Secondary infertility

[YorkshireTeaDrinker]

Am in cycle 19 TTC #2. We have a beautiful DD who took a while to conceive (managed on cycle 16, got my BFP the day before our referral appointment for fertility treatment!) so I expected it to take a while to get a second. However, time is ticking by (am 37) and I really do want DD to have a sibling, so I have been to the GP. First set of investigations have been done and and DH and I have an appointment with the GP this afternoon to get test results and hopefully a referral.

I am feeling a strange combination of emotions. I feel a bit guilty for wanting another child so much when I already have a wonderful DD. I am worried about what treatment may be necessary, how we can pay for it, even if it would be appropriate to fund trying to conceive another child when we could spend those resources on giving the child we already have the best possible start in life.

I even feel a tiny bit guilty for even posting this here, as I already have a child and should be grateful for what I have (and I am, very much). But I can't help longing for another, I get so envious of friends who have / are going on to have second children (and in some cases contemplating a third). I am a mummy, I no longer have to deal with the awful feeling of wondering if I will ever know the joy of parenthood, but every month I have the same disappointment and sense of failure when AF arrives, coupled with the anxiety that every month lost makes the potential age gap bigger.

So please tell me your good news about secondary infertility. Did you get your BFP eventually? Or did you manage to come to terms with not having another and make the most of your smaller than planned family? And if you did go down the path of intervention, what did it involve? Was it successful? Do you have any regrets?

Hi desperately, thanks for your reply. I hate it when our bodies do strange things. Normally everything is like clock work for me - ovulate day 15, 27 day cycle. I will try again in a few days. Good luck x

I'm so similar. I get ov sign (ewcm plug sorry tmi) on cd11. I'm 36 so I do wonder if its an age thing but seems very early to have sore boobs. Thinking of visiting my GP too xx

How long have you been ttc? Xx

I get that too,egg white and cervical pain the day of ovulation. I usually get sore boobs a few days after ov.this month I have just started getting sore but have had tingling.
Trying to Conceive for 3 years. I'm nearly 43 though :-(

Fingers crossed we both get lucky this month. xx

Hi guys - see you're active! Hate my life at the moment. Had IVF in Nov, +ve test in mid-Dec, a few days of utter bliss when I felt that the weight had been lifted then, bang, started to bleed a little and a scan on 31/12 (Happy New Year) showed an empty sac. Twice in 2 years. At 43, am I just too old?

Oh bless you! How horrible. Not the way to start NY. No words can make you feel better I know but I don't think you're too old. Look at that lady (actress) in her 50's from shameless. i'm sure she has just had her baby via IVF. On a positive although it may not feel like like it at the moment you have conceived maybe they just need to sort the next stage for you? Not that this helps I know. My dh and I are planning iui this year and then IVF and I dread it in case it doesn't work and/or we run out of money.

Xxxx

I think we might have just got a bad egg but for second time in 2 years, feeling unlucky to say the least. We're going for round 3 and it's getting eye-wateringly expensive. Should we spend the cash on DD instead? Probably but this urge for no.2 is too strong.

I can imagine. Third time lucky?!? A friend said to me make sure you have no regrets and you try everything so even if you look back and it didn't work you know you did all you could. Hopefully it will be positive next time. The money and anguish is my stumbling block and I need to get weight down too. Lots of hurdles xx

Hi, sorry resispa, that is awful. That must be so painful. I dont think 43 is too old, if you can afford it go for it. We're going to go for IUI thus year too, saving up now and trying to lose weight. Its just so bloody emotional.

Can I join? I am 40, conceived no. 1 in month 1, wanted to wait til he was a bit older before trying for no.2, thinking naively that it would be easy! he is 5 now and i am now on month 32ttc, had 1 early miscarriage 23 months ago and no joy since. Currently trying acupuncture, doc says no problems, hospital advised a holiday...
It's just nice to know that I am not alone, I don't talk about it much to anyone as don't want sympathetic looks every time there is pregnancy/birth news. It's such a taboo subject.

Oh also meant to say, does anyone else have very pale pink discharge 2 days before period arrives? Sorry I don't know all the abbreviations!

Hi Ladycurler,

Sorry to hear you're having a difficult time of it too. You sound like your having exactly the same symptoms as me. Unexplained infertility - horrible!! I have also m/c v early and then nothing. I also conceived dd now 7 years on month 1 and naively assumed no2 would be easy and who wouldn't?? We have tried the holiday, sadly to no avail. Been trying 48 months+ I am sure I have had 3-4 v early miscarriages but I no longer test as I find it so upsetting. This month my GP was convinced I was pregnant short of doing a test. I had very sore (.)(.) since cd18 which is abnormal for me and I have a very regular cycle averaging 27days but on cd26 spotting started and t.o.m came early - gutted!!

I don't get the pink discharge 2 days before but I do get ov sign on or around cd11 which is pink tinged. It's like ewcm.

Hopefully we can all support each other here and ultimately get babies at the end of it.

xx

Hi ladycurler and desperately, we also comcieved or son first month, so I thought there would be no problem the second time! How wrong I was.
I get that pink or brown discharge a few days before coming on too. Its hard because you can't distinguish between that and implantation bleeding.
I was convinced I was pregnant this month too, I didnt have pmt like normal, bit tingling boobs then cramping for four days but no period. I had then what looked like implantation bleeding, but 2 days later my period came late, and I'm never late.
I think this will be our last year of trying, I can't keep doing this indefinitely, for my own sanity's sake! X

Hi ladies, may I sit on the feckin-shite bench with you? I have a 3yo son who I adore, and I can't give him a sibling and it is tearing me apart. (medical story below)

It is bloody lonely, isn't it? I feel guilty for my reactions as if they are over reactions, no one really understands.....I certainly didn't, before. I need to not sink into deep depression. I don't know how to save myself.

(The medical bit: conceived ds after a year of trying. MC March 13 (6 wks), mc July 13 (10 wks), ectopic Nov and bye bye right tube. Left horribly buggered as far as they can tell from outside. We always said we wouldn't do IVF. I don't know now. It isn't the financial cost so much as the emotional cost. We had a terrible year and are not sure we can face it again. Yet deciding to stop is as hard as deciding to risk everything. I spend a lot of my time wishing it was other than it is. )

resipsa sorry for your recent loss, that really does sound shit. Hope you are managing. It is like paying to stand up and have someone smash your face in with a spade, repeatedly.

Is katy still lurking? I want to hug you right now.

desperately and ladycurler, unexplained must be agonising. I feel like I would rather not know but it isn't really true.

Sorry, missed nic off the unexplained bit too. It really is crap. And shellster sorry for your recent loss too, hope you are ok.

The success stories are nice. I dare not hope though.

Am about to call employee assistance. Has anyone sought counselling of any sort?

Hi voila, nice to hear from you! Not knowing the reasons is very cruel. I have had counselling which was good and helped a bit but that is another journey in itself. I stopped because I just wasn't ready to admit defeat and deal with how that feels - does that make sense. Where have you found the success stories? I'd like to read them. I still live in hope. My dd is still asking for her sister and I pray one day she'll come. (A boy would be equally amazing!) xx

Hi desperately, I know what you mean about moving on. I feel like I should now move on and the limbo is crushing me. I guess I am still wishing for a miracle and if I can come to termswith IF then somehow I will win a miracle. Utterly crazy.

I called the employee assistance line and they are setting up some counselling. Grief counselling or stress relief I expect. I work 2 days a week (lightweight, I know!) and last week a hospital appt fell on a work day. The gynae only confirmed what a google had revealed, except remaining tube is really really deformed. Oh, and I may not qualify for paltry nhs IF treatment as I am technically not infertile...... So, I went to work but felt sick and dizzy and went home. I even had a temperature. I couldn'teat. Called in sick the next day too. I have a new boss who seems sympathetic, but being new she doesn't know I am not a complete loon usually. I feel incredibly stressedall round. And to top it all we are trying to move house too. Argh!

Hi voila, welcome to the feckin shite bench as you put it, great name! I'm sorry about your mc and ectopic, what a shit year you've had. It is soul destroying isnt it. I think this is my last year of trying, I'm 43 this year and have had enough. I think counselling is a great idea, I will definitely seek some out if it hasn't happened by the end of this year, I will need heko with acceptance and grieving x

*Help not heko!

Aah, I have to return to those who understand tonight. Lost the plot when looking at Facebook (why do we do it to ourselves) posts about a friend's DD's birthday lunch (our DDs were born two days apart) which I missed cause I was at work - bad mummy - and most didn't cause they are on mat leave. Feeling so left behind by them and even on here. I was on a conception thread and am the only one not to have got pregnant. Now I'm on an IVF thread and it's going the same way!

Hi resipsa sorry you're having a bad time. Facebook is a killer isnt it, two of my friends has babies this week, two more a month ago and there are so many photos of their newborns. Plus other friends pregnant bellies. There's no escaping it!

Hi Nic. Last night was topped off when received another birth announcement!

Oh God resipsa, not another one!

Why is it these NEVER bothered me before DD?

Bittersweet day today. Lots of DD's friends have Dec, Jan, Feb birthdays but today was probably the last big party. They're 3, growing up and growing away (just a bit). It might be my only time (unlike 99% there who have a babe in arms/belly).

How're the rest of you?