Would you be my Infertility/Clomid/Follicle tracking friend please?!

[scienceteachergeek]

Hi there ladies

I’m really looking for a ‘clomid friend’ or ‘infertility pal’!

I’m 30, DH is 38. I came off the pill July 2013 to regulate my cycles and ended 15yrs of antidepressants in March 2014 as I’d read that was the best plan if possible.

I’d been having regular 27/30day cycles since I came off the pill but after no positive tests, buying OPKs and the Clearblue Advanced Fertility Monitor, plus charting temps and monitoring my cervix and mucus it quickly became apparent that I wasn’t ovulating. After all the blood tests, sperm analysis, trans-vaginal scans and the HSG it showed that he was fine but I wasn’t ovulating, but there was not obvious reason why.

Fast forward to now, 2yrs since coming off the pill, I have been prescribed clomid and have taken my first 5 tablets. I’m day 12 today and have been having follicle tracking to check if the drugs have worked. My largest follicle was 16.4mm today and have to go back on Wednesday to check it again.

Do any of you know if that’s a good size? Or have any experiences of being further down the clomid path? Or are you in a similar position? I just feel like I’m going out of my mind and could really use a buddy!

Thanks for reading and hugs to you all. Interested in hearing from any of you xxx

How are you doing today Vap?x

flat how crap about your appointment! Although at least you'll still see someone on Wednesday. Is this through insurance or are you just paying? Do you mind me asking how much it is if you are paying? The ones I've looked at locally are £250 for initial consultation, plus, plus, plus. So haven't booked anything yet. Waiting to hear back about this blood test. How about you take in a dictaphone or record it on your phone? That way you can play back everything he says and you and dh can listen to it together? Also you can ask him to help structure some questions with you and then it's almost like him being there with you? Kind of. Not really. But nearly. Are you off the NHS list totally now then? Can you call them back and tell them you've changed your mind/can't afford it, basically just lie. They won't have any way of knowing in NHS will they unless you tell them? I thought you could have both private and NHS?p at the same time?

Being rushed out the door, back soon....

Sorry about that...
Question flat are you expecting to be scanned or anything when you go back or have any results back? Or would the bad news be that there will be a massive bill to help you? And sorry, I've just re-read your post without being rushed and realise the NHS isn't telling you they can't see you. You may be able to rebook it if they haven't had anyone call in for a cancellation? It's all so f**king annoying though!

science how crap! Have you started using your monitor yet it or saving it for next month? I totally understand the love of your little monitor though. I really enjoyed using the ovulation only one. So easy to use, actually tells you what you need to know rather then squint at sticks. I checked the date on my remaining sticks and they are best before 2017 so even if this one doesn't end badly we will have time to use them again for no 2. Ha! As if I'm thinking about no 2.

zuzy that sounds pretty amazing going to NY with dp. Will you get chance to do any sight seeing? Bloody nosey parkers drive me nuts! Why do they all have to ask??? I honestly think if someone asks me again I'll blow up in their face!

So I'm off sick this week. Today I've done loads of cleaning. Spotting has reduced and no cramps since this morning but that could have just been because I was hungry? Far far tmi here but I'm sure you love to hear about the gross things happening in each other's knickers - the spotting seems to have gone lumpy? Like tiny little lumps rather than liquid? And only very few of them. Sorry. I'm hoping this is a sign that whatever it was that was causing the spotting has stopped? Everything crossed! I'm starting to feel hopeful again...... Hurry up Friday with those blood test results! If I hadn't insisted for those bloods to be done I'd be much more stressed I think!

We just went shopping and I have bought some "the snowman" loo roll and kitchen roll. Very excited. Sorry flat!

How is everyone else?

Hi Vap - Sorry if I miss some of your questions!

We're paying £105 for the appointment. I could have had a consultation and basic tests on my insurance, but they specify that it can only be with certain doctors and at certain hospitals (none of which I can get to without a load of hassle). As far as we're concerned, the appointment is just to: a) explain what our tests actually mean, as the GPs don't know; b) ask whether it's possible to get pregnant naturally and, if so, what are our "chances"; c) ask if there's anything we should be doing/taking; and d) exploring the option of IVF if that's what they feel we may need (there's a chance they'll say go away and keep trying...or there's a chance they'll say it'll never happen whatever you do...we're basically going along to find out what the ACTUAL situation is).

As for further treatment, we'd specify that (for now) it needs to be NHS. We're saving to do IVF privately, if it comes to it, but as we get 2 attempts on the NHS we may as well try that way. That said, we just don't know if they'll recommend that we should do that or not. I basically just need some answers instead of having this nightmare every month (get hopes up, shag lots, get anxious for 2 weeks, feel crushed, start again...).

I don't think you're allowed to take a dictaphone in! Ha ha. I'll be alright. I'm going to write down my questions and hopefully they're used to dealing with anxious patients. I'm just relieved something, anything, is finally happening.

Anyway, more importantly, how are you doing? Sorry about the weird spotting. Do you post on any of the pregnancy threads? I just wonder whether some people who have been through this and out the other side may be able to give some guidance? I really hope it's good news for you.

P.S. My effing period has also gone AWOL. She's been missing for 2-3 days. I'm not preggers as I'm getting BFNs on sensitive tests . If you see her can you please tell her to hurry up and pay me a visit? Unless she's planning on staying away for 9 months...

Sorry for AWOL period Flat, nor not sorry at all if 'two lines on a test' pays you a visit

So Vap0 is it not all over?! Friday can't come quick enough for you.

I'm going back in to face work on Friday after feeling slightly mentally and physically better. Not using my fertility monitor this month as I've got no idea what's going on. The bleeding has finally gone brown so we'll see. The hospital want me to do another pregnancy test to check everything is back to normal and I only see one line I just know it'll make me sob so putting it off as long as possible.

Lighting a candle every night for little Nou with my scan pics next to it. Not sure it's helping but hey ho! Hopefully the counselling appointment will come through soon.

Keeping everything crossed for everyone xxx

Hi ladies.....

Seems the mood is quite low on here and I don't have any wise words...

Thinking of you all. We have a safe place to rant, complain, pity party, vent and support each other. If anything that's one thing to be grateful for.

flat best of luck today at your appointment. I hope you get the answers you want! Do update us!

I tried posting on a pregnancy thread last night after you suggested but not had any responses yet. It's such a specific thing and I suppose people don't hang about threads like that for as long as people do with infertility. Have you done a test today? May be a good thing af hasn't arrived. They may you want to "drop them and spread them" today at your appointment. I'm so used to being asked to do that these days I'm no longer phased by it. Just always make sure I'm "Prepared".

science I'm pleased lighting your candle is giving you some solace. It's a shame your counselling appointment isn't through yet. You need to talk now! Not in weeks or months after the event. Hope it comes through soon, don't forget when it comes through, if it's a long time in the future it's always worth a phone call for a cancellation. Are you feeling better physically now? I know the emotional pain will take a long time to numb (but will never go away).

I hope I'm not speaking too soon when I say I think I have some good news. The line has gone noticeably darker this morning (bottom one in the pic). I'm really hoping this means things are ok and are progressing well. This time off work has been exactly what I've needed to just relax and not stress about sales meetings, dinners out with colleagues and the inevitable questions and excuses for not drinking. God I hope this goes well and I can listen to a heartbeat before Xmas!

Forgot the pic

I know. I think it's been a miserable few months for all of us. I really hope things pick up for all of us soon.

Science - Good luck going back to work. Just take it easy and don't push yourself too much. Hopefully it will be a good distraction.

I can imagine just how horrible it will be seeing one line. I am so so so sorry. As I keep saying, this is all so unbelievably cruel. How is Mr Science doing? It can't be easy for him either.

Definitely no second line unfortunately. I did another test with FMU and it was as blank as it can be. FF has me at 17DPO (although I think it may be a few days less) so I would definitely have a second line if I were pregnant. This is all so cruel. I don't know if I'm waiting for a period this month or whether I'm just missing it altogether for a month.

Just had a skim at the last few pages of this post. Sounds like no-one is in a good place at the moment.

Just wanted to add a little hope. Before clomid my progesterone was seriously low like 1! Third cycle of clomid I got pregnant by DTD every day for about four weeks so we didn't miss an opportunity. I worried about taking progesterone in the early days too but was never prescribed it. I never felt like all that would be behind me but it is and it just feels like we are becoming ourselves again. So to you all because it is shit! I really hope you all have some good news soon. We are taking about celebrating first birthdays and Christmases at the moment, that felt like it was never going to happen.

Oh and the month I did get pregnant my day 21 progesterone was 28 which I assumed meant ovulation but not conception.

Hi along thank you for your success story! I think it's something we could do with more often on this thread! Congratulations to you. Has DC been born yet? How long did you struggle for? So have you never had any progesterone supplements then? Your level was similar to mine 27.1. You have given me hope that things can get themselves sorted even with low levels. Exciting times 1st birthdays and Christmases! Thanks again for posting

Sorry Vap - we posted at the same time so I missed your earlier post. That (tentatively) looks like good news! That line is definitely darker on the bottom one. Good luck! I am so glad the week off has been good for you. If I were you, and I know this is a bit naughty, I'd tell colleagues that I'm still not feeling very well and they're not sure what it is so I may need to go back or have further tests. That way they may not question any sickness, not drinking, time off for doctors appointments so quickly!

ALong - Thank you for bringing some positivity. I think we are currently running on empty on the positivity front. Congratulations on the first birthday and first Christmas - that's unbelievably exciting!

In actually approaching the end of maternity leave at the moment so baby is well and truly born. . It's a long, shit road we were on for nearly two years. I was lucky in that my doctor believed me very early on when I explained I was having 40-90 day cycles and she took action. Our waiting times are also very short so I got seen quickly by specialists.

So when I posted this morning it seems I was about 10 posts behind!!

along thanks for posting, so good to hear from someone who "made it".

vap I'm with flat i am fingers and toes crossed about your darker test lines. how long have you had to wait for these blood test results? it seems ridiculous that you wait, I mean the situation could have changed between the blood being taken and the results released. How inefficient! I had some tests done last year when I was living in asia and the results came in two hours. Crazy. Back in england my results are next day (south west).

flat i hope AWOL period shows soon, or not at all.... the annoyance of missing AF is enough to drive you to drink, except you can't, coz you also have a feint glimmer of hope that theres a BFP around the corner. have you done a lot of exercise this month? I am 100% convinced exercise causes long-er cycles (for me anyway).

science i'm glad your candle lighting is helping you. I do that too for lost loved ones or whenever I am feeling low. It does help I think. a physical symbol and acknowledgement for the pain and yet it feels like its offering love too... I hope you and DH start to hurt less soon.

banana hows the meds going?

As for me, CD39, 11DPO apparently. BFN yesterday. resisting testing today. Last week I said I would start testing from Thursday (tomorrow) onwards but since them I have already done about 4 tests oh well...!

science I have no words for you, words seem so hollow. Tommy’s are running a campaign to raise awareness of miscarriage at the moment (misCOURAGE) - a girl on a FB group I’m on for fertility and miscarriage support wrote an article for Grazia about her experience of MISCARRIAGE. I hope this campaign helps people to understand how very sadly common it is, and for those who have suffered this devastating loss to feel less alone. I know this loss will never heal but hoping you and DH can be kind to yourself and that 2016 brings only health and happiness

Vap so so pleased you’re still very much in the game. Keeping everything crossed for you. Loving the snowman loo roll, that’s brilliant!! I’m sure there’s a joke in there somewhere about giving a shit about Xmas

zuzy I so so feel you about finding out the news about our reserves. Nothing can prepare you for it - I was completely blindsided. I thought I still had PCOS - why would my eggs have all vanished in the space of 5 years? You had conceived your DS easily so why on earth would you have any reason to suspect you too were in peri menopause. It’s fucking shit, if you’ll excuse my french. Really hope you can enjoy some of NY as well as trying to capture the relevant opportunity - and that you get your BFP before you have recourse to think about proceeding to IVF.

Flat best of luck with your appointment - do keep us posted. NHS funded cycles are a brilliant option - wish I could give you ladies my NHS funding allowance to share around! My trust is one of the better ones in London, funding two cycles. If I’d waited until we’d been trying the requisite two years I could be in menopause - and in any case even if I was able to be referred now, I wouldn’t meet the cut offs based on my FSH and AMH bloods. Really hope it’s productive and you can get a clearer idea of next steps and a potential way forward.

Newleaf keeping everything crossed for you! Another BFP on this thread would be amazing

AFM, CD40, 12 days into buserelin and still no AF. So Flat I’m with you on the period going AWOL. Emailed the consultant’s secretary in a panic in case not having a period means the baseline scan has to be cancelled. She said buserelin can really disrupt periods, so not to worry, and still to come next Tuesday even if I haven’t had a bleed. I’m grumpy as arse but not sure how much of that is buserelin sending me into hormonal hell, how much is just generally being fucked off with stuff going on in real life, or how much is actual PMT because maybe I might actually be getting a period!!

Terrified I won’t be sufficiently down regulated to be able to start stimming and the cycle will have to be postponed till the new year, in case we have to keep down regging me and there’s not enough time before the clinic shuts for Xmas. As you all know, every single stage is a massive hurdle, my nerves are shot to shit.

Will I down reg enough to get the go ahead to start stimming. Will I respond to the stims. How many follicles will I get? Will my lining thicken up enough to be able to consider a fresh transfer? How many eggs will I get at collection. Of those eggs, how many will be mature enough for ICSI? How many of the eggs in the freezer will survive the thaw? How many of these eggs will fertilise? Of these, how many will survive till day 2/3? Will there be enough decent quality embryos to try to culture to blastocyst, or do we have to go for a day 2/3 transfer? If so, how many? If we are allowed to try to go to blast, how many embryos will arrest and will there be anything left by day 5? What quality will the survivng blast(s) be (if any)? Will my lining be OK to proceed to transfer? If so, depending on the quality, how many to transfer (1 if it’s good quality, but if there’s more than one and they’re poor quality, do we go for 2?) Is there anything left over that’s of sufficiently decent quality for the freezer?

Then, ultimately, the big one. Will I make it through the two week wait till OTD (official test date) without AF coming? If I make it to OTD, will I get a BFP?

I’m just focusing on the ‘will I make it through down regulation’ bit, and trying to get through the next week, before worrying about the next bits. Though obviously I’m still crapping myself.

Emotional rollercoaster is pretty much bang on!!

Oh Banana what a total shitter. I can understand just how stressed out you must be feeling. I wish I had a crystal ball and could tell you the answers to all your questions.

I know it doesn't help, and the next week will be hell, but at least you'll know a bit more on Tuesday. When does the clinic shut down? That all sucks big time. I think you're dealing with it in the best possible way by dealing with each step as it comes (i.e focussing on the down-regulation first). I really wish there was more we could do or say. This sounds so much worse the the TWW .

As for the general life anger, it's probably not PMT and is probably more the fact that people are total arseholes. I'm constantly angry these days because EVERYBODY seems to FUCK UP every tiny job they're given (latest today: we're supposed to be moving house in 9 days and the mortgage people have now said our mortgage may not actually be approved because they applied for it as Mr & Mrs Flatwhite when in fact I've kept my maiden name. WTF?! How about you LOOK at the ID I provided you with, you cretins).

AFM, appointment went ok. Little to report. She thought my tests weren't too bad but DH's were more concerning, but not bad enough to prevent us getting pregnant naturally. She said it would just take a bit longer, but she couldn't say what our chances are (like, whether by "possible" she means likely in the next year or so, or possible in the next 10 years!). Anyway, upshot is, we're probably casually going down the IVF route (I've heard it's a walk in the park - no?). I've got to speak to the sperm donor (DH) and ask what he wants to do, but my view is I just want to get cracking as we'd have about a 6 month wait anyway. I don't want to keep trying for another year, then try IVF and find it's failed and then have to wait another 6 months before even starting the adoption process. I know being impatient is one of my flaws, but I don't want to be 3,4,5 years down the line and no closer to being a mother!

It's all so frustrating though, because in the area where DH is registered you get 3 NHS attempts but where I'm registered you get 1 NHS attempt. I'm looking to switch to an area where I'd get 2 attempts (when we move house) but the consultant seemed to think that they'd make me wait a year before allowing me to have an NHS IVF round. It's all so unfair .

Btw, I fully appreciate that there are places where you don't get basic medical treatment for free. I also appreciate DH and I COULD afford to go privately if we gave up EVERYTHING for a year (like, EVERYTHING). It just all seems a bit unfair when most people get this for free without any emotional hell or financial cost. I don't want to sound super bratty though.

banana this just sounds like hell on earth! I do hope you manage to be in a position to have a transfer before Xmas. Lots of things to stress about there! Hope it doesn't get on top of you too much. There is always here to vent.

flat yes you need to get dh to agree to get on that list ASAP. Any ideas what the rules are if you've had IVF in your area with only 1 go and then move house to the area where you get 2 goes? They surely can't say well you've had your allotted amount somewhere else so you're out? I don't know how you would look into that but may be worth googling or something? At least in the mean time you know your attempts are not in vain as there is the "possibility" of being caught. Just another thought.... Could you go through dp's clinic? Or get transferred to his area so you are on the same books? Not sure how it works. God your house purchase is so annoying! How incompetent! They need to speed it through for you! It's their bloody fault! Not that it will make any difference. Idiots!

newleaf what kind of tests are you using? If it's ic's I don't think they show until 12dpo on a good month (or at least for me) and even then it's such a squinter

birch & magpie are you still about? How are you getting on?

zuzy how about you? Looking forward to NY?

Not much going on here, quite literally, sat on the sofa all day (apart from going to the hospital for a blood test) and had no energy to do anything. I'm taking this as a good sign and coupled with the stronger test, perhaps it means there is a growth spurt going on! Maybe? Hopefully. Can't believe the difference to yesterday where I didn't even sit down. Called to book in for a mw appointment and went through to a vm and not had a call back. Doubt they would be very good in case of emergence. No spotting today. Boobs are becoming rapidly more tender. I love it. It's making me feel like things are actually working. I do hope I never become one of those who complains about symptoms. Please give me a good telling off if I do as it is quite possibly the worse thing about pregnant women! So all in all very positive. Fingers crossed.

Thank you Vap0, I am feeling physically better. Definitely bodily ready for school tomorrow.

I have seen the Tommy's Miscourage campaign thanks banana. Been on there website a fair bit. My sister is now going to run the Brighton Marathon in aid of that charity.

Flat, Mr Science is improving thanks. His antidepressants are doing the trick for the good reasons and bad again. They improve his mood and make him feel better but the only negative side effect is vastly reduced sensation in the penis department so can't ejaculate. Looks like we'll have to wait to try again until he's off them...no idea when that will be!

Life can be so monstrously cruel.

AF has arrived. One week late. FML .

Oh flat, how shit, sorry

science hope today goes well back at school, so sorry to hear about MrScience's issue. I hope he recovers soon so you can get back to trying again. There are no words to make you feel better. Thinking of you X

Happy Friday Night Ladies!

Good and bad news today

Let's start with the good

hcg tests
Monday 4+1 168
Wednesday 4+3 300
Levels should double every 48 hours so things are looking positive so the dr said. I've posted a pic of what the hcg levels are supposed to be at each stage.

Bad
Loads and loads of brown spotting today.

Just have everyting crossed that it sticks! And I keep telling myself that until I see red we are ok.

Dr was lovely on the phone, she is printing me another blood test form for next week which I will have to do on Monday and will hope to see hcg rise to 1200 if all is going smoothly. And she has offered an early scan at 6w if we make it that far without any red. So she is calling back next Friday to discuss blood results and also book me in for a scan the week after. Last time the mc started at 4+6 which is tomorrow so have everything crossed that I can get through tomorrow.....

What is everyone up to this evening? I'm in on my own tonight, dp is travelling to collect his new car tomorrow morning. Very exciting. It's fully electric . So, I'm sat with 14 candles lit watching a cheesy Xmas film I recorded on ch5 earlier. Woo, life in the fast lane! If anyone is having a drink tonight, please have one for me .

How is everyone getting on? Any updates?

Flat, sorry, how crap.

Fingers crossed Vap! School was ok. Was good to get the first day over with but I must have looked awful as they tried to send me home after an hour. Stuck around though but was ordered to leave at lunch!

I work at a private school for really emotionally messed up angry kids. As it's a private school it runs by its own rules. One of those rules is that it only pays you £22 per day in sick pay. I had no idea, not that I could have gone back earlier, but I'm gutted. I have been paid only half my wages this month. Not a clue how we'll cope. Bloody hell, more shit delivered to my door!

In happier news...I love I'm A Celebrity