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Original poster

Hut of Gl/Doom, lost count of the number coz its been so long - optimists need not apply!

995 replies

OracleInaCoracle · 07/08/2011 10:51

Couldn't find the hut but in dire need of a hideout away from all those "its been 2 months" and "am I pregnant" threads.

For those of us who've been burnt by ttc, can't get pregnant, can't stay pregnant or are sick of hearing the "just relax" refrain.

Leave your hope at the door and grab a gin, we are back in the speakeasy with meths on tap!

OP posts:
pinkapples · 03/01/2012 12:37

Awww so sorry Sad for you queen but hang on in there it ain't over till the red river flows!

looking for some advice ladies... I have an appointment at the clinic at 2.30 today to discuss where we go from here does anyone have any views on whether or not to do another round of gonal f (I'm allowed 3 I've done 2) or to out the money to ivf?? Any clues have no idea what I'm
Going to say...

PhoenixFromTheFlames · 03/01/2012 14:07

pink I'd see what they suggest given what happened this cycle. I think I'd want to give the gonal f one more try buy I've not been in your position.
Lots of love queen.

raspberrytipple · 03/01/2012 18:44

Thanks pinkapples! Hoping to buck myself up, just have to keep slogging along and AF has now officially bogged off so it's the start of a new cycle I supposed.

queen I'm sorry to hear what you are going through, big hugs xx

delilahbelle · 03/01/2012 18:45

queen I've got everything crossed for you.

pink How did your appointment go? good luck with whatever you have decided.

I have been out for a run - good, but then ate two rounds of cheese toasties for tea. AF due in a few days I am I getting major carb cravings, doh. Nothing else to add - hope everyone is doing well.

queenrollo · 03/01/2012 19:24

Sad DH just got in from work and the minute he got through the door he descended into a sobbing mess. This is beyond shit.

I coped better with the despair of thinking it would never happen than with this torture of being pregnant and then probably not anymore.

pinkapples · 03/01/2012 20:36

Well apt went well had a scan and the consultant said everything looked normal.. Well as normal can be with pcos... I have decided since the consultant said the last cycle of treatment was a no go (the follicles were probably cysts Sad) that we are going to give the ovulation induction injections another go we're allowed 3 and technically we've only done 1 so here goes... New year iv got 3 more chances (jan,feb &march) for a Christmas baby so fingers crossed x x

queenrollo · 03/01/2012 20:41

Fingers crossed for you pink lets hope it works for you and you have a 2012 baby x

fishie · 03/01/2012 20:53

ah queenie. I'm holding my thumbs for you.

hny hutters. My 43rd bday next week. I can remember 6am sobbing at af arriving on my 39th all too well. That was a major expectation downgrade moment.

queenrollo · 04/01/2012 08:02

Sad just before midnight the red tide appeared. It's really over.
I'm supposed to have my lap and dye on Tuesday. I want to tell them to eff off and leave my body alone.

DH said last night he's not giving up. I told him I don't know how much more I can cope with.

flixy102 · 04/01/2012 08:57

Queen I'm a bit of a lurker here and not much of a poster as yet (waiting for treatment) but I've been following your posts and I just want you to know that there are lots of people here that are thinking about you at the moment.

PhoenixFromTheFlames · 04/01/2012 09:07

I'm so, so sorry queen. We're all here for you as flixy says. Thinking of you

queenrollo · 04/01/2012 09:15

DH has gone to work, I'm all alone at home. I just texted a couple of friends to let them know (because when I see them next they will ask for news and all our kids will be around so i won't be able to talk about it). One has suffered a couple of miscarriages herself and has sent me the most beautiful message back.
I just phoned the hospital about my blood test this afternoon and she said I have to go anyway. I don't want to. I just want to crawl under the duvet and howl at the world and tell it to go away. Just not in such polite terms.
This has tipped me over the edge and I can barely see the screen for tears.

What a completely shitty start to the New Year Sad

imaginingme · 04/01/2012 13:34

Hi ladies,
Mind if I sneak in and lurk in the corner? I've been somewhat of a lurker for months in fairness, but never quite got up the nerve to post.
Just wanted to say to queen my heart went out to you, when I just read your last posts. I had my BFP on 23rd Dec after our 1st IVF cycle.....never believed we would be that lucky and it turns out we weren't, I started bleeding on the 29th, I've been signed off work for now till we know for sure, but I know in my heart it's over. So I relate to the shitty start to the new year and the sitting at home alone, part of you wanting the final confirmation to relieve the limbo but mostly not wanting to face it. I have a scan booked for tomorrow to confirm.
I know there's nothing anyone can say, but sometimes it's a small comfort that there's people that understand a little of what you're going through and are thinking of you.

queenrollo · 04/01/2012 14:08

imaginingme thank you so much for de-lurking to post.
It's been an odd day so far. I've moped, i've cried. I've spoken to my volunteer manager and told her I'll phone when I feel up to going back. Felt stupid when I burst into tears on the phone, I don't know her that well!
Then I sank into a hot bath and cried some more. Then my mobile rang and it was a friend who desperately needed a listening ear. After I'd sorted her problem she asked how i was and so I told her and she felt awful for disturbing me, but I told her I was glad she called as she pulled me out of the pit I was in.
Going to the hospital shortly for my blood test. I do not want to go. I don't want the surgery next week. I just want to hide.

queenrollo · 04/01/2012 16:05

i cried all over the nurses who took my blood Blush

Pre-op assessment nurse is going to talk the results over with my Consultant and phone me tomorrow. It's possible I could still have my lap and dye next tuesday.
I've just read the leaflet they gave me and DH can't stay on the ward with me until I go to theatre Shock....this has really made me want to cancel. I can't possibly sit and wait without his support.

fishie · 04/01/2012 19:03

oh dear queen. why can't he be allowed to wait? how long will it be?

raspberrytipple · 04/01/2012 19:04

Queen I'm so sorry to hear your news, it's heartbreaking and I can't think of anything to say that could make you feel better but will be thinking of you. Xx

marmitemad · 04/01/2012 19:27

another de-lurker here popping on to support Queen Sad

really sorry about what you are going through and sending you lots of Wine, chocolate and hugs

It might be worth asking your hospital about whether an exception can be made for your DH as I was told I couldn't have anyone wait on the ward when I went off for a lap & dye in August but another lady who was really upset and not wanting to go to theatre had her dp with her before and also another friend turned up as well. They had to leave the ward while she was in surgery but were obviously waiting outside as they came in when she returned from recovery.

pinkapples · 04/01/2012 22:40

So sorry to hear your news queen SadSad and doubley Sad that you can't take dh in with u... I would ask why my dh was allowed to wait with me when I went for mine after everything you've gone through they should not expect you to wait on your own!

broccolitrees · 05/01/2012 07:25

queen Sad so sad for you. it's that glimmer of hope that's the killer not the hopelessness. thinking of you
prayers and hugs x

queenrollo · 05/01/2012 07:26

because it's the rules for 'maintaining single sex accommodation standards' apparently.

PhoenixFromTheFlames · 05/01/2012 17:59

Ahem that's Bollocks. Single sec accommodation relates to sharing an environment with someone like sleeping, not having someone sit with you.
I would ask them under the circumstances to make an exception, ask for a quiet room to sit in. thinking of you lots.

broccolitrees · 06/01/2012 15:02

phoenix is right on the single sex accomodation thing queen. it's about loos and bathrooms as well and your dh will be using the visitors ones and not the patient ones anyway!

queenrollo · 06/01/2012 18:37

my surgery has been post-poned because it's too risky to do it so soon after a m/c. They will either send me a new date for surgery or I will be asked to go and see my Cons because this development may change what he wants to do/needs to look for.

I'm pleased in a way. I feel emotionally flattened by this and have just got in after a 3 hour drive home from one of the most distressing funerals I've ever been to. I'm not really in any fit state to be going through surgery.

Thank you for being here for me.

PhoenixFromTheFlames · 06/01/2012 19:40

I'm glad to hear it to be honest. I was thinking earlier that really you're just physically and emotionally too fragile to go ahead with it, not just because of the Mc but also the bereavement. This was already something you weren't convinced about and they'd pushed for you to have it. Take a bit of time to heal and then see.