BESH - relocated to less offensive surroundings

[cooperG]

Hi hags, here's our new thread. Did we decide to post the BESH-tionnaire or not? I'll have to go and dig it out if so..

Newbies - we think we're much like the ladies in the 'mind-numbing boredom of infertility' thread ladies, but we can't admit defeat, oh no. After the new recruits kind of dried up over in conception, we've moved over here where there are no insta-differs to send us into fits of rage/tears.

(BESH stands for Bitter Evil Selfish Hags - named so by the Daily Mail I think...) come and be bitter about the shit-ness that is infertility with us...

Hi all. I've been lurking for a long time (mostly on Aibu but also take a glance here every now and then). It's good to know there are others out there going through similar and worse in a lot of cases.

I've been TTC for 17 months- I know that's a lot less than some of you. On paper everything is "fine" and I feel a bit dismissed by my Gp- I may scream if I get a head tilt and "just relax" one more time! I haven't even been to see her much over the past 17 months, 3 occasions at most. Went to a private fertility clinic for the usual tests, all looks fine. Which makes it even more frustrating that nothing is happening!

And don't get me started on the baby bombs- I swear my acting is Oscar worthy at this point, I've perfected my "really happy and excited for you" piece. Which to b fair I usually am, but it hurts.

Anyway I'm rambling, just wanted to join in and say I'm on this unfair journey too!

SoSam hope things went OK for you today, or better than you expected. Didn't get a chance to post earlier to wish you luck. Hope the recovery is going OK and you got some nice eggies.

RebeccaNoodles sorry to hear about your mum. My father in law also has Alzheimers. Is tough for all concerned. Know what you mean about never knowing when the journey will end. Some people just eventually draw a line. DH and I nowhere near that but I am sure that eventually we would get to that, it is just so painful to live in limbo for so long (3 yrs this end and counting!)

Erica glad you are feeling better, walking always helps. We have been out today for a long one in the countryside. It did make me feel better. Good that you have a plan to work towards. Planning definitely helps me!!

Fat, bloated and bruised from the injections over here. Ready for this shitshow to move on to the next stage. Been really tearful and miserable today, think because we are getting nearer to the point where our hopes and dreams ended in our IVF1 2WW. Just can't imagine things being different even though this isn't a positive way to think. The hormones are NOT helping!!!

Anyway, sorry for bringing everyone down...Trigger injection tonight. Will look forward to another day of being a big fat hen tomorrow!

Oh, and can I just say..Fuck the healthy eating! Fuck it all to hell! We are having chips with tea and chocolate cake and ice cream for afters.

Oh and welcome whereland sorry to hear about your unexplained diagnosis. We have had this for ages. Have the docs checked your thyroid? If not get it checked tout suite! For all the right reasonsI hope your stay on this board is a short one...

Thanks jenbot. Sorry to hear you're feeling crap today. Do whatever you need to comfort yourself this evening- put on crappy tv and eat what you want.
Yes my thyroid levels are normal too apparently. I stay reasonably positive but can't help thinking that the longer this is going on the less likely it is to just suddenly happen naturally.
I'm in Ireland and there's no such thing as ivf on the public system, it's all private so I'm nervous about affording treatment if we need it

Hi Ladies, thanks for all your messages, it all went really well. Who would have to thought it!?! We have managed to get 8 eggs which is an amazing start and a real surprise. Obviously not sure of the quality yet but it's a more positive start than we were expecting, so the hopeful mindset has returned for now Will find out more in the morning.

Rebeccanoodles how long to keep trying for? We talk about this a lot. How many rounds of IVF do we do? Etc etc. I suppose you just get to a point where enough is enough.

Also, sorry to hear about your mum, that's really tough.

Erica, I'm glad you are 'ok', walking and fresh air can do wonders

Welcome Whereland, the baby 'poker' face, it's a true skill. Hope you have some joy soon.

Jenbot, the past two days I have eaten a stupid amount of rubbish food. I swear my body had been craving the sugar! The best of luck for Friday, I'll keep everything crossed for you.

Yaaaay SoSam!! So pleased you had a good result! Will be keeping everything crossed for your embryo update!

Jen, I am all about junk food atm. I have perfected a recipe for Chinese takeout sesame chicken, so have made it three times in the last week. Fat, sugar, salt and carbs, mmmm. Best of luck for Friday. Make sure you keep us updated.

Erica. Lovely to hear from you. I'm really glad you were able to get out and do something enjoyable. All credit to you!

Rebecca. That is really tough about your mum. When we were little girls, who would have thought we could ever imagine having to make decisions like this huh? I hope you've got good support for her, and yourself.

...And a hearty welcome to Where I'm in Ireland too! We are here on contract work, but hubby is British so we very very fortunately managed funding on nhs. We have already had a fresh round when we were living overseas, so have felt the bite once. As if the whole process isn't tough enough, the financial stress alone is enough to put you out of the running. I hope you never have to face it yourself.

Thanks thisistheplace!
I'm not 100% up to date with all of your individual situations but hoping for the best for you all.
Does anyone have positive experience of IUI? The clinic mentioned it as the first treatment option but success rates seem to be low- it seems almost like a waste of €1000 that could be saved towards ivf if needed.
Just to have another small rant, how have you found dealing with a fellow infertile friend becoming pregnant? I'm close to a colleague at work and we had both been trying the same length of time, she's now 12 weeks pregnant. It seems as if she has totally forgotten what it's like to be the non-pregnant person when everyone around you is! Of course I'm happy for her to talk about it from time to time but she is gleefully bounding into my office with her daily update.. Again, Oscar worthy performances on my part. People are unbelievably clueless.

So quick update, the 8 eggs became 3 mature eggs which then became 2 fertilised eggs...so far so good. I keep hearing Dory in my head 'just keep swimming, just keep swimming'.

Jenbot, everything's crossed for you tomorrow, good luck x

Good luck for tomorrow Jen!

Great news SoSam. Sounds like they're fighters.

So change of plan et today, eeek!

Better in than out I say! Is it day 2 today SoSam. Best of transfer luck! Are both of the embies going back in? Just keep swimming, just keep swimming! I love to swiiiiiiim! Ha, haha, ha, ha, ha.

Jen, I hope everything went well, keep us updated. I want to IVF vicariously through you all. Tricks me into thinking that maybe I've started, lol!

Where, sorry, we didn't do iui. Not an option for us with mfi. Re: graduated infertiles...I found can be hit and miss. Some are fantastic. Some are just like you describe. Thoughtless and self absorbed. I actually think they should be considering what you go through as an infertile...the problem is picking an appropriate audience! Let your mum or friend with 10 kids gush over you, just keep it to a minimum with others that are still struggling. I'll be starting my second round of ICSI next month. I have a really good friend at the moment who has also been through one round and in the past couple of years has had surgery to remove stage 4 endometriosis. The surgeries nearly killed her twice (not exaggerating) and has ended up with a permanent colostomy bag. She's in so much pain and losing weight that they want her to have a full hysterectomy. But she's too unwell to try IVF anytime soon before she'll agree to that. I ALWAYS have to put things into perspective when I whinge about more delays etc. The thing is I'm not going to go ringing her up and beaming that I'm starting soon, yay for me, because she can't even START! She's the loveliest girl, so down to earth, would make an amazing mother....life is so unfair! She is one person that I would never feel anything but absolute joy if she had a baby. In fact, if you can guarantee me one too, I'll let her in ahead of me in the queue.

Erica , really pleased to hear you're ok and the walking helped. We've just been to pads tow for a few days and although I started my period whilst we were there I do feel better for some time away from reality, if that makes sense.

Jen, I hope everything is going ok for you today. I worry about the effect of all the hormones etc involved with IVF because when I took chlomid it sent me bat shit crazy!

SoSam I've had my fingers and toes crossed all day, hoping and praying everything goes well for your ET.

I agree with Thisistheplace on the junk food note. I've eaten and drunk like a pig the last few days and have now found my new addiction - Cornish chocolate in particular Caramel sea salt - it's to die for!

Hi to where, sorry you find yourself in this situation. I too am infertile with no reason and after 3 miscarriages, that's pretty hard to take. I've pretty much perfected my baby announcement poker face, although sometimes I still crack and burst into tears, as it all,seems so unfair

Meant to say, Rebecca, I know how you feel about the when to stop trying conversation. I gave up in January this year after my 2nd mmc and then fell pregnant the next month, which I also miscarried. Now, my hubby and other friends and family keep saying...see if you just relax you'll get pregnant again...which is so fucking annoying . I'm 40 next year and think that soon it may be time to call it a day. But when I tell people that, I get the same as you...I know someone who's 96 and just had a baby - normally these people have kids and have no possible idea what it's like for us. I also get the ...no don't give up, it'll happen... Or ... You just need to keep fighting and it'll happen...again all from people who have no clue. How I've not punched someone over the last 5 yrs, I've no idea . I guess, I just wanted to let you know I understand and um here if you want to talk xx

Hi there ladies, back from the other side of the ec in one piece. Wasn't overjoyed with not being knocked out completely like last time but actually wasn't too bad. Was temazi'd out of my face and hit up the gas and air big time, was wicked like being stoned and pissed at the same time! Anyone remember that song "Tequila...it makes you happy..." from the nineties? That was randomly on the radio-was very amused in my shitfaced state. Thought to myself that I might as well enjoy this as maybe I won't be drinking for a while...Maybe...

So they collected 6 eggs and seemed pleased with that (though we are paying them loads of money to say that!) There were 10 follicles in addition to the 6 that just hadn't grown enough and the consultant said he wouldn't bother with them. And after all that stimulation as well!! Hrrmph

I can't help feeling a little bit disappointed, but maybe it is quality over quantity. You hear of these women who have like 15 eggs taken out and 8 to freeze or something...

Last IVF we got 10 eggs but they mostly didn't do that well and we had one blast by the end with none to freeze, so maybe this is better. Anyone got any experiences of egg numbers/collection etc.?

Place happy for you to live this journey vicariously through me! Your friend sounds like a trooper, I understand why you want this for her too...

SoSam best of luck with the transfer. Keeping everything crossed for a smooth one.

Kliz77 the hormones aren't exactly a dream, but will be worth if if we get our dream, I guess...

Thanks for the messages ladies, I completely appreciate the luck. We ended up putting both of them in as we've got one which is goodish and one not so good. The transfer went well and now the two week wait begins I still can't believe it's all happening.

Jenbot, I can completely understand the disappointment but (warning I'm in a positive mind frame) 6 is a good starting point. Fingers crossed for the next couple of days.

Place, totally happy to be lived through not long now until it's your turn.

Good luck to everyone out there

Whaaaaa! So much happening in BESHland at the moment!

SoSam Best of luck! We will be here for the 2ww insanity moments!

Jen Very recent experience: my friend got 6 eggs, 2 good embryos, went one in, the other on the freezer. Got preggers on the first attempt!

k8liz77 I feel you, hag. When I told my sister about this mc, her response, straight away, was "have you thought about adoption?}". I shit your not. No, I have been ttc-ing and mc-ing for 5 years and it had never fucking crossed my mind, thanks a lot. Jesus. I also hate the rather ignorant notion that adoption is easy, you just go and pick up a baby...

Place I am sorry to hear about your friend. Life is so unfair.

Where Welcome to BESH, sorry you found yourself here but once you are in this shitshow, there is no better place for support.

I did four rounds of IUI and nothing. I have managed 5 non-sticky BFPs naturally so bit weird none of the rounds worked but I have a couple of friends that got pg on the 1st and 2nd attempt. Depends on the price/budget, I guess.

My previously infertile friends are supportive enough, I just feel that my on-going mcs makes them uncomfortable, I think they just want me "join the miracle baby club" ... not sure why this bothers me? I also want to join but it irritates me to think that my situation makes them feel like that.

Hags, going to see my doctor in a couple of hours to make a plan. Please please cross your fingers that we can figure it out and we can go back to IVF plans by say, end of October? Please??

Erica...am crossing everything I can. Here's to a solid plan and a way forward. Let us know how you go. Your friends feeling uncomfortable would bother the shit out of me. In fact it does. Sorry hag

Jenbot, yay for drunkety drunk drugs!! give me all you've got!

SoSam...youre in the right place now. You have your beautiful embies inside. All you have to do now is be a lunatic for next 2 weeks.

Oh and a note on the whole "why don't you adopt" thing....I don't wanna, I want my own biologic baby. Plus...why don't YOU adopt if it's such a good idea? Oh right, you wanted your own biologic babies too...hmmmm, so now you know and you can stop asking (Also totally not against adoption, think it's awesome, but not sure why it has to be the only option that us infertiles should be grateful for)

Hey hags,

Turns out it's a molar... So will definitely need ERPC, traveling for work from tonight so it will have to happen next week... Ah well.

"Good news" is that they only want me to wait for one period in between the ERPC and starting IVF. PGD should help avoid this happening again at least....

I know, Place! Also, adoption can take years and years and tons of money. I used to think that I would definitely adopt but after all these years of max stress and heartbreak and waiting, I am really not sure I can do it anymore...

I don't know much about molar pregnancies, but it sounds like it was pure bad luck Erica. So sorry. Well I'm glad they've given you the go ahead for IVF. We may end up cycling together after all.

The whole adoption thing really bothers me too. I think it's great and I have a couple of friends that have adopted happily / successfully. However, it's not for everyone and I totally agree with Erica and place that people think we infertiles should be grateful for adoption. Even my Dad has said to me that I should basically stop messing about and start the adoption process because I obviously can't carry a child and I'm getting old (39). Thanks for that, I wasn't aware ! It's like I'm selfish for wanting my own biologically baby. I'm also not sure I can put myself through the whole stressful adoption thing after 5 yrs of ttc and miscarriages.

Are sisters by another mister k8???

My dad is the same and, because we spend so much time living/working in Easten Africa, there this implication that we could "just pick one up"

Like you, I think adoption is great and it's not 100% off the cards, who knows how we will feel if everything else fails but still... It is not definitely the "easy option".

Hi there ladies, still in the anxiety zone waiting to hear what is happening with our little embryos. We had 100% fertilisation which I was pleased about, again the clinic said that was "excellent" but they all say that about everything all the time...Will take what I can get at this point.

The clinic will call tomorrow to tell us whether we go for ET tomorrow or if they make it to blastocyst stage then on Wednesday.

SoSam loving your positive mindset. How are you travelling this weekend? Keeping everything crossed that things go well for you.

EricaJ good news about cracking on with IVF. Sometimes it is best to just plough on and make the next plan. Thanks for your positive story, good to hear those at this stage!

Too true about adoption. It is a brilliant thing, but NOT the same as having your own child and shouldn't be put forward as such. As it happens I am currently working therapeutically with families who have adopted/fostered on some of the issues that they are facing with behaviour etc. It has been a real eye opener to me as it is such a battle dealing with very traumatised children. So worthwhile and all that but shouldn't be viewed replacement for having your own children. In fact this is what some adoptive parents struggle to come to terms with-their own grief at the fact that the children come with all these difficulties and are not necessarily "straightforward." Is very complicated.

That said, I wouldn't necessarily rule it out. But thinking about all that right now is too painful. Us ladies have to focus on our own little bits of our journeys, one stage at a time....

Hope you are all enjoying Sundays. DH is having some red wine watching the Olympics (off the hook now his little guys are off the starting line!) I am looking on enviously...

Hi all, I'm wondering if there's space for one more?
I've been lurking for a while (after Rebecca pointed me in this direction) and have been following your recent ups and downs.
I was part of a small group of ladies who all had FET in April/May and amazingly we all got our BFPs but it wasn't to be for me (always thought it was too good to be true!) and I had an MMC resulting in an ERPC at 8+1 at the beginning of July.

Since then I've been a bit lost on MN so I'm hoping I can join you here

My stats:

32. TTC for 2 years. Severe PCOS and DH has low count and morphology. 2 x IVF at Reprofit in Czech Republic. 2 x MC, 1 ERPC.

Planning a second FET for beginning of October if AF plays ball.

Jen Good luck with the call tomorrow- it's such a nerve-wracking time waiting for those little embryos to develop. How are you feeling generally?

Rebecca so sorry to hear about your Mum That must be so so tough. You have so much going on but are so strong. I think it's amazing x We could end up as FET cycle buddies you know!

Erica so sorry to hear about your molar pregnancy Have you managed to get a date for your ERPC? Take care of yourself x

Hi everyone else. I hope you are enjoying the remaining hours of this miserable Sunday.

Hahaha Erica maybe we are sisters from another mister .
Good luck for the phone call tomorrow Jenbot.
Hi Rose welcome to you. Sorry for your losses. Miscarriages are so tough to deal with . Do you mind me asking how you found having IVF abroad? It's something I've started to consider because I can't have IVF on the NHS until March 2017.