Nick Duerden in the Guardian - His wife "leaves me fully alone with my daughter for the first time" at 16 months!

[beanieb]

piece

Is this normal, for a father to not be left with their child alone until they are over a year old?

oops, i meant certainly. eek, i'm a bit outnumbered and can see how scary you can be!

MN guest edit of Guardian Family section such a good idea I can't believe it hasn't happened already.

Nonparent, you are very funny. What drew you here today?

Yes I have enjoyed it here, MerryLegs, it's been interesting and very lively. Thank you for all your messages. And spiky Smee? Lunch one day, yes?

By the way, to anyone who thinks the article was my plea for being such a good daddy, let me assure you, really, that that wasn't my aim at all. My wife was away for a weekend and couldn't help but worry whether I'd cope all alone. Pathetic, I know. Men. Anyway, once the selfish friends were out of the way, I realised that I would rather now spend time with my daughter than anyone else. The fact that my daughter responded positively to me alone, without her mother on hand, came to me as a great relief. Self-indulgent? Hell, yes, but if you can't be self-indulgent in a memoir, where can you be?

Bye everyone.

Nonparent- you appear to have gone from complete nonce to good egg in the space of minutes.

Hats off to you!

And thank you for introducing the word baybee.

Am liking it muchly.

Wish I'd seen this earlier. My question would have been whatever possessed you to write such a stupid article? I assume the answer is money but as it was published in the Guardian I wonder if you had some other agenda?

Can't believe that you have also written a book about being a reluctant father. How lovely for your poor children to discover that at some stage you didn't want them. Are you really Julie Myerson?

Fennel, I too would welcome a discussion like that. My partner (now ex) was one of the ones who couldn't really cope. Despite all his feminist principles, he pretty much abandoned me to it. Now DD is s bit older he is getting more into it, but sadly too late for our relationship and we have separated.

I feel incredibly sad that our previously quite equal relationship collapsed so comprehensively - and that was with a very easy baby, coping mother (if I do say so myself), and otherwise favourable circs.

oh nonparent we are terrifying with our baybees and foiled careers and sex lives and general incontinence

but if we were naked you would DIE of fright

dustbuster: that's so sad

mp

smallorange, I agree completely. I'm amazed that this article has attracted so much attention on here, given that exactly the same article has been written by every bloody journo that has become a parent in the last 15 years.

When you become a parent it is easy to make the mistake of believing that no one has ever become one before-- presumably because you have no interest in reading those cloying pieces until you actually have a child.

But the commissioning editors should know betterm, shouldn't they?

MollieO, N just mentioned lunch, so he most definitely must have been paid. + to think we write all this for nothing. Must go raid the fridge..

haha thanks merry. i must admit i threw myself into the fire here without thinking. maybe you aren't all as scary as the cf forum would like to think. will report back. it's some how easier to be a nonparent on here than in rl. sad but true.

Round of applause for our guest speaker. I'm sure it's given us all something to think about.

'PW's idea of guest-editing the FG' Why thank you, but wasn't my idea, it was smee's.

Whoever had the idea of guest-editing, it is brilliant!

POlicywonk: itn's it enough that you took over the G20, without taking over the Guardian AND the Women's Institute? I think you are being greedy.

Thanks Nick, you were very nice really

Well surely nobody minds.

Fucksticks I missed this, I had loads to say. Sigh.

well at least you got "fucksticks" in

MollieO the Article was to promote the book, all writers do hat, some lay it in the hands of editors as to what is published and why.

Yeah I do feel better for that morningpaper

fucksticks.. like that.

You know what the world really needs? The MN Book of Inventive Insults and Invective. On this thread alone we have 'arse gravy' and 'fucksticks'. And then on today's Roundup (nice one MP) we have 'like watching a cow with a gun'.

Yes, smee's Big Idea. And mine next. PW third.

I think the guest editor spots should be allocated in order or, um, noticing this idea

Has he gone? He didn't answer my Very Serious Point:

'Nick, you must see behind your individual reflections, that there is a much bigger question here about gender relations that your article (have not read the whole book) rather trivialises?

And by making your experience so public, you are bound to be under scrutiny about this?

'Shit it's hard' is fine: most mothers feel that too. But I think the indulgence of the double standard is what many of us find hard to take. The number of times I have had to take one of my many ill babies into work and been tut-tutted at by colleagues, the same colleagues who fawn and mutter 'oh isn't he a good dad' about my partner doing the same is just fucking galling to be honest.'

AND

'It would just be more interesting, actually, and novel, to read about a bloke recognising what underpins family life and relations between men and women. Hapless bloke coming of age is not such a new theme for most of us TBH and I still think women are going to be your main audience. '