Re this recent child abuse case, can we have just *ONE* thread for competitive sadding please?

[solidgoldbrass]

Yes it's awful
Etc.
But we don't need a McCann-esque thread frenzy all saying the same thing.

I agree sleepycat but I have a feeling that the people who feel this way would say that yes it is.

And solidgoldbrass, I am not sure I understand your last point. Where exactly do you draw the line between a supportive gesture for someone you don't know but is of great comfort to the friends and family of the bereaved (as in frasersmummy's point) and public posturing.

I quite often types messages of support when people post about a bereavement they have suffered. I don't know them, I don't know their families and I don't know the person that died. But I do feel for them and would like them to know that someone has read their message and thought about them for a few minutes. I thought it was called empathy. It offers great comfort (well, I know it has done for me in the past). Is that public posturing to do that?

I don't actually post on threads such as the ones you are referring to because it serves no purpose for me personally but I would not like to be demeaning to those that do. I think it makes you look as if you believe yourself to be intellectually and emotionally superior.

It's a supportive gesture if you're doing it to people you know (even if the knowing is limited to interacting with them online ie people who post on each other's bereavement threads). Because if you have exchanged posts with someone on the subject then for one thing you probably have some idea of whether they will find your gesture, whatever it is, supportive - or intrusive. It's public posturing when it's people you know nothing about apart from what you've read in the papers or seen on TV because it's irrelevant and pointless and about you not them.

A few months ago a thread was started that was almost identical to this one. Either Cod started it or she was very involved. I read and lurked for quite some time. She spouted on and on about how sad people were who lit candles in respect for others loss. The thread went on and on. Eventually I posted and said how I could shed tears for someone else who I had never met - it is, after all a free country. One by one the other mums on the bereaved mums thread came to offer me support.

She tried to be sarcastic and basically took the 'mickey' out of all the bereaved mums. Several of them were 'newly' bereaved of their children and were very upset. Then one person gently reminded Cod that OJ's husband had just died and of all the support she had been given.

The point I am getting around to making is - we are all different, in appearance, in experiences and in emotions. If you dont want to get involved or read a thread I have found a fantastic way to get around it - DONT CLICK ONTO IT.

SGB - I would be interested in your thoughts on Sleepy's question about Armistice Day.

i do not consider my wearing a poppy to be 'public posturing' and i find the intimation that it is, very offensive.

but on a discussion forum we discuss with out direct experience or 1st hand knowledge

i dont know barak obama never likely to meet him i do have an opinion. i will talk

tbh your high minded you talk about what i wish/what i approve of smacks of total meglomania.it is MN a discusion board,not ask SGB for the nod before you discuss owt

bottom line is what to you is mawkish is to others a relevent and necessary discussion

i dont like wedding/parking spaces topics so i dont contribute.wouldnt dream of barging on in,accusing everyone of group induced hysteria and demand they shut up

so just hide it and stop bellyaching

Just offering a round of applause for Scottishmummy - even though I HAVE NEVER MET HER

It's certainly public posturing to run round shushing other people in public places (ie not during actual memorial services but on buses/in shops/places where people have a right to go about their business as they see fit.) WRT the wearing of poppies: there is a direct practical application here in that buying one contributes to helping injured servicepeople and wearing one indicates that you have made your donation and don't want to make another one.

"Help your child to read/ support teachers/ schools rather than think they "do enough in school anyway and don't need to do any homework" and then wonder why they leave school disillusioned, under-qualified and incapable of reasonable parenting."

I'm sorry but I just have to challenge that. I object to having it implied that those of us who have actually bothered to take notice of the fact that most research shows that homework at primary school age is either pointless or actually negative and therefore think it shouldn't be given, are somehow contributing to child abuse.

If you were referring to secondary school age children, then ignore me.

Ditto what Shabs says here.

Purely as I am too busy to type anything else as I have soooo many candles to light

solid - very wrong there, the wearing of a poppy shows that you would like service personal to know that you have not forgotten their enourmous sacrifices and incredible bravery, NOT that once you have put your hand in your pocket, undersufferance, and are not prepared to do so again, that my be your rather shallow interpritation, it is most certainly NOT the way the vast majority view wearing a poppy.

nice one V!!!

Actually when I wear a poppy it is to signify my respect and the fact that I'm honouring others. It is nothing to do with sending a signal that I don't want to buy another one.

And whilst I'm here....I did not know Baby P. That does not stop me feeling physically ill and horrified by what has happened.

I did not know any of the people who were murdered in the Rwandan geocide, it did not stop me breaking down (gasp - in public) when visiting the memorial.

I could go on but I won't. SGB, if you do not feel torn apart by some of things that happen to people you do not know then you are genuinely fortunate because at times I find it crushing. I find it comforting that others feel the same horror and outrage.

But don't stand there sneering at those of us that do feel empathy for strangers and revulsion at manifestations of evil.

SGB, you are simply wrong.

My 11 year old dd didn't know any of the schoolchildren involved in the Soweto uprising in 1976 but it didn't stop her shedding a few tears when visiting the Hector Pietersen Museum and Memorial.

I would stop now before you make an even bigger fool of yourself.

Competitive sadding ? What a truly horrible term .

If the argument is about only having one thread about this horrific story and not having graphic details in the thread title then I can see that is a valid point but to completely belittle the fact that people have been upset over this is just weird .

I have been a bit of a mess about this the last couple of days for various different reasons but that doesn't mean that when I am talking about baby p I am somehow suddenly immune to people suffering in my rl that I can actually help .

It isn't a one or other thing . Both things are possible .

i actually worry about people who say they don't really feel much sadness or empathy for others sufferings - it is those very feelings that make people want to help others when they possibly can, instead of shrugging and saying 'nowt to do with me'

Well I worry about bucketheads who think that displaying emotion and screaming and soiling themselves if anyone dares to question their emotionalness, somehow counts as 'helping others'.

'Having feelings' is no great achievement. Working out something useful you might do is more of one. WHy not try it?

Do we really need to read all the horrendous detail of the case though? I think some people really get off on it, the way they love horror films. They love poring over that stuff and the blood stained clothes.

The full moon really does bring them out

solid, it seems to me the only person on here 'screaming and soiling themselves' is you.

i spoke of sadness and empathy and the hope that most of us would prefer to try and help where we can.

we all know that public handwringing followed by inertia will help no-one.