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Original poster

Hut of Gl/Doom, lost count of the number coz its been so long - optimists need not apply!

995 replies

OracleInaCoracle · 07/08/2011 10:51

Couldn't find the hut but in dire need of a hideout away from all those "its been 2 months" and "am I pregnant" threads.

For those of us who've been burnt by ttc, can't get pregnant, can't stay pregnant or are sick of hearing the "just relax" refrain.

Leave your hope at the door and grab a gin, we are back in the speakeasy with meths on tap!

OP posts:
PhoenixFromTheFlames · 13/01/2012 13:20

What rocks: taking some time back today with DH to go sofa shopping. What sucks: my friend is planning her son's first birthday party. We started ttc around the same time :(

queenrollo · 13/01/2012 16:43

i know i said I was having a posting break but have come back to say I got an e-mail from my consultant today (via his secretary)...
In view of my 'biochemical pregnancy' it is clear I have one tube open and so he is taking me off the waiting list for three months. If I do not contact them in the meantime (ie to tell them I am pregnant) then I should get in touch in three months time to be put back on the list for lap and dye.

whoopdie fucking doo....Angry

Now to go and tell DH the crappy news.

NooneLikesAGreyjoy · 13/01/2012 16:51

What the actual fuck? So, they don't know whether the pg was actually uterine, but (even with at least one blocked tube) they are assuming that everything is fixed? They aren't considering how long its taken for a cp to occur at all. Am gobsmacked.

NooneLikesAGreyjoy · 13/01/2012 16:51

What the actual fuck? So, they don't know whether the pg was actually uterine, but (even with at least one blocked tube) they are assuming that everything is fixed? They aren't considering how long its taken for a cp to occur at all. Am gobsmacked.

queenrollo · 13/01/2012 17:22

well I have the weekend to mull it over I suppose and decide what I do.

If i'm going to have to wait 3 months and then 18 weeks on the waiting list again, I don't really have anything to lose by asking for referal elsewhere do I? which right now seems appealing because this consultant has instilled me with zero confidence.

Now seems like a very appropriate time to dot i's and cross t's on that whacking great complaint file I have built up and post it off to the relevant dept.......

If I tell him that actually now I know I had a m/c that I'm pretty sure it happened before but without a positive pregnancy test as proof - he's not going to pay a blind bit of notice.

What a nice position I'm in now. Do I carry on TTC and risk another m/c in the vain hope that the one month we have chance with my right tube I will conceive and it'll be successful...

I'm usually pretty strong minded and know where to go but this has left me completely flummoxed.

NooneLikesAGreyjoy · 13/01/2012 17:34

sorry, was on my phone before. I think that you need a referral elsewhere. is there another clinic close by? your consultant has ruined any chance of you having a working relationship with his crappiness. and you have to trust your doctor.

In the past, I have continued to TTC and not got the medical profession involved when I got pg, but its a risky game to play.

Im sorry, its so shit.

queenrollo · 13/01/2012 17:56

next nearest hospital is over an hour's drive....really am rock and a hard place aren't I?

I just don't know what to do. I don't have the medical knowledge to argue with him.
It just feels wrong that this is the decision he's made. I've had no management of a m/c - I haven't been asked anything about the m/c at all.

I could cry. In fact when DS has gone to bed I may well do just that.

carrieonlaughing · 13/01/2012 21:44

If I were you I would call and insist that you do not get taken off the list and see how they respond to that. Ask about what patient support service your hospital has as well.
The problem is that due to the MC they might be giving your body chance to recover otherwise they won't get a clear picture. If there is such a big waiting list ask to be put on it again from scratch and by the time you are on the mend you should be in x

queenrollo · 13/01/2012 22:13

carrie - that's a good point about my body recovering. It would be quite good if my consultant would give me proper clinical reasons for his decision rather than just making a choice about my health because he can

Presumably given that this happened once it would be sensible to advise me to use precautions to avoid pregnancy (and therefore m/c) in the next few months so that I don't risk losing a surgery slot again.

It looks like I'm going to have to get strident with him again. It is NOT ok for him to just brush me off without having the decency to give me a valid reason.

carrieonlaughing · 14/01/2012 07:48

No he should at least be willing to explain his actions. Like you say we don't have the full medical understanding so giving you a clue as to what's happening, why and what to do for the best would be a lot more helpful.

PhoenixFromTheFlames · 14/01/2012 08:47

I agree with Carrie. You've had rubbish service. Put the complaint in so everyone knows how rubbish. Come to my hospital. It's an easy journey across and there's more choice of docs.
They're not recognising what you've been through and you should be entitled to sensitivity and thoughtful responses, not sweeping decisions. You need to know what's happening, when your body has recovered.
On a mememe note, another fb announcement. Bah. It used to be 'how nice' now I think: 1. Not fair.2. I wonder how long they'd been trying?
Sad really.

queenrollo · 14/01/2012 10:08

i'm writing up the latest notes for my complaint. Had a chat with DH last night and over the weekend we're going to 1/ compose an e-mail to send directly to my consultant and 2/ compile our complaint properly so we can submit it.

I have a tendency to waffle so DH is in charge of this because he is very, very good at writing letters and documents which are to the point. He's had a career of reading and writing documents at high level civil service, and worked in an organisation not unlike the bureaucracy of the NHS so you can probably imagine that a letter from him will hopefully put a rocket up them.

phoenix I'm with you on both of those thoughts. I am not generally the sort of person to feel that way, I've never really done the whole 'why them and not me' about any aspect of life but even I am finding it increasingly hard to be pleased for friends who announce the news.

queenrollo · 14/01/2012 10:09

by the way, how do I get my care moved over to your hospital phoenix do I ask my GP to deal with it?

carrieonlaughing · 14/01/2012 13:30

I am surrounded by pregnant friends but also lucky to have another trying at the same time as me and getting nowhere.
I don't know if I would feel worse if she does first or if I do then have to tell her.
Good luck with the letter and you may find you get a good response

PhoenixFromTheFlames · 14/01/2012 14:57

queen is your GP understanding? Yes I would go to them, give them a clear outline and ask to be seen at another hospital. Under NHS terms etc you're entitled to be treated at the hospital of your choice. And we could meet for a coffee when you're over here!

queenrollo · 16/01/2012 09:48

I have talked some of this through with an aquaintance who is a Doctor. It's been elightening, and they have confirmed that I have been treated dreadfully. It's comforting to get a 'professional' opinion that shows I don't have unrealisitc expectations of the courtesy that I feel I should be afforded.

PhoenixFromTheFlames · 16/01/2012 16:28

Good! Now go kick some arse!
Are you about ready to put your complaint in?
Well I'm about two days pre-af. I'm quite pleased actually because things are much improved with DH and I'm optimistic about actually 'trying' for the first time in a long time and thinking it might, might happen soon.

carrieonlaughing · 16/01/2012 19:42

Sorry I am new what does pre-af mean?

pinkapples · 16/01/2012 20:08

Well apt went well scan showed things were good for another try so here we go AF is nearly over, injections started today so fingers crossed x

queenrollo · 16/01/2012 20:14

Carrie - AF = Aunt Flo which is how we refer to time of the month. Ask away if you're not sure of anything, we use lots of acronyms (there is a tab ^ up there with them all if you want to familiarise yourself though).

Good luck for this cycle pink

And good luck for you too phoenix lets hope you've got DH well and truly in top form now!

carrieonlaughing · 16/01/2012 20:26

Good luck to you both and this cycle and lets hope you get some more good news.
I have my first appointment at the fetility clinic on valentines day! Tempted to take my consultant a rose as I can't see it being a romantic day for me and my partner lol
Can anyone give me a clue as to what to expect?

raspberrytipple · 16/01/2012 21:52

I have come to the decision today that if I ever finally manage to get bloody pregnant I will not under any circumstances be making any announcements on Facebook. Another was out today with a 12 week scan then that becomes the profile picture. For fuck sake. I instantly hide her, I can't be arsed with all the crappy updates that are sure to follow. I am becoming bitter. I feel very ashamed as well as I just want to hide from any potential BFPs. I hate it, I really really do and it's just ridiculous as I've lots to look forward to over the next few months that really ought to take my mind off it but it feels like the more I have on that should distract me, the more having a baby is all I can think about. :(

PhoenixFromTheFlames · 16/01/2012 22:19

Yes basically I'm expecting my period in the next 48 hours!
Carrie have you had any tests yet? For our appt they basically looked at test results, took a medical history then arranged more tests...I'd had bloods but they did more and they did a pelvic ultrasound fanny cam and a Hsg to check my plumbing was.ok. they also arranged a repeat sperm analysis for DH therein lay our problems
Positive vibes both ways pinklady!

carrieonlaughing · 16/01/2012 22:34

I totally understand about facebook and how it can make you feel bitter.
I've had another one annouce it yesterday and it was a happy accident.
We have had the sperm test, I've have two lots of ovualtion cycle checks, and various other stuff plus an internal and swabs. I have a lot of history in this department and my new partner knows it all but I still feel uncomfortable about having it discussed in front of him.
Had a scan a year ago when I had kidney issues so I am assuming they will look at that.I have everything crossed for you phoenix.
The only thing we got from hsi sperm was high PH which our doctor said she didn't know what that meant!

pinkapples · 17/01/2012 22:34

Jyst a quick check in...

Thanks for the vibes fingers crossed for everyone else giving a cycle a try... Don't worry about your 1st apt if they have done all those tests prior to it they should have an idea what's going on and hopefully have a plan x

I'll 3rd the Facebook thing, I want to be happy for them but then I think... No, screw your happiness what about me (especially if they already have 2,3,4 children

I've hidden 3 more friends who have announced it in the last two weeks hmmm...

Off for a brew