Would you be my Infertility/Clomid/Follicle tracking friend please?!

[scienceteachergeek]

Hi there ladies

I’m really looking for a ‘clomid friend’ or ‘infertility pal’!

I’m 30, DH is 38. I came off the pill July 2013 to regulate my cycles and ended 15yrs of antidepressants in March 2014 as I’d read that was the best plan if possible.

I’d been having regular 27/30day cycles since I came off the pill but after no positive tests, buying OPKs and the Clearblue Advanced Fertility Monitor, plus charting temps and monitoring my cervix and mucus it quickly became apparent that I wasn’t ovulating. After all the blood tests, sperm analysis, trans-vaginal scans and the HSG it showed that he was fine but I wasn’t ovulating, but there was not obvious reason why.

Fast forward to now, 2yrs since coming off the pill, I have been prescribed clomid and have taken my first 5 tablets. I’m day 12 today and have been having follicle tracking to check if the drugs have worked. My largest follicle was 16.4mm today and have to go back on Wednesday to check it again.

Do any of you know if that’s a good size? Or have any experiences of being further down the clomid path? Or are you in a similar position? I just feel like I’m going out of my mind and could really use a buddy!

Thanks for reading and hugs to you all. Interested in hearing from any of you xxx

Vap - That's amazing news. That definitely sounds promising! Best of luck. You did the right thing having a week off, as your stress levels have hopefully been brought down, which can only be good for the baby.

Hope you had a good evening! What film did you watch? No drinking from me, but I did have dominos . I know I shouldn't, and I rarely do, but it was just such a sh*t week with the lack of AF and getting my hopes up and then AF turning up. Oh well...today is a new day for me to get back on track health-wise.

Science - That is so shit. I'm really sorry. What an additional blow on top of everything else. I don't know if it's at all possible, but can you get an advance on your next wages? I have heard that some places allow this. Or are there any options for doing private tutoring outside your school? I appreciate this is massively clutching at straws and highly unlikely, but I'm just trying to think of ANY potential solutions. Also, if you're expecting bills to come out soon and you're going to struggle to pay them, maybe get on the phone to the companies and see if it's possible to delay payment for another month or two. Again, it may not be possible, but some companies do have a little flexibility if people have fallen on hard times.

Oh no! I didn't realise you were an 'I'm a celebrity' fan! I don't know which is worse: seeing a medium, putting your Christmas decorations up already or being an 'I'm a celeb' fan . Only joking (for all of these!). What's actually happening? Without watching it, I'm guessing some z list celeb with big boobs is trying to recreate the Myleene Klass in a tiny bikini while striking up a fake romance with some z list ex pop star. Or is it different this year ?

Anyway, I shouldn't judge. I'm a closet Hollyoaks fan, ha ha. I don't know if any of you watch it, but there's just been a horrible storyline where one of the characters loses her baby at 8+ months. AWFUL. My SIL (who now knows about the TTC sh*t as I had a breakdown at a recent christening) texted me and said "Don't watch the Hollyoaks omnibus", but I thought she meant it in a "don't watch it because for every minute you watch Hollyoaks 10,000 brain cells die" kind of way.

Anyway, I hope you all have good weekends planned! Enjoy the new car Vap .

CD42, 14DPO, BFN...

I went to doctors yesterday and they have given me another 30 clomid tablets, enough for 3 100mg cycles... Told to come back CD18 next cycle for a mid cycle scan.

Feel pleased but pissed off nothing is happening and I feel I've been palmed off with some tablets when it could be something else that is up which is why I am 2 years down the line without any sniff of a bfp.

GGRRR...

vap fab news about the tests and fingers crossed for your next lot. as for the xmas loo roll thats so funny. just found out i'll be in england for xmas which is great, the past four years DH and I have been away so I am looking forward to it. just got to get thru the next month of manicness and jobs to do before the time to relax.

Sorry about AF and the false hopes flat ... i am wishing AF on now. Actually thats a lie of course... but it truly sucks.

Morning

Haha, flat your in tollerance levels make me laugh! I also dislike I'm a celebrity, or in fact anything that has a studio audience or anything with a voting system (apart from the annual event of Eurovision). Do you watch goggle box? That is a firm favourite of mine and you see little glimpses of these to shows so know enough about what is going on. Lady C came across as a real character when she was elegantly eating her bollocks with a silver knife and fork without knowing what a bollock was. Haha. Almost made me want to watch it, but not enough. science I presume she is still in?

science how awful about your sick pay, how long were you off for in total? That is crazy harsh! And at such a tough time of year too. I'm pleased you made it through to lunch but sorry you didn't manage the whole day. Is that another day you'll lose out on wages? Are you back in on Monday? I hope next week goes better for you.

flat don't beat yourself up about your dominoes, we need a treat every so often, and especially the ladies on this thread! Last night I watched "The Nightmare before Christmas" and then "The Worlds End" which is a Simon pegg film, not a patch in Shaun of the Dead or Hot Fuzz but fine for a Friday night sat alone googling. That hollyoaks story line has had me hooked for the last couple of weeks. It is often on after Simpsons or something that is often just on in the backgrounds and I saw that storyline which actually kept my interest and if I'm being honest had me in floods of tears one day. I'm tiring of it now though. And it's all lies you know! It's not filmed in Chester! It's filmed in Liverpool! I don't know why that bothers me so much to have a rant about it but there you go.

Sorry about the bfn newleaf, clomid sounds great though and the scans you will be getting. They can tell an awful lot from a scan so should be able to see if the environment is looking good. I presume they have done blood tests etc to rule out thyroid problems or celiac disease (new one on me but dr tested my last kitif lot of Bloods for that as it can be linked to mc). Have you bought more opk's for next cycle? Just in case last months batch were duffs? I know my last months batch were duffs but the CB ovulation sticks are great, the flashing and static smiley face ones. They aren't cheap, I think about £40 for a box of 20 and with your long cycles you may have to use most of the box but it certainly put my mind at rest using them and knowing they are accurate. Not sure about whether they are effected by clomid though so worth reading uo before buying them although science used similar (more expensive ones) when she was on clomid so should be ok,

banana hoe are things with you. I hope your emotional timeline to Xmas is ticking by without too much stress.

I've been putting off going to the loo whilst writing this in fear I may see more brown or worse red. And with today being DANGER day 4w6d I'm pretty scared - and I know it's totally irrational as the chances of it happening on the same day again are slim.

Oh science that's absolutely shit about the sick pay. As if this wasn't hard enough already. I can relate a little as I'm freelance so don't get any sick pay, sending love and hugs.

Vap that beta sounds really really positive!! Hoping for more good news very soon

Flat Argh re the mortgage fuck up. People are such nobheads it's quite staggering. Keeping everything crossed for your move and hoping it all goes through as planned.

How are you feeling after your appointment? And how are you and DH feeling about next steps? As far as I know if you move you're still entitled to the total allowance in the new area, as long as you've not had more cycles than the new allowance total. The postcode lottery is so unfair - I would take any opportunity for NHS funding with open arms if possible. In my area they fund 2 cycles but you have to have been trying for 2 years and in any case I wouldn't meet the FSH and AMH cutoff. Keeping everything crossed for you that you don't need it because you get your BFP soon

PMSL at the trashy telly talk. It's a long running joke with DH that my telly habits are both very serious and generally pretty depressing hardcore documentaries, and at the other end of the spectrum, complete and utter bilge, of the ilk of 'real housewives of Ipswich' or some such fantastic quality programming. He jokes he can feel his IQ plummeting, and has joked on more than one occasion to me 'are you sure you went to Oxford?!'

newleaf really pleased you have more clomid but can totally appreciate it's deeply unsatisfying. I can't remember what tests you have and haven't had thus far? I'm assuming you've had all the usual stuff checked out. Unexplained infertility is so infuriating. So excited for you to be home in the UK for Xmas though, sure it'll be here in no time.

AFM I'm now CD 44 and 17 days into down regging. Have some corking bruises on my belly and have def been a hormonal basket case - not in a PMT weepy irrational way, more in a 'really short fuse total lack of diplomacy filter' way. But otherwise no real side effects to write home about. Emailed the consultant's secretary in a flap worrying about lack of a bleed potentially holding up the cycle and pushing it into the new year. She checked with him and he said it shouldn't affect the cycle and we'd discuss more on Tues. Hoping that I'll be sufficiently down regulated enough to get the go ahead to start stimming.

Had to giggle. Had my meds delivered to work, so I didn’t have to wait in all day at home to sign for them. They were delivered in a MASSIVE coolbox because they have to be refrigerated, so could sit under my desk till home time. There’s only 5 pens in there (4 x 900iu Gonal-F pens and 1 x Ovitrelle trigger pen)- and those 5 pens cost £1600!! The thing that made me laugh was the wine glass icon on the side of the box - ha! I wish!!!

www.dropbox.com/s/vgy2pxvdbof2jje/cycle2meds.JPG?dl=0

Hope you're all having lovely weekends xxx

Bit risky isn't it...revealing your right hand like that Shockingly, you look nothing like a banana, or a fish you definitely have a human hand!

Haha yes I know!! Although didn't you reveal your rampant rabbit?! Hahaha xxxx

hilarious!

Glad the messed up hormones aren't making u crazy. This month I've been a soft weepy mess .. Not a symptom by any means but I blame the hormones. I just wanted to cry at some points for not much reason at all,,, just so emotional!

I'm not sure how I would cope with ivf hormones.

I had all the blood work done, three times... Not much to report other than shit lining, low estrogen, high prolactin but they don't seem to do anything except give me clomid. I was hoping that it would do the trick first month I just don't get why it's not. Woe is me moment.....

new leaf I have low oestrogen and shit lining - clomid for me meant my lining thinned even more because it's an anti oestrogenic. How's your lining on your ultrasound? Femara seems to be used in the US a lot as an alternative to Clomid that doesn't thin the lining. Frustrating as arse that every month I've ovulated my lining has been so shit that no way I could have conceived because nothing could implant. However mine is particularly shit and v obviously crap on ultrasound. Have you had your tubes checked lovely?

Honestly IVF hormones haven't been too bad at all. Clomid was much worse emotionally for me tbh. The stress of the process is incredibly hard, but the hormones themselves have been fairly straightforward. Last time was easier hormonally as I was on short protocol so was stimming only (10 days) vs this time where on long protocol I have 2.5 weeks of down regulating to put myself into temporary menopause before I can start stimming. But it's been fairly unremarkable apart from being grumpy as arse (and belly quite bruised). Last time when I was stimming I blew up with 5 lbs of water weight in 4 days - so I've got the leggings and drapey dresses on standby as last time there was no way I could get into my jeans!! Xx

This was me after just 4 days of stims. Seriously. And it went down in 24h after collection. Although if I make it to transfer I'm to expect the bloating to stay once I start on the progesterone the day after collection, and apparently that also causes lots of bloating too. Oh joy!! X

One day banana that bloated look will feel fab as it'll be your babe not just side effects... I hope you get to where u need to be before Xmas.

Lining on my last scan was low but "within limits to sustain pregnancy/implantation" or whatever it was they said. I can't remember offhand what it was I have it written somewhere... Tubes haven't been checked yet.

Next scan I'm also going to ask about possibly taking clomid cd4-8 instead of 2-6.... We will see... For now I am on knicker watch waiting for stupid period.

banana - I'm disappointed you're neither a banana nor a fish . Ha ha. That's funny with the bag of drugs, although less funny if you're feeling swollen. TBF you're still slimmer than me on your IVF drugs, ha ha! It's one thing I worry about - swelling and people thinking I'm pregnant. I've gained 2 stone in just over 2 years (although thankfully I'm still in the 'normal' BMI range...just) and as I carry a lot of it on my tummy, hips & bum I've had a few people ask if I have "news". Urghhhhh.

That's cool that you went to Oxford. Well done you brainiac!

NewLeaf - I'm sorry about the drugs, especially if you're feeling a little fobbed off. Remember that we are all going through so much shit emotionally it's natural to feel bloody awful on top of the hormonal hell we have to put up with! I really hope you feel a bit better soon x

Hi All, Sorry for going AWOL - I just needed a month of not really thinking about this and believing that horrible experiences didn't happen to people. I actually feel much better for it. I got caught up in such a downward spiral.

I took my clomid but didnt temp, havent used IC's and am not testing unless really late (can feel AF symptoms now so dont think I will have to). I am hoping to have Lap and Dye done in Dec if not I have to wait until Feb :-(

I have had a read through the threads - Vap0 I hope the little one is hanging on in there - I have a good feeling about this!

Science my heart goes out to you - you have been through such a hard time. Then to throw such poor sickness pay at you is horrible

Everyone else keep going - we can see that it can happen - just a hard slog getting there

Welcome back birchy

flat i am always weighed because I am just in the lower BMI limit. I am not even skinny. I have at least three big fat rolls on my belly, chubby cellulite thighs, i just happen to weigh rather a little for my height. Its annoying. No one that met me would say I was skinny it really pees me off because I get lectures from the doctors of watching I don't "slip below" the limit. (that will never happen, wish it would).

Sorry to be a bit of a downer lately, i am happy for the clomid its better than not having it. I don't mean to bring you all down. I've just had enough and will be flying back and forth to england four times this month the thought fills me with dread. too many other deadlines and other "stuff" to be doing than travelling about. actually there is just too much to get done and only 1 of me. thats the problem. I looked at the calendar the other day and noticed that since August, I have been away more than I have been at home. It sucks. a lot.

I am SUPER emotional today and holding back the tears when I have already cried twice over not very much. Just feel like I can't cope with work & life stress. Don't know whats wrong with me. need a slap and some girl power strength. Or a day in bed. I'm at my in-laws and its freezing bloody cold here i think that doesn't help, I don't do well with the cold and they are so tight (but wealthy!!!!) they hardly put the heating on in their place.

anyway, promise next message will at least try to be more positive

Welcome back Birchy! Well done for having a sort-of break. We all understand why you need it!

NewLeaf - Never ever apologise for "bringing us down". Firstly, you don't at all because most of us are at rock bottom anyway so we can't get pulled down . Secondly, that's (partly) why we're all here; because we're the only ones who really understand how awful this all is. Also, several of us have very high pressured jobs and/or lots of travel so really understand the huge levels of stress and anxiety these factors also cause. With all of these things that are going on, is there anything you can pass to someone else/delay for a while/cancel altogether? Or is there any other external help you can get to deal with everything that's going on? Is all of this relatively short term or is there no end in sight? I really understand how it's so overwhelming and how all you want to do is go to bed and not get out for a month x

Morning!

banana good luck with your appointment today. I hope you can start your stims in time for transfer before Xmas.

newleaf do you have your clomid yet? When will you take it? Will it be this next cycle? Get yourself some bed socks, a hot water bottle and a sleeping jumper (without a hood). It's my only way of coping through the winter months in cold hotel rooms. How crap all of this travelling must be. People see travelling jobs as glamorous, don't they, which really pisses me off. Why don't they try never going home, stayig in crap hotel rooms and spending all weekend just doing normal house jobs that normal people can do in the week. Argh! I'm cross about how much you're away! I think I'm empathising even more today knowing I won't be home until Friday now. It's just total shit! Will your work ease off at all in coming months? I hope you get some time off over Xmas to regroup.

birch good to have you back! Good luck getting your lap and dye in December. When will you find out if it's possible?

I had my blood taken last night and expect results on Friday. Hoping like mad they are 1200+. Had a mega stressful time back to work yesterday after my sick week last week, I worked 11 hours, totally shattered today and the thought of loads of hotels is so crap.

Posted before I'd finished then

I had an awful day at work yesterday. My boss gave me hell about being off last week and not detailing my sickness to him in the manner he expected. I sent him my sick note and perhaps not the most flowery email but wtf? So I of course didn't tell him why I was off which angered him more as he is so bloody nosey and hates not knowing every minute detail about things. I must have apologised about 6 times for being "disrespectful" "thoughtless" and countless other words he used to describe my "appalling behaviour". What the actual fuck! What a bastard. It may not sound like it but I have calmed down about it now. I'm pretty scared though as my spotting has stopped. I know you'll think I'm mad for being bothered by this but I'm scared this is the next step to mc as last time, brown spotting for a day, nothing for 2 days and then mc. I had kind of got used to the spotting and now it stopping along with the massive stress of work today I'm terrified this could be the start of the end.

Bastard boss!

Will get the blood results back Friday and so long as I don't bleed before then should get an early scan next week. Fingers crossed

vap everything is crossed for you. I think it'll be fine. Your boss sounds like a total dick, it's so annoying that people (mostly men) who have that ridiculous nasty Pitbull attitude get ahead in life and work.

I am on a train to London now until Saturday for work and then will fly home. Blobby AF arrived today which made me sad, but also relieved and feeling ready to start this next cycle, fourth clomid cycle. Also feel the emotional side of it all is temporarily lifted. I've already called and booked in an appointment for the 21st, CD 21 for a mid cycle scan. The receptionist even commented on my Long cycles with CD21 being mid cycle!!! Guess no bfp for xmas for me.

So we re all fingers crossed for you vap ... science how are you feeling?

Big hugs to you all ladies, will reply to you all properly later when I’m home, don’t want to read and run but just wanted to update you with the FUCKING SAGA OF MY BODY THAT APPARENTLY HAS A MIND OF ITS OWN AND WON’T COOPERATE

So, no green light to go ahead at today’s baseline scan. Somehow - possibly a hangover from the prev stims - my body powered on through the down regulation and managed to ovulate.

So I’m at CD 45, and have seemingly managed to ovulate twice (whilst being down regulated!!) but not had an actual period. Both wasted eggs in any case, as no way I could have had a miracle conception with completely non existent lining. Given I used to be PCOS and my problem was not ovulating, given I needed NOT to ovulate, this is going beyond ironic into totally ridiculous.

Can’t stim me until my ovaries are quiet, and as we’re going to hit Xmas, this means we have to wait till the new year.

Doesn’t want me to end up over suppressed so I’m to stop the buserelin and take the pill for the next month to quiet everything down, and go back on 4th Jan to be rescanned, and hopefully then can start stims.

So another month of spinning my wheels just waiting to get going. Beyond exasperated with my body and yet another sodding curveball.

Will reply to you all properly later xxx

banana your body is being a shit. Stupid body. Why don't they just play ball! But does this mean u can have a glass of wine and to hell with it a mini break over xmas. It fucking sucks so not downplaying it for u but trying to find the positives..

A xmas without TTC taking over, hopefully the last childless xmas for us all and a chance to let your hair down and relax before hormonal roller coaster in Jan...?

It's just so ironic that u ovulated, I Guess your body just got all hyper stimulated last cycle and thought that it was on a roll, that it was doing something positive rather than misbehaving?.. Paahhhhhh

Aghhh for everyone!! Stupid stupid bodies and stupid stupid time it takes a for anything to happen!

Vap fingers crossed for you!! Keep us updated

I heard today i cant have lap and dye until Feb ,:-( I cried so much. I have feeling they are going to tell me I need ivf after that. If that's the case A year from referral to treatmentfor ivf so no baby for me even Xmas 2016! God its so depressing and hurts :-(

banana I'm sorry it can't all go ahead before Xmas. Will they monitor your more closely in future cycles so this doesn't happen again. I'm so frustrated for you. Could they give you anything for lining just in case this happens again? Not sure what they give you for lining? Is it progesterone that thickens it? How f*ing crap.

birch is there anyway of you getting a cancellation any earlier? I know these procedures are very expensive (in excess of £2,000 which is ridiculous) privately so that isn't an option. I'm so sorry. Do they have any reason it will be so far in the future? These dr's don't seem to understand that 3 months is such a hell of a long time to have no answer and no help!

No news here. Spotting back yesterday after a day without on Monday. But had a nice strong + this morning. Just can't wait for these blood results on Monday. I really hope it's good news. I'm not sure at what point I should expect the test line to be stronger than the control line?

Flat life is full of disappointments, sorry that I’m neither a banana or a fish

I hope that you’re a cup of strong coffee!

Newleaf massive hugs lovely - it’s entirely reasonable to feel down, especially when you’re travelling so much, it’s so unbelievably wearing. I know infertility just makes me want to hibernate indoors, so if I think back to previous jobs where I was on the road non stop, I can only imagine how you must be feeling now. We’re always here for you to vent, rant, whatever you feel like - it’s why we’re here, to support each other through the ups and the downs of this emotional rollercoaster.

Welcome back birchy, hope you feel better for having had some time out, sounds like a much needed and very restorative break. Gutted for you that there’s such a wait for the lap+dye, echoing Vap that it def pays to be annoying, and keep calling up to see if there are any cancellations, bother them enough and sometimes they do ‘find’ a slot to make you go away. Is it definitely a year’s waiting list for IVF in your area? I’m afraid I don’t know of any tricks to get yourself on the list sooner rather than later, are you under your GP’s care or have you already been referred to an assisted conception unit / fertility clinic? We all know how frustrating waiting is - that infertility is 99% waiting, and 1% actually doing anything!! Big hugs

Vap OMG your boss sounds like a complete f*cknut, what an absolute tosser. I’m so so sorry you have to deal with such a sorry excuse of a human - you and your DH and your bubba are what matters, not him. Those lines look spectacular, hope Monday rolls around before you know it.

AFM, thanks for your support. I’m hoping it’s just a holdup not a total derail - but it’s more the ‘WTF new way will my body refuse to cooperate NOW’ that’s driving me potty

Although the waiting is obv also frustrating as arse. Started this cycle in September - was supposed to be a short protocol i.e. over and done with in 4 weeks. This will be more like 4 months!!

Vap unfortunately an earlier down-reg scan wouldn’t have prevented this from happening, all it would have done would have shown that my body wasn’t cooperating - the plan of action would still have been the same (to down reg me for longer to quiet my ovaries)

I’m def hoping there are some possible options for trying to thicken my lining within a natural cycle, for after this cycle fails and we have to TTC naturally before we can go again (can't let myself believe that we'd be lucky enough to get a BFP!).

However in this instance, we couldn’t (and shouldn’t) have tried to thicken it up while down regging for a long protocol IVF cycle - as the purpose of switching everything off is to get the lining sufficiently thin and put the ovaries to sleep, to wipe the slate clean before boosting them both back up again with the stimulation drugs.

Progesterone keeps the lining thick after ovulation, and makes it nice and receptive to implantation, but it’s oestrogen that actually makes it thicken up in the first half of the cycle. By down regulating we can switch off my pituitary so that we can give me supplementary oestrogen tablets and / or patches to give my lining a boost, without it interfering with follicle growth. Rising oestrogen levels tell the brain to stop producing FSH - (i.e. in a natural cycle the dominant follicle produces oestrogen which thickens the lining and makes EWCM, and this increased oestrogen tells the brain to stop trying to grow any more follicles) - so in a normal cycle there’s arisk that artificially taking more oestrogen could block ovulation. Currently I have eggs but no lining. The risk is that we have to try and avoid getting the lining sorted but losing the egg. So will have to see what - if anything - we could do to boost the lining when TTC naturally, so that I at least have a shot at a natural BFP

If it’s not one thing it’s another!

Anyway, the priority now is switching off my ovaries for this IVF cycle. Then once they’re sufficiently quiet, can switch focus to trying to get them firing on all cylinders when we put a rocket up their arse by stimming me (and work on the lining at the same time)

Having normal hormones and being able to get upduffed by having a shag is a fuck of a lot more straightforward - people who don’t have issues TTC just have no idea what’s involved in being infertile, do they? It always seems to me a total miracle that anyone ever gets pregnant at all!!

I'm bleeding
It's all over

Vap0....are you sure? xxxx

vap ... Oh no. What the actual fuck this is not fair. ... go to doctors today if u can and see what they say. It doesn't always mean it's all over and there might be something they can do.

Thinking of u, big hug.