Any success stories and ideas for secondary infertility?

[Annabellaboo]

Hello ladies.
I am hoping to get some ideas and support on here.
I am 35 years old, very healthy with a 3 year DS. We have been trying to conceive our second child for 2 years now. I became pregnant very easily with my first and had an easy pregnancy.
This time nothing.
I have had all the tests the nhs provides. Progesterone normal, I ovulate, DH sperm count is normal, no blockages etc etc. I have tried charting, ov sticks, changed my already pretty healthy diet (cut out refined sugars and have lots more greens etc, and alkalised my body). I take advised supplements and have even tried acupuncture.
I do however have short cycles, sometimes as short as 21 days but averaging 24. This is a little shorter than I had before my DS.
We cannot afford IVF and I am not sure I can face that anyway.
My consultant last month has prescribed me a half dose (25mg) of clomid, which a scan showed on the first round it definitely boosted things even more with a good few mature follicles. I already ovulate but she thought as my cycles are quite short and a little irregular it may give me a boost.
I have been convinced several times I was pregnant (oh how cruel our bodies and brains can be!) but AF always turns up.
I guess what I am asking is does anyone have any other suggestions of things I could try or why I can't conceive time. I am open to theories and alternative methods.
Any experience in this subject and success stories please share.
I try not to stress about it all, but some months it just really gets you down as there is no real 'reason'. The hard thing is watching other mums around get pregnant multiple times so easily.
Thank you for listening!
Anna

Closephine - I am so sorry. How incredibly frustrating. I know what difficult news that is, especially when he's been doing a lot to improve it. How is your DH handling the news? Has he seen a urologist?

Are you still planning an IUI with gonadtrophins? I didn't find them to be bad at all once my body adjusted to the gonal-f. I've heard that clomid is way tougher.

Rose - wishing you luck and baby dust. And hoping all is fine with the lump. How stressful. Thinking of you.

I'm on an emotional roller coaster this week. AF was late, so I had an HCG test on Monday and it came back positive! We were over the moon, we felt so lucky after we were given less than a 5% chance that the IUI would take with my DHs incredibly low count. I had a another HCG taken this morning, and it didn't rise much 580 to 850. The nurse said that although its increasing, miscarriage is likely. I guess its still rising, but at this point they usually see it double every 2-3 days, and at very minimum increase by 60%. I have cramping today, and all I can think is that this isn't going to work out. I had an early MC (6 weeks) before my pregnancy with my DS...so it all feels very possible, I'm 5 weeks now. Who knows, maybe we'll beat the odds again.

I'm going in for another blood test on Friday. Fingers crossed.
Whatever happens I'm hoping for some resolution before our vacation next week.

Oh flipping heck Jenny, you must be going crazy not knowing what to think. I have everything crossed for you but won't offer the c word just yet! In my experience nurses do not always get it right. I was told it was 99.9% I had miscarroed my ds. When I went back a week later and all was fine the nurse said (almost accusingly, as though I had done something wrong!) 'well I wasn't expecting THAT'!? Good luck good luck good luck and keep us posted!

Oh wow I'll keep all fingers and toes crossed too. Closephine I hope you are feeling ok xx

Oh my goodness Jenny, what an ordeal for you, but how amazing that you got pregnant when you were given those stats!!! Keeping everything crossed that the nurse is wrong- blimey! if you can be those odds then you can only hope this will all be fine.

Still no spotting for me, I don't know what to think, I'm getting my hopes up as is inevitable but im full of dread every time I go to the loo. I'll keep you posted.

Closephine, i do hope you're feeling a little better- thinking of you xx

Feeling a bit better thank you both. Had a wobble when I picked up ds from nursery - one of the mums was there with her newborn twins and I realised I was crying watching her with them. Thank god no one noticed and managed to pull myself together before ds came out.

We are going to go ahead with IUI anyway regardless of the rubbish results and will be looking into further tests for ds as need to get to the bottom of this poor morphology.

Dust myself off and carry on (and on AND on) right?!

Jenny- Ah what a torturous limbo to be in! Really really have my finger and toes crossed for you. Anything is possible and only time will tell. Rose-when are you planning on testing? Any symptoms?
Closephine-hope you are doing ok, thinking of you too as I know you must be hurting.

Thanks Anna - I am actually doing ok at the moment. I've decided to overhaul the upstairs of our house to give me something else to concentrate on. I work from home and my make shift office/spare room is totally not fit for purpose. We have another room for which the plan has always been nursery. However I'm going to turn it into the spare room and give myself a lovely home office. And there's no reason why the 'spare' room couldn't become a nursery if the need ever arise, so it's not like I'm letting go of the dream. I'm just fed up of being in the limbo of 'oh we'll sort it out if/when we have a baby'. No point making myself suffer needlessly in the meantime.

Glad to hear you are doing ok closephine. Good plan with the spare room. We have a similar situation where we want to do some home renovations but am not sure what to do as it very much depends on if we have another child. It's frustrating being in limbo with your life plans isn't it. Our renovation plans are fairly extensive and permanent so we really can't go ahead if we don't know about another baby. But how long does one wait?! It would also be a choice of house renovations v ivf when it comes to borrowing money on the mortgage. Seriously is a huge dilemma for me. Both choices seem wrong or right for different reasons.
I am feeling fairly good at the moment and managing to stay positive for now. My friend just had her 4th baby a few days ago and I actually just feel genuine excitement for her which is nice. Seeing another 'blessed' friend today (the one who never asks anything anymore) let's see how I feel after that! I am thinking of approaching the subject with her and politely telling her she could ask me if she wants to. I know she must wonder. Overly British politeness really grows boring after a while!

Went to the loo, thought j saw a tiny tiny smear of something on toilet paper, wiped and wiped and even put finger in to see if could find anything else (sorry tmi) but nothing. Now just waiting, but this is how it always begins. I could cry.

Oh no Rose, I'm sorry. Could just be mind playing tricks and seeing what it expects to see if that makes sense? Although I
Know exactly what you mean as have been there too many times myself :(

Anna - how did it go with your friend today? Hope it was ok.

Jenny - any news? Hope you're doing ok.

I've just been out for a meal with mums from nursery, which although lovely, I also find so hard listening to them chat as they are all so absorbed in their multiple child bubbles. Some of the things they say,
I just can't relate to. I'm also so sad that the nursery phase is about to end.

I need another. Now preferably! IUI with stimulation starts Monday. Meh.

P.s. Had a few glasses of vino which is why this is a little disjointed!!

Spotting has definitely started sadly. I was a bit of a tearful mess at the children's farm yesterday- sunglasses come in so handy for these occasions!. DD was also throwing tantrums left, right and centre just to add to the drama, throwing herself on the lovely toilet floor just at the point I realised I was definitely spotting. It was almost comical, but awful. I thought I might be pregnant for a few days and may actually have some good news to offer this thread!

Jenny- thinking of you and hope things are more positive your end.

Closephine, glad you managed to enjoy your evening despite the multiple children mum talk- that sound like a great idea for your spare room- I love a bit of home improvement- spent most of my evening last night looking at made.com to distract myself!

Anna- totally totally get you on the polite Britishness becoming quite annoying at times - I'd also be tempted just to bring it up! In fact, my male cousin has been asking us outright for ages when we are having number 2, I thought he had finally got the hint but the other day did it again- so j just told him we had been trying for almost 18 months and nothing was happening and we were considering going privately. I was quite open to having a discussion about it and thought he would be too seek as he kept asking, but he just looked really awkward, muttered a few things and then walked off, I mean seriously?!

Ok enough ranting my end, hope you are all managing to enjoy your weekends. Xx

Oh no Rose :( I'm sorry this thread really is due some good news.

Went on Pinterest to search for home improvement ideas and ended up searching secondary infertility instead. Oops. But don't worry... looks like the stork just got lost, hopefully he will find his way to us all soon.

Hi all, sorry just catching up.
closephine - sorry to hear about those results, how incredibly frustrating for you. Good that you're going ahead with the IUI though. Keep positive lovely.
rose - I am in exactly the same boat as you. I hope you manage to feel a little bit better soon. I've cried behind sunglasses lots too in happy places where I'm surrounded by women who seemingly produce baby after baby with no issues. After numerous BFNs all week and convincing myself I felt 'different' then af arrived yesterday. Absolutely devastated as usual. You'd think after 2 years I'd be used to it by now wouldn't you. It doesn't help that I've got a photo app on my phone that shows you photos from the same day years ago and today 5 years ago is a photo of my clearblue digital pregnancy test saying 'pregnant 1-2 weeks' - to see that again seems more out of reach than ever before now.
I'm another one who has the spare room that we don't know what to do with it. We had loads of renovations on our house last year to accommodate another 1 maybe even 2 children and the 2 rooms are just sat there now and I don't want to do anything with them as that feels like even I have given up.
jenny - any news?

Closephine, funnily I also discovered Pinterest secondary infertility quotes while I was wallowing yesterday, some of them are quite sweet, maybe we should post one every time someone gets their AF!

Kitten pie, so sorry to hear you and I are cycle buddies this month. It certainly never gets easier, if only it did. And what bad timing to be reminded of your bfp 5 years ago 😞. I was going through all my dd's baby clothes that we've had in storage for what seems like ages now, desperately waiting to be able to reuse them, that's If we have another one and that's then if it's another girl- another irritating reminder of how everything's in limbo with all this.

Oh and my SIL gave birth to her second son today. trying to be happy for her, but god is it hard.

Sorry to hear about the dreaded AFs. I have my solid smiley (yes spent bloody fortune on clear blues this month!) sp nearly at the usual TWW. To be honest since my husband's second round of low results I've lost hope now and with moving and various other stresses it's slipped a bit in priority. However went for dinner with friends last night- all girls talk about is babies and children and it's so hard to keep with the conversation.

Closephine thanks for introducing me to the world of Pinterest! I thought I had googled the hell out of secondary infertility so nice to find another thing to obsess over! 😀

I get the spare room thing too. It's heartbreaking having life on hold. Packing away my sons outgrown clothes breaks my heart.

I took him to a pre school introduction thing on Thursday. It was AWFUL! He hit a little girl and made her cry. I keep thinking if only he'd have a sibling he'd learn how to share etc.

Hi ladies. Very sorry to hear AF showed up. I know exactly what you are feeling right now and it sucks. You did make me chuckle about your cousin who keeps going on about no2 and his response when you were honest! What is it with that? Such an annoying British trait. I bet he won't bring it up again in a hurry!
I finally brought it up in casual conversation with my friend the other day. She was mildly understanding and curious but I just don't think she or anyone else who isn't or hasn't gone through this can really get it or find much empathy.
Still feeling calm so far this cycle. On the 2ww but not expecting anything. Best this way. I have some relatives staying at the moment and they just said be grateful for what we have blah blah. Yes I am, but still....

I think I'll have to look at the Pinterest stuff too then. rose - yes seeing the photo of my bfp was really hard. I totally get the clothes thing too. I've ended up giving a lot of stuff to charity and haven't got the room and with being in such limbo I can't justify keeping anything. I need to face up to things really - it's been over 2 years now, isn't there some stupid percentage like 98% of couples will successfully conceive within 2 years? - which always makes me feel absolutely terrible when I hear. So without help, which it's looking unlikely for I doubt it will happen for me. That must be so hard about your SIL too. A family member is getting married soon so I am trying to prepare myself already for their probable immediate pregnancy.
katymac - fingers crossed for you lovely. I know what you mean about the babies conversation- it's hard work.
annabel - I keep getting told to be grateful too - as if we're not! It's such an insult. Friends don't really get it either when I tell them I'm struggling. Will be keeping fingers crossed for you too.
Just found out a pregnant colleague is coming to sit in my office! So I'll have a daily reminder of what I can't manage to do . It's going to be a long few months

I think we are stuck in a very niche and hard to understand group - we should be grateful for what we have (we are. very.) But it doesn't stop the longing for another. I totally get that those suffering from primary infertility will struggle with this, but I do find it hard to understand why there is so little empathy from those who have never experienced infertility. I do have some wonderful friends who are very supportive, but I have worked out now, who I can talk to about it and who I can't.

I had my first gonal f injection tonight. Made DH do it. I'm only on the lowest dose as I grow good folicles anyway. Back in a week for a scam to see what's what and then IUI will likely be towards the end of next week. Worrying it could coincide with ds's 'graduation' ceremony from nursery which I absolutely cannot miss.

Argh only pain you guys will understand. A very close friend who has a ds same age as mine told me she was 8 weeks pregnant yesterday just as we were walking to a toddler group. I found it so damn hard. She knows about her struggles and said "we only did it once and worked on first try." I felt so angry (which of course is wrong) as we've been trying so bloody long and it just happened for her so quick. She then talked for two hours about sickness, her nursery plans etc. straight away I was thinking how I can avoid her even though we see a lot of each other. Just feel so left behind. She even said "me being pregnant will probably put you off anyway". She's not the most sensitive of people. I feel guilty as I should be happy but to be honest I'm so bitterly jealous.

Closephine- have you had these jabs before? Just think positive as much as you can, at least you are doing something to help you get there. Completely with you on the no sympathy thing. It's so hard to find people in same position.

How is everyone? Xx

Hello. May I join you? I've just been told I have secondary infertility - no known cause. I've no idea where to go from here. I'm 41 next week so I feel as each day passes my ovaries shrivel that little bit more. I have a 7 year old daughter conceived while I was on the pill. Have been trying just over a year with an early mc 7months ago

katy - how awful for you. That must have been horrendous. I totally get how you're feeling. I always feel exactly the same too. It's not fair, and to rub it in like that is so cruel. I hate people being so insensitive. I had a similar conversation with yet another colleague who has announced their news recently- I am surrounded by them. She was saying they only did it once because they had to and normally don't have sex at all - really? And she's got a 7 year old so thinks he won't like the new baby because the age gap is too big, she has suffered with bad morning sickness and doesn't like the not drinking blah, blah, blah - I felt like telling her to shut up and just be grateful and try and consider not everyone has things so easy.
closephine - hope your jabs went okay
Hi bloop - sorry you find yourself in this situation. This thread is very supportive though, has helped me through some dark days.
I had a proper meltdown yesterday at dh. He suggested we meet up with friends - they are the ones where she is pregnant with their second and their son is way younger than ours and they are just one of those perfect couples who she probably got pregnant the very day they decided to have another. I said I didn't want to socialise with them, it all got rather heated with dh saying he was disappointed I wanted to avoid her then the meltdown happened, I got everything off my chest and he was taken aback about how bad I felt. I am glad I told him. I know it doesn't really change anything in the long run but I feel like he maybe won't be as insensitive in the future.
Sorry for the essay!!

Hello all. Welcome bloop, sorry you find yourself here but yes it can really help through the dark times.
Katy- grrrr at your friends lack of sensitivity. It really does amaze me sometimes how people can behave. I try to sometimes think if I would have been insensitive to someone in our situation if I didn't know what it's like. It's hard to imagine being so thoughtless, but maybe I would? I like to think not.
Kitten pie- sorry you had a meltdown. However I think it's good that your husband saw you like that. I had a similar moment a few months ago and although it was horrible and painful at the time it did bring DH and I closer and more together with the situation. It does help when they really realise how hard it is on us, and mine has been much more understanding and supportive since.
Closephine- how's the jabs working out?
I am surprisingly still calm this month. I have a lot going on one way or another so truly don't really have the time or energy to get too obsessive over things. Although I did just stare at my period tracker for 5 mins looking at different dates etc......

Hi ladies

Jabs are fine - the thing I worry most about is ds walking in and seeing as I don't want to worry him and/or have to explain. That did result in me pulling away from the needle a bit quick this evening and cutting my leg oops. But otherwise, not noticed any side effects but I am on the lowest dose. I get scanned on Monday to see what's going on in there.

Katy - your 'friend' sounds incredibly self centered if she knows what you're going through and then bangs on about her pregnancy in that way. How insensitive.

Bloop - welcome. Sorry you find yourself here. In my experience 'unexplained' isnt all that it seems. Our 'unexplained' diagnosis has since moved on to 'male factor' but we had to do a lot of research and ask a lot of questions ourselves to get there.

MrsKitten - I hope things are better with DH post meltdown. I had a big one a few months ago and I think it helped.

Jenny - are you out there? Hope you're ok.

Thank you ladies for the warm welcome. I'm still trying to get to grips with the etiquette of mumsnet so apologies if I get it wrong. I use my phone so it's sometimes hard to scroll up and down to get names etc. I hope you all had a good day and I look forward to getting to know you. :)