Oh Sammy, I know how heartbreaking it is and I feel for you so much knowing what you are going through right now. I went through four Christmases whilst TTC and each one felt progressively worse. Each one, we'd done more treatment that year which had failed, each one I was another year older and getting ever closer to 40 making me feel more like it would never happen, and each one, someone would have reproduced that I would have to deal with. I was usually quite strict on my diet in the lead up to and during IVF but after a failure, I let it all go and loaded myself with carbs and a few drinks. I then felt guilty for doing that because I knew I was ruining any future chance (but I never had any frosties so my eggs were still inside me succumbing to the numbing effect I was trying to get from the alcohol!), so I forced myself to eat healthy and try again because after I couple of weeks I would feel like trying again was better than feeling this hole in my heart forever.
I can't remember exactly how old you are and what percentage of your embryos would be genetically normal. I was 38 just 2 days after my last transfer took place and even though two looked top quality and both were transferred, only 1 took. So something must have been genetically not right with the others - it has nothing to do with the way they look under the microscope. But I think you were younger than me and with you having had 5 embryos frozen, there is sure to be a few normal ones in there if that was the case.
Before my last two transfers, I also included 'the scratch' on day 20/21 of the cycle prior. My usually thin lining would always be thicker the following cycle. Prior to my last two transfers, I had 3 embryos transferred, all of which resulted in a BFN. But my second last transfer after the scratch resulted in a m/c and my last transfer obviously resulted in my current pregnancy, so I highly recommend it. I can't remember the stats right now but I read an article saying that when the lining was between 9/10 - 14mm, the chance of implantation was optimal, and when less than this, the stats were significantly lower (will have to find the article again). The scratch always ensured my usually thin lining was within this optimal thickness. Previous Dr's would say my lining was fine if it was at 7-8mm, but I had read what the stats were. So I hope knowing you can have the scratch gives you some hope for your future embryos. I also had acupuncture both before and after transfer on the day of my last two transfers, after having read a study online showing that the stats were significantly higher for those that had acupuncture on day of transfer than those that did not.
Sorry to write a novel here. I just know that was my way of coping - trying to be practical and come up with practical things I could do different in my next cycle to give me hope for the future. I hope it helps you too. xox