Shouldn’t this funeral director be arrested? *MNHQ warning - distressing content*

[MissyB1]

I will post the link (hopefully works). Surely there must be something she could be charged with? And her “business” needs closing down! It’s just beyond words!
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/c4gjr0ylenzo

Yes, I'm not sure what she could be arrested for but using the bodies of other people's dead babies as props to address your personal trauma is messed up. I don't think she's a bad person but she needs to close this 'business' and get help.

As someone whose child died when they were a baby I get very frustrated at the overly used trope of bereaved mothers doing crazy, snatchy baby things in dramas and films but I doubt very much that this woman would be offering this 'service' if she hadn't had the experience she did.

If the business is unregulated, and no criminal or civil offences have been committed, then it is pretty much impossible to close down a business. The bereaved parents could apply for a court order requesting that she be barred from offering the services of a funeral director but I can't see how it would succeed.

I can see the address through your squiggle! having looked on Companies house that registration is for a now dissolved retail fruit and veg company that a woman by the name of Amie Upton with the profession of Funeral Director (so presumably the same woman) was a director of.

She has no other director appointments so one assumes she is a sole trader and not a Ltd company.

Important to point out that this company and its other directors are unrelated to the story!

The pictures of the babies are really shocking, surely they are a really personal thing, really really small stillborn babies. Plastered allover her page. I know everyone must deal with stillbirth differently but I can't understand parents who would post or allow these kind of photo to be shared on Facebook or any social media.

Her children were apparently living in the house too.

From what I understand, she had a ‘cold cot’ and I imagine that’s where parents thought their babies were being kept, and ‘looked after’ and felt comforted. But not THIS! It’s awful.

My baby girl died at birth full term. Our bereavement team kept us updated on her every day when we couldn’t be with her anymore. They told us they’d sat with her, that they had sang to her and then let us know when she had been collected.

when we visited her before the funeral at the funeral home they told us that they had been reading stories to her and had nursery rhymes playing softly in her room. When we went in they even had a night light on with stars on the ceiling. It brought us a lot of comfort during the most unimaginable time. Who knows if they actually did everything they said but it was handled by everyone in a beautiful way.

how this lady has handled things is beyond horrifying! I can’t imagine how it must have felt to be told we are watching cartoons and your baby is in the bouncer! I would feel violated for my child and I can’t believe anyone would think this is an acceptable practice!

Precisiely. Clearly this industry urgently needs regulating with those practising having regular inspections of facilities etc.

Personally I would not be happy with this at all, I expect the majority of people would be horrified, but a small part of me can see how she perhaps had some misguided good intention with how she cared for these babies and perhaps mistakenly thought she would be bringing comfort with a homely environment? There are probably some psychological issues there with her own loss.

Does this mean that technically it’s legal for a parent to also take their baby home if they have a cold cot before the funeral ?

Christ that’s just awful. She clearly has some deep psychological issues that need addressing. However well intentioned she was, her business is just inappropriate and unprofessional. Even the name of the business is weird - reminiscent of the whole “Charlie’s Army” thing which was also distasteful and horrific.

I’m not sure, but I doubt it. As I understand it (and I’m not an expert - happy to be corrected) the body has to be released to a registered funeral director, which is what was happening in this case. That funeral director was then giving the bodies to this woman. He has a lot to answer for and the whole case highlights the need for greater regulation.

Yes, it’s absolutely legal to keep a body at home until the funeral.

Having a body peacefully lying in a coffin, even with the lid closed is the final act of dignity in my opinion.

Knowing that their babies were being repeatedly handled and their limbs yanked about with must be horrendous for the parents and families.

Yes of course, even if they do not, it's legal (so long as certain geographic needs are met, not near watercourse etc.) to bury said baby at home in the garden yourself.

I live in a victorian farmhouse and round the back of the trees at the end of the garden there are quite a few ancestors in the "family plot" - so long as the regulations on burial are met, basically getting burial certificate (the local authority simply checks that the site is suitable to prevent contamination of drinking water), anyone can do the work.

It’s legal, yes, and it happens a lot, but most hospitals will not release directly to a family. Instead hospitals usually release the body to a licensed funeral director. At the family’s wishes, the body can then be taken home. This is my experience.

Jesus, that’s awful. She’s got some serious mental health problems after the death of her own baby I would say!

I just can't get my head round this. Playing dollies with people's precious dead children and the fact it's not illegal.

I’m a midwife and it’s 100% legal. They don’t need a cold cot either. We occasionally get parents take their baby home. I think sometimes they want the memory of taking their baby home, showing them the nursery which was prepared for them, etc.

This woman is disgusting, but then so are the other funeral directors who took the babies into their care on her behalf and released them to her. They were aiding and abetting this practice. No surprise to read that neither are members of NAFD or SAIF. I used to be a funeral arranger and bodies deteriorate really quickly if not kept in the correct environment, so this must have been very distressing for the parents involved. I strongly recommend that anyone who loses a loved one ensures the funeral director they select is a member of NAFD or SAIF.

Someone can only be arrested if they're suspected of committing an arrestable offence. Not all offences warrant an arrest. From memory, I think it's a matter of the maximum level of punishment that determines whether an offence is arrestable or not.

A coffin has the elementary advantages of a body not being pawed or chewed by pets, or allowing someone to apparently pretend your dead baby's body is alive and watching cartoons in a bouncer, like a doll or something.

Which is what happened here, except parents chose to send baby to this woman, rather than home. Presumably they wanted something slightly different, in line with what the woman is offering on her FB.

Corpses seem to occupy this odd grey area as they aren’t people any more in the eyes of the law. Nor are they property. I seem to remember something from law school where the deceased had prepaid for a funeral at sea. They disposed of him in a cheap (floating) coffin rather than the more expensive metal one. Family were understandably livid but there was little that could be done.

@Sleepness

You don't see anything wrong with what this funeral director did?

There needs to be a change in the law that funeral directors can only store bodies in official premises and they need to be heavily regulated. This woman sounds unbalanced and should never have had the authority she was given.