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Infertility

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The mind numbing boredom of infertility II

999 replies

PotatoesPastaAndBread · 28/02/2016 10:29

This is a thread for peole who really want to get pregnant but can't, who have tried pretty much everything, and are really fucked off about it.

Have you ever nearly punched someone for advising you to "relax", "go on holiday" or "just get drunk - that's what we did"? Well then this is the thread for you.

You won't find much sentimentality here and there's no baby dust, but there is empathy, a lot of swearing and a surpirsing amount of glittery dog shit.

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bananafish81 · 17/04/2016 14:19

Hi IVF fiends

Sorry for being crap and not doing personals will come back later to catch up properly

Thank you all for being lovely after Weds crap news

This is a bit of an epic post, so I'd get a coffee / hip flask and either strap in or skip it if you can't face a militant barren ramble through IVF!

We are now trying to take the positives from it all, that despite my horrific FSH and AMH, we were able to make a good embryo. And that hopefully if we did it once, we can do it again.

Ironically, because of my old dead lining that probably meant crap bottom soil over lovely fresh topsoil, that mean the seed couldn’t grow properly, the ERPC probably gave me exactly the clear out I needed!

We also think we have a theory as to why at nearly 5 weeks post ERPC I am still ridiculously pregnant

(Beta on Monday was 270, Beta on Friday was 207. FFS)

Dr said he was so, so careful not to scrape too hard, to try and protect my lining - because once you have adhesions, essentially Ashermans means you’re fucked and it’s fairly unfixable. So I'm v v grateful he took the softly, softly approach. So it’s possible that in going very very gently, there might be some tiny fragments of retained products that would be too small to show up on the scan.

If my hCG isn’t down to zero by next Weds (which it blatantly won’t), we’re gonna do a hysteroscopy and he’ll go in with a camera to give it a good once over. So he’ll check out it’s spic and span, give it a good clean, and do an endometrial biopsy while he’s there, which is apparently like a turbo version of the scratch

Plus, apparently I get to see a DVD of my uterus. Scintillating viewing I’m sure.

Once my hCG is down to zero, we’re going in all guns blazing. Plan ‘throw the kitchen sink at it’ is going to be launched.

We’re leaving the frosties on the subs bench and going to try to get fresh embryos to do PGS.

At the start of the stims cycle, DH & I both go on a week of doxycycline to clear my ureaplasma.

We also start me on thyroxine to get my TSH to under 2.

Stims wise, same as before, short protocol, start high and drop down depending on follicle growth. Rest of cycle as usual. Try to make eggs, collect eggs, try to make embryos, biopsy anything that makes it to day 5, send off biopsies for PGS testing, whack in freezer.

After period, start me on oestrogen as if preparing for a FET, until PGS results come back. Dr said we should aim for 4 euploid embryos, which realistically we ain’t gonna get in one cycle, so once results are back, we’re likely to convert the FET into another stims cycle (and treat the run up as oestrogen priming, which for a low-AMH-er is no bad thing!)

He normally recommends 3 months between fresh cycles - except for me, as I seem to do so well on stims, and I get better quantity and quality when piggy backing off the last lot. So as long as my ovaries are looking OK, and I’m still up for going again, then we’ll crack on doing 2 stims cycles back to back.

So basically lather, rinse, repeat exactly as before. Try to make eggs, collect eggs, make embryos, biopsy anything that makes it to day 5, send off biopsies for testing, whack in freezer

Now obviously all this is predicated on the assumption I can make embryos and blasts like last time!!! Which I may not, if it was a fluke.

Hopefully we’ll then we’ll start a FET again after my period (so oestrogen pills and patches), but this time keep it as a FET. Whatever results from PGS, hopefully out of two batches we will have SOMETHING genetically normal to put back.

Then we really throw everything at it when it comes to transfer. Lubion (injectable progesterone) as well as fanjo bullets, intralipids infusion, prednisolone, aspirin and Clexane.

Shit myself and hope for a BFP and that I don’t kill another baby.

Phew.

So hopefully we’re looking at either 2 cycles in 2 months (fresh+FET) or more likely 3 cycles in 3 months (fresh+fresh+FET)

Strap in!!

Grumpelstiltskin · 17/04/2016 15:03

Blimey, banana, that's a plan and a half! Good for you. Sounds like you're doing absolutely everything you can so fx it all goes as it should. It's great you can fit so much in over the next three months- as we've all bemoaned a thousand times, it's the hanging about that's the absolute killer!

I also have a fun DVD of my barren, empty uterus from the hysteroscopy. Can't say I'll ever watch it, though DH had a quick look after we received it and pronounced it 'a bit dark in there, yet vaguely interesting for 20 seconds'.

bananafish81 · 17/04/2016 17:54

Right after self indulgent me me me post, personals as promised

pebbles norethisterone is just pills to time when you get a bleed - it’s like provera. I would be surprised if you were on long protocol if you have PCOS, as normally short protocol is used for PCOS - norethisterone doesn’t mean long protocol necessarily - it’s not a down regulation drug, it’s just to time when your day 1 is (and to bring on a bleed). But dunno what your Dr has recommended - am sure you will be in great hands either way

Long protocol means about 2-3 weeks of sniffing or stabbing drugs to switch all your ovaries off and put you into temporary menopause. This is called down regulation (down regging). You keep taking these drugs once you start stimming to grow the eggs, so this stops you ovulating

Short protocol skips the down regulation. You start the stimming drugs straight off your period (natural or induced with provera or norethisterone) and after a few day of stims you’ll add in another drug to slam on the brakes to stop your ovaries from going pop

Long protocol is about 4 weeks from start to egg collection, short protocol is about 2 weeks.

karla and icy nice work on the stabbing. I do my own jabs but put DH on the mixing duty (Cetrotide has to be mixed up with powders and syringes of water.) He felt like Walter White cooking up the drugs, whilst I felt like Ewan McGregor in Trainspotting flicking the syringe to get out the air bubble. Just don’t do what we did and forget to switch over the mixing needle for the injecting needle the first time we tried to get rid of an air bubble. Nearly squirted the whole lot out in a giant fountain cascading across the room. Oops.

karla I was also on 400mg twice daily. Nurse at my clinic said front or back worked equally well, although like sammy to use the back the morning of transfer day so the catheter didn’t get all gunked up. Otherwise she said either was fine ‘or why not swap em around and mix it up!’ Oh the thrills of being an IVF-er

icy re the lining, I had loads of medication to thicken it up (oestrogen aka HRT) that worked a treat, but probably the thing that will make the most difference next time will be having had the ERPC to give me a good clear out!!

nurse and broody welcome - showering you with glittery dogshit

Bip thinking of you lovely

Grumpel love a good hotel room when on a work trip. I hope you got some good smellies? I always judged a business trip hotel by the quality of the toiletries. Still have a massive box full of teeny shampoos that I nicked, that I haven’t yet worked my way through. Good luck for consult on Monday!

potatoes goes in for high five on having finished miscarrying! Hopefully when I’ve had this sodding hysteroscopy and the insides have had a good clean and polish I can join you on the finally-un-pregnanted-now-ready-to-try-and-get-pregnant-again bench. Whether that’s sooner or after the summer for some time off and nice cold cider in the pub

Annie hope your appointment goes well. I found this link about ‘what to ask in your failed cycle appointment’ really helpful - there’s a lot there, but some useful stuff if you can wade through it

www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=283000.0

Harold ouch sorry about the carpal tunnel. I live with chronic pain so I know how rubbish it is, hope the steroid shot helps

Think I bored you all shitless with my mammoth update. Unfortunately while my body still thinks it’s pregnant the preggo hormone relaxin means I still can’t walk without my shitty hypermobile hips and knees popping out

Though as there’s no baby there I’m back on my mega strong morphine tablets for my smashed up spine, so at least that’s taking the edge off that after 2 months of bed rest!

Glittery dog shit to you all xx

PotatoesPastaAndBread · 17/04/2016 17:54

banana that is truly epic. How are you feeling about it? I'm going for another fresh cycle before a frozen one I think (to get more embies in the freezer before my eggs are officially geriatric) so maybe we'll synchronise.

icy/karla is your downregging by injection? I think that's where I had a nasal spray so fewer injections overall (only injected the gonal f stuff for stims). Hope your tummies are bearing up - gets tender after a bit.

Happy Sunday night all.

OP posts:
PotatoesPastaAndBread · 17/04/2016 18:00

Oh and banana sadly no scan or hysteroscopy - I was in the nhs epu so they just did urine test but I never got a blood test for hcg, and the final time I went it was negative so they didn't scan at all. However (tmi alert) I am having the most epic period. I usually have 2-3 days heavy with one day of cramps. I've had six days bleeding, still going, and cramps every day. I think I'm having a huge clearout. Which is good I guess!

Is it sad that I'm thinking "maybe this has kick started my hormones and I'll get pregnant naturally this month". Will I never learn?

OP posts:
karlafox · 17/04/2016 18:58

banana that's a lot to take in! For you never mind for the rest of us. I think I will have to re-read but I get the gist that there's a big plan and therefore lots of hope for the coming months. It's amazing what they can do though isn't it.
When we were told at the clinic that they work on an individual basis (no NHS protocols or guidelines) that really must be true. You have given me hope that if this cycle doesn't work, there's things that can be done next time around.
potatoes- never tmi. Be as grafic as you need to be, I'm sure there's things the rest of us can learn from your ordeal.
My first stab went ok, I'll be doing them in my leg as not enough flab to grab on my stomach. But the way I'm comfort eating at the moment, I will be the size of a semi detached in no time

icy121 · 17/04/2016 21:59

bananas I stopped in. Hell of a plan - and amazing how normal untrained people can get expert at stuff so quickly. I'll doubt there's a GP in the country who has that depth of knowledge - and probably a fair few fertility specialists to boot!

I spoke too soon being all professional stabber - found this evening's difficult, took ages to psych up to stab and had to get OH to plunge again. I think it's because he was there so I had a choice, vs last night. Ah well that's fine. Eee Karla you must be tiny! My super fertile high protein low carb diet has knocked about 4 lbs off me, but still an inch to pinch, as they say!

Dreamt the IVF worked, I was giving birth, the midwife we being a real cow, telling me from the size of my bump she could tell the baby was only 3lbs and therefore would die. The baby didn't die, but it turned out by some IVF quirk, I'd given birth to a shark. "Ah, that someone's happens". We tried to give it a dummy and I was really sad that my "baby" would only be with a couple of years bc once it was fully grown it would be too dangerous to keep.

loopylou1984 · 18/04/2016 06:47

Icy! What a dream, do you think it's the hormones or do you always have vivid dreams? Xx

TammySwanson · 18/04/2016 10:12

Laughing so much at icy's baby shark dream. I wonder what it means? I often dream that I have given birth to kittens or cats. I think that just means I'm too obsessed with our cats but sharks? That's a whole other ball game...

Nurse15 · 18/04/2016 11:29

Wow everyone has been busy over the weekend!! Will catch up later and do personals!

Just a quick query, Is anyone on here on metformin for PCOS? if so, is it the standard or the modified release version? I'm on the standard but going to ask for the modified release as i find it hard remembering to take it three times a day.

My boobs are hurting like a bad thing today, hopefully this means SOMETHING is happening!

icy121 · 18/04/2016 14:55

nurse I'm on the slow release. I keep a pack in the bathroom (take when I do my teeth), a pack in my desk (lunch) and a pack in the kitchen (dinner). Also a pack in my handbag for just in cases! It took me a while to get to grips with it, BUT I think it's working, combined with high protein diet - I've not had my monthly acne breakouts that usually start around ovulation and last til the droid onset. So they're working. Insulin is apparently the nr 1 issue for us pcos types (my consultant is so hot on diet). I can believe it cos my diet used to be 70% carb!

Bloody dream shark baby. What a let down!

icy121 · 18/04/2016 15:47

JUST GOT FUCKING BABY BOMBED BY A SODDING OUT OF OFFICE EMAIL

Grumpelstiltskin · 18/04/2016 15:57

What?!! As in 'Trixiebelle is out of the office today as I have a 12 week pregnancy scan, tee hee' sort of thing?

FFS. New low.

icy121 · 18/04/2016 16:02

Just had her baby. "I will be intermittently checking emails" no you won't. Fuck off.

Lauraqc · 18/04/2016 16:42

Just on that note Icy I got baby-bombed by my co-ordinator from the Czech Clinic! I emailed to tell her my positive result and got an out of office saying she was now on fucking maternity leave! WTF?! I met her a week before - she didn't even look pregnant - she might have bloody mentioned it when she actually asked me to email her the result!!!!!

Baby shark dream - epic.

bananafish81 · 18/04/2016 18:19

Fucking baby bombs, jesus.

Out of office is pretty spectacular

Also loving the shark dream. Paging Dr Freud?

I am going to see my friends' new baby tomorrow. They went to the US for the birth as they are two blokes and without a uterus they needed a surrogate.

I am of course thrilled for them but it's like at Xmas when you think, great, even a virgin managed to have a baby.

Realised today I have nearly been pregnant with no baby for as long as I was pregnant with an actual baby (m/c at 10w, so 6w since BFP - ERPC was 5 weeks ago so have had Schroedingers pregnancy for 5 weeks)

Going in for repeat beta on Weds, Dr said if it wasn't zero by NEXT Weds we would schedule the hysteroscopy

Had a major sense of humour failure (I'm blaming pregnancy hormones), and emailed the consultant's secretary to say look, at the rate it's been coming down, if this Weds blood test shows it's still decreasing at glacial pace, and blatantly not going to be zero in a week's time, can we just cut our losses and schedule the bloody hysto (as BUPA will cover the hysto but I have to pay for the bloods and they're £90 a frigging pop)

I'm really glad he didn't scrape too hard and risk ending up with Ashermans, as that's basically unfixable, but I just want him to get up in there with his miner's headlamp and fish out whatever might be left in there, so we can fucking UN PREGNANT ME and get the fuck on with the next cycle

Pebbles086 · 18/04/2016 20:24

Massive apologies for all I have missed!
Don't know where to start! I'll go alphabetical order:
banana was grinning reading that plan of action! It sounds rock solid. What a great Dr going into so much detail and thinking ahead for you in terms of not getting Ashermans. That bottom soil of yours will ready for a seed in no time. Hope your next procedure puts an end to it all so you can concentrate on starting again. Made me sad about you mis carrying for the same amount of time as being pregnant.
And thanks for the protocol advice, you put my mind at ease.
icy well I've never heard such a dream! Poor baba sharky Hmm
Hope your an expert stabber by the end of all this.
karla how's the leg? Can you alternate? Don't think I am prepared to jab any part of my body!
laura I was wondering how you have been. The irony of your email is unreal! Maybe she too was a reprofit customer Grin hope all is well with you and little growing baba. Please keep us updated.
meh you out there? Hello if you are X
nurse so you finally have a starting point! Hope the metformin helps. I know you e had noting but long waits for everything!

I know I've missed loads of stuff out and some lovely ladies too! Hope you are all doing well. I must make time to read and reply better, rather than after a busy weekend at work and a late one today.
AFM paid for our IVF drugs. £40! Nothing at all to moan about there. I know how much financial strain thid has put on a lot of you. £40 for meds is a bloody bargain.
Still on mega countdown to bloody start.
Promise to read all properly in future!

icy121 · 19/04/2016 22:27

Grrrrr not finding these injections any easier. Took a full minute to force self to stab. Was clammy with sweat by the time I did. Not very icy cold bitch eh 😒

Onwards & upwards!

karlafox · 20/04/2016 07:01

icy I did mine after a hot shower. Prob a psychological thing but found it went in much easier.
It hurt like a bitch the other night but realised I wasn't going in directly on the vertical. Was much less painful last night. Good luck!!

PumpingIron · 20/04/2016 13:07

Icy have you tried icing the area you are about to stab? May help psychologically if nothing else. Another strategy I employed was to have a chocolate/cup of tea/mini babybel in front of me as a reward as soon as it was over, like a child at the dentist. Hope you get the hang of it.

My husband was very keen to help the first time, but went green when I put the needle on the syringe so I made him stay away and plunged solo!

TammySwanson · 20/04/2016 20:12

Had our initial appointment letter through from IVF clinic today. They managed to both schedule our appointment for a time I told them I wasn't free (after they asked 'are there any dates you can't do..?') and also get DH's surname wrong (which is difficult as IT'S THE SAME AS MINE). Not a great start.

HaroldandMadge · 20/04/2016 20:51

Icy - my, how I chortled at the baby shark dream! That's the kind of bonkers nocturnal escapade I would have. I have actually had quite a few baby dreams over the past year. No actual real life baby, but at least my sub-conscious has got with the programme!

Pumpington am loving the mini Babybel reward. They should so have that in their little protocol booklets at the hospital!

icy121 · 20/04/2016 21:08

pumping no, not tried that. Might be helpful, albeit today and tomorrow I'm on in-the-bogs-stab protocol. It's funny how it's not getting any easier for me. I mean, I can do it and once it's in it's in. Just getting it in! Today took about a minute again to psyche up. Oh well I've never not been able to.

Babybels for the win! My company is finding a development; when the developer jokingly asked what biscuits I'd like the contractor to provide at the construction site meetings I said "I can't have sugar, but babybels always go down well". He made a note of that, so roll on July when we start on site. Life is too short to be too serious.

icy121 · 20/04/2016 21:08

Funding not finding!

Nurse15 · 21/04/2016 14:38

Hi icy yeah i was thinking the slow release would be much easier to rmember, I have metformin stashed everywhere at the minute in an attempt to remember to take it but you know..... life happens lol. Your shark dream made me laugh, hormones are mad aren't they!! Also, your baby bomb email...... WTF??????

Thanks pebbles good to see your name popping up again!!