Secondary infertility

[YorkshireTeaDrinker]

Am in cycle 19 TTC #2. We have a beautiful DD who took a while to conceive (managed on cycle 16, got my BFP the day before our referral appointment for fertility treatment!) so I expected it to take a while to get a second. However, time is ticking by (am 37) and I really do want DD to have a sibling, so I have been to the GP. First set of investigations have been done and and DH and I have an appointment with the GP this afternoon to get test results and hopefully a referral.

I am feeling a strange combination of emotions. I feel a bit guilty for wanting another child so much when I already have a wonderful DD. I am worried about what treatment may be necessary, how we can pay for it, even if it would be appropriate to fund trying to conceive another child when we could spend those resources on giving the child we already have the best possible start in life.

I even feel a tiny bit guilty for even posting this here, as I already have a child and should be grateful for what I have (and I am, very much). But I can't help longing for another, I get so envious of friends who have / are going on to have second children (and in some cases contemplating a third). I am a mummy, I no longer have to deal with the awful feeling of wondering if I will ever know the joy of parenthood, but every month I have the same disappointment and sense of failure when AF arrives, coupled with the anxiety that every month lost makes the potential age gap bigger.

So please tell me your good news about secondary infertility. Did you get your BFP eventually? Or did you manage to come to terms with not having another and make the most of your smaller than planned family? And if you did go down the path of intervention, what did it involve? Was it successful? Do you have any regrets?

Hi folks, can another newbie join? I'll have a trawl back through the thread to learn all about you but here's my story. 35, have one DS who's a lovely bundle of three-nager boisterousness. He took 9 months to conceive so I wasn't expecting a fast one for number two - am now in cycle 13. Had preliminary tests done on both of us at cycle 9, all well, doc said he'd be surprised if we weren't pregnant in a few more cycles. Ho ho, the jokes on him.
Mega stressed at work, have just been through the hell of selling a house and still trying to find somewhere to buy, so all is not favourable for a relaxed attempt at conception. Started reflexology yesterday which was lovely, and we're giving it another cycle before we go back to the clinic and ask for more tests or take the IUI route. And all the while, everyone around me is getting pregnant or giving birth - including my sister who has actually been pregnant twice in the time we've been trying for #2 (although one was a mc so not really envious of that). All in all, this stinks. We've given ourselves that deadline of the end of the year before we throw in the towel and accept our family is complete. I can't imagine making that choice.

Hi Worrisome. We have 3 year old too. Had 4 friends round today who I met through having DD. They all had babies with them. Sigh. I am getting used to it and get to hold them, too.

Not to depress you but DH and I decided to give it to the end of the year to conceive no 2...in 2012! Starting FET (frozen IVF) in March!!!

Downunder - I think you're my Australian twin! I could have written your posts. We've done 1 OE (BFN) and 1 DE IVF (BFP but m/c at 5+4) cycles. Starting FET from DE cycle in March. When I knew nothing about it, I imagined IVF as a lot more involved than it really is. As you say, the very worst part is the failure when you've invested so much emotional energy (and cash).

Oh, and meant to say to the 39ers, don't lose hope yet. I had DD at 40 after 12 months (but you can discount 2 or 3 for rows when DH claimed he couldn't just perform to order (!) and another 2 or 3 at the beginning when I was clueless and DTD on CD 12 or 13 then expected to be pregnant - only later did I find out that I ovulated on CD 18!).

Thanks Rosina - I do like a success story to keep us going! I conceived my son the cycle after a ridiculously indulgent 2 weeks on a sun lounger in Thailand so I buyinto the "relax" narrative....though sadly for me it would also take a medical miracle (blocked remaining tube). And with a 3 year old when would I get time to lie down with a stack of books for two weeks? We have considered a holiday without ds but couldn't bring ourselves to follow through. And we want to spend timewith him and cherish him if he's the only one. And.....now I am tied in knots again. Stress cycle!!

Twins though? Argh! Delightful and yet terrifying! Have they arrived or are you pg now?

Downunder glad your lap recovery was swift. Guess mine might be pulling a bit due to tube removal....and anyway I am now basically barren so the conception after part was all a bit moot anyway. I think a fertility counsellor eould be of more use, need to look into.

How's everyone doing here? I've got a date (well, sort of) for our frozen IVF cycle. In true fashion, going completely OTT in calculating due date, mat leave, age gap etc!

That's good news Repsiba - when are you starting?
Nothing new from me apart from DH and I vacillating back and forth between wanting to see the consultant immediately and being ostriches and 'seeing what happens'. Anyone else get sick of the amount of headspace this all takes up? Oh and yet another FB pregnancy announcement.

Hope everyone is well. I am just bracing myself for my sister to give birth.

I phoned at the weekend and I could tell they were (quite reasonably) in that 'we're just about to have a baby' moment, all 'no news yet' and 'just getting ready for the little one's arrival'...Gah.

No emoticon for 'why isn't it us'.

Hi girls, rubbish weekend for me, optimism crushed again, a new baby announcement from friends, buying 2 baby cards, meeting friends who have an 8 week old and pitying glances of 'will she be ok' when I offered heavy heatedly to feed her to let the mummy eat. Worrisome heart, I agree, my head is just in a spin all the time! Branching out, sending you hugs, it's just the pits!
Resipsa, did you use ovulation kit to establish cd18?
My period as arrived today but have had pink discharge since Thursday, does anyone else have this? I have this every month. My fertility Acupuncturist thinks I'm damp and not enough blood?! Losing faith in him too gggrrrrrrr......
On a positive note I feel better having a moan, sorry to be grumpy. Xx

How do you all deal with seemingly endless pregnancy announcements?!

All of my friends are either pregnant or just had a baby. One is even pregnant with twins!

I'm just getting so depressed about it all.

Im 36, been ttc for 2 years now & have a 4 year old dd.

I've been taking clomid for 5 months now & still nothing.

Been thinking about some counselling? Has anyone tried some?

Two babies, well, that's just greedy!

LadyC - yes, OPK used and the first time I used a digi one, I got pregnant (but m/cd) so I swear by them!

I've just been grinning and bearing it with the pg announcements. It's ok when it's at the arms length of Facebook.

ladycurler I get brown/pink mucus for about two days before AF arrives properly - I didn't before I had my DS so not sure what changed.

The reflexologist I saw last week said that one of the 'crunchy' areas was the Fallopian tube on the right side which is the only place I ever get ov pain, not sure what that means but am obviously now panicking about post EMCS scar tissue. Fun times.

Hi all. Not been on for a while so just wanted to say welcome to the newbies - sorry you're having to join us here.

Pg announcements are awful aren't they - I am surrounded by it at work too atm which is pretty tough. Its really hard not to sink into the depths of depression but I guess like worrisome says you just have to grin & bear it. Thankfully I've got through that stage with all my close friends - they now all have their dc2 & while I found it terribly tough at the time & I am always secretly envious when I see them with their lovely new babies, I see them struggling to manage a toddler & newborn & try to focus on the only positive I can think of - that my life is easier than theirs right now!!

Keep making plans - don't put things on hold incase you might be pregnant (eg a holiday) - carry on with as much normality as you can muster. In fact book a holiday because its times like that when you are all relaxed things can often happen!

We sadly had a mmc last summer & have now been ttc for a total of 2years. I've been temping & using OPK's this month & absolutely zero sign of ovulation. This isn't the first time this has happened - it happened in the autumn & when I went for the first round of tests with the GP my progesterone levels came back as zero, but that was the month before I fell pg so I guess I've been in denial a bit. Anyway I'm now making an appointment to see the doc again. I'm 34 & hoping there is something they can do.

Tread - did your gp prescribe clomid or did you have to see the fertility clinic?

Omama - my gp referred me to a consultant at the hospital & he prescribed the clomid.

I think I can only take it for 12 months.

Yes yes to the not putting life on hold! We did that all last year... Didn't book a holiday, put off moving house. Then I got fed up with it & we are going away in April & we're moving!

I've tried acupuncture & reflexology .
I really like the reflexology so am going to try that again.

Just feeling a bit down about it all at the moment

Hello, I'm an avid reader of this thread but only ever posted once or twice. Sorry we're all here really.
This is our 20th month of ttc #2, AF arrived today. I am regular as clockwork, never been late by even a day. Ovulating normally, dp is fine, blood tests normal. Why the blinking heck is it taking so long then?
I try not to get too down but it's hitting me hard this week as our lovely DD turns 4. Dr says come back in few months but don't even know if she can do anything. It's just awful

Any advice on the ovulation kits? It says I have not to pee for 4 hours before I test, I find that impossible!! I also read on a blog somewhere, that I've not to test first thing in the morning, though it doesn't say that in the instructions.desperate for it to work this time, my babe is 5 and this is cycle 32...

ladycurler - which opk's are you using? internet cheapies or clearblue? I've read that about not testing too, think something to do with the particular hormone levels being higher/most concentrated in the afternoon, however I use clearblue & they say you can test first thing. I've always done this as I too find it difficult to hold on for hours on end! Until my mc I always got a positive result.

threepiece sorry to hear you've been on this journey a long while too. If you don't mind me asking - how old are you? Have you just had the initial day 2/21 bloods or have you had anything else like scans etc done? If you haven't, I would check with your local NHS trust if you are entitled to investigations (my GP said I wasn't but turns out I was) & then ask GP for a referral. I totally understand how hard it is as our DC get older - my DS will also be 4 this year too - can't believe how quickly its coming around. Just try to focus on your DD & enjoying her special day, & eat lots of !

The thing I'm really dreading is DS starting school - think being at home in an empty house half the week is really going to bring it home. FX'd it happens before then!

Oh omama I know, I am already putting plans in place for Sept so I am busy when I'm not at work.
I'm nearly 34. Only had day 3 and 21 bloods, fine. Got an appt tomorrow so will request scan.
I had a colposcopy and loop excision last summer for cin3 cells after a dodgy smear but dr thought it shouldn't have any effect on fertility, in fact quite the opposite.

threepiece how did your appointment go?

Are you worried that the treatment may be what's caused your troubles? Did they have to remove a large part of your cervix? Sorry if that's a bit personal/tmi, just wondered as I've also had treatment for in3 but had never considered it could be a factor. Mine was about 5 years ago though & only was a smallish area removed, & I have had ds since.

Did you ask your GP about it?

Only a week to wait now for my appointment with my GP. Can't come soon enough!

I'm being referred for an ultrasound, and an appt at the fertility clinic (which takes a while).
Dr thought the treatment shouldn't have caused any probs. I had a large area lasered but none snipped off and the follow-up appt showed a pink healthy cervix.
Feel glad to have got the ball rolling again.

Thats good news. Fingers crossed you get some answers.

Think it'll be a while before we get referred - am at new gp now & its been a year since the initial bloods were done so suspect we'll have to run through them all again.

Hello all. I am now at 2yr TTC no 2. DD was 6 in January. I feel awful that we can't give her a sibling, she is so desparate for one

We started investigations at yhe end of last year. DH is normal, I am ovulating so I have been referred for a Hycosy which sounds a bit daunting.

Every time I think I have come to terms with it someone else announces their pregnancy, or I find a note from DD requesting some brothers and sisters.

AF is regular as clockwork. I just don't know what to do

Hi Tallalime. I feel your pain. Our dd is 4 and we've been ttc 2yrs too. DP is fine, I'm ovulating and blood tests normal. Got ultrasound and fertility clinic in a few weeks but tbh, if all's normal, they can't do much for us I doubt we could afford ivf.

I have hope in that 2 close friends of mine had their dds then a 7 year gap filled with anguish but finally got there just by being patient and both have lovely ds's now too.

Finding the notes must be hard. My dd talks about other people's siblings but hasn't asked for one (yet). She has two lovely slightly older cousins so at least there are other children in the family. I'm dreading her going to school in Sept. I work part time and have enjoyed our days together so much. It's all horrible isn't it.