Anyone Starting IVF? Join Me (4)

[bessie84]

The other thread reached 1000 comments, so having to start a new one.

A puff of Babydust to all

x

Thank you, lovely ladies. It's funny, I'm absolutely fine about rootling through stuff for my niece: we're really close and although she's only young, she's had her own journey of heartbreak on the way to having this much wanted baby. I'm almost finding it healing to think that she'll get some use out of stuff we might not.

But. A friend told me, today, that they are expecting number 5. I don't think it was planned - she was happy, but seemed a bit shell-shocked. She's a fairly new friend and doesn't know about our fertility issues - certainly didn't know how raw things were for us today - she would have been mortified if she'd known. DH was with me when she told me. I said all the right things, chatted for a bit, got into the house and DH just pulled me into a hug and said "well done, that must have been hard". I just sobbed and sobbed. 5 ffs.

We exchanged emails with our clinic today about next steps. They're going to get back to us, but the initial thought was that maybe my body needed a new "shock" to be successful - not quite sure what that was about - a bit lost in translation, but in the past, they have done a hysteroscopy and "chopped" into my uterus with things that looked like crocodile clips!

Lil - yes, we got pictures, on a memory stick. I won't keep them if none of the FETs work out. They gave me a print-out of the embryos after transfer though - they look like tiny stars. Apparently it's a bubble of air that you can see - they transfer them in a bubble so that they can see that they're in the uterus, but it's rather lovely. I'll keep that, even though this one didn't work out. I know what you mean about keeping stuff though - I kept my bfp from DS it was a medical strip one, so I just glued it into my diary. And my last pregnancy - that ended in mc - we called that one "barnacle" because (s)he was conceived when we were on holiday in Cornwall and I'd had several chemical pregnancies. "Barnacle" was in the hope that (s)he would cling on - and (s)he did, for a bit. Anyway, I have a little bag with the tests in it from then, with a poem that I wrote about the loss. Sorry to hear you didn't get any frosties - and fingers crossed for the little beans on board

Thank you, Banana - yes, DH is being amazing. That's one of the big positives that I will take away from the IVF experience: it has really brought us together. We're much kinder and gentler to each other than we were before - the years of unexplained infertility and the stress of it all had made us tetchy and snipey. Making the decision together - and all the decisions and steps since - made us talk and grow close again and in many ways, fall back in love. Good luck - sounds like everything is moving in the right direction for you

How are you doing, Osirus? Hope all's well.

Oh purple, your posts brought a tear to my eye because I can really relate to what you are saying. I've been told many times 'lucky you at least have one' , but which drives me insane from those who have had no issues reproducing, while I feel guilty moaning on here to those who have none and yet they are nothing but understanding. Secondary infertility brings it's own unique set of challenges. I can just feel the salt in the wound of your sons innocent comment to be happy to do after school care to have time with friends. I clearly remember picking DS up from kinder welling up as I looked my son in the eye for the first time after learning of another IVF failure and feeling like I was failing him. I remember going through his belongings deciding to sort and store them in the roof to try and move on (desperately hopeful I would then be one of those I forgot and it happened stories) and looking at the cloth nappies I loved using and refolding them just imagining using them again. It feels like it's all to easy for me to say I understand now that I have been one of the lucky ones who finally got a BFP.

Also purple, I don't know if me giving me giving my 2 cents with no professional qualification is just adding more confusion to your situation, but you seem confident in the path you want to take so just tell me to jam it if this doesn't suit your own ideas... I spoke to a fellow patient of my IVF clinic. She had an exemplary first cycle - several eggs, all fertilise, all make it to transfer or freeze and got a BFP on her 1st IVF cycle. She had m/c at 10 weeks due to downs syndrome. She then added Prednisolone to future cycles and has had failure after failure (I think about 7 transfers), despite since doing PGD and only transferring genetically viable embryos. It made me wonder if the Prednisolone was actually doing harm? Then blue had a chemical preg 1st two IVF cycles, followed by repeated failure after adding prednisolone. So it further made me think Prednisolone could be doing harm rather than helping. No you have having difficulties despite using donor eggs, and knowing that your body has not had issues with implantation in the past and mention that you used Prednisolone the last three cycles.

lil, sorry to hear your other embryos didn't make it to freezing. Although I clearly recall feeling very doubtful of your success last cycle when all but one died at day 2 and I thought it indicated poor quality. I got a really shock when it worked and wondered if your embryos preferred your uterus as an incubator than the petri dish, which one study I read suggests. So I am really hoping the same it true for you this time. And if I am right, the embryo was transferred at day 3 this time, so you know it made it one day further than last time. Did they say the cell numbers / quality at your transfer?

Hi shell, 2 transferred, think they were 7 cells but not 100% from memory. I hope you're right about them preferring me as an incubator! half way through the 2ww now so not long before i'll have my answer I suppose!

Hello all hope everyone is ok today

Does anyone have any experience with opks as I'm in a real mess
Having natural fet and clinic said I had to use the boots ones. I also got clear blue dual hormone ones as wanted to double check as used line ones in the past and never ever got a positive or even near
Now. I know they don't work so well on me as both my mc followed months with no positives but yet I did ovulate as got pg I do have PCos though so they may not be accurate

Clinic know this. Last Friday saw a lovely nurse who scanned me said to test over weekend and go again on Monday so as not to miss anything
Went on Monday and got told stop testing and start again we'd and come back Monday

I'm worried I will miss ovulation as it doesn't show on tests and they won't scan me. I begged for an appt tomorrow and they refused saying all booked up then got irate with me saying I'm not following instructions

I don't know what to do. Oddly the boots tests show just a v faint line but today cb came up as high fertility so I'm confused

waitingimpatetient id stick to the clearblue dual, have you used cleablue ones before? i also have pcos and others with lines do not work for me, however, clearblue DO. and have had blood tests to prove and also did the clearblue trial last year which also confirmed they work. the line ones are nothing but worriers for us pcos'ers. id be pissed at your clinic too, they know this yet arent willing to ease your concerns. go with the clearblue results, but do the boots ones along side them.

good luck with your fet

Ok I will do that then. I will just tell the clinic I got my lh surge of it shows up on the clear blue. Today was high fertility (flashing smiley) so hopefully they are working! Only ever used the line ones before

Thing is clinic didn't tell me what to do once I get the Lh surge I have to call them but I'm worried as over the weekends it's always so so hard to get anyone to answer. I have to start progesterone but I don't know when is it the day I get lh surge or day after ??? I'm so confused and I just felt like I was being a nuisance earlier when I called them

waiting, if the boots test previously showed no line and then on Thursday it produced a faint line, I would say that something has happened. And the flashing smiley seems to back that up. Do you check your cervical mucous? I used to use that along with OPK's. I certainly hope you get someone nicer the next time you call! I would just be prepared with your list of questions you want answers to in order to put your mind at ease and even if the rude person on the phone does make you out to be a nuisance, at least at the end of the day, you can feel 100% certain that you did the right thing for your cycle and reduce your stress.

Wow lil - two at 7 cells certainly sounds like you are in with a fighting chance! Are you sending yourself insane with symptom spotting? Like you, I had an early miscarriage on my previous IVF so I knew from that previous cycle that I had definite cramping at 9 days post EC and so I couldn't help but wait for that same sign after my last transfer. Of course, being in the insane mental state that the 2ww puts us in, when I got the same cramping at 8 days past EC, I went to bed in tears convinced that my period was arriving!

The lines have been so faint only the one a couple of days ago was a bit darker but nowhere near the control line and tonight it's so faint it's barely visible. Will have to see what the cb says tomorrow

Really wish the clinic had agreed to scan me even if it was just to humour me. Tbh I'd have been happy to even pay but they were just shitty with me all the "you have to follow instructions" and not letting me talk to the nurse myself it just feels so horrible that I'm having to even speak to people about all this and beg for a scan as I'm anxious I will miss the lh surge
Don't think they understand I can't just pay £££ every month I need to be closely monitored and fingers crossed do it this month even if it means them squeezing me in for an appt rather than me missing it and having to pay again and again

So frustrating

waiting how bloody frustrating, and stressful! If anything the stress may delay you ovulating! I hope in the absence of understanding fc staff the planets align and it all slots into place for you this cycle.

shell just checked and I think one might have been 6 and the better one 7. The 6 was more fragmented but still good quality. Funnily though the favourite on day 2 was one of the ones not transferred and didn't make it to freeze so I'm hoping that extra day has made the difference this time.

ditto lil's comments waiting - how frustrating - and stressful! What's your plan of action from here - can you ring them and tell them you had one a bit darker but not as dark as the control and now faint again. And perhaps explain that you have noticed from previous cycles your LH surge is not strong enough to detect on the stick. I really hope you get someone more understanding the next time you call. I really think the clinic is out of line - you are the one paying them for the service they are being difficult about providing!

lil, you sound like your a bit more relaxed than I was at this stage. I asked for all the details of the two embryos that were transferred and you are very casually having to check your notes to see how they were at transfer! I hope the zen can remain until your test date (but I know it won't!)

I'm really not sure as cb dual opk still showing high fertility today so I'm hoping that's the accurate one and that I haven't missed Lh surge

Fully expecting this cycle to be cancelled though and think if so I will go for medicated next time
I wanted to be scanned as then could have had a hcg trigger for ovulation and not bothered with opk but clinic just being difficult

BFN this morning otd. Absolutely heart broken. Will it ever work? Is there any point carrying on with frozen cycle. I just feel if it was going to happen it would have. Ive been living month to months trying to be positive to them be brought crashing back down for over 4 years. As many of you will be familiar with.

Oh Lyn I'm so sorry. You are bound to feel that way now but give yourself some time to process it all and in a week or so you may feel differently, or not, but you will have more clarity to be able to make those sorts of decisions. And remember your frosties can wait a bit. You can give yourself a break if you need to.

[Flowers] Lynn. I'm feeling pretty despondent too and I completely relate to your thoughts about the FET. But I know that if I don't try with them, then down the line I will fret about whether or not one of them might have been "the one". For me, at any rate, achieving closure, and peace about my infertility, necessitates trying everything I can. We are comfortable now with the fact that if it doesn't work out with our current batch of frosties, we will stop doing this to ourselves and accept things as they are.

Sending you a hug. It's the hardest thing x

lynn it's so hard isn't it, all the ups and downs, feeling positive then it all comes crashing down. It's just so so unfair

Oh Lyn I’m so so sorry. I can only imagine how devastated you must be feeling. Hope you and DH can take some time for yourselves and look after each other, know you must be feeling incredibly raw

Waiting I’m shocked that your clinic would insist you rely on OPK when you’re PCOS - as it’s well known that OPKs are unreliable for PCOS women (as I used to be, before my eggs all disappeared). On my Clomid cycle the consultant scanned me to see when the follicle was at the right size, and had me trigger at the designated time. Def keep on with the Clearblues - I would get really snotty at the clinic, as it’s their job to make sure that everything is in place so your cycle can run smoothly. Massive hugs and keeping everything crossed.

Final tracking scan this morning, I’m triggering tomorrow and EC Monday. 9 follies, although four really good sized ones, two 17mm might-catch-up ones, and three tiddlers that he doesn’t expect anything from. I’m terrified that as well as crap quantity, my FSH might mean crap quality as well. Consultant said age is by far the biggest determinant of quality, and I’ve been taking DHEA, CoQ10, Melatonin and an array of other supplements, eating protein, drinking tonnes of water & milk etc, so what will be will be I guess. It’s all getting very real now!

Up until now I've been very happy with the clinic but with this cycle I've got the distinct impression we are 'low priority' never see a Dr , always waiting ages at appts, not allowed to speak to a nurse/Dr and not allowed a scan when I begged. The receptionists were very off too that I wasn't 'following instructions' I just wanted to cry

I tried so hard to explain that opk don't work well for me due to pcos and they kept saying the same "call when the test is positive" aargh hit might not show positive !!

Tbh waiting if it was me I'd be making a formal complaint and demanding compensation. But that's me, I'm a complainer!

Thanks so much everyone. I know your right lil and I know myself in a week or so I'll be raring to go again. But I really thought this would be my time. Over 4 years and not a sniff of a BFP.

Thanks purple your always so helpful even when you are feeling the same. I shouldn't complain as I have 2 frozen and another go at a fresh cycle on the nhs and I know some women don't have that and are having to pay out thousands each time. What I'd like to ask though is how you came to decision of when to end trying?! I'm really not at that point yet and I can't imagine ever being there?! I don't see how I could move forward in life without a baby!

Thanks banana back to work tomorrow unfortunately. But I have some holidays left so going to see about taking a week off soon.

Thanks waiting ye you're right with that. It's all I've ever know in relation to ttc which makes it very difficult to be positive in anyway towards treatment as I know so well of the pain that's to come when all doesn't work out.

Just woke from a long sleep. And I know deep down I'll finish all my treatment on nhs and then prob have a few goes at private. Then who knows??!! I really need an end game but just don't know what that will be. I already feel as if the last 4 years have all merged in to one Long 2ww and I'm scared I'm going to wake up one day and regret all the time I've spent in this of it doesn't happen. Arrghhhhhhh.
Plus woke up to a text from colleague with her bank details for me to sort her first mat pay payment. Thanks for listening makes a huge difference. Xxx

Well if I get there in Monday and my scan shows I've missed ovulation I'm going to complain and demand a cycle free of charge as why should I pay again next month.

I told them I was not sure how effective opks are for me and they've just ignored my request for closer monitoring effectively leaving me to 'waste' a cycle if I've missed the lh surge

Fingers crossed though this month is one of my longer cycles then it may work out. I hate all this it's so stressful. You think they'd realise how much hope people have on this process and how a bit of reassurance goes a long way for something so important

I have to say, ll the stories I read on mn make me really appreciate my clinic. I have a direct phone number to nurses, an oncall ivf sister I can contact 24/7, they got me in for blood test within 24 hours when I had my fainter frer that made me think I was going to mc, and the nurses and consultants are all super lovely and compassionate. My only criticism was the lack of advice about my mc but over all theyve been fab. I didn't even have to fight for tests after mc, they just did them. They did really bugger up my arm last week though. I've not 100% forgiven them for that yet!

It's odd as my clinic were amazing when I had my IVF cycle yet for a natural fet it's the opposite

That has to make it all the more frustrating. I can see why u feel you're low priority.

Lynn, I hope you are feeling a bit better. I had 11 attempts at IVF before I FINALLY got my BFP so I totally get the misery failure brings after enduring 10 of them. For me personally, I think I would have regretted not trying and always wondering 'what if...' rather than the time I did spend trying, but of course you still have two shots at FET and another whole fresh IVF cycle funded so I hope with these attempts, you don't have to worry about doing everything so you can have peace you gave it your all, but rather you will feel it was 100% worth it when it works with these upcoming attempts. That text must have absolutely sucked. I've taken many blood tests for pregnant women for their pregnancy screens and just couldn't stand pretending to care. It really is difficult.

Waiting, you are so right that some reassurance and compassion from the clinic really does ease the process. My IVF Dr and her receptionist were absolutely lovely and always answered my queries. I sent them a thank you email once the process was all done. The nurse who I had to deal with during the cycle was horrid and I saw other complaints about her on the internet. She got nothing! Let us know how you get on with your clinic on Monday.

Just had scan, opk still negative but scam showed a huge follicle so I will have hcg trigger tonight at 8 pm
ET will be on Saturday !!