BESH - relocated to less offensive surroundings

[cooperG]

Hi hags, here's our new thread. Did we decide to post the BESH-tionnaire or not? I'll have to go and dig it out if so..

Newbies - we think we're much like the ladies in the 'mind-numbing boredom of infertility' thread ladies, but we can't admit defeat, oh no. After the new recruits kind of dried up over in conception, we've moved over here where there are no insta-differs to send us into fits of rage/tears.

(BESH stands for Bitter Evil Selfish Hags - named so by the Daily Mail I think...) come and be bitter about the shit-ness that is infertility with us...

Place, I am sorry you had to go through that with your mum alone. Nobody should have to do that. I know I'm lucky to have siblings. It’s a good point about carer fatigue, but there’s much more to his behaviour than that. But this thread probably isn't the best place to discuss it.

I'm interested to hear about your endo scratch. I have quite crazy endometriosis (had a similar operation to your poor friend, but luckily I was able to have a reversal) so have wondered if it would be helpful. I don't know much about it - do you mind me asking why it was recommended? I'm glad you're gearing up for some action after a tough 2 years. I am sure your dad will be rooting for you

JenBot hurray for good news! That sounds like a brilliant result. Will be keeping everything crossed for you.

Sure, well the idea is the endo stimulation is meant to help with implantation. Something to do with as it repairs itself it creates an environment that is more receptive to the embryo. Someone else might be able to explain it better. They offered it (I was going to ask for it anyway) probably due to the fact we've had 3 failed transfers of good quality embryos plus the fact I have psoriatic arthritis, which is an autoimmune disease, and it is meant to help with overactive immune system. You having endometriosis I think would be a good candidate for it as endo is an inflammatory disease in itself. My friend had it done too and if she goes again she will have it done again. There are some promising stats out there but I think it has only been small data sets. Anyway it doesn't do any harm and I'm all for anything that might quiet my immune response in the uterus and help implantation.

Hi ladies,

Sorry for not being around for the last few days. Reading through all of the posts I have come to the conclusion that we are a lot of brave ladies dealing with a lot of shitly dealt cards. To have to manage infertility on top of everything else is unfair to say the least. Do you think out there in the world there are people who just breed and have happy healthy families? In a weird way I hope so but at the same time I'm ridiculously jealous of them, lucky bastards!!

In the last few months before my dad died I remember feeling quite angry towards him for leaving us too soon and for putting us through the process of watching him die. Obviously we loved him and cared for him and the anger was completely irrational. He wasn't doing it on purpose! But still it was definitely one element of the emotional cocktail during that time. Stay strong and be kind to yourselves.

I've not been on here for a while as I've been desperately trying not to think about being pregnant (and completely failing!!!!) My body is bloated, my boobs are massive and so painful and I'm not sleeping. One of the cruelest things I find on this journey is how your body can never tell your mind if you're pregnant or not. I know that sounds silly but if you could remove that anticipation and nervous excitement/hesitation every month I think I would be a lot more sane. It's the constant waiting for shitty news. Plus it would have meant I didn't nearly die with my first pregnancy! My first pregnancy four years ago turned out to be an ectopic but it was misdiagnosed as a miscarriage and I was around 10 weeks when it haemorrhaged and I started bleeding into my stomach (shortly before going into organ failure) so had to have emergency surgery, remove fallopian tube etc etc. To be honest it was one of those moments when all of a sudden you realise I might actually die from this. Afterwards I was still heartbroken about losing a baby but my OH was just pleased I hadn't died. Anyway I digress, if my body could just let me know early that would be grand.

This, great news with the droid, yay progress

Erica, as This says 'good luck'

Jen, how you coping with the wait?

Rebecca, parents are tough to handle, give yourself a break too.

Rose, I'm going to test next Friday, only 6 more sleeps!! Where are you in the process at the moment?

Hi to everyone else,

Sorry for the crazy long post!!! X

Hey hags,

I am still alive, impatiently waiting for my ERPC on Tuesday and feeling sick as fuck in the meantime. Ugh.

Rose Thank you, that is a lovely message. It is so hard. And I agree with the "journey" in inverted commas. More like a horrendous shitshow.

Rebecca I am so sorry about your mum, it is so hard. Please don't feel guilty. You have so much on your plate and you are doing your absolutely best... that said, yes, fuck 2016, let's move on. Your long week end sounds lovely, enjoy!

You did make me smile k8liz77 :) You have to laugh, don't you? LAYDEEZ, I am off to Eastern Africa in 3 weeks again, how many babies shall I bring back??? We could do the BESH Barbie Saviour.

Jen That is brilliant, brilliant, fantastic news!! WHOOP!!

Place That is so hard about your mum, I am so sorry. I know what you mean about the fear of opening up and seeking help. It is such a personal choice but in my experience (and Mr Erica's, he also went to therapy to help him deal with all this), once it is out is way less than scary than when in. Just a thought.

And great that the droid arrived and you can get started!!

SoSam Do you think out there in the world there are people who just breed and have happy healthy families? In a weird way I hope so but at the same time I'm ridiculously jealous of them, lucky bastards!! - i get this. Anyone that has living, healthy parents and siblings and kids (if that is what they want) are lucky-beyond-my-wildest-fantasies. I am also jealous of women that don't want kids and go about their lives la la la la not being sad and miserable about it. Imagine all the head space!!

Your ectopic sounds so traumatic, no wonder you are finding it all even more stressful. Thinking of you and crossing everything for good news.

Have a great week end, everyone!

That's true too Erica. I'm very jealous of those women too. You're right, the amount of headspace we would get back if this wasn't occupying it would be amazing. To think of all the other things we could do if we didn't spend most (if not all/probably an unhealthy amount) of our time on it!!

Oh god. I just told on the phone my dad about the mc and upcoming ERPC (felt uneasy going into surgery without him and my siblings knowing). It was bad. To start with, it was a bad time to talk (he was with his girlfriend) and the first thing he said is "god, why don't you stop putting yourselves through this and adopt a child". I told him (pretty sharply) that I don't think that this is the time to discuss this and he backtracked a bit but it was so all awkward and horrible. Nothing about being sorry I am going through this or anything like that.

We live in different countries so talking in person was not possible but now I feel even more alone in the middle of this. I miss my mum so much :(

Oh Erica, I'm really sorry, that really sucks x

Thanks SoSam.

Erica, that's awful. People don't know how to support us. That's the one thing I've figured out. As much as we want to lean on people it seems the more disappointment you end up. That said, it doesn't make it any easier. Your mum is with you. After mine died and people said that to me I used to think, "fuck off, no she's not, she's dead you fucking cunt, now fuck right the fuck off to your happy families and stop fucking patronising me you smug fuck" But the more time goes on the more I realise it's true. She exists in my memories and my imagination. Sometimes I imagine she's there getting me through a hard time and although it makes me cry, I do feel less alone. Anyway I hope none of that was insensitive. Us BESH are here for you whatever that's worth.

Place Thanks so much, that was amazing. I felt exactly the same when my mum died and people said "she is always with you" - I wanted to slap them. However, now, three years later, I take confort from memories and telling myself the things she would have said...

Hope you're feeling a bit better today Erica.

SoSam, amen to everything in your last post! Everything! How's the symptoms going?

Hello to all BESH...how's things, where are you all up to? I have a mind like a sieve so need constant updating.

Btw, I'm in camp "2016 is a-ok" because I'm still holding onto hope that at least one of us gets some good news before the year is out. And if not then it can go fuck itself hard with a pineapple.

No news here. Coming off pain meds isn't going so well. I'm having a few flares so I think I'm going to give myself a break and I'll just stop taking them when there's an actual reason to. Like a bfp. It's only cocodamol so I think that's pretty safe in the meantime. I don't think it will create massive deformities or anything. (I'm going to be such a good mum! Can't you tell?)

Hi ladies,

I was wondering if I could join? Here's my lo-down: Age 31, TTC#1 for 22 months, 2MCs July 15 and January 16, off to first appointment at Fertility Clinic tomorrow morning. So far all bloods done by GP and DH's SA normal but was told I have a bicornate uterus when I had my first MC. Don't know if that is causing problems or not.

Also, feeling pretty damn bitter. Think/hope I manage to bury it most of the time. I had a tricky time with one of my best mates who had a DS in April and in my opinion behaved quite oddly in response to being pregnant considering it was planned. Maybe she was trying to 'protect me'. Well it didn't bloody work!

Unlurking - this is my place sorry you're dealing with pain flares. I've been on long term opioid therapy for chronic pain from a spinal injury for 15 years, and am also tapering off in preparation for an embryo transfer that may or may not happen

Both my fertility and pain consultant told me that whilst I have to be off my oxycodone and tramadol by the time of transfer, OTC Co codamol is absolutely fine. Last time it did fuck all for me after ET during the 8 weeks until I miscarried, but it's definitely pregnancy safe. I'm also on amitriptyline and they upped my dose, which helps a little bit.

When we were TTC naturally both consultants said I didn't need to be off anything until I got a BFP. The only issue with that was withdrawal from strong opioids, so since starting TTC I've been on lower levels 'just in case'

Co codamol deffo won't cause deformities. Ibuprofen is a no no in the first trimester - but until you have a BFP nothing you take will do any harm. At least, assuming you're not shooting up crack. That's probably less than ideal

/goes back into lurking x

Hi Emily, welcome and I'm sorry you find yourself here. I have come to the conclusion that people are generally fickwits when it comes to talking to us about anything to do with babies or pregnancy. They either hush the conversation completely, want to know every last detail or are seemingly the font of all fucking knowledge despite never experiencing any of it!

Thanks bananafish. That's really useful info. Sorry about your pain, it's a fucker. I'm on the prescription cocodamol or solpadol, whatever you call it, tramadol and amitriptiline. Have managed to stop both tramadol and ami...but don't see the point in stopping something that's relatively safe until I have to. So thanks for that...better run off and flush that crack now.

Welcome Emily, sorry you e entered the BESH world (is that like spice world?) feel free to rant. I second all that SoSam said...people definitely are fickwits!

place tramadol I've stayed off because I find the withdrawal from that absolutely vile, and I've made the mistake in the past of coming off it too quickly.

My consultant actually sent me to a colleague of his who literally wrote the book on prescribing in pregnancy, one of only a handful of consultant obstetric physicians (ie specialists in maternal medicine) in the country

He was the one who put me on amitriptyline in the first place, said I should be on 10mg while TTC and up to 25mg if I got pregnant

Tramadol is a definite no no, but no hypothetical reason you should have to come off the amitriptyline

Did make me laugh, after my ERPC when the nurse asked if I wanted any pain meds. I was like, I've got a whole arsenal of class As in my bag. I reckon I'm sorted.

Bloomin heck ladies, so much going on! Erica honestly, that is awful of your Dad. However, my Dad has said something similar to me. I talked to him about adoption and he said I should stop messing about with the whole pregnancy/miscarriage saga. Then when I told him I wanted to give IVF a go he said he was disappointed that I'd decided to prolong things, when the outcome will be the same! When I told him he was being insensitive he said, I'm only thinking of you !
Welcome Emily, sorry you find yourself here but it's such a great place to vent and you know you've got other women in your situation who totally understand and won't ignore your feelings .
We're going to see our RMC on Thursday. To be honest, I'm pretty sick of the side effects the steriods are giving me. Plus, we want to be slightly cheeky and ask what our fertility clinic get in terms of updated hospital notes. If we accidentally forget to mention I had a natural miscarriage in March, I could have IVF in November! Anyone had any experience of accidentally forgetting to inform fertility clinics of recent events?
Hope everyone is ok. Sending you all positive vibes and hugs xx

Warning poss tmi

Ok so I'm not meant to be testing until Friday and I'm having pink discharge!!! Scared it's the start of my period, hoping its spotting!! Fuck this emotional fucking rollercoaster.

so pink discharge has now gone! Makes me even more hopeful that it's just spotting!!! Two more sleeps to go. But I may have a breakdown before then

How has anyone got through IVF and remained sane???

No.

Ps...yay for spotting!!

SoSam My acupuncturist (who specialises in fertility and IVF) says that at least 40% of IVF patients have spotting during the first 12 weeks.

Hold in there!

Erica, did you have your erpc yesterday? How you holding up?

K8, sorry I missed your post...are you doing IVF on the nhs? Is that why you have to wait a certain amount of time since your last natural pregnancy? If not disregard this post....however, We are nhs funded (no natural pregnancies though) and when we went in to fill out all of the forms with the clinic, you have to sign your consent for them to be able to communicate with your GP etc. The only communication that has happened that I know of, was a letter from FS to GP saying that we were going to start, these were the meds he was going to put me on and to let him know if we shouldn't be parents. .. My GP didn't need to write back....But, if you have a hospital record of your miscarriage, I'm not sure how that might be transferred to your clinic, and whether they would care. It really just seemed to be the assessment process prior to referral that was the Spanish Inquisition about eligibility. If you think they won't find out, Go for it! There is enough waiting around...also, steroids suck! Headaches, insomnia, I also get what we call my Roid Rage, watch out bad drivers!! Best of luck though!