Infertility Rant!

[loopylou1984]

Thread two moving on from infertility meltdown!
Feel free to join us to rant about any part of the infertility journey

Shell - it's all over. After an almost positive opk yesterday morning I started bleeding yesterday afternoon. I called the clinic this morning and we've cancelled the scan. I'm so disappointed, I just can't seem to get anything right in this TV journey and now I have to wait until January, and pay AGAIN - and we haven't even had a chance at having an embryo transferred. Xx

Shellster52 Yes your right, im assuming that we are eligible for something due to the note at the bottom of the SA results!?

Patiently waiting for the letter so we shall see i guess. Thanks for all your help and replies

Oh Sammy, that must be heartbreaking. January must feel like absolutely forever away. To be perfectly honest, I was really worried about you going straight into a natural FET this cycle after your treatment last cycle. After my first few failed IVF cycles, I was desperate to go again straight away but my day 2 / 3 hormone levels were NEVER normal the following cycle and I would often have a cyst on my ovaries. So I was really worried that even if you ovulated and had an FET, it would be a waste of a precious embryo as I really thought that your hormones would not be normal and I know that your cycle needs to start normal and that there is only a 48 hour window during the second half of the cycle when the hormones allow for implantation and that this delicate 48 hour window would not be right with your hormones out of whack this cycle. So if that was the case, it is better to save your precious embryo for a cycle when it has a chance. But of course that doesn't mean you didn't want this cycle to be perfect and I completely get your devastation. I would always allow myself a few too many alcoholic drinks of my choice after a failed cycle.

Good luck testing your patience while you wait for the letter Stace. I tried for 4 years before success and the entire journey just felt like waiting, waiting, waiting!

Oh sammy I'm sorry AF arrived hun, but as shell said you're body just wasn't ready for a normal cycle straight away. I hope you and your dh can spend a few quality months together and start afresh in the new year when you're physically and mentally prepared again. Big hugs x x xx (and don't worry about your 30th birthday either, I'm 35 now and have had a bog standard pregnancy thus far )

Stace at some point funding will be applied for to your local council commission group. They will decide if you are elligable for NHS treatment. It was done for us so don't worry about any additional paperwork. I know there are some councils that will allow treatment if one partner has already had a child from a previous relationship, mine being one of them, and I hope yours is too. You can check online somewhere, I forget which site but I think you can get a link to it from the infertility network website under NHS funding.

So sorry Sammy [flowers

Thanks Chopface. Yes I'm assuming seen as it says on the Semen Analysis results: eligible for ICSI only that we are eligible for something!

The waiting continues..

Oh, I just assumed from others on here being ineligible for IVF that the NHS does not fund it when one partner has a child. I didn't realise it was council dependent chops so that must be very reassuring for you Stace.

I've known Ruby and Chops on here from before they were pregnant and I remember them ranting away about the waiting on the NHS. I mean, all the clinic has to do is receive the referral letter, look in their system and see when their next available appointment is, then send you a letter. Doesn't seem like such a hard task - but I wonder how long it will take them Stace?!?1

I did have to give our referral a nudge and I'm glad I did as our GP hadn't sent all the relevant paperwork and the clinic was in the process of referring us back to the GP!! Called and asked to speak to the GP who immediately sent out the proper notes and the referral was saved!!!!

A lady I work with who had a child at 16 with a previous bf had iui and ivf on the NHS with current partner! They failed but she now has a naturally conceived baby girl and hopes to try for another :-D

Hey Shellster52
I emailed the fertility clinic on Monday who replied with: 'We have received your referral letter. It will be sent to our Central Appointments Team tomorrow, to issue an appointment for you.'.. really dont understand what all the waiting is about?! Our GP herself took 1 and a half weeks just to send the referral to them! I can imagine the NHS wait is gonna be very long and very stressful. How are you anyway?

Hi chopface
Thats lovely to hear that they conceived naturally, really hoping that this will be the case for us. Struggling to get my husband to change his diet at the moment, not sure what else i can do!! Ahh lol

Oh dear Stace, it's only early days after the discovery of his sperm issues, and you said he intended to change which I thought was a great start because my hubby didn't even do that. But already, your hubby seems like he's giving up before he's even started! My husband used to buy lots of take away and so I started making him lunches to take to work and because I made dinner, I only made healthy ones. I don't know if that is any help to you. Although I must say, I sometimes found his un-eaten lunches and he often worked late and didn't come home for dinner, plus he never lost a single pound so I am sure he still ate just as much junk! If it's any reassurance, his sperm count and motility did increase significantly on just the supplements alone but his morphology stayed 100% abnormal and needed the diet changes that he refused. I have a friend who found exactly the same. But since your partners issues is not morphology, I hope the supplements are enough to do their thing.

At least it sounds promising that Central Appointments now have your referral and are in the process of issuing you an appointment. In theory,that doesn't sound like a slow job to receive your referral and send a letter with the next available appointment details on it, but we shall see what happens in reality!

Hi chops, hope you're enjoying your pregnancy belly and last few weeks of blissful ignorance about labor... not long now! I assume you're not planning on doing any birthing classes then and just dealing with it at the time.

Hey Shellster52
Yes i feel like a right cow moaning at him but i still find chocolate and crisp wrappers laying about! Problem is, he rarely eats dinner at home as he has such a small appetite, he will eat a big lunch at work (normally nandos or something) and then a roll or sandwich when he gets home. Even when i do a Sunday dinner il try to add sweetcorn and carrots etc to his plate (which he normally doesnt eat at all), he'll eat the sweetcorn but not the carrots! lol. He is taking the vits every day so im hoping that these will show some change! Yes was told the letter has been passed on and should be with us within a few weeks x

Hi ladies, hope you're all ok?

Just a quick update from me:
We heard from the clinic today, they are recommending another natural cycle in the new year, providing there is no cyst at the beginning but with more monitoring. I'm not sure how I can be monitored more as was being scanned eod anyway... Are they really going to ask me to go EVERY day?!
Dh and I have also decided to pay for a scan around positive opk time this month just so we have a bit more idea of what my lining is like. I feel like knowledge is power and all that!

I'm trying to take a bit of a step back from posting here as, a) it makes me think about ttc even more, and b) I'm not going to have much news for a couple of months, but I will be lurking and popping in with advice etc should anyone need it. Xx

Enjoy your time off sammy make some nice plans and have lots if treats and you time, plus couple time and date nights

shell I'm not going into it blind at all, had some very detailed privately paid for antenatal classes and feel very well informed about signs of labour and pain relief options etc. But what will be will be at the time and there is no point making a birth plan when so much doesn't go to plan!

A few weeks Stace. I don't understand why it takes them so long to print out a computer generated letter and mail it?!?! Sounds like there is not a lot you can do to help your hubby with his habits and I hope the supplements at least do something.

sammy, you sound in better spirits which I'm glad to hear. Yes, I don't understand how the clinic can do much more monitoring than they did! But I do like the idea that they will be ensuring there is no cyst at the beginning of the cycle as in my case, whenever I had a cyst after an IVF cycle, I also had day 2 bloods done and these were all out of whack. Thanks for the heads up that you will be taking time out from here so we don't worry about you. I had the same idea a few times in my journey but always failed miserably. So in the end I decided that if I was going to think about it anyway, I would at least try and think and do positive, pro active things rather than just counting down the days and stressing. So I bought and IVF hypnosis DVD and read IVF books. So if you find forgetting impossible too, hopefully you can use the time in a positive way to eat healthy and exercise to get your body in tip top condition and your hormones perfectly balanced for the new year xox. (Oh and now just reading chops post after yours and I agree with treats here and there too - I always felt to guilty that I was harming my eggs for the upcoming cycle but your embryos are already safely frozen!)

I like your plan chops - or lack there of. You are right, you could just end up more upset if you have a detailed birth plan that then doesn't go to plan. The classes sound like they have left you feeling prepared, but I guess at the end of the day, nothing can really prepare you for what it will be like until you are in it, and as you say, what will be, will be.

I meant treats like pampering and days out rather than indulgent food/drink shell but yes Sammy's future babies are already frozen in tip top condition anyway x

Mmm, perhaps it's just me with junk food on my mind then - I just saw that yummy picture of cake. I've been TRYING to be so healthy but because I was so strict with my diet for 4 years of trying to conceive, it's difficult to maintain now that the mission is finally accomplished and I want to make up for lost time. So yes, perhaps it was just me interpreting your word treat into tempting food treats!

Speaking of food, how are your iron levels going chops? Have you had it re-tested or are you just permanently on supplements now? Oh, and how did you two go agreeing on a boys name. We have a girls name we agree on. But as for boys, DH and I both have names we like but both hate each others choices! I personally did not want to find out what sex we were having. I found out with my son, so decided I would like to try the other way this time. So we need both boy and girl name ready.

I've had my iron checked twice since and the levels were increasing but still below normal so yes I'm still on supplements. Sorry to put pregnancy issues on a ttc page but another update from me.... I was diagnosed yesterday with obstetric choleostasis so looks like I will be meeting my bean earlier than expected as they like to induce sufferers at 37 weeks! Which is in 2 weeks time!!!! Mixed feelings about it :-/

And yes, boys names are a nightmare!!

Hi all, just re marking my place as I lost the thread due to non posting!

Chops - goodness you're not having an easy time are you? You'd think after ttc for so long you could at least be given an easy pregnancy! Fx labour will be a breeze :). What exactly is the condition you have if you don't mind me asking?

Shell - yeah I've been distracting myself with both food related and non food related treats, although am going to step up the high protein diet soon ready for next year. I won't be restricting myself over Christmas though, just the alcohol perhaps.

I've had to decline to go to my sil baby shower next week. I feel very guilty, but just don't think I could cope with it. Me crying in the corner wouldn't exactly create the atmosphere she's going for anyway I'm sure! Xx

It's a liver condition sammy which only occurs in pregnancy and vanishes as soon as you give birth. No one really knows the cause but it has been linked to higher rates of stillbirth so that's why they get baby out when you reach term and I'll be monitored closely until then and during induction and birth. I thought I deserved a better pregnancy too!

Take care of yourself luvvie, wasn't expecting to see you for a while. Get off MN and chill x x

Oh, chops, I'm sorry to hear that. I'm glad that even if you didn't get a 'better pregnancy', at least you have good monitoring which has picked up things like your low iron and choleostasis so that your outcome will still be good - a live baby! And that's the important thing. Also, interesting to note that even though you have been taking iron supplements for some time now, it is still not in the normal range. My iron was normal at last check but then I bought some natural iron liquid sachets as I was feeling tired and wasn't sure if it was just normal pregnancy tired or iron stores dropping. Now that you make me realise how hard they are to replenish once they drop, I'll make sure I keep them up so I don't get low in the first place. I read that low iron is associated with less milk production and since I had low milk supply with DS, I don't want anything to go wrong this time.

Must be a differrent feeling now that you know you are counting down 2 weeks rather than just plodding around until it happens naturally.

Yes, sammy, enjoy the Christmas food and do whatever keeps you sane until the new year - including not going to the baby shower if it will be too difficult for you. I was invited to two during my IVF saga, one of which I attended as it was my sister and I felt awful not to, and another which I lied and said I had to work and couldn't get out of it. Not sure what story you told, but now that I hear the situation objectively from you, I think if you just said the truth, your SIL should surely be understanding.

I will have a baby the week of Nov 23rd!!!!! actually shell I sneaked a peak at my iron from Fridays bloods and it is back in normal range now! A leap from 112 to 127!!!! At least one thing is normal, lol! I didn't know about the milk production thing, hope I'll be OK!

You must feel relieved your iron levels are normal. I'm sure your milk production will be okay chops - 99% of women don't have low milk supply Long story, but basically I just had really incompetent advice from the hospital that led to my low milk supply. So after having read mountains of stuff on breastfeeding, it's just me being overly cautious and wanting to tick all the boxes for every single potential issue so that I can have success next time as it will be my last chance to experience that part of motherhood.

But having said that, just because it is something I really want, breast feeding goes pear shaped for so many other reasons than low milk supply (pain while breastfeeding, baby needing medical help after birth and being separated etc) and I hope you don't beat yourself like I did if it doesn't work. This is your one opportunity to enjoy the experience so I hope you can enjoy it, breast feeding or bottle feeding :)

I'll be thinking of you on the 23rd. I know you'll be busy after but if you do have a few moments, you'll have to pop back in and let me know how the experience went. Again, just me being overly paranoid after my first birth and post birth went pear shaped and would love to learn anything I can from other people's experiences to have a better experience this time because it will be my last.

Little wave to you all from the sidelines. Xx

Eek so it a slight turn of events it looks like I'll be having an embryo transferred on Thursday!
I booked a scan just to check my lining thickness and while at it at lunch time the nurse said everything looked so good that she was going to see if they could fit us in. I'm totally in shock, but the consultant said this is the best chance we've had so far. Xx