BESH - relocated to less offensive surroundings

[cooperG]

Hi hags, here's our new thread. Did we decide to post the BESH-tionnaire or not? I'll have to go and dig it out if so..

Newbies - we think we're much like the ladies in the 'mind-numbing boredom of infertility' thread ladies, but we can't admit defeat, oh no. After the new recruits kind of dried up over in conception, we've moved over here where there are no insta-differs to send us into fits of rage/tears.

(BESH stands for Bitter Evil Selfish Hags - named so by the Daily Mail I think...) come and be bitter about the shit-ness that is infertility with us...

SoSam and Jen Such a rollercoaster you are both on. I really hope that the spotting/bleeding doesn't signify anything bad for either of you xxx

Jen I am the same as Place and had the heavy feeling in my abdomen after transfer and got BFPs. So could be a good sign! I also had pulling sensations behind my belly button and cramping like my AF was coming.

Thinking of you both X

Well ladies thanks for your kind words of encouragement. Tested this morning with a Clearblue digital and it was...BFP!! Can't actually believe it, feeling like I am not sure what to do next. The spotting subsided yesterday afternoon and nothing else since.

Am obviously happy but also terrified...Last IVF I got a BFP but was bleeding heavily, so this time is progress at least!

Jen That's fantastic news! Congratulations! How many days past transfer are you?
I had some spotting last time which lasted a day and then disappeared- I think it must have just been implantation.

Sounds like your little one is just getting nice and snug.

Hurray!!! That full heavy feeling sounds like a winner. I'll be looking for it in my 2ww. So glad we've had some good news. I have all confidence that this is a good strong bfp for you

Fabulous news Jen xxx

Have you tested again SoSam?

HI all ... So much happening!

Sam, hope you're managing to survive the wait ... good luck, thinking of you.

Welcome Emily and I'm sorry to hear about your MCs. As Place says they should really assess it case by case ...

Erica, glad you've survived the ERPC and I hope you're being well looked after. Re pill, obviously your doctor will know best but maybe condoms would let your body recover rather than further hormones of pill ... Get medical advice I suppose.

Jen, I was thrilled to see your news - can understand you feeling cautious but it's a good start anyway!! Maybe the start of autumn will herald a happier winter for us all ...

Rose, think I'll be right behind you - AF due next week and then we gear up for the FET. I'm feeling kind of excited. Whatever happens, the treatment will provide more info - that's what I'm hoping for anyway crosses fingers

Hi all, so I did another test this morning and the positive line was more of a shadow than a line so I think it's on the way out. Plus I'm still bleeding so I think it wasn't meant to be this time. I have to wait until tomorrow for the line to be totally disappeared and then I can 100% know where i am.

Me and my oh are bickering a lot yesterday and today. I think it's our way of not coping. How do you guys cope with your OHs?

Fingers crossed for everyone else xxx

Sam I'm so sorry to hear that When is OTD for you?
I think bickering is actually quite a healthy way to cope with loss. You are both expressing your frustration, upset and anger. Definitely better to get it out in the open than to bottle it up.
With our losses, I cried and cried and cried, and DH was pretty good at discussing things over with me and trying to comfort me. But once he felt he had done what he could, he goes off on a DIY mission and completely clams up.....for days, if not weeks, on end. It's his way of coping and I have learnt to accept that thats his way.
Men cope with their emotions so so differently to women, but its hard to understand at times.

I'm sure, in time, you will both be in a place to talk things through and discuss next steps; once you are both ready. Thinking of you both X

SoSam that sucks, so sorry. I remember our IVF CP last time and it was just so awful. Wish there was something I could say to help you feel better. DH and I actually got shitfaced for about two weeks (it was around Christmas time) but not sure I would recommend that, felt terrible afterwards....Me and DH also argued, he bottled things up too.

Thanks all for your well wishes, Rebeccanoodles exciting about your FET. Wish I wasn't the only one getting good news tho...

I'm sorry SoSam. Was really hoping for you. It's awful to watch that line fade away. If it makes you feel better, we bicker a lot too. Mr place is incredibly dramatic and ott at the best of times, so when it's something emotional, I find it hard to deal with him and my own feelings so usually end up snapping at him. Sometimes I just need a bit of quiet and distraction. I think it's pretty normal and I liked what Rose said, it is healthy to have it out. I'm really sorry I didn't work out this time

Rebecca, looks like I'm just behind you. Next week scratch and start down regging. Are you having any support meds for your transfer?

Rose, when's your transfer then? Sorry I've lost track again...

Place I'm looking at third week in Oct I think- just waiting for AF at the mo! But it's anyone's guess when it might arrive as I don't have natural cycles so if needed I'll take Provera to bring on AF in the next couple of weeks.
So you, me and Rebecca are all going to be pretty close with our FETs I reckon!
I'll be on Clexane, Pred, aspirin and intrapilids for the first time; alongside the usual oestrogen and PIO bum shots.

Oh yes! I think my egg collection is pencilled in at 12 October so we will be very close! I hope your period doesn't muck you around and just turn up when it bloody well should! I wish my clinic was pro immunes and did intralipids. Apparently the head FS is against it, but my FS is for it. So he has put me on steroids, fragmin and aspirin and offered a scratch. Then the nurse had a hissy fit and made all sorts of noise about "we don't usually do this, and we will require blood tests etc if your first round fails" she's a nightmare and I can't stand her. Apparently other ladies at the same clinic have had worse run ins. When they admitted to having immune tests elsewhere she threatened that they could cancel her treatment etc....anyhoo, If I had access to intralipids and extra progesterone support (apparently good for immunes) I'd be a happy lady! They also don't use oestrogen support during stim phase (unless your lining doesn't develop), or oral progesterone during 2ww, just pssaries. Also no blood test on otd. Just pee on a stick and come back for a scan if it's positive. Very different to my last clinic. BUT, contrary to everything I just said, I am not complaining as we are lucky to be funded and very grateful. Just wish the head nurse wasn't such a nasty bitch. Intralipids is something I will definitely seek out if I have another cp. from all that I've read, you can have them elsewhere and the head FS need not know.

Sam I'm so sorry that things haven't worked out this time. As for bickering with OH, I agree with all the other lovely ladies, that its completely normal/healthy. I get so angry and frustrated sometimes I just have to vent and usually my OH gets it! It's better to deal with the feelings than bottle it all up.
Place I'm ok, thanks for asking. We went to our consultant appointment and saw a diff cons who said, "I don't really deal with fertility, I'm just covering because your cons is on leave, just keep going and book into to see her in 6 wks!" I was fuming. We'd been there over an hour!!
The IVF thing is equally frustrating as i can't have it on the NHS until I've not got pregnant for a year. So every time I have I get pregnant and miscarry, IVF gets put back a year as I'm not classed as infertile because i can conceive naturally . As my Dad so nicely puts it, I can get pregnant but I can't keep it- like it's a bloody choice I'm making . Luckily, my Hospital covers IVF on NHS until I'm 42 but i don't want to still be in this position in 2 1/2 years .
Jen I'm keeping everything crossed for you!
There's so much happening with everyone it's hard to keep track! But it sounds like a few of you will be going through IVF / FET transfers together which will be good to have some support.

Thanks ladies, confirmed as a cp this morning. Big fat fucking boo! I just wanted to say thank you for all your support and advice. I can't tell you how much comfort I have found through it. It's all much appreciated.

There's so much going on with everyone at the moment. All very exciting times ahead. I hope that everything goes well.

K8, that con appt sounds awful. I think I would have broken down right there. Bloody bastards.

Jen, hope all is well x

This, hope the scratch is ok this week.

Everyone seems to be be gearing up for things in Oct, we hope to be doing another round asap so may be joining you xx

SoSam I am so sorry to hear that it has not worked out this time... I hope we will both be able to join the others and try again soon!

Thinking of everyone else (specially Jen!) - will catch up with everything that is going on soon!

I am ok. I need to keep testing on hcg levels until they reach zero, then have a normal period and then I can start IVF on the next CD1. So just crossing everything that that the next droid does not make me wait too long and that there are not further complications. Mr Erica is suddenly pretty positive about IVF (I think that before this mc, he was going ahead mainly to humour me, thinking we probably did not "need" it, if you see what I mean). That is nice, actually.

Re: bickering. Completely normal. It is a very stressful time and we all seem to experience and deal with it differently...

I'm glad Mr Erica is being positive, it makes such a difference. Fingers crossed for getting back to normal quickly xx

How are you today SoSam? And everyone else?

I am trying to stop myself from POAS-ing every day and willing the fake BFP to go away (I am sure you will all agree this is a really odd situation to be in!)

I have only done it once now (and five days after the ERPC, so early ,I know) and it was still positive and it felt like a failure on my part. So going to have to hide the piss sticks!

I am back on supplements though: FA, multivitamin, Omega with DHEA, CQ10 and melatonin. How much Vitamin D are people taking?

Do you have very far to go to reach zero Erica? Good to hear you and mr are on the same page.

I didn't see your post before I posted! Sorry it's taking a while. Yes, who'd have thought you want lines to go, this is truly a grand show of shit. Perhaps we should all perform at Albert hall, (or for my brethren, the opera house )...some rank musical where we spend years ruining our lives and well established careers only to eventually get a bfp (lots of frilly prancing over the stage, or maybe an 80s style frenetic fame style solo) only to have it miscarry a week later. Cue dream sequence spiral into insanity. Cut to padded cell, long haired grey crazy old lady squatting over pee sticks and cackling, "I'm going to have a baby you know!!"...curtain close.

Sorry, that was grim.

Re vit d. I think the best thing is the vitd3 and really I dont think you can overdo it. They do recommend a minimum, but I can't remember. The one I'm taking is 25ug and I remember thinking that it covers it. I had a bt not long ago and was only in the middle range of normal for vitd, so I think I'd be fucked if I took a lower dose.

Place Not grim. Made me laugh!

Hags, results are back and it was NOT a molar!!! I have been lucky against the odds for once!

This means: not worrying I will be among the 1% to perhaps develop a tumor , not weekly check ups, not waiting way longer than normal for hcgs to reach zero...

Just (oh the irony) wait for a period and we can get started with IVF the one after. I am so fucking delighted that I don't even know what to say!!!

Hurray Erica! No molar outcome! It's weird what we celebrate, but I'm stoked for you that things will be simpler than it could have been. When's the droid due then? Looks like we'll be cycling reasonably close together

Erica Glad you have had some good news for once! Sounds like you won't be that far behind me and Rebecca in that case! So pleased it's looking more promising for you.
It took 2 weeks for my BFPs to disappear after my ERPC (I was 8+1 at the time though MMC was at 5-6 weeks) so I think it's still mega early for you at the mo.

I'm the same as Place and take 25ug of vitamin D3 (also known as 1000iu) I get it from Amazon as an add-on for £1.29 I think it is!

Sorry to hear it was a CP Sam At least you have an answer and can start to move on when you are both ready!

Still no ov (shocker!) or droid for me CD25...... Typical!

Erica, waiting and hoping for a negative test has got to be one of the most fucked up elements of this process. Like a cruel joke. Good news on the molar, glad things will be moving forward quicker.

This, that wasn't grim, I thought it was fucking hilarious. And potentially worrying close to the truth!!

Rose, not long now hopefully.

My OH and I are being weirdly positive about it all today, a vast contrast to yesterday. Will probably all change again tomorrow but for now we are in a good place.

Sam It is pretty fucked up indeed! Glad to hear that you and Mr Sam are both feeling positive. Yes, there are up and downs but the ups give you energy to deal with the harder days because you know it will not last forever...

Rose Rebecca Place - in my previous mcs, the next droid has normally shown her face 4-5 weeks after so should I be lucky enough to have the same this time, I may be able to start end of October? Fingers crossed!