The mind numbing boredom of infertility II

[PotatoesPastaAndBread]

This is a thread for peole who really want to get pregnant but can't, who have tried pretty much everything, and are really fucked off about it.

Have you ever nearly punched someone for advising you to "relax", "go on holiday" or "just get drunk - that's what we did"? Well then this is the thread for you.

You won't find much sentimentality here and there's no baby dust, but there is empathy, a lot of swearing and a surpirsing amount of glittery dog shit.

Link to the original thread
original thread

So sorry Annie, that really sucks. Definite carb overload required.

Hi Annie, so sorry to hear your news. Glittery dog shit for your freezer babies.

Re: timing for FET, depending on the waiting list for your NHS clinic, I had a 2 month wait purely to get a slot, but that depends on where you are. My council paid for one IVF fresh and one frozen.

Re: endo scratch, the data around this is interesting, and just as unhelpful as lots of IVF treatment (hardly any double blind trials). My personal story is that I had 2 freeze all IVF cycles, as I was waiting for an appointment (NHS) for a hysteroscopy to remove endometrial polyps. Polyp removal (I had 3 polyps, all tiny, less than 5mm) is equivalent to endo scratch, as it creates a wound in womb lining and theory is this can increase chance of implantation (though of course you don't know if your blasto didn't stick because of implantation issue). I was told by my consultant to have FET first cycle after my polypectomy to maximise the potential benefit of endo-scratch-properties of the procedure - and I was waiting for my period only I got pregnant naturally after 3 years of trying, and am now 20 weeks.

So who knows? Was it the polyp removal/ endometrial wound / CoQ10 and supps improving egg quality / post IVF drugs priming my system/ combination of all the above? Your guess is as good as mine. I don't believe endo scratch can reduce your chances in any way.

DH and I are due to start our first IUI cycle (self funded) next cycle whilst we wait to get to the top of the IVF waiting list. We have been chatting over the Easter break about what lies ahead and we wondered if anyone here had had an idea in their mind when they started about how many times they would try IUI and/or IVF before stopping and, if so, how did that work out once you got started on treatment? Are we being completely naive to imagine we can say now how far we will take this?

I hope this makes sense! Thanks x

Peaop DH and I did have that conversation, about how many IVF cycles we’d do before we potentially called it a bust on my own eggs and considered donor eggs (I’m 34 but have low AMH/high FSH). We asked the Dr and he said he wouldn’t recommend more than 4 fresh cycles as a general rule (with additional frozen transfers not counted)

That said I can imagine it will potentially be very difficult to move on from own eggs to donor eggs, if we get to that point - especially since I got pregnant first transfer (but miscarried 3 weeks ago) and I’ll probably always think ‘but maybe next time’

We never considered IUI because my Dr told us to keep our money: He said unless we had v mild male factor, or were using frozen / donor sperm, the success rates for stimulated IUI vs stimulated cycle with timed intercourse were no different, and told us to keep the £1000 and do it the old fashioned way. But we didn’t have any male factor issues, and won’t be eligible for NHS funding anyway, so we just went straight to self funded IVF

Good luck! x

peaop just wanted to echo bananas comment. I'm in same boat with high FSH low AMH.
I had 3 rounds of IUI on the NHS. Now we are self funding IVF. We agreed we would try 3 times but that's if all goes smoothly. We won't know that until we start, I do worry that if the 3rd try comes and goes, will I be saying 'maybe just one more try' as how do you finally get the courage to call it a day?

annie I'm sorry to hear you got a bfn. Even though you try to prepare yourself it still hurts I know. I think that's because you always have a little flicker of hope in the background. If you didn't why would any of us do this at all? It would be pointless. So it really hurts when you finally have that hope extinguished. I'm so sorry. BTW I also had endo scratch as part of polyp removal and it made no fucking difference. When I had the ivf round they hinted that embryo glue was worth trying but scratch not worth it. However neither are proven - hence neither are standard procedure.

PeaOp I've not had decent advice form a doctor on how many rounds to try, but then I haven't really asked. dH and I did it on budget first. We said we'd do three rounds self funded before we questioned it again, the idea being to take the pressure off having to discuss after every round whether to try again. I have to say the emotions got to me more than I expected after round one so I did question it. But doctors have said all sorts. I get the impression that if you respond well, the chance of success comes down to the 'luck' of whether it implants. So they don't mind trying loads of times. If you repsond badly, it implies underlying factors and it stops being a numbers game so they don't keep recommending more goes. Good luck deciding!

Hi everyone else. Sorry to skim so many posts. This thread moves FAST now! Still thinking of you all, especially those of you getting ready to start stabbing... Get ready to bloat

So I spent most of the weekend on the loo having what I hoped what the last of the miscarriage. The antibiotics they gave me upset my stomach a bit and turned my poo slightly green, so it was like the exorcist at times. I thought it was all over, but I bled again today so who fucking knows. [bored face emoji]

Fucking baby bombed. Friend casually drops in she's 18 weeks upduffed.

Brilliant. She's one of 6 kids so apparently fecundity runs in her family.

Can you even imagine being able to have some sex and get a baby 9 months later?

Instead of being £18,000 down and had your dead baby surgically removed from your body.

And the baby hasn't been there for 3 weeks and I'm still getting absolutely blazing BFPs. My body is just bloody taunting me now.

Fucksake.

Oh and fucking Clearblue ads are chasing me round the Internet. Thanks behavioural targeting. I can't watch a YouTube video without being served 20s of gurgling babies and being told that using ovulation sticks will help me get pregnant

/smacks head. If only I had known! I could have got pregnant if I'd just used some ovulation sticks!! Oh silly me with all this IVF nonsense, when the answer was right there all along.

Banana when do you see your consultant again? 3 weeks on the Bfps should be getting fainter, at least in my experience of losses at around 9 weeks. It's so shit that it just keeps dragging on for everyone. Why does this happen?

And yes, the fucking Clearblue ads. You need to delete your browsing history, like, every day, or do your fertility-related searches on incognito like some sort of illicit Internet pervert or Clearblue will taunt you for fucking ever.

I always make a grimly determined effort to search for exotic holidays & posh underwear after a miscarriage, so that the Internet ads cheer me up rather than making me want slit my wrists. I also wish there were a shortcut so you didn't have to brave the Mumsnet front page & all its baby ads to get to the bitter barren threads.

Hope everyone's doing ok. Annie, you hanging in there? Icy how's it going with treatment?

Hi all,

Tentatively joining this thread (my first) after silently reading through so many forums. I have to admit, feel very vulnerable opening up about what's going on with me, almost feel that no-one else would be interested in the venting of deranged anonymous woman, but I love the humour and support of this group. Have felt very alone in our fertility journey, and in need of some solidarity and the occasional rant.

I've been diagnosed with PCO and am ttc. I've already been blessed with a wonderful little monkey and hope to grow our family but haven't had much luck since coming off Depo injections only to find they'd been masking PCO. So now 2 years on, halfway through prescribed Clomid tablets with still no joy, and am steadily using up my quota of being thrilled for everyone else. It's probably not the case but really feels like everyone else around me is pregnant/in labour.
Crossing fingers that Clomid does the trick, otherwise I will be bombarding you all with IVF questions. Please throw some glittery dog poo my way for luck!

Hey all,

Just checking in. Annie i'm so sorry to hear your news. No experience of the endo scratch I'm afraid. Hoping the fog is lifting for you today.

PeaOp we're nearly 3 years TTC and have never even raised where our end point is. We have enough cash for another private round if needed and then who knows. We've just had our first round and I'm currently in the 2ww and this last month has been hard enough to get my head around but I still feel I have it in me for another.

Potatoes sounds like you've had a bloody awful weekend, but bit relieved it was the last of it?

Banana sorry to hear you got bombed again - I've also just seen your post on the Childless but not Childfree thread. I completely agree. As you know I've been really open about all the treatment and have had some friends take an interest but i've still distanced myself from ones with children. I just don't want to see them and I don't want their offspring in my face. I can't even pretend to be apologetic about it now - I just say I'm not feeling sociable at the moment.

Bip that's a brilliant idea to look up far flung holidays. I'm sick of all the ads, I wish the tech would fuck off.

Welcome Poly and have chucked glittery dog shit your way. You definitely need not feel alone on this wonderful thread...!

AFM - I'm falling apart. OTD is Sunday 10.4.16 (so today is 10dp5dt) and I had some strange goings-on last week including the horrible cough/cold and then rash around my mouth, sore nipples etc. Went on a hen weekend over weekend and came home on Sunday night and was being sick (I had this nausea after every time I ate) when my back 'went'. I mean, the damn thing popped and I couldn't move and it was excruciatingly painful. I've been off work sick today and yesterday and it sounds like I've trapped my sciatic nerve. Seriously. WTF else could happen?

Feeling very sorry for myself, and on top of that concerned that all my symptoms have disappeared, leaving only a few dull aches like period coming on, but glaringly aware that that could all be down to the progesterone. Losing hope and yet scared to do a test.

laura what the hell love? How you mange to pop your back? I hope it's not sciatica and it eases off soon? Has the nausea stopped and the other weirdness? Hope you catch the shitty dog glitter I've just threw at you! that's some good look for Sunday. I have everything crossed for you.
potatoes Can the clinic help you at all with this? You shouldn't be going through all this still. Really hope it ends soon. You good do without this horrible reminder of what you've been through.
Bip Sorry for the baby bomb? Hope she was sensitive about it. And F Clear Blue!! Can they be sued for false advertisement. I feel I have a good case against them or at least a refund of their mega expensive pee sticks. Would be just as useful to get £15 out my purse and piss on that.
Dog shit to each and everyone of you!

Banana those FUCKING Clearblue ads follow me around too! Just twigged it's due to browser history. D'oh. And there was me thinking the whole fertile world was just coincidentally against me.
Sorry about your latest baby bomb. Also cannot wrap my head around shag = baby nine months later, but clearly I'm the only one my end- I've had yet another bb too (making three in three weeks and a new grand total of 17 preggos all up in my grill). Have run out of energy to even feel sad now, just bored and resigned to it.
You have a consultation soon, right? Hope you get some answers re bfps and the rest. The miscarriage limbo (waiting about in mind-numbingly bored manner not dancing under bendy sticks) is so frustrating. and dogshit for you.

Bip, potatoes are you both feeling physically ok now? Really hoping that it's all finally sorted, especially* after your weekend, potatoes*.

Urgh Laura sounds like you're going through the mill. Hope your back eases up especially with the lack of painkillers allowed. Best of luck for Sunday, so so hope it's good news!

Pea just to add somewhat pointlessly that I had a hysteroscopy to remove a polyp the month prior to IVF. No one at the FC mentioned it was similar to endo scratch and therefore handy to have IVF soon after, but my embryo did implant. Of course no idea whether that had anything to do with it or not. Told you that was a pointless story! Ultimately though if my consultant thought it would be useful I'd certainly do it next time.
We are self funding too and have discussed giving our current clinic one more go after FET if needed (which will be round 2 of fresh) and then reevaluate whether to move clinics, take a break or keep on trucking with them at that point. It seems I can get pregnant but as of yet not hang on to it so at the mo am feeling that I'm keen to play the numbers game for a bit and keep going.

Hello Poly! Hope chatting on here helps you feel less alone.

Still nothing going on here. DID tell the final gym class instructor I needed to update that I wasn't pregnant any more today, so that's... good?

Annie really sorry to hear that. Just shit. Of course you had hope, it's why we put ourselves through this fucking bollocks.

banana ugh man more baby bombs?! Wtf is wrong with these people?!! How does it even work, sex = baby?! You're shitting me. Those clearblue ads are the sodding pits. Preying on people who haven't instadiffed - those people go online anyway, they'll find out about them! Those sticks (I can't even remember the acronym... CB errr OS?) are spendy as fuck [shamefully admits to taking part in CB survey thing where you had to collect daily piss and store in fridge as a means of saving £30]. Bastards bastard bastards. Opk. That was it. Flashing smiley cunts. Sorry you're still getting blazing bfps, just so disheartening and depressing. Take care of yourself.

Poly congrats on your monkey, one on my random German phrases from school is wenn ich viele gelde haben, würder ich ein Affe kaufen (if I had lots of money I'd buy a monkey)! Haha seriously though, I suppose the shock of infertility must be a lot more, if you've managed to (easily?) conceive before. Think you're in the tiny minority here being a mother already, but welcome anyway. Infertility is infertility and 2 years + is fucking horrible.

Laura all that sounds fucking mental! Have you been able to see anyone about it? Clearly codeine up to your eyeballs might not be conducive to blah blah blah etc at the moment. If it makes you feel any better, on another thread I lurk on, a girl had all cramps and periody symptoms only to get an IVF bfp. So whilst you mustn't hope too hard, but mustn't lose hope altogether. Gottit?! Sounds easy to me... 😬

Not much from me really, drug stash is down the side of my bedside table and I'm patiently waiting until next Friday when the downregging starts. I need to get a new pair of fat black trousers for the bloating CAN'T WAIT

Heads up to all the idiots like me who still piss about on Facebook..'Mothers with daughter challenge' is now on the rampage.
Give.us.a.god.damn.break!!!

Karla - I've seen that too. I hate it! Why? Xx

Oh WTAF karla! Thanks for the heads up.
Can you actually believe someone on my FB feed actually did the fake scan pic 'I'm pregnant' April fool, as per sammy's pic? I must confess I posted that image on her comment thread immediately got deleted. Fuck you, random person I was in a classroom with 20 years ago.

Think I got Annie and pea confused earlier as to who had asked what, sorry.

Icy, an excellent Opk rant, sehr gut. Happy infertility bloat- trouser shopping!

Eek didn't finish my post properly! Why do they have to do these things? I don't want to give up Facebook, I like keeping up with friends and family, but I can't cope with this :(. Xx

Grumpel - good on you posting my pic!
Who deleted it? Facebook? I despise people who April fool about pregnancy. I didn't like it before I knew I was infertile. Now I think I would actually decried someone for it! Xx

About a year ago there was a thread on whether to give up facebook. I was like no way would I get crazy enough to want to leave facebook!

I've been facebook dry for a month now, I am indeed that crazy, and I feel way better for not knowing about other people's glorious shit.
Just a thought ;)

Evening all - lots of chat tonight! Thanks for all your advice on scratches and frozen cycles - really helpful! You are a lovely bunch!

Bip feeling a lot brighter actually. We went along for a quick consultation at CRGH last night, so feeling more positive about things. Quite keen to crack on with a new clinc as soon as possible really!

Banana that's totally shit about the baby bomb and clear blue stalking you! grrrr. Really hope the bfp's stop soon. xx

Laura it's torture isn't it! Fingers crossed for a BFP for you. When is OTD?

I'm so glad sometimes that I'm not on FB - I can't believe people think that's funny. Dicks quite frankly!

icy good luck with injections and hope the bloating's not too bad - clinic told me to drinks loads of water!

Hi Poly - welcome!

Lol-ed at this
Can you even imagine being able to have some sex and get a baby 9 months later?

Nope. That connection is long broken.

Laura what a nightmare about your back. How are you doing? What was the vomming about? Do you think that was the food or possible symptom?

Annie thinking of you

bip nice to see you back lovely

icy patience! Hope the fat trouser shopping goss well. Won't be long until the drugs start. You'll be wishing it's over once you start so make the most of not being constipated

Agree with all of you about ads. It's the fucking aptimil file on milk videos on YouTube that get me. Fuck off! I googled "How to inject ivf drugs", why would you think this baby milk ad is appropriate????

Still bleeding but no pain for first time in weeks. Hurrah. Got another scan next week. Really hoping it's the last one. Pregnancy tests are looking weaker (loving that the only bfps I've ever had have been throughout a miscarriage). banana that's shit that your tests are still so positive. If it continues I'd give the EPU a ring and ask for a scan. Could be retained products.... (Yes apparently that can happen. Ha ha.)

Cross post Annie, glad to see you here

Me again - bit of advice please in prep for OTD on Sunday...how long does 3mg Decapeptyl trigger shot (hcg) take to leave the body please...? Anyone?

Hey Laura - hcg shots are out of your system between 6-14 days after the shot was administered, depending on dose & your metabolism. So it'll be gone now. Got everything crossed that your vomming was not in vain.

Really pleased you posted that pic, Grumpel. Weird old school friends are the scourge of social media. I am coming up on my first FB-free anniversary. I am prouder of that than I am of giving up smoking (11.5 years ago! Still dream of fags though).

God Potatoes I can't believe bleeding without pain is the first positive development you've had in all this time. You have been in the wars. Really really hoping it's over now & you'll start to feel like yourself again.

Icy get elasticated waist trews if you can - not terribly sexy but in my first few days of stims I popped a button off my special fat trousers. Trouble is fat trousers expect you to be fat all over, not to have an enormous gaseous belly.