Hut of Gl/Doom, lost count of the number coz its been so long - optimists need not apply!

[OracleInaCoracle]

Couldn't find the hut but in dire need of a hideout away from all those "its been 2 months" and "am I pregnant" threads.

For those of us who've been burnt by ttc, can't get pregnant, can't stay pregnant or are sick of hearing the "just relax" refrain.

Leave your hope at the door and grab a gin, we are back in the speakeasy with meths on tap!

You sound very stressed queen, not surprising some things slip your mind
Well I've bitten the bullet been to see my friend and new ds. It's bad really she is literally round the corner - we know each other through work - but it was hard to pop round. Well he is just gorgeous, think my uterus skipped a beat :) He is about two months old was asking gurgly noises and gave me big smiles. Awwww. I want a baby!

Hi can I crash? I've recently found out I have ovarian failure and am "unlikely to conceive and unlikely to carry to term if indeed you did conceive". Sorry for the pedantic quote but they're words that I seem to have tattooed into my brain at the moment.

At the moment I've turned into a bitch on wheels and hate myself for crying at the drop of a hat and worst of all at things like pictures of friends relatives babies which makes me sick to my stomach. I hated those women before and now I am one.

If I'm not being a bitch I'm convincing myself that it could still happen which again is crap and delusional.

There is an underlying feeling of panic in my stomach all the time and I don't know what to do with it. I just don't know what to do with myself, usually I can give myself a good hard slap to cop myself on but it's not working this time. I bitterly bitterly regret finding out why it wasn't woking. I miss so much the hope I had.

Hi balloon welcome to the hut. Very sorry you have to be here but you are welcome. I'm so sorry to hear about your ovarian failure. Can I ask how old you are? Are you contemplating other options (like egg donation) or is this very new news?
My friend had the same news, was being scanned to prepare for using an egg donor and found out she was pregnant miraculously naturally. So it can happen....but maybe counselling would help you come to terms with the diagnosis?
Feel free to vent here and also make use of the Padded Cell!

Hi balloon
I'm a lurker on this thread, but I just wanted to reassure you how nice everyone is.
Everyone here knows how you feel, rant as much as you need to.

Thanks Faith, I've just gone 40 so I suppose I should of been suspected it but I'm still having monthly periods (varying cycle lengths) and didn't expect such total bald "put it out of your mind" news.

We had an appointment with the Lister (the only clinic willing to meet with us) but I don't think I can go for my own sanity. We have a 2yr old dd which I suppose was my miracle. I'm sure I'll have a wander over to the padded cell but as I've seen written so much on these boards writing it down has helped.

Counselling is probably a good idea, thanks. But as soon as I go to make an appt I talk myself into thinking but maybe it's not so bad. Maybe try for just another month.

Again I wish, wish, wish I hadn't found it. I'd still be hopeful.

So, period was dues yesterday. I've have terrible thrush this month and have been in a lot of pain.

Anyway thought period had started this morning, put in a tampon (sorry, sorry, sorry) and just taken it out. There is a tiny bit of pink blood. Not brown like the spotting i get sometimes before a period, or the dark red I get when my period starts, but pale pinky/orange.

Fuck, fuck, fuck!

Bizarre, yes? Should I call gp? Its unlikely I'm pg, only had sex once this month at totally the wrong time.

So, period was dues yesterday. I've have terrible thrush this month and have been in a lot of pain.

Anyway thought period had started this morning, put in a tampon (sorry, sorry, sorry) and just taken it out. There is a tiny bit of pink blood. Not brown like the spotting i get sometimes before a period, or the dark red I get when my period starts, but pale pinky/orange.

Fuck, fuck, fuck!

Bizarre, yes? Should I call gp? Its unlikely I'm pg, only had sex once this month at totally the wrong time.

What you done for the thrush Lissie?

I've been using cream and a pessary on weds.

I've been using cream and a pessary on weds.

I guess it should be clearer in the morning but it sounds unusual so I'd be inclined to go to my GP.

I know. I'm actually pretty worried.

How are you?

I know. I'm actually pretty worried.

How are you?

I'm....quite low. Been to.GP today who.has at least agreed to look into why I've essentially had loose stools and agonising stomach cramps for 10 days. She was very nice actually. Reckon I'm gonna climb into a nice hot bath now and put myself to bed early!

How are you Lissie? Did you get a GP appointment?

nah, period came. how are you today? hows the tummy?

cousin has just announced the arrival of her little girl.

Ah lissie I know that feeling - someone has a baby, and while you are happy for them it still hurts.

I have hidden all my pregnant friends facebook feeds recently. I don't want to see scan details / birth announcements etc because it turns me into a hideous jealous monster.

Faith I hope the stomach is better. Positive thoughts, tomorrow is Wednesday which is halfway towards the weekend!

delilah (been following your posts btw, everything crossed) its doubly hard because we were pg at the same time. me with ds, her with ds1. then she had ds2. then split up with her dh and started seeing her dp. then, 6m later she is up the duff.

i hate the person that ftc has turned me into.

Why is life so crap? Why is it easy for some people? Grrr
Glad things resolved re period Lissie. Must be weird about your cousin...
delilah I left fb earlier in the year for a couple of months. It just made me too bitter.
The stomach is ok so far today...it tends to get worse after dinner so I will see.
Work sucks. I'm on a secondment which ends today. I was going to apply for a secondment to cover my colleague for a year instead. After two months if waiting for the advert being told it's a secondment, they advertised it as a temporary contract. Subtle difference means if I do it for a year I'll have no job to go back to at the end of the year Bollocks I don't know what to do. We can't afford for me not to have a job next year.

Any one else thinking the "ttc" thread in "infertility" is a troll?

just had a look faith and i'm inclined to agree......

AF due tomorrow.....well, as my cycles tend to be a few days either way she could have arrived on Weds, but she didn't...obviously. And when she arrives then i need to phone radiology to try and get an appt for HSG.

Friend now overdue by 4 days, excited for her but she started TTC this one a year after i'd started. It's her 6th.....
Still can't help feeling a little upset.

6 kids?! Is she trying to be Maria Von Trap?! even though she didn't give birth to any of those kids
I can imagine two though #1 has taken so long I dunno if we'll ever bring ourselves to ttc again and maybe an accidental third then having a fourth for even numbers. But six?! And to actively try for a sixth?! Ok sorry rant over.
Sorry you're expecting af queen. I felt like the cycle before Hsg was more positive because other way something happens (other upduffed or get a check up and those tubes flushed to improve the likelihood of getting upduffed).

I always wanted a huge family. My mum is one of twelve and both my dad and stepdad one of five. It has always seemed perfectly natural to me to have lots of children. And at the moment i can't even manage to produce number 2....

You actually come across quite a lot of large families if you Home Educate. All her children are so delightful I can see why she wants more and more, but she has said this is her last.

You're right about this cycle faith. Normally by now i'd be twitching my fingers over an HPT, but this cycle i'm just resigned to AF and having a not entirely pleasant procedure. And also that mixture of feeling......I want them to say my bits are in working order, but equally - it would almost be a relief to be told actually 'this is wrong but it's ok we can fix that'.....

balloonballs - so sorry you had such a bad experience of being told of ovarian failure. I am a bit confused as to why they are then saying you would be unlikely to carry to term.... this is not connected to ovarian failure!. Can I ask what tests they did with you to come to the decision that you have ovarian failure, and what levels they were talking about. I am in my 40's and have been told by one doc that I would be extremely unlikely to concieve (having only been pregnant several times in the past 2 years!!!) due to the results of one of the tests for ovarian supply/failure. However others have been much more positive, explaining that the recurrent miscarriages are more likely(only supposed to be around 50% rather than my 100%, but that is a whole different story), but it only takes one good egg and one good sperm and then I would be ok. I hope you don't mind me asking on what basis they made your diagnosis.

6 kids! Blimey! I've always wanted 3, but after TTC#1 for over 4 years and being the ripe old age of 32 I no longer think it's a possiblity :(

I'M expecting AF any time now too Rollo -had a temp plunge this morning and have been getting pre-AF twinges - why is it so damn hard!!!!!!!!!

We've finally been able to make an apt to see the doc that my own GP referred us on to, but i's not until the 11th of October. Everything seems like such hard work. I can't belive we are back to where we were 18 months ago!