle buddy Erica! There's a whole gang of Oct/Nov cycle buddies on another thread if you want to pop in there. Will you do a fresh (long/short protocol?) or FET? I'm down regging at the moment and will hopefully start stimming after my suppression scan on Thursday.

Congratulations SoSam. So pleased that you have good news after all the limbo you've been in!

Good to hear things are moving along Erica!

Otd is Friday. Currently 11dp2dt. As white as a test can get. Wish there was an ambiguous evap mark I could obsess over. No such luck. Resent still having to inject things and shove things up my bum. We've briefly talked about the next round but just going to try to get past Friday, get over it as much as possible and then get planning again. We will look briefly into the possibility of moving our funding, but I anticipate it will take forever as all things seem to and I'm not prepared to wait. So I'm thinking of staying with this clinic and using our hard won funding, why give that up because they have zero people skills? They know how unhappy we are about our treatment so I am hoping they will fall over themselves to ensure nothing goes wrong. I know the embryologists have our best interests at heart and they are where the import stuff happens anyway. Plus I want them to know we're not going anywhere and people still have to answer for themselves etc. After that straight onto a private clinic. Would love to hear some recommendations. I know a few of you are with reprofit. What are the benefits with this clinic do you think? Any others, esp for mfi issues? Anywhere reading material anyone could recommend me for choosing a clinic? Seems like the next big step and want to prepare myself.

Hello to all other lovely hags. I hope everyone is ok.

Place I went here last year when I was looking for a new clinic: fertilityshow.co.uk
It's coming up again soon. I met lots of clinics and specialists and got to speak directly to consultants to understand how they would treat us based on results of our first cycle. Narrowed it down to 2 consultants and picked the clinic that was in the better location for us. Also MFI and had IMSI (magnified ICSI). There was a talk at the show on how to choose a clinc and they said to check results for your age group, location and I can't remember what else It's really positive that you're looking ahead to the future, hopefully the next funded cycle will have better results x

For all you teacher hags: www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-3846010/Why-women-teachers-best-chance-IVF-success-Long-summer-holidays-means-stressed-free-attend-appointments.html

This, you can also look up the clinics on the HFEA website and they can give you the last years stats.

Sam, that's fantastic news! So reassuring. Whew.

Erica, glad you're feeling more like yourself and not worrying.

Place- . It's just horrible, I'm so sorry. Good for you for getting a plan together. I keep hearing good things about Reprofit. Rose is with them and I'm sure she will say, once she's back from hols. It sounds sensible to use up your funding at Woking and as you say the embryologists are the key players. Will you get a debrief meeting soon about this cycle? I'm sorry you have to take the meds. At 11 dpt that does still seem worth while but the limbo is The. Worst. I'm sorry

Blueroses, everything crossed for you this cycle. How are you feeling mentally (if that's not too intrusive?)

We are missing the usual 5 week scan due to being on hols next week (for a fortnight). So have to wait for 7 week scan when we get back. I still have no symptoms and bit worried so I was thinking of trying to get a second beta test (privately as I don't want to waste NHS resources ..) But as DH pointed out, if the numbers are good something cd still be wrong; if they're bad that means a sad holiday and more uncertainty. So better to wait until 16 Nov when we'll get fuller picture. I'm going to see it as another 2ww - a 3ww this time. Does that sound mad or sensible? Sorry for the me me.

PS I realise this is a nice problem to have

Rebecca it's possible to see and hear a heartbeat at a 7wk scan (but usually not earlier) so that's worth waiting for. Enjoy your trip 🇺🇸

Mentally I am feeling positive. I just really want to be pregnant again. I know I'm not replacing Jovan but trying to achieve our dream of having a family. Work are aware that should I get pregnant again, this time or in future, I will likely be medically advised to finish work much earlier than maternity leave i.e. early second trimester. This was backed up by their Occupational Health doctor who I had to see yesterday as I'm still not working full time (coincidentally he was a gynaecologist so he understood my situation). Separately, I'm thinking about Jovan a lot. He was due 21st November which is coming up soon. When I'm not feeling angry at the world, I feel very loving and tender towards him. It's a strange place of v mixed up feelings, just trying to get through without falling apart. Thank you for asking xx

Thinking of you and Jovan Blue, and will be on his due date too

Place - I was with Reprofit for MFI (although it later turned out my AMH was awful - NHS hadn't picked that up - Reprofit tested me for £17 after I only produced 3 eggs)

for me the plus points were:

1. You can email your consultant directly as much as you want and discuss treatment options, they will consider previous tests and treatments in adapting treatment to you
2. They report good success rates
3. They were cheap and their most basic rounds are icsi rather than IVF so they're really skilled in it.
4. I could pay for the additional MFI treatment - PICSI (where they check to pull out the most mature best quality sperm by testing its reaction to a chemical rather than just how pretty it is) and it was only £150

More

1. It was pretty easy to get to, and Prague and Vienna are just day trips away

Blueroses thanks for the advice, 'worth waiting for' is a nice way to put it.

Will also be thinking of you and Jovan on 21 November. Hope treatment goes smoothly until then. I'm glad you're feeling positive for now (though understandable if there're times when you just don't) and sounds like a good decision as regards finishing work early. Keep on keeping on. 💪

That all sounds v positive re reprofit Blue, glad that it worked for you also :).

Hope you're OK Place.

The scan showed that my ovaries are 'quiet' but my lining is not thin enough to start stims - not surprising really as I'm only a day and a half into what's usually a 4 day bleed for me. Sigh. So I'm going back on Tuesday where hopefully it will be thin enough. Time has been passing quite quickly but now Tuesday feels so far away! Also I have to be prepared for the possibility that ET might end up on the 21st now with the delay. I feel that it's going to be stressful trying to avoid it. My clinic schedule EC based on optimum conditions and I ended up having almost daily scans last time, as opposed to my NHS hospital who told me weeks in advance EC was going to be on a certain date - and it was.

Hello hags!

I'm back on UK soil after a lovely city break away with DH.

Just catching up:

I'm so sorry to read your news Place. It is shit; there is no other word for it. We have MFI as well as problems on my side, and have found Reprofit very knowledgeable and advanced in terms of their care. They offer PICSI and MACS there which are both supposed to be great to help select the best sperm. The only thing that I sometimes get frustrated with, with Reprofit is the occasional delays in email communication with your coordinator. But otherwise I think they are great and would second everything Blue has said.

Congratulations Sam- fantastic news x

Rebecca jealous of your holiday Stateside- do you mind me asking whereabouts you are going? Not long to wait for you now- when do you fly?

Blueroses I'm sorry things are getting so stressful for you. Hopefully the scan on Tuesday will give you some definite answers on likely dates. Do you think you would do a freeze-all cycle if ET were likely to fall on 21st, or is that not a possibility? It must be so hard for you, I'm so sorry.

AFM- OTD today and the FRER is the darkest I've ever had. I also got a 3+ on a digital today which I never got before so I'm feeling slightly reassured. But still getting brown spotting every day, which is worrying me a lot. We will just have to see.

Blueroses sorry about the lining ... there is always something unforeseen that makes the process just that extra bit sadder and worse. I really hope you don't bump up against the 21st. Could you tell the clinic that date isn't good and see if they can suggest anything? Just a thought. Fingers xd for Tues.

Rose I'm so sorry about the spotting. That sounds upsetting. I'm sure I've read that brown sporting is ok?? And no pain? Your other signs sound v positive. When is your beta? I'm keeping all my fingers and toes crossed for you but also sending a virtual hug (contortionist).

We are off to California - week in LA and week driving round. I was picturing this as a ' cheer ourselves up' holiday, so feeling very lucky so far. We will there during the US election. The one good thing in this awful year is that Trump looks almost certain to lose ...

Hi to everyone else. Plus and as appropriate.

Hello all, hope you are all OK. I lurk quite a lot around these parts but don't actually post much so I have been keeping an eye on things. Place so sorry to hear your news, that sucks. I think you are doing the right thing making new plans, that's definitely the way I got through my failed cycle in Jan along with getting shitfaced a lot

SoSam and Rebecca congrats on your BFPs, how are you travelling?Anxiety roadshow like me or totally calm? Hope all goes well in upcoming scans etc.

And for the rest going through cycles, I wish you all the very best. Hang in there!

As for me, I am 12 weeks tomorrow. Can't really believe it, still feel weird saying the word "pregnant" and not really in a good way. Is like I might jinx it if I say it too many times. Still have lots of the infertile feelings at times, jealousy, sadness etc which has come as a bit of a surprise to me really. I thought that once I was pregnant it would be all sunshine and lollipops!!

Scan is on Tuesday and of course I am terrified, as if I can't really believe it will all work out. So good days and bad days. I also look hideous! My face is moon shaped from the steroids and frankly I can't stop eating. I think the consultant I am seeing for my thyroid will tell me I am too fat...

Sending bestest wishes to all!

Good to hear from you Jen, congrats on hitting the 12 week mark! Best of luck for Tuesday scan. Hopefully that'll give you some reassurance. I'm fairly calm atm - feeling lucky to have got this far tbh.

And Rose, sorry about that green gremlin - was meant to be a lucky shamrock. I leave on Sunday but will be checking in and hoping for good news for you. Xx

Rebecca California is amazing! You are going to have the best time- I'm very jealous! Any plans to go to Yosemite? DH and I were looking at trips there earlier in the year.

Jen Great to hear from you. Wishing you lots of luck for Tues X

Got my first beta back- 3117 at 14dp6dt! But low progesterone. Maybe that explains all the brown spotting I've had So pessaries and arse injections for me now. I hope it's not too late.

I'm sure the low progesterone explains the spotting, Rose. Your bum bullets should do the trick. Fingers firmly crossed. Just wish it wasn't so difficult!

Good luck on Tues, Blueroses.

I had a major freak out after the scan on Thursday, and have only just got on top of it all. Three concerns:

1. My very first IVF cycle was abandoned as the DR drugs seemed to have cause a polyp to develop in my uterus, and I had to have surgery to remove the polyp before I could start a new cycle. From what I remember (it was only June 2015 but so much has happened since!), I was down regulated but my lining was too thick even after I had AF, and then I had random bleeding that wouldn't stop until I had surgery because the polyp was irritating everything. I was terrified that history was repeating itself. I have managed to calm myself down because the Norethisterone and endometrial scratch on this cycle may have caused AF to be delayed, and the scan was during AF, but I've had 2 days of heavy bleeding since the scan so hopefully my lining will have thinned by Tuesday rather than it indicating anything sinister.
2. Wanted to be PUPO on 21st so didn't have to deal with guilt if +ve or devastation if -ve. Talked it over with DH and we will not try to avoid anything happening on 21st, if that's the way the dates work out. Thanks for suggesting freezing and asking clinic to delay - both good options and it's nice to have options to consider.
3. The doctor that did my scan did my ET last time and was surprised it was unsuccessful. I explained that no, it was successful and explained the unexpected circumstances of losing my son. I'm so scared, what if that was my only successful cycle, and it never works again. I'm still scared but trying to stay cautiously optimistic.

Sorry for the long post, I just feel so wrung out!

Hey BESH,

Thinking of you BlueRoses - so much to take in... I think that being terrified is completely normal. It sounds like your clinic is really clued up and willing t to do everything they can to help - I am looking forward to being somewhat your cycle buddy!

Place I thought of you on Friday, hope you are ok, all things considered. I have never looked at doing IVF privately in the UK so no idea about the costs but at my clinic in Spain (tooooootally outing myself but fuuuuuuuck it), IVF + PGD costs around 8K EUR, including drugs. So far I am very happy with them (I can e-mail my fc directly, everyone is super nice and seems to have mastered the empathy-but-not-pity patient treatment and they have loads of nice sweets in the waiting room) but obviously I will wait until next month (ahem) before making any recommendations.

Rebecca Your holiday sounds amazing and I think your husbandis right.... a beta count is not conclusive enough either way. Have a great time, hag, we will be here on the other side.

Rose My acupuncturist (he specialises on fertility issues and IVF patients) swears that 50% of IVF patients experience spotting. I know it is hard but try not to worry about it too much (now you can tell me to fuck off, I understand )

Jen 12 weeks! Amazing! Will be thinking of you tomorrow.

Soon... If my period arrives on time, I will start stabbing this week! Well, I have to pass my gyno MOT on Thursday first. It has been two sweet months with no dildocams but all good things must come to an end...

At the moment I feel quite psyched up to expect anything (specially the PGD results, gulps. What if we just cannot produce healthy embryos?) but I know once I am on it, doing the healthy thing, not drinking and scheduling my life around stabbing, it will feel different...

hello hags, lots of new names here (realise I've been awol for a while).

was just thinking of you all, hope you're all well, and welcome to the newbies. haven't read back through but will try and do so over next week or so.

to all