The mind numbing boredom of infertility II

[PotatoesPastaAndBread]

This is a thread for peole who really want to get pregnant but can't, who have tried pretty much everything, and are really fucked off about it.

Have you ever nearly punched someone for advising you to "relax", "go on holiday" or "just get drunk - that's what we did"? Well then this is the thread for you.

You won't find much sentimentality here and there's no baby dust, but there is empathy, a lot of swearing and a surpirsing amount of glittery dog shit.

Link to the original thread
original thread

Hello to all you shit-talking non-mums.
You are awesome.
That is all.

karla that's made me laugh out loud, and so very little does that! That must've been a hell of a sneeze! 10 points for you anyway!

Ahh I missed it. But I did laugh out loud at some of the responses.
How is everyone doing today?

wow- 2 separate baby bombs on facebook back to back - that must be a record surely? Literally one picture after the other 'so pleased to share our news' - feel like putting an ultrasound of my withered bitter ovaries up but thought better of it! Hope everyone else is having less bombs x

Hah! My message makes no sense and insults you all without the context of the deleted posts. ooooops!

Just to make it official its bfn today on official test day. X

sammy I'm sorry to hear that. Even when you think it's coming it's still hard to take when it's official. Thinking of you.

So sorry to hear that sammy, echoing what potatoes said, it's so difficult seeing it in black and white.

Take care of yourself

Wow I missed a lot!!

sammy really sorry to hear that. It's so difficult to take. Hope you can do something nice this weekend, take care of yourself.

in this- hate the bombs. Haven't had any for a little while, at the moment instead I get " oh we went and saw so and so's baby" and then a long ramble about that. Also being told a colleague is bringing new baby in. Going to need tips on how to deal with that one.

Still waiting for droid. When it arrives have to call to book early cycle ultrasound, so Easter is being very inconvenient. Guess I'll test tomorrow if it hasn't come by then, but sure it will have.

Hope everyone has a good day!!

Massive hugs sammy

And for all the baby bombs in this

karla saying I'd pissed myself laughing at your shower anecdote feels inappropriate somehow...

In other depressing news, I sadly POAS and did not get a BFN

Did a cheapie HPT to see if my hCG levels were dropping at all

Apparently not enough. Blazing positive line came up in seconds

Urgh.

Apparently despite my dead baby having been scraped out of my womb, my body still thinks it's very much pregnant.

Sorry Sammy

Sorry banana. What a shit month March has been.

Flowers to you both

Sorry you're having to go through this banana.

Argh, I think I am falling apart, cannot stop crying, been like this since last night (properly broke down in front of Mr Meh yesterday). It's all spinning around in my head, what if ivf doesn't work again...or after that. What if donor sperm is our only choice (I don't think I want to use donor sperm...It doesn't sit right and feels like having a stranger's baby...at least that's how I feel)...If we don't do that I'd never get pregnant (and Mr Meh doesn't want it either but would so as to not deny me a chance to be pregnant) and have our own child.

I can't talk to my friends because they all keep harping on about adoption as if it is easy to move on.

Ugh this is fucking shit.

Stupid MNHQ deleted my message along with mum troll's message, grr. Will have to repost later, thinking of you all on different sections of IVF rollercoaster, slinging a glittery dog shit right at your foreheads

Meh I truly feel your pain. The uncertainty is pure agony. If you could know for sure one way or another, you could go through denial/acceptance/grief/the works, but not knowing is a giant headf*ck, and no one who hasn't been through it understands the limbo.

I had a really frank conversation with an old friend last week, she has been struggling with depression, suffered a psychotic break, ended up in hospital for 3 months. She is very much on the mend now a year later, thank heavens. She told me how insanely insensitive people (close friends and family that is, not strangers) had been when she told them what was going on - the minimising comments, the lack of empathy, and how much it had upset her and made her angry. I said to her that being open about fertility problems was very similar. People don't know what to say, and for many the default setting is utter stupidity - e.g. adoption, relax etc etc etc.

For me, the best response is always a sympathetic smile, a squeeze of the shoulder, and to say: "I am so sorry you are going through this. If you ever want to talk, or have a cup of tea, or have companionable silence, I am here for you."

An in lieu of those things, on this forum, a glittery dog shit.

pumping equating infertility with mental illness is so right. I said something similar in an email I wrote to a magazine (imploring them to write about us, The Barren).

Meh I'm so sorry to hear what you're going through. The complete terror of it all, no wonder you feel frozen stuck between all the options and the what ifs - all the different roads to travel, it's just a completely shit and heart achingly horrible situation. I don't have anything helpful to add, just look after yourself and your relationship.

I'm sure there are a load of differing views on donor sperm. My only offering is if you do decide to go down that route would (could?) you consider a donor egg as well? That might take the sting out of it all and it might be easier to accept it as both of yours?

sammy and bananas - It's fucking awful it's it. Thinking of you both today.

Droid arrived so will start to downreg on 12 April. Here goes nothing. Feel a bit sick if I think about it too much.

At least in positive news the troll seems to have crawled back under her rock.

Icy I think that is the default reaction of people who have no experience of either state, or even worse, a glancing dalliance with "depression" (oh, we all get sad sometimes, cheer up!) and "infertility" (I was going nuts because I had three periods since coming off the pill before getting pregnant!). They feel ignorant, stupid, scared, and end up saying something utterly moronic. And we all soldier on.

Exciting you have a date for launch icy!

I apparently offended the troll and MNHQ. I accept my punishment.
I am a very naughty militant barren. I am a very naughty militant barren. I am a very naughty militant barren. I am a very naughty militant barren.

meh I feel so sad reading your posts. I think it's good you can open up to Mr Meh, but the choices you face are awful and noone can say otherwise, there are just no easy decisions in any of this.

Just had another baby bomb at work. TBH I suspected, I think she has a miscarriage last year and ivf at xmas so I can't be too angry! But I just feel under siege at the moment.

IVF debrief is this afternoon. I'm not in the mood. Was thinking I'd be ready to move on by now. Am in fact still stuck in miscarriage hell with a pregnant acupuncturist. Seems like the light at the end of the tunnel is actually an oncoming train.

Just want to say I'm really sorry Meh- it's so tough. I don't have any helpful words, just I'm thinking of you.

Good luck with debrief potatoes- let us know how it goes.

pumping think you're spot on with why people say the inane things they do!

icy good luck too

Thinking of everyone else too. It's been a really crap month!! Dog shit for everyone

Got the time wing for the debrief. Was fifteen minutes late, went blank, forgot all questions. DH missed it because I'd told him the wrong time. What an idiot.

sammy& banana so sorry to here that.

meh sorry you have such a hard decision to make. For those of us just embarking on IVF, ignorance is probably bliss but the pure terror of what to do if it doesn't work must be shit.
I'm not sure how I would feel about donors.. Since my egg reserve is very poor I might have that decision to make too and I understand that feeling of wanting a baby that's yours and your OH but saying that, think I would go down the donor route though as I just want my OH to have a baby of his own (maybe even more than I want it for myself) he deserve it after more than 2 years of shit times so maybe Mr Meh wants that for you too?.. Just a thought.

Hey meh just wanted to let you know the thoughts in your head are exactly the same as mine and I've been crying everyday since they said they found no sperm in the micro tese sample. I initially thought we'd be fine using donor sperm but now that it's our option I now feel it's unethical and have scared my self googling donor child horror stories. Don't know what to do now. Excuse me while I cry a bit more and eat a pack of hot cross buns. With jam. And chocolate spread. Not together of course, that's just crazy.

Hi, just wanted to de-lurk. I'm 37, ttc for 2 yrs and a member of the "unexplained" gang. We just signed consent forms for self-funded IUI while we wait our turn for a go at NHS IVF. I feel a little daunted at what is ahead of us and desperately hoping for an ironidiff this cycle (unlikely due to having to head 200 miles away from DH at the critical time). I know we really need to prepare for the next few months.

Ps - saw the troll, thought the take-down was awesome. :-)

I missed the troll slaying...hope they've crawled back under a rock.
sammy sorry OTD was so shit. I cannot describe it any other way, shit and unfair. I hope you and DH have something nice planned over Easter to help.
banana that's just a cruel trick your body played on you! I didn't realise the hormones would stick around that long.
meh I cannot imagine how you and DH must feel. It's a horrible situation to be in, so fucking unfair what your DH has been through already. I am truly sorry for both of you. Can you discuss donor sperm with a professional? Maybe it would help to hear how the whole process works and the success it can have.
Surely there is a thread on here about it too.
potatoes can you rebook the appointment?
Congrats on the date icy hope the time flies during your treatment.
Hello to everyone else and the new people I see, your very welcone here
I've missed loads out...I am on my phone, sorry.
DH and I plan to do lots of DIY and go for nice meals over the Easter break, we want to have some nice days together before starting IVF.
Promise I'll be back soon and catch up properly with all of you!
Xxx

Hi all,

Please can I follow PeaOp and join too?! So glad it's not just me who is sick of endless baby bombs and insensitive comments. It'd be nice to vent at someone who is not DP or my mum!

I'm 33 and have been ttc for 2.5 years, currently 'unexplained' and not even a sniff of a BFP. I'm currently in 2ww of my first IVF cycle. Found the treatment generally ok but this waiting is just pretty shit!

I can't believe what some of you guys have been through recently - life really is so unfair.