BESH - relocated to less offensive surroundings

[cooperG]

Hi hags, here's our new thread. Did we decide to post the BESH-tionnaire or not? I'll have to go and dig it out if so..

Newbies - we think we're much like the ladies in the 'mind-numbing boredom of infertility' thread ladies, but we can't admit defeat, oh no. After the new recruits kind of dried up over in conception, we've moved over here where there are no insta-differs to send us into fits of rage/tears.

(BESH stands for Bitter Evil Selfish Hags - named so by the Daily Mail I think...) come and be bitter about the shit-ness that is infertility with us...

Hi BESHers, how are you all travelling? Firmly in the grip of the stims phase, had scan yesterday at day 6. Apparently bloating is quite normal, follies not growing that quickly tho. They counted 25 at baseline but only 8 growing at this point and not as big as they would like. They say some ladies take longer to stim, trying not to freak out about it...anyone else had experience of this? They have added in Gonal F to try and bring things on a bit. Oh joy, more injections and more hormones 😬. Went to the chemist nearly fell over at the cost of that prescription £114!!

Also started steroids yesterday. So far so good apart from ravenously hungry!! So will be fat(ter) and broke by the end of this...

SoSam, how are you going today? It's no surprise that you might have a panic attack now, if you're prone to them. It's surreal some of the shit we go through and if you stop and think about it too long, I'm surprised we all aren't permanently in bed with the cover over our heads. Anyway, that's my clumsy way of saying that I hope you're ok and that you do not need to apologise!!

Jen, how's the bloating? When do you get scanned next. I know on my first round, my follies weren't growing well, so he upped the dose and kept me stimming a few days longer than normal. It was a good move because a lot more caught up. The bloating is cruel irony. "No I'm not 4 months pregnant, I'm going through IVF" lol. Water was the only thing that helped me, but it was a bitch trying to get enough down. Keep us updated!

Hello to everyone. I forget where we are all up to! I'm sure there is someone else cycling, Rebecca, is it you?

So I was supposed to have my scratch in a couple of days and then start down regging. Hurray!! Been waiting two years for this!......and then I get a call yesterday to say, no sorry, dr is off somewhereorother, very vague, some emergency scenario, and we are delaying your treatment another month. This is after they had already delayed it 2 months as dr was on holidays. So it's only another month and in the scheme of it all, absolutely nothing to get upset over...but it seemed it was the thing that sent me into a screaming banshee last night. Yelling at mr place, sobbing, storming off and sleeping in the other room...lol. Poor mr place had no idea what was going on. I'm taking comfort in the fact that I don't have to go back to mil just yet, so that's a win. I just really want to get started now. So many delays. Plus I wanted to be cycling with my BESH!

Morning hags,

Just to let you know I miscarried last night. It all happened very fast, I started bleeding while shopping, went to A&E and a scan confirmed that the baby stopped developing around the time of the previous scan (when we saw a heartbeat, so cruel). Next stop, IVF with PGD via some TLC and recovery time in the mountains... Am I crazy to keep my plans to go on a hiking trip? Maybe won't actually hike so much but a week in the countryside sounds like the perfect recovery place to me?

Hope everyone else is doing well, I will be joining the whole rigamarole, hopefully sooner rather than later.

Erica I'm so, so sorry

Erica my love, I'm so sorry. Go hike, fuck it, do what you need to.

Ah Erica. I'm so so so sorry. That is totally fucked news and I was really hoping this was it for you. I second blue and say do WHATEVER you want to do. Damn this shit. It's just not fair.

Ah Jesus, Erica - I'm so sorry. Awful news.

Thanks, hags. I am so tired and fed up of this shit.

At least I did not have three "good scans" while bleeding heavily giving me hope, just to end up mc-ing anyway, like last time.

Do not let it be said that this hag does not find a silver lining

Ah fuck it. Maybe we should have actively avoided getting pg before IVF... looks like we are headed that way and like Place, I feel every delay is sending me bananas.

Erica - I'm truly sorry for your loss . I've found my miscarriages so hard to deal with emotionally and physically, so make sure you take care hiking. The fresh air and time away might help though. Also chocolate and alcohol help xx

Erica, I'm so sorry. That is devastating news. Like everyone else said, you just do what you need to do and take lots of care of yourself xx

Erica, I just saw this. I am so, so sorry. Don't know what else to say but . Devastated for you.

Erica, how you doing? Stupid question I know but if you need to vent then please do xx

Currently day 9 of stims, I had my first progress scan yesterday. 18 follicles, they say that's fine but I'm still nervous it seems quite high for this early stage. What have you guys had? Mostly 8, 9, 10 mms with some outliers of 6 & 12.

Hi all, back from a very busy weekend of weddings (yes, 2!) Quite a stressful business when looking pregnant (bloat is BAD) and also not drinking so everyone can speculate about what is going on. Added to this was trying to do stealth injections. On Friday DH and I ended up driving down a remote country lane to do them. Oh the joy!

Erica so sorry to hear about your m/c. There are no words. I hope you are able to get your recovery time in the mountains. Sending

Place sorry to hear you have to wait, such a pain when you feel ready to get going. Bloated is not the word now, but hopefully will have EC on Weds. Good to hear that I might catch up eventually, have been very slow to stimulate.

SoSam On day 12 of stims. Had another scan on Friday and there were 5 ish that were over 10mm and still some little guys that were at 7mm or 8mm. I started asking anxiously whether this was normal as slow growing and they said yes, they were "very pleased" with progress. Felt happy with that- she may say that to everyone for all I know but I'll take any small wins on this journey!! How are you feeling? Bloated and uncomfortable like me?

Still on Menopur AND GonalF together, so three injections per night. Was a bit miffed the clinic didn't let us know that we might need to plan for spending more on drugs that we originally thought. Every time I go for a scan they end up telling me I need more. Have spent an extra £300 so far on more drugs!

Also I am taking prednisone 20mg per day due to my overactive immune system. What a total motherfucker. I have been hungry NON STOP since I started them.Like, insatiable hunger that wakes you up at night. Anyone else been on them and got any tips?

Hi all,

Jenbot, I totally hear you with the bloating. I have been wearing loose dresses and shirts for work and I can see people looking at me and my belly like, have you got something you want to tell us... can't help with the prednisone I'm afraid, that sounds like a bitch.
The number and sizes seems to vary so much it's crazy. You're right, just need to take the positive messages from the nurse when they're given. Next scan in the morning, then hopefully trigger tomorrow night and ec on Wednesday too. Fingers crossed.

Injecting out and about is hardcore, I can't always managed doing it at home, aka I'm a clumsy bitch! This morning the shitty cetrocide liquid leaked out of the syringe as the needle wasn't screwed on properly so panic stations and I had to use the one meant for tomorrow morning, so I then had a trip to the hospital this afternoon to pick up another one for tomorrow!

Place, I just read back through the messages and saw your one. Sorry I missed it before. That fucking sucks. You really gear your self up for starting so I can appreciate the fuming nature, hopefully it won't be too long.

Erica, thinking of you

I hope everyone else is doing ok

SoSam so we could be having EC on the same day! Quite ready for it now...

Been doing lots of reading about Single Embryo Transfer vs Double. The clinic is private and so although they would advise one putting back rather than two, they say that if you have a healthy blastocyst you should just put the one back.

What are other people's thoughts on this one? On balance, I think I would want one healthy baby rather than two prem or very poorly and there are definite risks involved. However, I also think it is has been such a long journey already it is so tempting to ask for two in the hope that it would increase our odds...

Jen, I did 2 having firmly made up my mind that I would only have one. I posted a thread about it at the time and bananafish (very knowledgeable poster on the mindnumbing thread) gave me loads of brilliant advice on having one rather than two. But in the end I only had two fertilised and couldn't bring myself to leave one on its own two embryos made one pregnancy for me, so I'm glad I did it and probably would in the future. But if you at the research it suggests one, there is a campaign on it I think - called something like "one at a time" if you give it a Google. Or search my username and see if mum thread comes up?

Hi BESH...

Jen, single vs double transfer...well our first time I was a youthful 35 and it being our first we only put back one. There was a second blast available that wasn't good enough to freeze and I regret not popping him in too. We then did a couple of frozen set after that. Now that I'm practically an octogenarian (38 in a couple of months) and we've had 3 fails, they're recommending putting two back, and we're nhs funded. It's hard, because carrying twins scares the shit out of me, increased risk of miscarriage etc. I just hope we'll have enough for it to even be an option!

Also on the steroids front, I've been on them a few times. My side effects are headaches, insomnia and crankiness (really don't like prednisone!). My advice for increased appetite would be to get good snacks in then go for gold!!

Also, There should be some follies that catch up after you trigger. Your trigger helps to mature them. My last scan before trigger I think I was told to expect 8, but they ended up collecting 14, 12 of which were mature. I've got everything crossed you'll get a nice amount.

My clinic recommends just one but then they will take a view and put in two if needs be. I think it'll be undecided up until last minute.

So scan and blood test today and not great news. Although there are a good number of follicles, 13 in the right size bracket, the Estradiol levels are very low so looks like it's mostly empty sacs, looking like at most maybe one or two eggs. I could tell they are preparing my me for the results on Wednesday. This whole fucking thing fucking sucks, cocks, wank, piss. Stupid fucking infertility bullshit. On the brink and had enough, fucking, fuckity, fuck fuck!

Sam, I'm so so sorry to hear that, it's fucking shit and all very unfair.

I'm only posting to be one of those annoying positive people (who mostly irritated the hell out of me) but we only got 3 eggs, 2 fertilised. I honestly never ever thought it could work on such low numbers but it did. That really annoying saying "it only takes one"? Sometimes it really does.

But hope never helped me to I'll also say fuck to the world for you. Infertility is a shit pile.

Oh SoSam. That is truly fucked! Every step of this bullshit process can either bring relief or another devastating blow. I'm sorry you've had shit news. Are you still going ahead with egg collection? If you are I will have every bloody thing crossed that they get at least a few really good quality eggs that go the distance.

Place good tip about going for gold with the eating LOL! Have been doing so as it goes. I don't need much encouragement in that department. Interesting thought about one VS two, may not be in that position anyway, will wait and see...

SoSam so very sorry to hear that, what a difficult journey this is. I would say "try not to worry, this journey has ups and downs" but I know how hard it is when I get news I find tough on the IVF rollercoaster... I will join Blue in saying fuck to the world!!!

I haven't had a blood test for the last couple of scans so not sure what is going on with my levels. Still some room for growth on the follicle front, five marching ahead and six or seven lagging behind. To that end they have decided to give me another two days of stims. It feels never ending! I am on day 13 and won't have ER until Friday. Wouldn't mind but seriously didn't budget for the extra £500 that I have had to shell out over the last slow week of stims. Actually, let's face it I didn't budget for any of this shit!

Thanks ladies, fucking rollercoaster!

Blue I know you're right, I think I just now live in a world of doubt. I'm still going to go ahead with ec on Wednesday and have done my trigger this evening so 'what will be will be'. I'm very much hit the angry/frustrated mood at the moment. The hopeful mindset is somewhat elusive tonight. Hopefully it will have a reprise tomorrow.

Jenbot, fingers crossed for your extra two days of stimming.

Thanks Place I'll take all the luck available.

Hi all, just dropping in to say SoSam, hope it went as well as possible on Wednesday and that you're feeling OK. Though not surprised if you're feeling not remotely OK at all. Sending solidarity. Nothing about this is not shit, really.

How are you doing Jen? Hope stims are going well and that your EC goes OK on Friday if that's where you're at.

Re 1 or 2 back - we're doing a frozen transfer in end Sept/early Oct and we've decided that we only want to put one back (out of our two frozens). Partly based on instinct and partly because the doctor pointed out we could always try again with the second blast. Also I'm personally nervous of bearing twins - I have twin nieces which is obviously great but the pregnancy and early years were tough. Spontaneous twins would be very welcome though ... I'd have triplets at this stage ...

I'm currently abroad visiting my parents. My mum is not doing great (early stages of alzheimers) and if we weren't in the throes of IVF, I'd be in favour of moving here to be closer to her. But we are where we are and all those other useless phrases. At least if we end up childless, we'll have more time to care for our elderly parents. Silver lining!

The thing about infertility is you never know when it ends. Unless you set a certain end point like a birthday but even then people will be telling you 'Oh, I know someone who conceived at 53'. Literally someone told me that yesterday (!!) Which just feels like consigning you to endless limbo.

Hm, this is a bit dark for this early in the morning! Hope everyone else is doing OK ...

Hey hags,

Just to let you know that I am alive and well(ish) and that going hiking was the best decision I could have made...

Internet connection is terrible up here but I am thinking of you all (specially Jen and *Sam today, best of luck, hags!) and feeling less alone in this headfuckery. I have an appointment with my fc end od August, we shall take it again from there!