Page 22 | Nicola Bulley 10

lemmein · 2023-02-15T19:14:48+00:00

Fuck it, I'm opening another one. If the mods delete it fair enough. I don't believe the menopause or even alcoholism explains a woman vanishing into thin air with no evidence left behind. This whole case stinks!

Picoloangel · 16/02/2023 07:44

@Zipfer

Thread Police 👮‍♀️ again. I agree it’s sad and undignified that the police had to release information on Nicola’s alcohol problems, but don’t you see that all this speculation has led to this? Social media has gone like this.

Police: We believe there was no third party involvement but we’re exploring other avenues.

Social media: Hang on, you need to tell us why you think that.

Police: Our investigations are continuing.

Social media: Why?! What about the glove? The red car? The fishermen?

Police: Ok, we knew Nicola had certain vulnerabilities. Now please stop speculating.

Social media: What vulnerabilities? Was it medical? Was it mental health? Please tell us. Please!

Police: ok, she had problems with alcohol

Social media: OMG, I can’t believe you’ve released that private information. Shame on you. Anyway, was the dog wet? What about the glove?

This. Very well put.

MarshaBradyo · 16/02/2023 07:45

ReddyBrekk · 16/02/2023 07:41

I'm not in a "frenzy" - I'm bemused by this thread and its contributors. You must all realise how bizarre this thread is.

Some of us are commenting to try and provide some balance. It's a hard slog ...

Show quote history

It’s pointless just wading in trying to stop people posting to each other.

And yes I do wonder about menopause, why and how. Many women visit a GP for menopause related issues so whether it’s on their record or a dh has brought it up is a good point.

If you want people to stop these threads take it up with mnhq. Easier than responding to every mild point with a dear god post.

User45378754 · 16/02/2023 07:46

schloss · 15/02/2023 23:33

I am most certainly not saying MH is shameful in any way, but to say again NB is now labelled unstable, menopausal and an alcoholic. She may or may not be all of these, but she will forever be labelled as such whether dead or alive. I find that sad and wrong, and has happened as a direct result of the information published today.

Maybe not the best context, but if you mention the Yorkshire ripper, many people will say "yes he murdered all those prostitutes", when in fact many of the women were not prostitutes yet they are labelled as such.

Prior to today NB was the missing woman in Lancs with 2 daughters and a spaniel, now she is the mentally unstable, menopausal, alcoholic woman missing in Lancs. To say again I think this is wrong.

Show quote history

No one has said these things.

This is not language the police used.

These are YOUR words - which you assume vile SM or village gossips might use.

Professionals and many people who have their own struggles or have family menu with direct experience will reflect compassionately on this lady and her family.

RecoIIectionsMayVary · 16/02/2023 07:46

Alexandra2001 · 16/02/2023 07:37

@Activelyannoyed They ve effectively said she was the author of her own mis fortune.. whatever happened.

All they have done is feed the frenzy of speculation & this new info will not reduce the online stuff.

People on here should heed what a pp said earlier:

He said most of the speculation has come from people who have no idea about the details which is making things worse And that online gossip is continuing to damage the investigation

and...

many people struggle. It is not something to be mocked, mitigated, underplayed, it doesn’t make them lesser. It isn’t some thing to downplay, ignore, laugh at, pretend isn’t true. It isn’t something to weaponise. It isn’t about the poster

Very true but thats exactly what people will do, some of the best nicest and truest friends i know could easily be described as abusing alcohol and menopausal.... its utterly irrelevant.... i expect we'll all be getting more insights to this poor womans life soon :(

abusing alcohol and menopausal

This is true of many of my friends. They certainly would not consider themselves to be alcoholics but it is not a healthy relationship with alcohol. I certainly drink way above the weekly recommendations.

PictureConsequences · 16/02/2023 07:50

TrentCrimmTheIndependent · 15/02/2023 22:47

I really don't think that the police are writing her off as a suicidal, menopausal lush.

I think, or at least hope, that they are trying to say that they have very good reasons (that they haven't and won't release) to think that she has disappeared of her own accord and not due to a third party.

If anything, I think they're trying to protect Nicola a little bit, by saying she's had issues in the past, and now, due to meno (which let's face it, is a bloody good reason for any of us to lose our MH) she's been having difficulty managing it again.

And, if there was a recent incident where 'no one has been arrested', there could be the small possibility that someone WAS facing charges, and that might have been enough to break the camels back.

I agree. The "has been" as opposed to "was" arrested sounds like that episode wasn't fully closed, in terms of the police I mean.

Ok I get where the police are coming from (I don't agree with how they've gone about it) but I still think they are too focused on the river. Eg, I have been suicidal, but I'm scared of water (illogical here I know) so that wouldn't have been my method.

Commonsensitivity · 16/02/2023 07:50

Fuck me. Who new in 2023 that being menopausal and drinking protects you from third party involvement. Absolutely gobsmacked by the police line of thinking. Unless this is all strategic.

Commonsensitivity · 16/02/2023 07:50

*knew

Crumpetdisappointment · 16/02/2023 07:51

i presume the family didnt want the vulnerability released to the public,
her husband did a whole programme and never mentioned it once

PearlsOnBoys · 16/02/2023 07:55

The police could have just said that she was having struggles with her mental health, that she appeared to be suffering more very recently and that is why they classed her as vulnerable/high risk.

Oh, wait though… that wouldn’t seem to be enough of a reason to immediately rule out foul play (which they did, straight away by announcing that it wasn’t a criminal investigation). So, throwing the alcohol part in might help convince the public that she “fell in the river”, then maybe it will all go away and the police will be immune to further scrutiny.

heartshapedpaper · 16/02/2023 07:57

Commonsensitivity · 16/02/2023 07:50

Fuck me. Who new in 2023 that being menopausal and drinking protects you from third party involvement. Absolutely gobsmacked by the police line of thinking. Unless this is all strategic.

No one has said that.

Bellalalala · 16/02/2023 07:58

There’s been so much gossip, speculation and lies that have been spread. Which has then led to people physically interfering with the investigation.

The police held a press conference in an attempt to reduce all the distractions and they laid out the facts.

If they had left out that they considered high risk, in the next few days it would have come out. And it more problems been caused. More people wanting to know why the police didn’t consider her vulnerable, how the police should have considered her vulnerable and fucked up by not doing. Then they would have had to confirm that they did, then it would be ‘why did they hide that? It’s proof they don’t know what they are doing/lying/covering up’

They gave the information she was vulnerable and it didn’t shut people up. The fact that they later released the details of why she was vulnerable, logically follows that they spoke to the family and explained why they wanted to. There’s no suggestion the family didn’t consent to this information being released.

I imagine that the family AND the police all want the SM idiots that are making things worse to shut up. And hoped it would. The police likely knew they would get backlash but were willing to take that, to try and stop all the interference.

The only people who are suggesting Nicolas issues with drink, struggle with the menopause etc makes her less worthy of being found are people on SM and on here. The police have but loads of effort and money into finding her, knowing these things.

The only people suggesting that she was ‘a drunk’ or to blame, is people on SM. The police haven’t inferred that at all. The police likely kept it quiet because they knew the public wouldn’t be as interested. They purposely tried to keep it under wraps.

The police haven’t come up with this on their own. They will have spoke to family members, seen medical records, friends etc. and if someone was abusing her and making her out to be struggling when she wasn’t, being in that position would have been a struggle for her. So still vulnerable.

The family chose not to tell PF. They chose not to tell the media we have no idea why. But it’s clear the police knew.

I am really surprised so many people simply can’t comprehend that SM has really caused loads of problems here and the police are spending a lot of resources trying to stop those problems. Resources that could be used elsewhere.

User45378754 · 16/02/2023 07:58

secretmumofthree · 16/02/2023 07:10

What I really don't understand about this information they have given is, the police as a whole are under scrutiny due to imbedded corruption and sexism.... so they come out and label a woman in a stigmatising way with the menopause! Something that for the last couple of years has been campaigned against stigmatising! Police scrapping the barrel I think

Who’s decided it’s a stigma?
Who’s portrayed it as a character flaw?
And why are you running with this narrative?

Bellalalala · 16/02/2023 07:59

Commonsensitivity · 16/02/2023 07:50

Fuck me. Who new in 2023 that being menopausal and drinking protects you from third party involvement. Absolutely gobsmacked by the police line of thinking. Unless this is all strategic.

Who said that?

plumduck · 16/02/2023 08:00

Commonsensitivity · 16/02/2023 07:50

Fuck me. Who new in 2023 that being menopausal and drinking protects you from third party involvement. Absolutely gobsmacked by the police line of thinking. Unless this is all strategic.

Know one has said that.

What it does do aparantly is class you as a high risk missing person and allow the police to throw everything they can into finding you

Alexandra2001 · 16/02/2023 08:01

The police could have just said that she was having struggles with her mental health, that she appeared to be suffering more very recently and that is why they classed her as vulnerable/high risk

They never had to say anything about her being vulnerable in the first place... Give an inch, take a mile..... its got SFA to do with any of the legion of Miss Marples in the World.

All they done is feed speculation, the next statement will be on what exactly the police car etc went to the house for on the 10th Jan... followed by Lancs police referring themselves to IOPC and so it goes on....

100% agree with a pp who asked was this released by a male officer.

BatsBreaktheRules · 16/02/2023 08:01

I find the outrage around this disclosure strange. There has been such a drive recently to raise awareness of the profound impact that perimenopause and menopause has on women's lives. To the extent that workplace legislation has been proposed to support women during this period.

Can peri or menopause make a woman have irrational (sometimes dark) thoughts, massive moods wings and mental anguish. Hands up, yes it can. I am speaking as someone who has recently started HRT. I have personally found that alcohol affects me much more these days (both in terms of immediate effects and affect on mood for days after). The two together are a potent mix.

So why the outrage that being menopausal is considered relevant in this case? As soon as I heard, I thought (as a menopausal woman) - 'well that changes things a little'. And not because all menopausal women are crazy alcoholics but because it can have a profound effect on someone's thoughts processes and behaviour.

Whether or not (such private) information should have been disclosed to the public, I am not sure. Maybe there are reasons to disclose it at this point. It does feel very intrusive.

plumduck · 16/02/2023 08:01

User45378754 · 16/02/2023 07:58

Who’s decided it’s a stigma?
Who’s portrayed it as a character flaw?
And why are you running with this narrative?

Show quote history

Agreed. I don't see it as a stigma. It's the people who do who need to look at themselves.

Oblomov23 · 16/02/2023 08:02

So where are we now? How has this helped? I can't see that the case is any further forward. Just muddied and made more complicated by yesterdays announcements.

RoseMadderAsHell · 16/02/2023 08:03

Bellalalala · 16/02/2023 07:59

Who said that?

Show quote history

someone on twitter probably

Alexandra2001 · 16/02/2023 08:03

plumduck · 16/02/2023 08:00

Know one has said that.

What it does do aparantly is class you as a high risk missing person and allow the police to throw everything they can into finding you

Show quote history

err the police should throw everything at finding someone who vanishes into thin air leaving her dog and a phone still on a call.....

Chocolated · 16/02/2023 08:04

@plumduck where did anyone say their questions should be answered?

User45378754 · 16/02/2023 08:06

Activelyannoyed · 16/02/2023 07:24

Why are folks twisting what the police said. This is so disrespectful to the family, to Nicola, her children.

it wasn’t she “just liked a drink”, they didn’t make her out to be a “menopausal alcoholic”, they didn’t say it as they saw an image of her with a glsss on a social media picture, it wasn’t as she had once stated one too many when the doctor asked, it wasn’t based on getting pissed one night. Or the many other shameful things being written.

have some bloody respect. A woman is missing, we can argue whether it is right to reveal she had significant issues with alcohol brought on by early menopause, had been struggling the last couple of months and has a crisis team involvement, but none of that. None of it, is the absolutely shameful stuff people are writing.

many people struggle. It is not something to be mocked, mitigated, underplayed, it doesn’t make them lesser. It isn’t some thing to downplay, ignore, laugh at, pretend isn’t true. It isn’t something to weaponise. It isn’t about the poster.

it’s shocking what’s been written on here.

Well said. It’s gone from minimising her issues (which none of us know the extent off) to indignation that her reputation has been sullied and shamed.

Its neither.

An escalated and appropriate emergency SAR response was deployed after professionals with direct experience of the individual categorised her as high risk in this incident.

User45378754 · 16/02/2023 08:12

MySugarBabyLove · 16/02/2023 07:37

Not in the beginning they wouldn’t have.

They stated that they were informed by the family very early on that there were vulnerabilities which made Nicola a high risk missing person.

Only information given to the family would lead the police to launch an investigation into the disappearance of a seemingly competent adult just an hour after she was due to come home. There wouldn’t have been any accessing of medical records at that point. Yes the medical records may have been accessed subsequently, but her having a drink problem because of the menopause was a line that was given to them in order to hasten the investigation.

And yet those people who will have told them that have been all over the media contradicting what they have told the police and saying that this was so out of character which is why the concern happened so early on.

Show quote history

But the police had already been to their home with additional health professionals on a couple of weeks before - so this incident would have been logged and they would have based their decision to categorise her as high risk from their own recent direct observations

Mirabai · 16/02/2023 08:15

@Picoloangel

I agree it’s sad and undignified that the police had to release information on Nicola’s alcohol problems, but don’t you see that all this speculation has led to this? Social media has gone like this.

They didn’t have to. All they needed to do is do what police normally do when someone vulnerable goes missing is just refer to the fact of vulnerability without defining it. They usually encourage the person to get in touch. The public then have a better idea what’s going on in their community and what to look for in the search for the person.

That would have nipped much speculation around potential criminality in the bud, although it doesn’t rule it out, and it would have prevented the vigilanteism etc.

The whole thing is a complete failure of media communication.

Inkanta · 16/02/2023 08:18

ReddyBrekk · 16/02/2023 07:12

The menopause angle in particular seems so unnecessary and 'off'. It's like the modern day 'hysteria'' label made to make women sound unstable

Nonsense. They mentioned this to explain her "significant struggles with alcohol." Had they not felt compelled to give a reason, you lot would have inferred Nicola had hit the bottle because her partner was an abusive "narc" or some such nonsense.

But she's only 45 - how is the menopause that significant a cause for alcoholism. And why use terms like 'alcohol' and 'menopause'-rather than more appropriate terms - anxiety and depression. Sounds like a smear campaign.