"Women unhappier than ever " according to the Guardian

[KingRolo]

Interesting article here

So women's lives have got better in many ways but we're not happy. The article says women's happiness relative to men's has declined in the last 25 years.

Why might this be?

That's 44% of girls suffering from common mental disorders.

No, that's probably 30% of girls who need a boot up the arse and a stiff talking to.

To some extent you can make the choice to not internalise the messages/buy the magazines, but you can't make the choice for the people around you and you will still have to live with their expectations.

but it isn't just a matter of choice moondog - I can't walk around the city I live in without being visually assaulted by 12 feet high nubile young things on the side of buses, on adertising hoardings, in shop windows etc etc. I don't buy any of those magazines, or watch crap telly, but I am still shocked by how much shit I am exposed to. I am a 40 year old woman who can see it for what it is. I feel for the young women/teenagers/pre-teens who are absorbing it all subliminally. And those are the ones whose mums, sisters, aunties don't go in for Ok etc and whose dads, brothers uncles etc don't subscribe to FHM et al. No to mention watching the crap on tv. It's not that simple. You can't just "choose" not to be exposed to it. Would that you could.

Well King, I'm all for a bit of old fashioned discipline. You can't subscribe to a culture of slurry and then complain it makes you feel shit.

Anyway, as I've said before, if the message really was internalised, we'd have acountry full of anorexic teens. We don't though. A great many of the kids I see between 10 and 18 look decidedly wobbly and thick around the middle

I think sometimes though this issue is in large part wrapped up in self-indulgent angst ...

What is happiness anyway? My grandmothers (and even mother for that matter) didn't have the time or inclination to query whether or not they were happy or not. They just got on with their lives.

All this over-analysis, coupled with unrealistic expectations and a lack of appreciation for the good things one does have in one's life, contributes to this "unhappiness".

so because everyone isn't stick thin and obviously ill everything is OK and anyone who moans needs a good old dose of old fashioned discipline

People don't 'subscribe' to a culture of slurry though do they? If we wish to participate in society then we have to put up with it. Like I said, most adults can see through the crap peddled by the media and fashion industry but younger people can't and then the rot sets in.

Well said Still.

So King, what would you want to see done to remedy this?

agree with stillstanding tho' of course there are questions about "what is happiness" and how it can be measured...and whether the systems for measuring (the unmeasurable!) have inproved overthe years...

still doesn't get us away from one of the interesting points of the article which is about the subliminal effect of society's mores on the young and impressionable

moondog - these wobbly kids you mention may not be anorexic but I wonder how many of them feel very happy about their bodies

you could get me started on another strand about advertisings role in the demise of healthy eating today...but let's not

Um, UQD, my DH's being at work is what traps mea t home, not enables me to stay there! I hate being a SAHM but his salary excludes us from childcare credit so we can't afford for me to work. And I consider my job to be looking after the DDs, not being the cleaner. A lot of mess happens during the day when you have 2 pre-schoolers, and there's little point in clearing it up until they've gone to bed. So, when DH gets home, there's still DDs to bath, supper to cook, mess to clear up etc etc. Are you saying that because DH has had a "hard day at work" that he should get to relax and have a beer while I keep on working around him? Seriously?

When DH gets home he mucks in with whatever needs doing, until all the jobs are done and we can sit down together, which is usually around 9pm. He's very good about helping, but I still feel very resentful that the majority of domestic chores, which suck, fall on me, just because I'm the low earner of the family so I'm the one who is forced to stay home.

Well, an end those crappy magazines about skinny / fat / old / wrinkly / not totally perfect women would be a start wouldn't it?

Then we could get normal sized models (like size 10 or 12 with a normal
healthy BMI) in magazines and on billboards.

And stop having semi-naked young women on the front of magazines like Nuts displayed at child-eye level in newsagents.

I think that when it comes to younger people we have a responsibility to help them, not blame them for the pile of shite we as adults have heaped on them.

I did the same, Annie, when I worked and DH stayed at home - we could not afford childcare, either.

It was not 'helping out'. It was MY fair share of the work involved in being an adult who chose to have a family.

Because any other excuse is bullshit.

It just is.

Does it suck? Yeah, because I'm a lazy arse.

But I could have stayed single and childfree, too. That was a choice I chose not to take.

Life's a bitch.

If you earn enough to hire out the help, then do.

But if not, step up to the plate and do your role in the family or get out.

It really is that simple (disabilities notwithstanding and, having suffered from depression and been on and off medication for the better part of 7 years, no, I don't consider that an excuse to get out of wiping arses and doing the dishes).

And notice I have left gender almost entirely out of all my posts on here because what is good for the goose is good for the gander, IMO.

hear hear kingrolo

I disagree expat. if you are at home with kids then the great bulk of domestic duties are down to you.

I do not think looking after kids is more difficult than many jobs, although easier than some, of course.

It is hard work, can be tedious, relentless and lonely etc etc, but so can many, many paid jobs. I do not think the wage earner should have to do equal housework when he/she gets in , no.

I do wish women wouldn't go on about being slaves to the kids and home and how hard work it is. Yes of course it's hard work, lots of things are hard work.

KR, that sets a dangerous precedent thoguh.

Annie, you know damn well that UQD is not saying this
Are you saying that because DH has had a "hard day at work" that he should get to relax and have a beer while I keep on working around him? Seriously?

It makes sense for a family to work around the most important thing of all which is where the money to live/feed/dress comes from. If you are the low earner then so be it.Either live with it, find something else or retrain.

I've a good job but I earn far less than my dh who works abroad, so everything I do is planned around this. I have no problem with that whatsoever.

Thing is though, I chose to have children, not to be a domestic slave. I find it very unfair that the one generally seems to come hand-in-hand with the other. Not sure what the solution is apart from hire a cleaner, which we can't afford to do.

But with choices come responsibilities Annie.It's called being grown up.This stuff is part and parcel of the territory. Why does that seem to come as such an unpleasant surprise to people?

Well, I didn't expect not to be able to go back to work. Shoot me for "not doing my research". Most people complain that they can't afford not to work so this not being able to work thing was a bit of a shocker!

Alot of peoplework and earn no money as it goes on childcare, but it keeps them in the jobmarket.Your kids will be in school soon so you can work then anyway.

Helping young people rather than blaming them for something that is categorically not their fault sets a dangerous precendent? How exactly?

Yes, yes, but that doesn't mean I'm not thoroughly pissed off that it's me who has to clean the damned bogs all the time in the meantime!

I think everyone should rehearse being grateful. It has a positive knock-on effect on happiness. I would recommend writing down 5 things for which you are grateful every day before you go to bed. It really does help you focus your mind on what's really important. And those important things being properly addressed are normally the things that make you happy. If you write down Boden bag there's no hope for you.

I've never met a happy female Guardian reader come to think of it.

I am ecstatically happy and read The Guardian every day.