Am in cycle 19 TTC #2. We have a beautiful DD who took a while to conceive (managed on cycle 16, got my BFP the day before our referral appointment for fertility treatment!) so I expected it to take a while to get a second. However, time is ticking by (am 37) and I really do want DD to have a sibling, so I have been to the GP. First set of investigations have been done and and DH and I have an appointment with the GP this afternoon to get test results and hopefully a referral.
I am feeling a strange combination of emotions. I feel a bit guilty for wanting another child so much when I already have a wonderful DD. I am worried about what treatment may be necessary, how we can pay for it, even if it would be appropriate to fund trying to conceive another child when we could spend those resources on giving the child we already have the best possible start in life.
I even feel a tiny bit guilty for even posting this here, as I already have a child and should be grateful for what I have (and I am, very much). But I can't help longing for another, I get so envious of friends who have / are going on to have second children (and in some cases contemplating a third). I am a mummy, I no longer have to deal with the awful feeling of wondering if I will ever know the joy of parenthood, but every month I have the same disappointment and sense of failure when AF arrives, coupled with the anxiety that every month lost makes the potential age gap bigger.
So please tell me your good news about secondary infertility. Did you get your BFP eventually? Or did you manage to come to terms with not having another and make the most of your smaller than planned family? And if you did go down the path of intervention, what did it involve? Was it successful? Do you have any regrets?
Our Infertility Support forum is a space to connect with others in the same position, discuss causes, treatment and IVF, and share infertility stories of hope and success.
Infertility
Secondary infertility
YorkshireTeaDrinker · 19/04/2013 13:46
Hi all, just back on Mumsnet after a busy week. Really pleased to see so many responses. Thanks fairy and dietcoke for the success stories. Totally agree withteaandchocolate about not fitting on other conception threads. It feels very ungrateful to be discussing the problems of secondary infertility with those experiencing primary infertility. But there isn't really a hierarchy of suffering here, all infertility is distressing. Whether you are TTC #1, 2 or 3, being unable to do so leaves you feeling bereft.
We found it hard to conceive DD1, so we planned no gap and started TTCing as soon as my periods returned after breast feeding. In that time two of my little circle of (4) mum friends have had a second, and the other is currently pregnant. I envy them nothing other than their ability to plan. My friend who is pregnant had a planned bigger gap (will be 3 1/2 years) the others planned smaller gaps. Like many others, I keep revising my expectations of what an optimal gap is.
We have had a referral to the fertility clinic now, so am hoping we will start to get some answers soon. Am still undecided about treatment (but still saving up, just in case 
) but will cross that bridge when we get to it. Best of luck to those of you who are already on the treatment pathway - resipsa really hope the IVF is successful this cycle. Sunny apparently the chances of IUI working grow with each subsequent cycle, I was told to plan for at least 3.
This might help folk trying or not but I thought I would pop in to say I was ttc no2 for four years and I am currently 19 Weeks PG with a little girl dont give up. We had stopped trying so hard for about a year before bfp the in Dec we decided to start smegging again and used pre concieve for the first time and got bfp that month. Going by my boods no idea how it happened as I have high prolactin, high tsh levels anemic etc but it did so if can happen for me it can happen for anyone 
Oh ladies i'm absolutely heartbroken today 
Just found out out local NHS CCG (pct as was) dont even fund investigations for couples who already have a child. I knew we'd not qualify for treatment but am absolutely dumbfounded by this, i was sure we'd at least have more than the initial tests to find out why we are struggling to conceive. Dh's SA came back normal & my fsh/lh results were normal too, but my progesterone showed
I conceived DD1 with barely a thought - maybe on cycle#2 I think. Three years later I thought I was ready to ttc #2 and .......it didn't happen. Eventually we went for fertility help and I think my progesterone levels were low. I was put on clomid. The first month it had no effect, the dose was doubled for the second and upped again for month 3, at that stage I was having blurred vision and other unpleasant side effects so I stopped taking it. I also hated the consultant I'd been to so didn't want to see him again so I decided to see if it wouldn't happen naturally
I did get pregnant!!!!
but miscarried at 8 weeks. That was traumatic. We kept hoping to conceive and eventually the whole ordeal became to wearing on our lives, our marriage and our dd and like you, I thought it was unfair to be so desperately upset all the time when I had a healthy dd whom I adored. We already had an appointment set up with a new consultant for which we'd had a long wait so we went ahead with that, I was put on something (can't remember what) that I had to inject into my stomach and then had to have a scan and another injection. We gave it one month and it didn't work. The following month I got pregnant (but wasn't taking anything) and the pregnancy went very well. I felt under such pressure too to provide a sibling for DD and she does adore her brother but they also fight a lot (despite the big age difference) and I am not convinced that a child really needs a sibling in the way that I was when I was failing to concieve. I do see how lovely it is (sometimes) for them but DD has cousins and friends around and I feel that my insistance that she'd be better off with a sibling was somewhat warped.
thanks so much for the support ladies,
teaandchoc - sadly private is out of the question
duffle wow i cant imagine having to fund every step like that i suppose we should consider ourselves lucky here then.
yorkshiretea thanks for the detailed info - thats very helpful. Itdoesnt surprise me in the least its all about the money.
I dont really want to give away location in case i out myself, anyway since i posted yest, the lady i spoke to at the CCG emailed me to say after checking out the trust's policy in more detail, turns out she was wrong. i def dont qualify for ivf treatment but it does look like i should be eligible for secondary care ie further investigations & possible hormone treatment. Just what you said above & a huge huge relief.
I rang gp to contest, & turns out they have also mucked up & were referring me for infertility treatment not investigations (how on earth they think i can be referred for ivf when i havent even had any tests to find out if anything is wrong or if ivf is even needed is beyond me). Needless to say, the eligibility criteria which gp said i didnt meet dont even apply. If i hadnt checked first with CCG they'd have sent the forms in & of course i'd have been immediately rejected.
As of this morning i now have an appointment at gynae dept of local hospital next month (i assume this is what secondary care constitutes?)
And after one cockup too many i will be changing doctors. 
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