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See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Re this recent child abuse case, can we have just *ONE* thread for competitive sadding please?

574 replies

solidgoldbrass · 11/11/2008 23:04

Yes it's awful
Etc.
But we don't need a McCann-esque thread frenzy all saying the same thing.

OP posts:
TheNinkynork · 15/11/2008 22:34

I've just donated some money to Childline and I am totally impressed with their website. The donate button wasn't immediately obvious which is as it should be because the Google search threw up first and foremost the page most needed by children.

Not only that but it has easy instructions on how a child can clear the search history and temporary internet files. Bloody brilliant.

If only RL procedures and protocol had our most vulnerable people as a priority.

VeniVidiVickiQV · 15/11/2008 23:14

am PMSL at "unwritten MN code that only oldies know about".

I think you'll find it's more commonly known as 'courtesy', 'common decency' and 'consideration for others'. But if you youngsters have a new name for it - all power to you.

cupsoftea · 15/11/2008 23:23

A phrase that the op would like is when an op is directed by others to search the archives before wasting peoples time by posting a new thread. So Solidgoldbrass - did you search the archives??

mamadiva · 15/11/2008 23:24

Can I just say I realise the thread has moved on a bit but didn't want to post earlier as the arguments were rife so have waited till it calmed down a bit.

I'd like to say that the term 'competiotive saddening' is absolutely disgusting! There is nothing competitive about this case or any other abuse case it's not a competition of who has had the worst life each case is as horrible as the last and yes I will admit this is very harrowing re the details given but to be honest whichever case is in the news at the time is the one which upsets me most!

Also about the multiple threads yes I will admit I don't like coming on here to see dozens of threads but it just so happens that is the main topic of conversation and rightly so IMO we need to talk about it as a society to try and ensure that something gets done about it!

It made me sick earlier when I saw a picture of the 'mother' on a social networking site for some odd reason I cannot describe the hatred I felt for these people.

dittany · 15/11/2008 23:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Aitch · 15/11/2008 23:38

for the record, i'm not an old-timer. i've only been here a couple of years, and people were moaning about dumbing-down when i first came here. i do see a difference, however, even since then, it's less like 'MN' and more like every other parenting site on the web, lost its unique identity somehow. but of course, to any newer person coming along what first attracted them here will be that unique identity, iyswim, just waiting to be diluted.

did anyone read the piece littlebella linked to, btw? that's what i'd been trying to say last night. the problem is that you post one thing, and the most 'vulnerable' part of that is responded to, or i'd go so far as to say twisted... and then you find yourself defending the minutest part of your position, then that's twisted etc etc ad infinitum. meanwhile, as has happened here, you've got people coming from established groups to pick fights that aren't being fought with them etc etc ad infinitum.

for me, i'm uncomfortable with the whole wanting/needing to know every detail/comment on the photos etc, it seems very disrespectful to me towards the child in question. but clearly other people feel it's important in some way i cannot fathom, and are working things through from that angle.

still don't think it's the worst thing in the world to keep it to one thread, though.

VeniVidiVickiQV · 15/11/2008 23:49

I was referring to the general perception of "policing" and talk of "unwritten codes". It's all tantamount to the same thing. Some people dont like "being told what to do", even though it's to spare the feelings or sensitivities of others, asking for some consideration. At the drop of a hat "freedom of speech" and "bullying" are thrown into the mix as people start thinking about their own selfish rights, rather than thinking "shit, yeah, maybe this does have an impact on the community that I am part of, and an ounce of humility wouldnt go amiss".

Humility is the last bastion of reasoned debate on here and I feel like it's been knocked down and can't be built up again. And the hypocrisy....well....it's utterly breathtaking.

VeniVidiVickiQV · 15/11/2008 23:51

oh gosh yes aitch - you are still very wet behind the ears

zippitippitoes · 16/11/2008 00:01

knowing you are sometimes wrong has gone

dittany · 16/11/2008 00:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Aitch · 16/11/2008 00:09

yes, it's harder to admit that someone has made an interesting or valid point, deffo. imo that has a lot to do with these pre-existing 'pally' threads, people clearly pile in to support their mates regardless and actually chat about it on those threads. it's happened before, a good few times in the last year or so.

now, whatever people choose to think of the older members of MN, i don't believe that they ever did that. plenty of times i've thought 'oh, i thought they were mates' and seen considerable debate take place from vastly differing positions, but things were forgotten immediately the debate was done.

when you've got people harbouring such resentment towards specific older members as has been demonstrated here (not sure if the post is still there, i certainly reported it) then it becomes about working through feelings of, i don't know, maybe even vengeance, rather than having a discussion.

i mean, i don't know how many times it's possible to say that this isn't about the bereavement thread, for example. sgb said it at least twice, and its been repeated endlessly. these debates become something else entirely when people are exercising their desire to give an old 'enemy' a good kicking.

Aitch · 16/11/2008 00:11

there were points on here where things threatened to become more reasonable, dittany, particularly when onebat turned up. but a tee hee here and a knuckle duster there or whatever soon put paid to that.

Jaamy · 16/11/2008 00:21

I child has died. Needlessly from what I understand - yes, from what I understand from reading in the media since that is where most of us get our information.

I know the thread has moved on form the OP to address the "length of service" of posters but If we can't discuss something as horrific as this regarding a child's safety on MN (no matter on how many threads) where can we. It is a disturbing issue but if you aren't interested in the thread title then don't read the thread...it's as simple as that!

dittany · 16/11/2008 00:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Jaamy · 16/11/2008 00:43
Sad
oops · 16/11/2008 00:50

Message withdrawn

littlelapin · 16/11/2008 08:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Chrysanthamum · 16/11/2008 08:53

I'm a newbie on this site and so far quite like picking up tips/reading other people's opinions. I think all the talk about how great MN used to be is a bit elitist actually, like when you start a new job and people tell you how much fun it was to work there/how utopian it was 5 yrs ago.

Anyway, I checked out the article little bella indicated. I thought some of it was sensible but couldn't help feeling she invalidated her entire stance/argument by the last paragraph, a horribly graphic image of what happened. It was just more of the same gratuitous detail she was slating in the first place and really upsetting. I like the thread Georgimama has started, it generates good karma.

littlelapin · 16/11/2008 09:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

twinsetandpearls · 16/11/2008 09:38

Excellent article littlebella

2shoes · 16/11/2008 09:49

the linked article is very interesting

mamadiva · 16/11/2008 10:08

Again Great article Bella but the end totally ruins it IMO did we really need that graphic image in our heads along with the rest? Is'nt that what she was arguing against?

Last night I cried myself to sleep thinking Baby Peter and it tore me aoart this morning waking my son up, looking at him with his little smile so peaceful and innocent I couldn't help but thin did Peter ever have that peace even in his sleep? I'm sorry for getting kind of graphic again but this is a very emotional subject for me.

And in response to the article too, I feel a sense of duty to read the story as much as it repulses and angers me, his story needs to be heard for us to understand what happened and make our own minds up about how we deal with it. Agreed though we didn't need some of the pictures, such as the blood soaked clothes, my son has the exact top with the digger on it and I had to throw it away as daft as it sounds I just couldn't look at it without seeing this images

Horrible stuff but if we don't take notice now what will happen? It will just be another statistic in our countries appaulling record of children who die through neglect/abuse/barbaric torture and that has got to stop!!!

Chrysanthamum · 16/11/2008 10:37

Thanks for the welcome. What do IMO and YABU mean?
Re the article Bella drew our attention to, I felt pretty strongly that Janice Turner was being dual so I added a comment on the times page. It hasn't appeared yet though so I've posted another.
I think most people, male, female, parent or not, are all horrified at what happened. Maybe, because the first image was just an anonymous, computer image you couldn't help thinking of your child or any child you know in that situation. We had to turn the news off that night to avoid hearing the details. I have since read more, not sure why, but maybe in a search for answers to something incomprehensible. Although some photos are unnecessary.However, although deeply disturbing, I hope the sympathy, anger and horror might lead to a more positive outcome now.

2shoes · 16/11/2008 10:42

I think we can't help doing that, I know I did way back with JB.
but do we need all the details.
take the odd interveiw with a man whose dd had stayed at the flat and how she had witnessed something and it was so bad she had to go outside for a fag.(he gave details)
what is the point of that?

scaredoflove · 16/11/2008 21:23

this has nothing to do with old versus new

A lot people don't want or need to pore (pour?paw?) over every little detail. Yes it was horrific but I personally have more things in my immediate life to worry about (selfish, yes but that is my life)

I was here for MM debates and I think competitive sadding is a good term

1st person; how sad
2nd person; I'm crying
3rd person; I cried all night
4th peron; I have wailed 8 hours solid
and so on

It's tiresome

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