The mind numbing boredom of infertility II

[PotatoesPastaAndBread]

This is a thread for peole who really want to get pregnant but can't, who have tried pretty much everything, and are really fucked off about it.

Have you ever nearly punched someone for advising you to "relax", "go on holiday" or "just get drunk - that's what we did"? Well then this is the thread for you.

You won't find much sentimentality here and there's no baby dust, but there is empathy, a lot of swearing and a surpirsing amount of glittery dog shit.

Link to the original thread
original thread

Thanks Bip, I thought I'd read up to 14 days somewhere but trusty Google has let me down tonight and I couldn't find it anywhere!

Yes to expectation of being fat all over! I'm skinny on top and meaty on the belly and thighs anyway. Progesterone tipped me into mega pear shape. It was pyjamas all the way when I didn't have to wear proper clothes!

Cor everyone's chatty - lovely to hear from you all

Bip Welcome back, hope you’re doing OK. I say ‘OK’ within the context of the situation, I realise the answer is ‘I’ve just had another m/c how the fuck do you think I’m feeling’. Bathtub of glittery dogshit over to you

To you and Potatoes I see the consultant on Monday for my follow up. He said it could take up to 4 weeks for hCG levels to drop, but he’ll scan me and do a blood test to see where we’re at. He did the ERPC, as well as all my IVF, so will see what he has to say and if he needs to go back in there to see if there's anything left. I don't want to put anything back until he's done a hysteroscopy anyway, so might be able to do a 2 for 1...

I still have a bloody pigmented belly stripe. Faint, but definitely there. Which I thought was supposed to be a second / third trimester thing, but apparently it can also be a first trimester and post miscarriage thing as well!

I love the internet history suggestion. I get really crap adverts which just depresses me at all the shit I clearly look at online

Welcome poly

laura so sorry to hear about your back. I have chronic back pain from a spinal injury (smashed my back up, had surgery to remove my tailbone, all a bit of a mess down there) and also have hypermobility syndrome (joints are fucked, ligaments are too stretchy) so I’m sadly a bit of a back pain expert. If you can get to a physio they will be able to work out what’s going on, and probably give you some gentle stretches to help ease things. I had to come off all my pain meds after transfer (take pretty hefty doses of morphine strength painkillers, have done for 15 years, so basically was laid up for 2 months while I was pregnant. Well that was a waste of time!) - paracetamol is OK. As is OTC co-codamol if you need it

potatoes argh it’s fucking shit, hope the clinic can sort you out.

Grumpel yes the miscarriage limbo is a laugh a minute innit? Cannot believe the baby bomb situation, it is absolutely beyond ridiculous. Can they not just give it a fucking rest?

Most of my friends who are pregnant, apart from the one last night, are fellow militant barrens. They’ve either been through IVF a few weeks behind me, or have suffered recurrent miscarriage, so it’s harder to begrudge them, although still tough when we were all hoping to have swollen ankles together this summer. Your preggos need to all fucking do one, frankly.

Nice one with the FB comment. Dick move to delete it. What a twat.

icy nice work on the drug stash. Jeggings were my friend during stimming. I honestly blew up like someone who was 5 months upduffed, anything without a stretchy waistband just wasn’t happening. Your German is far more interesting: the only thing I can remember from German GCSE is how to get to the station and asking for a slice of black forest gateaux. So in a cake emergency, I’m your gal.

karla fucking hell, I’m deffo staying off FB

Absolutely shitting it about my follow up on Monday, as that’s when we’re due to get the results of the genetic testing on the ‘products of conception’ - i.e. which bit was broken, the baby or me? Also trying to mentally prepare ourselves for finding out if it was a boy or a girl, as well as whether it was chromosomally normal and it was my body that killed it

Oh and I’m laid up and can’t walk as the relaxin from pregnancy has fucked my already hypermobile joints, so every time I walk, I throw my hip out. Brilliant!!

Jeez banana there's having a bit of a shit week and then there's all the different crap you're dealing with! Sorry to hear about painful joints and all the other bits too, bloody last thing you need of course and doubly cruel that being pg has caused it.
Just wishing you strength for Mon, no idea how I'd cope with hearing all of that, especially the baby's sex. Will be thinking of you.

Guys, I unfriended fake preggo, never fear. It's bad enough having to see so many real ones! I do love stalking seeing what random acquaintances get up to on FB (inherently nosey) but not enough to deal with that shit.

banana wo ist den bahnhof? Ich möchte einmal Schwartze forest kake?! I'm actually fluent in Gerlish ;-)

Cats got fleas, OH gone mad as he's only one whose been bitten naturally! He's never had pets before. Lightweight.

Danke alles für der kleidung tips. Ich will dicke (fat!) Schwartze trousers mit elastik waistband kaufen. Basically maternity trousers then.. Ugh. Saw a £20 pair on next that will do the job. I'll actually burn the polyester fuckers if it all goes to shit.

Popping in before work to say thanks for all the advice and to throw my first glittery dog shit at you all. x

Hi all!

I've managed to catch up with everyone, the thread has been busy!

PeaOp welcome! Mr Meh and I had a chat about how many cycles we would do, we agreed that we would do 3 in total (1 free and 2 we will pay for) before deciding what to do next. This is still the plan now that the first cycle failed, however the consultant hasn't been optimistic and has suggested we also think about donor sperm. I still don't know how I feel about that.

Annie I am so sorry for your BFN, it sucks.

Laura my fingers are firmly crossed for you, I hope you feel better too.

Bip I hope you're ok. Also, when I look at mumsnet on the computer I usually google 'infertility mumsnet' and it comes up with the link to the board thus avoiding the front page :)

Banana I also hope you're feeling better, I saw your Childless but not Childfree thread and you have hit the nail on the head. It's all fucking shit. Sorry about the baby bomb too, that sucks. I have also been thinking how having sex and getting pregnant is just beyond my imagination - people who do that do not know how lucky they are!

Potato I hope you're feeling better, you really have been through the wars.

Poly welcome to the thread, the ladies here are fantastic! I am sorry you feel so alone, it is a shitty, shitty journey. We are here for you.

Grumple and Pebbles I hope you are both ok

WTF Karla? Thankfully that has yet to appear on my newsfeed, I don't particularly want to drop facebook yet, but there have been times when I wanted to. Usually when I get about 5 updates in a row about babies ffs.

icy good luck with downregging

Sorry if I have missed anyone, I am throwing glittery dog shit to you all!

AFM, nothing to report, have had two periods, waiting for a third and in the meantime I am trying to shift some weight and not get pissed off that all of my fitness has gone out of the window! Beyond that, we are just waiting and it's shit. Think we are sticking with the same clinic for now and after that we may go abroad for treatment. Not thinking about the donor sperm option for now.

Stunned that you've already managed to have 2 periods, Meh. Fuck me does time ever fly when one's biological clock is ticking. Sure it's not felt terribly quick to you, though.

Banana I feel your joint pain. I'm hypermobile as well - got horrific SPD in my full-term pregnancy and in each one since then I've been essentially crippled from 5 weeks. I get terrible shooting pains in the pubic bone like someone has driven a giant nail into my crotch. It takes fucking ages to go back to normal.

I've just booked follow-up with my clinic in a few weeks' time. Hoping it will help me get some closure on it all. In a roundabout answer to Pea's question of how long you give it, I think I've worked out after my first round of IVF that I can't do it again. Largely because it is so unlikely to work at my age, etc, but mainly because it was an awful experience for us emotionally and we can't do it anymore. We are now on a slow taper towards stopping trying - a sort of Liverpool Care Pathway for fertility. We've withdrawn treatment and are letting nature take its course.

Helloo Ladies,
so after over two years of trying , and begging for over 14 months for help i finally got to see a consultant in january (with the lovely label of infertile.)
,.i've had a a hsg which was apparently clear, last month i had a ultrasound/transvaginal scan in which i was told we can't see anything too serious but my results will go to my consultant. (shit thing to say if you ask me) this was well over a month ago and i've heard absolutly nothing ? i was wondering if anyone can advise how long their results took. ? thanks and good luck to all xx

Hey all,

I have been reading all the posts over the last few days and just wanted to say how refreshing it is to hear from people that get the mind fuck that ttc is!

While we've only been ttc for just over a year, it feels like much longer. When you decide to start trying you want to get pregnant straight away not in months/years. Since coming off the pill Feb 2015, I've only had 2 periods so tests showed I have PCOS. We've got an apt with the gp Monday to be referred for further treatment so hoping for progress then but who knows.

The last few weeks have been hard with three of my husbands friends giving birth.To add insult to injury, one of them didn't even want kids but was just doing it for her husband. I'm so fed up of people telling me it will happen for us when they don't know it will!!

Hey Barson,
I just wanted to wish you luck with your referal. Bit of advice if you don't hear anything from the hospital after a month or two, ring them direct. after waiting 3 months for an appointment my referal hadn't even left the docters office. After i rang them i had an appointment within two weeks.
I can't count the times I've heard just relax and it will happen ,( I was relaxed for the first year, didn't get me far) I can't do facebook etc anyone because it upset's me soo much hearing everybody else get pregnant . I've also just found out my 19 year old sister is expecting after knowing her partner for a whole 3 months.
things can only get better right.
good luck

Ha you're not gonna believe this guys: I wrote a ranty message on the Clearblue FB page about their insensitive advertising for women with infertility and miscarriage, and they sent me a message back!

Basically a 'fuck off' message, but I'll repost it here for posterity:

^Hello Katy, we are sorry to hear about your loss and apologise for the upset our YouTube adverts have caused you. Every advert should only be seen once a month on YouTube. Clearblue can run multiple adverts in a specific month. To ensure that you only see an advert once a month, YouTube uses cookies. This is not personally identifiable data: every device (desktop, laptop, tablet, mobile) or browser (Internet Explorer, Chrome, Firefox etc.) has a unique cookie that YouTube records when it accesses the site. That means that you may see it multiple times in 1 month across different devices/browsers because YouTube does not know that it is the same person. Also, if you regularly clean cookies from devices (e.g. to free storage on a tablet for example), you may see the ad more often than once a month on the same device or browser, as the frequency cap is reset (i.e. once a cookie is deleted, YouTube doesn't have any history of which ads have been seen on a specific device/browser. You can refer to YouTube privacy policy for more information on the subject. www.google.com/intl/en/policies/privacy/^

So basically, yeah, tough tits, we can't stop you from seeing them

So we're shown the ads once a month? here's my (conspiracy) theory: they buy user data from fertility friend so they can target the monthly ads to coincide with our menstrual cycles & hit us with the ads when we've just discovered we're not pregnant this month either - peak desperation day, where we strike out on Google to find out what we could possibly do differently this month to improve our luck. Fucking evil grief vampires.

Love the pat 'sorry for your loss' stuck at the front of their standard boring template privacy issues email.

Nice work though, Banana - most constructive use of FB I've heard of in a while (apart from Sammy's pic).

Ugh fuck of clearblue. Some bird in marketing who doesn't give a fuck.

There's a, what my Scottish grannie would've called, greetin' wean (crying baby) in my carriage. Reaction: ugh! Fucking hell, shut it up!

Maybe I'm not cut out for this shit even if I do win.

Twts Banana*! What an insensitive email. I shall never buy a clearblue again

Sorry accidentally hit post too early (writing on the train)....

They don't want go pissing us infertiles off as we get through a lot of pregnancy tests! You'd think they could have written a more personal email!

So we have our consent appointment next Tuesday and supposed to be starting down reg on 17th. Got the paperwork through the post yesterday which explains the ins and out but clearly states no unprotected SI from day 1 of cycle. Hmm, why did they not tell me that before hand as I am now on day 10 so u can all guess what's already happened!!
In the meantime, I have just had an answerphone message 'from a supplier who is ringing to arrange a personal delivery' I'm guessing drugs.
So now not sure what to do as it doesn't seem we will now be staring treatment this cycle.. Just in case pigs might fly by with that ironidiff this month! Should i still arrange drug delivery. Why the hell is life so complicated sometimes.
Anyways, hi to you all including newbies. I will post again to catch up once I have finished sulking 😏

Good news re: the BFPs that have outstayed their welcome. Saw Dr for a scan this morning: no retained products, no damage to lining apparent, nothing left behind, we know there was no sign of a molar pregnancy, so there doesn’t seem to be anything sinister going on. Had bloods done, will have results when we’re back in on Monday for our post-ERPC follow up, so we can see where we stand.

I have a hunch that he’s had the results of the tissue testing back, and knows the miscarriage was definitely due to chromosomal abnormalities (which was always the most likely cause), as he was v much in favour of my suggestion of doing another fresh cycle so we can do PGS, and leaving our four frosties on the subs bench. He was v relaxed about other factors (thyroid slightly elevated, ureaplasma came back positive) and seemed confident they wouldn’t have been the root cause of the m/c.

So, hopefully my hormones will get a bloody move on and sort themselves out, as Dr said as soon as they’re back to normal, we can go again ASAP. All being well, could be stimming again within the next few weeks!

Do you know when you ovulate, Karla? If your last shag took place more than 5 days before your expected ovulation day, your chance of an ironidiff is very low so you might still be OK to go ahead. You can still arrange a drug delivery and just start taking the drugs next cycle. They won't go off in a month, just keep them in the fridge. What a disappointment though - hope you're OK.

Worth giving the clinic a call to check karla? It really is daft what they forget assume you know. Luckily I had written down my questions around IUI for our consent appt as, if we hadn't asked it wouldn't have come up that we can't do the unprotected deed! Especially as it is so counter-intuitive after 2 years of trying!

Thanks for the advice guys.
I rang the clinic to ask, they are closed so sent them a quick email as currently on day 11 and ovulation tests shows faint signs.
So in the meantime I rang Stork who arranged delivery next Saturday (for an extra £20 for weekend delivery 😱) they also said that there is a uk shortage with the tigger so clinic are changing everyone over and that's an extra £4. In the grand scheme of things that's nothing I suppose!
But they didn't take payment until they have the new prescription so that's good news.

Anyway, enough of my tiny drama- banana sounds like you have had one hell of a day. Lots to consider?? I hope Monday goes well (as it can do) for you.
bip I keep thinking about what you said the other day about giving up on all of this now. After all you have been through I'm not surprised that you feel like that. I'm not sure I would ever get to the point of saying that's it.. I'm just not strong/courageous- whatever the right word is.

Hi to everyone else.. Friday tomorrow! 👍

Mothers with sons has started on Facebook now too. Can't leave out those that don't have daughters, only those that have neither. Xx

Hello to the new ladies, sorry you're in this boat too. But why not share it with a bunch of lovely ladies. poly it must be frustrating when your body has done it once but doesn't want to play ball now!
barson you mention lack of periods. For once I maybe able to help. I have PCOS too. No periods for 8 months then began taking inositol and also gave up caffeine. I don't know if it was a combination of the two but I know have a regular 28 day cycle. banana is a fellow inositol user if I remember from another thread? It actually seems to work. She's better at explaining the science of it all!
karla so not a bad result in the end with the drugs. Hope you get the go a head soon!
banana after your rude reply from clear blue, I am glad you got some good news from the doctor. You seem a little up beat about the next go, best way to be. Hope your DH feels a little better after it too.
meh I am good thank you. I think you and DH have a good plan, you don't know unless you try!
It seems the world is still out to piss us off and exclude us. From fake baby announcements, marketing shite and FB twats. I feel safe surrounded by all of you on here.
Have our consent appointment coming up. Should I be asking lots of questions? What usually happens at them or after it?
Have a dog shit weekend Ladies

hCG levels back from yesterday. It's 25 days post ERPC and my hCG levels were bloody 420. When we did my first beta at 10dp5dt they were only 299! FFS

Getting it redone on Monday to see what rate it's decreasing by. Dr said it's nothing to be worried about as there's no retained products and definitely no molar tissue.

It's like Schroedinger's pregnancy. I'm neither pregnant nor un pregnant.

Just. So. Bloody. Fed. Up.