The mind numbing boredom of infertility II

[PotatoesPastaAndBread]

This is a thread for peole who really want to get pregnant but can't, who have tried pretty much everything, and are really fucked off about it.

Have you ever nearly punched someone for advising you to "relax", "go on holiday" or "just get drunk - that's what we did"? Well then this is the thread for you.

You won't find much sentimentality here and there's no baby dust, but there is empathy, a lot of swearing and a surpirsing amount of glittery dog shit.

Link to the original thread
original thread

Urgh potatoes I'm so so sorry

Really hope things hurry up and sort themselves out pronto.

It's fucking shit being in miscarriage limbo.

I emailed my Dr's secretary about still getting blazing BFPs over 2 weeks later - apparently it can take up to 4 weeks for levels to drop to zero but if I'm still getting positive tests when I come in for my follow up (4 weeks post ERPC) he'll do a blood test (and will scan me anyway to check how it's looking)

I'm so fed up of my boobs looking massively pregnant. My body is bloody taunting me. Wish it would hurry up and realise there's no baby

If miscarriage wasn't shit enough already, being 'not pregnant but not un-pregnant' just rubs our faces in it. Urgh.

banana and potatoes it's just SO FUCKING boring!!!! Waiting waiting waiting. Just bollocks. Glittershit and because unfortunately that's the best I can offer :(

Back from the clinic. Saw another nurse this time. Have got a mythical Treatment Planner, covered in highlights and crossings out, 2 vials of Buserelin and a load of needle things. If it all goes to schedule, I'll be EC-ing on Friday 13th May. Let's hope schedule goes awry.

Start stabbing on the 15th, Buscrelin (?) 0.5ml, then I'm doing Menopur 150 iu for up to 10 days. On the basis my mental cystic ovaries are currently rocking 38 follicles between them, I reckon the menopur stage will be reduced.

Fuck me. I can't believe I'm here writing about drugs and phases etc. I used to read on these sorts of threads about what women were doing, and kind of slide over all of the techie details. Now I'm neck deep into it. But at least it's movement. Not progress unless it actually works, but at least momentum.

icy all sounds so daunting/exciting??
I'm with you on the techie details. Up to a couple of weeks ago I had no idea what down regging and stiming were.. What with your over active ovaries and my under active ones.. This cycle may be a rather interesting journey! I start meds on 17th. 300iu of gonal F and 150 of Menopur. I'm going to be an angry, menopausal cow feeling sorry for all my friends and family right now!

banana potato can't quite imagine how frustrating this is for you both.

To anyone else about to start stiming, down reggin, snorting or pessary popping. Wishing you all the luck!

I'm impressed at your knowledge icy
Even after doing it I couldn't tell you doses or the names of drugs!

Thanks for the sympathy. Gin it is. Tonight I'm going to wallow.

banana I got a positive test too. ERPC was 5 1/2 weeks ago and the pregnancy was anembryonic so there hasn't been an embryo since ET which was twelve weeks ago. Fucking ridiculous.

FFS potatoes that is absolutely fucking shite

Today should have been our 12 week scan. Instead I'm desperately willing the tests to turn negative. FFS.

Karla I was also on a high starting dose of stims. I was only on Gonal-F but the 300iu Gonal-F and 150iu Menopur is an equivalent dosage to the 450iu Gonal-F I was on at the start. I found I got very very bloated at the higher dose - drink tonnes of water and eat loads of protein. The bloat subsided once the Dr dropped my dose down after a few days, but I had to wear loose clothes as my enormobloat made me look like I was 4 months pregnant

Good luck to you and icy so so pleased you are able to get going!

icy please tell me that stupid nurse will be made aware she was wrong and you're starting! So so pleased for you and glad you and karla can cycle together! (Like a nice bike ride)
Your making good progress too vix
potatoes I remember laughing when you got your drugs delivered to work. Does anybody ask how your DH is?!
meh and claire I was the same about trying. Thought I could sort of plan when to start trying. I knew it wouldn't happen right away, but now wish I'd have started sooner.
I feel like I have been through enough shit over the years to be given a fucking break.
We are lovely people with a nice home, good jobs and decent morals. All the things you would want for a baby, but maybe it's just not meant to be.
banana if I had the balls I'd troll with you! Hope you got great satisfaction from it. And your tits go back to normal soon x
annie will be thinking of you on OTD.
laura hope you doing ok.

I anyone remember me stating I was due a babybomb? Got it today!! Had to do my best happy/shocked face. It was a male colleague in work who I get on with really well (was even planning on telling him about my IVF if it starts) so was genuinely pleased for him. He even said they'd struggled for a while. I just cannot deal with all the comments from the office like "oh you'll be next" it comes in 3s" blah blah blah
I don't now if it's AF but I feel like saying fuck it and dealing with my barren life. But then I have to remember I am going through all this to make someone else happy too.

Potatoes I'm so sorry this just keeps dragging on. Do you have to stay on the antibiotics? Really pissed off for you - you must be so sick of this now.

Banana I've had dark positive pregnancy tests for 3+ weeks after all my miscarriages. It's totally shit. But everything did settle down by 4 weeks after and I generally had a period at 5 weeks. Really hoping it resolves itself quickly.

Glad you've got the go-ahead, Icy, and pleased to hear you're starting too, Karla. I'll be rooting for you both.

Jesus potatoes what a total arse (to put it extremely mildly). So sorry it's still dragging on, have been thinking of you and hoping everything was sorting itself out.
I did inappropriately laugh at your 'still in the garage' turn of phrase though. Sorry, but absolutely brilliantly put. Totally feel the same.

Banana I had an EPU check up for any 'remnants' yesterday. Literally the same HOUR my 12 wk scan should have been, just across the hall. Life seems very unfair, no? to you.

Also big, lucky glittery dogshits to icy, karla, Vixx as you get going!

Hey all,

Can't sleep. What else to do but catch up with you all!

Sorry to hear you're stuck in the garage Potatoes (brilliant way with words!) and also Grumpel that's a pet hate of mine to have both departments in the same fucking rooms. Lost my shit the last time I went to see the NHS consultant who ran 45m late leaving us sitting out there grrrr!

Pebbles I agree - lovely people with stable lives, it's so fucking unfair.

Glad to hear you've got your jabs Icy and that you and Karla are going off on a nice bike ride together ! You're feeling how I felt - do you remember me saying I felt like I was going into it with my eyes shut imand I've got no fucking idea what's going on? Yep that. My DH says he thinks that's why IVF rarely works first time - down to the stress (I know how we feel about that theory) of getting everything right etc. I think he's got a point though. If we had to go back to Reprofit I'd be much less stressed and I'd know what I was doing.

AFM - it's now 6 days past transfer and I've had a rotten cold and cough since about day 2. Obvs googled it and discovered it's quite a common immune system reaction and could be either my body diverting all energy into nurturing and working on implantation; or killing those poor little embryos...

On a hen weekend this weekend which means no drinking just in case (such a shame if have liked to have drank my own weight in prosecco) but will be nice and laid back as the bride is almost 5 months pregnant herself. Luckily I'm sharing a room with a lovely lady who's just starting her stims...!

Day off work today; happy Friday everyone x

Have a lovely day off work laura sort about the cold. Hoping it's the embryo taking all your nutrition for implantation.
I take it your friends will know why you're not drinking? Love that your roomie is an IVF fiend too!
potatoes I am sorry I missed your scan update. That's just rotten news. I really hope you can get back to you very soon and begin to think about a new cycle.

Hoping this month brings some better news for all of us!
Thinking of trolling a thread in the spirit of April Fools

Yep she's my RL IVF fiend! It's been great to be able to talk to her and i used the same clinic as her for all my UK stuff so we compare notes etc.

I've pretty much told anyone who'll listen that I've been going thru IVF and have no qualms telling people that's why I'm not drinking, but I haven't told anyone my test date and I haven't yet figured out a way of telling everyone if/when it's bad news. Guess I'll just jump that hurdle when I come to it - I'm a world-class steeplechaser now like all of us!

Icy that's great news you're starting on time! Good luck to you and Karla I'll have my fingers crossed for you both.

Grumpel - my will power is shit but going to wait til OTD just because I don't want to have to spend the entire day at work locked in the loo in tears if it's bfn!

potatoes and banana so sorry you're both going through this. It really is so unfair.

Laura - good luck!

Pebbles sorry about the baby bomb. I haven't had one yet this year which is unusual for me as I normally average one per month - yes unfortunately I am sad enough to have worked it out! Although I did have FIVE all in one weekend before Xmas (three of whom I was away on a girls weekend with) so I reckon may be I'm not due one for at least another month?!

annie good luck for OTD! Hoping it's a BFP.

laura I like your attitude in telling all. I wish I were that brave, I just worry about making people feel awkward or that they will keep asking questions when I'm having a bad day and don't want to talk so figured it's just easier to limit the people who know.

We have been invited to a friends for a meal tonight, same friends who married last year so I told OH I'm expecting an announcement. He said 'well it's going to happen at some point' (helpful!!) they do know brief details of our struggle so I hope they wouldn't be too insensitive as out of everyone we know, it would be that announcement that would be a kick to the stomach ovaries

Happy Friday everyone!

karla I am on edge for you! Hope the dinner goes well and they have nothingn to share, apart from good food and company.
laura it's nice to have someone to talk to in RL. I'd be lost without this thread but do appreciate my one good friend I confide in.
annie well done for not POAS. Cannot believe you got a triple baby bomb that's harsh! FX for you on OTD.

OMG a baby bomb triple hit - you poor thing, I would've packed up and gone home!

Triple baby bomb? That is harsh. Xx

BFN guys. Totally gutted.

Not really sure where we go from here as it all seemed to go pretty well (obviously apart from the end result) so we're still very much in the unexplained category.

That was our one free go with the NHS and we used our top quality blast. Two ok quality blasts in the freezer.

Anyone know how soon you can do a frozen transfer after a failed cycle?

Also, anyone had experience of an endometrial scratch?

Sorry Annie, I know how much it hurts. We're in the same boat except I've had 2 failed and am paying for the privilege.
I had to wait 2 cycles after my fresh round, but I think it was more because I had ohss. I should think they'll want you to have at least 1 natural cycle between.

Not had the scratch myself, but sure someone will be along to advise.

As for where you go. Some embryos are never destined to be people. There could have been a chromosome abnormality and your bfn could just be bad luck (little consolation I know). I think you'll be advised just to try again with a FET as 1 failure is not abnormal. With 2 failures under my belt we are going to look in to immune testing as I'd rather know so we don't waste any more embryos if there is something that needs treating. Xx

I'm so so so sorry Annie. It's totally shit. I hope you guys can be kind to yourselves

I asked my Dr how quickly we could go again with a FET (I was still on the transfer table, lots of PMA there clearly) and he said we could go straight away, we could start the progynova as soon as I'd got my period. Other clinics may say you need at least one cycle off - plus I'm guessing there may be scheduling planning (we were private as we weren't eligible for NHS funding)

Lots of medicinal and prescribed in the mean time xx

In terms of quality - it's purely appearance. My top quality blast it appears was likely to be a dud, given I miscarried

Two very good friends got their BFPs two weeks after me, with their 'B team' blasts for FET cycles following failed fresh with their 'top quality' blasts. And have stayed pregnant.

I'd expect about half at least of my blasts to be chromosomally abnormal - but the next one might be a decent one. As might well yours be xx

So sorry Annie. It's horrible. Thinking of you.

Thanks for the sympathy guys. It's actually been harder to take than I thought, I was even expecting a bfn.

sammylou I think we'll look into immune testing too if the frozen transfer doesn't work.

banana thanks - that's interesting about the 'b teams' working. Yes I'll be having lots of and and I'm also going on a gluten frenzy - haven't eaten any in over 2 months so think I'm going to have a doughnut for lunch and pizza and chocolate cake for dinner!

annie sorry to hear of your result. You must be feeling like crap. Hope you and your OH can have an indulgent day spoiling yourself before picking up the pieces and starting again.
I was told about endo scratch at my appointment. I ummed and ahhed about it but in the end decided not to do it this time. There's not enough evidence to say it works plus the cost and also no unprotected SI so no chance of ironidiff before EC which I realise I couldn't quite let go of that hope..

so sorry Annie I cannot imagine how you and DH must be feeling. It's totally shit news. I hope when you see the consultant they can offer some explanations and can offer some good news for a FET. Do something nice today with DH. Cocktails maybe? Lots of love xx

Really sorry to hear your news, Annie. Doughnuts for lunch & pizza & cake for dinner sounds like just the ticket.